Major baby fever but not TTC yet... Help!

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] everyone!

This is my first time on any type of pregnancy/motherhood forum. My husband suggested I give it a try, since I’ve told him sometimes I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk too about how I’m feeling… I’m just hoping to meet some new people and maybe get some support from those who have gone through what I’m going through right now.

Here’s a little background: My husband and I are high school sweethearts, we just turned 26 and have been together for 11 years. We’ve always wanted children but watching the struggles my older siblings have gone through, we wanted to make sure we had good jobs and a house before we made the leap to parenthood. Well, we bought our first house almost 2 years ago, and last [name_f]April[/name_f] I quit my day job to start my own interior design business, with the idea that I could work from home once we have children. I was on Nexplanon for the last 3 years, and our original plan was to start trying when it came out in [name_u]March[/name_u] of 2017. Well, 2016 was kind of a hard year for us, and my husband is finishing his [name_m]Bachelor[/name_m]'s degree online (graduating in [name_u]December[/name_u] 2017) so towards the end of last year, we started thinking maybe we should wait a little longer.

It’s hard to explain what changed for me, but in [name_u]January[/name_u]-[name_f]February[/name_f] I was hit with baby fever HARD. To be honest, I’ve had baby fever since I was 16, but this is different. I feel like my heart has been ready for motherhood for a long time but in the last couple of months, I’ve developed that delusional, single-mindedness that I think all women who plan their families have to have to willingly put themselves through the trials of pregnancy, labor and motherhood! I’m a pretty introverted, thoughtful and sensitive person (INFJ!) and the strength of this urge to be a mother is almost overwhelming. I’m a big thrifter/vintage shopper, so I started collecting some vintage baby clothes as a way to cope/use up some of my energy around this topic. I even picked up a pair of brand new maternity jeans for $1 one day.

4 days before I was scheduled to have my Nexplanon removed, I drove my best friend to a doctors appointment where she found out she was 7 weeks pregnant! They were not trying at all, in fact her husband wasn’t sure he ever wanted kids and she said she had just gotten to the point where she thought she might be ok without them too. Obviously, they are both really excited and happy now and I am really happy for them. After I told him the news, my husband said “You know, I’m more jealous than I thought I would be…” More conversations led us to deciding that we would most likely start trying for our first baby this [name_f]September[/name_f]!

So you would think that’s a happy ending and everything’s fine, and it really is! But I’m still having these intense feelings just about everyday. I’m happy for my best friend, but I’m jealous that it’s not me who’s pregnant. We’re still using protection, but I find myself obsessing, almost convincing myself that there’s a chance I could be pregnant anyway. Last night, we found out another couple in our friend group is expecting a baby just 3 weeks after my best friend. [name_f]September[/name_f] is only 5 months away, and I don’t want to pressure my husband into TTC before he’s fully ready but what do I do with myself when I’m having all these feelings? I think it’s really messing with my head because we’ve been together so long, and we’ve always really wanted a family but tried to be smart about the timing. I’m starting to think the couples don’t plan their families and just let things happen when they happen are really onto something. It’s stressful already, and we haven’t even started trying yet!

[b]So my questions are:

Is it normal to lose your mind about 4-6 months before you plan to start trying?
[name_m]How[/name_m] can I stop feeling jealous of my pregnant friends?
Can I please talk to you guys instead of constantly nagging my husband about it? [/b](He’s so sweet and patient, but I feel like a broken record. I don’t want to keep having the same conversation over and over again, but some days I feel like I’m going to explode and I don’t have anyone to talk to!)

If you read this whole annoyingly long post, THANK YOU! I would love to hear from you. I chose my username because we live in a town called [name_u]Windsor[/name_u], but I realize that’s pretty long so you can just call me merrywife if you want. If people even call each other anything on here. I’m a forum newbie!

I can relate to a lot of what you said. I have been with my husband for about 5 years and we are around 30. We have to wait until [name_u]July[/name_u] before we can start TTC. Before this year/last fall, we didn’t feel ready, but we do now. i’m starting to feel old! that is making this wait so much harder! I mean… We couldn’t have started trying sooner, because we really weren’t ready. But now we are ready and we have a reason that we HAVE to wait. So frustrating! I love thrifting too so I am always checking the baby things… But I tell myself I will only buy something if it is perfect, for sure needed, and a killer deal lol.

I almost ordered one of my favourite child hood books… But then I realized i should make sure my own book wasn’t still at my parents house. And it was!!! So now I have the origins book I loved and read as a child that I can give my own kid!

Also my sister in law just announced her pregnancy … And yes. I am a bit jealous.

I don’t like to talk to my husband about my feelings on this too much because he just doesn’t understand and it feels embarrassing somehow.

I was you! Together with DH forever, feeling so ready for a baby, having little things get in our way, counting down to the time I would be able to TTC. It is so easy to get obsessive and stressed. I’m pretty sure I had some meltdowns because I was so upset that we couldn’t start trying yet. It’s hard to wait when you’re so close!

Something I found helped me was keeping track of my cycles. I didn’t start closely monitoring them until a few months into TTC, but that’s something you could do. It helped me to feel like I was moving toward something rather than just doing nothing.

I also stalked these forums and others like it for years reading everything I could about TTC, pregnancy, and child-rearing. I watched pregnancy vlogs on YouTube. I mean, it all partially fed into the baby fever but it also acted as an outlet (hearing about morning sickness certainly didn’t make me want to have it sooner!).

And, of course, I obsessed over finding the perfect names!

You’ve found a great place to vent - the women on this forum are amazing and some of the most helpful that I’ve come across. Definitely my favourite TTC/pregnancy/motherhood forum out there. Vent away!

[name_m]How[/name_m] can I stop feeling jealous of my pregnant friends?

I completely agree with @northernlights. What helped me was doing everything Pre-TTC really obsessively. I charted my cycles seriously for 3 years Pre-TTC, so that is definitely something that can be a major boost when it comes time to try because for sure I know my body better than before. Also, go to your doctor for a specific pre-conception checkup. Mine had nothing to say to me that I hadn’t heard before, but it was useful in that I got a pap smear, blood titers and boosters for vaccines, etc. that have made it so my doc now doesn’t mind NOT giving me the standard vaccines during pregnancy because she knows I either have immunity or was revaccinated last [name_u]July[/name_u], so that has been a perk for me. I also got basic genetic testing to find out whether I am a carrier for anything that could compromise baby’s health and got the all-clear. Of course I also got STD tested at the same time. Hubby also went for a complete physical and STD panel, too. We started a regular exercise routine and we ate fertility foods. Etc. Etc. Etc. I absorbed info like a sponge online and in books and just basically obsessed over my Pre-TTC goals rather than obsessing over my feelings of jealousy for all those pregnant people out there, which would eat me alive when I had nothing else to focus on. Jealousy won’t go away, but you’ll have something else to focus on.

Is it normal to lose your mind about 4-6 months before you plan to start trying?

Yes… I started to lose my mind 14 months before our original date (last [name_f]April[/name_f], for our original start-date for TTC of this [name_u]June[/name_u]). But all that Pre-TTC stuff (including the financial and emotional prep we did in addition to what I said above) really motivated us to get to a great place… And we arrived there earlier than we had predicted. By [name_u]November[/name_u] we had plenty of cash in the bank, we had a house, good jobs including me working from home (which was a lifesaver for morning sickness… I would not have functioned in an office setting up until just a few weeks ago) and a budget that meant we could survive on one income (which was our goal), we were in a great place in our marriage, felt ready, and decided to start trying in [name_u]November[/name_u] 6 cycles early. We were incredibly lucky in that we conceived that first cycle of trying and now here we are! [name_m]Trust[/name_m] yourself and your husband as to when you are indeed ready. If you still have outstanding goals that are genuinely important to you to accomplish before TTC, then do them first… you’re not ready. But also be open to the possibility that perhaps you’re doing things in part because society says it’s a good idea (i.e. having a house before a baby is totally not a prerequisite… We could have stayed in our tiny studio apartment with a baby and been totally fine). This situation just happened to make sense to us, and it sounds like you’re already there, but it’s an example. So really look inside yourself (And hubby should, too), decide what the important goals are [maybe it’s DH graduating that feels important, but maybe you decide that just isn’t as important as you thought because you can do everything on your end bare bones until he does (granted, babies cost a bit of start-up no matter what… But it’s not as much as everyone says provided that you are seriously intentional about everything from healthcare costs and insurance to baby wipes), for example]. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t be afraid to wait until your start-date, postpone your start-date, or bump up your start date as long as you are ready or until you are ready, by whatever definition of ready you and DH decide for yourselves… not what society decides for you. Then by definition you can’t be crazy, even when the fever runs strong.

Hey, [name_f]September[/name_f] will be my TTC month too! Hopefully we’ll see each other on the “Babies due [name_u]June[/name_u] 2018” thread if we can hope to be so lucky. I will be trying for my third and final child, but I’m not sure the waiting ever gets easier.

I agree with the others that it’s soon enough to let yourself obsess a little bit as long as it’s not causing you a lot of distress. I’m marking my calendar for the middle of the cycle I want to conceive 23 weeks left!

Post about it here whenever. I don’t exactly belong on the TTC board yet because there isn’t much to say yet, but you’re more in my boat.

Yes I stalk the pregnancy forums too. I feel like I will be so prepared when I get pregnant! Lol. Or I will research what types of products I will want.

Thinking about names helps too. I really like honour/family names, so I’m always trying to find the perfect name combo from family names.

I do also track my cycle a bit. I learned about ovulation signs and I mark in my calendar when I think I ovulate every month. I bought some cheap ovulation predictor kits at the dollar store. That is mostly for fun because who knows how accurate they are. But they do seem to work. I figure if I learn how my cycles work now… Trying will be more fun because I won’t be stressing about that. And I’ll have a better chance to conceive sooner

Hey honey,

You most certainly are not alone! I think a lot of us go through similar feelings. So don’t feel bad! You can totally vent/rant/chat to people here :smiley:

I am feeling similarly “obsessed” at the moment, so I really feel for you. When we got married, we said 2 or so years before TTC, but recently we have been chatting about bringing it as close as new year’s. Talking about it so much has just put my body in overdrive! I think about babies all the time! It really is a struggle.

As hard as it is, I don’t think the jealousy ever goes away… two of my sisters-in-law are expecting, and friends are either expecting or have new bundles, and it’s really hard to swallow. I just wish it was us. I’m over the moon for them, and don’t feel negative towards them at all. But I just wish it was us. I find that spoiling my nieces/nephews helps. It’s an outlet for my maternal feelings, without driving my hubby nuts with my constant baby rambling.

We set a goal of “finish study” so that we have something to work towards. So we feel like we are doing something in the mean time… but truthfully, it’s not helping me. I already have two Bachelors, and I’m really only going this Diploma (in Interior Design, mind - small world lol) for fun. So I don’t feel I need to accomplish this before having a baby. In my head, being a mum is my next accomplishment. I don’t anything will distract me from that…

I guess, it is a case of learning to be content and happy with what you have in this moment. Dreams and aspirations are wonderful things, but we should never wish away our lives because of them… this is what I remind myself when I’m really struggling. To just be happy, enjoy life, and love my hubby… and the next step will get here when it gets here :slight_smile:

Xxx

Yes it is important to enjoy the present and not miss it because you are too focused on the future. I try to tell myself that all the time. The Only problem is that I’m a bit bored. I am settled into a good job, a good marriage, and a good house. It is wonderful… But I kind of feel like… “Now what?” That’s terrible lol

[name_m]Just[/name_m] wanted to say there’s a “Babies on the [name_m]Brain[/name_m]” group on TheBump for people who want to talk about exactly what you’re experiencing. It didn’t used to be very active but has really picked up lately!

I feel so sorry that you’re feeling this way… But so happy I am not alone! We will start TTC in [name_u]June[/name_u] and I feel like a crazy person contently thinking about babies and researching what could effect your fertility!

You are totally not alone! My first child was a surprise but I’ve pretty much had babies on the brain ever since. I [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] being pregnant and I love babies so much!

@northernlights suggested tracking your cycles, and that’s a GREAT suggestion! You can download apps to help you do this (Periodtracker or Glow are a couple I know of). It really helps you to know your body and your cycle. They go into a pretty good amount of detail too, so you can track as much (or as little) as you want.

Good luck! You’re in a great, supportive group of people who will gladly listen to you vent :smiley: