See the results of this poll: (Read the post before taking the poll.) Should we:
Respondents: 23 (This poll is closed)
- Use the 2nd middle : 13 (57%)
- Rearrange the name : 10 (43%)
- Something else: 0 (0%)
tl;dr – Should we rethink using baby’s second middle name as his day-to-day name?
=The Setup=
We’re 4 days past due with bubs, who they tell us is a girl.
We’re very happy with the name we’ve chosen for her – her birth announcement is written up and ready to send as soon as she’s born, and we’re super excited for people to learn her name. And meet her!
But what if she’s a boy?
We didn’t do a blood test, just going on the 18 week scan, and I’ve had a niggling feeling all along. We’d be honestly so stoked if she’s a girl, but if she’s a boy we have a hang up with our name.
Buckle your seatbelts, this may get complicated.
=The Background=
Not counting bubs, we’ve got six daughters. They all have three given names - two honour names and a virtue name, balancing sides of the family. They also all have a short nickname. We love all their names. (We also love having girls, and did not have a big family just to get a boy – all-girls would be a-ok with us).
Years ago we had lots of boy names planned too, with a slightly different pattern - two honour names and a hero. (Neither of us like the male virtue names). Over the years, with our likelihood of a boy decreasing, we’ve remixed our most favourite bits and pieces into a single boy name.
=The Problem=
Trouble is, our favouritest favourite name is the hero name. We really really would love a son with this particular name and nickname.
For two reasons, we struggle at the thought of flipping the name round.
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Yet at the same time, I particularly feel uncertain about making the second middle his everyday name.
=Two More Key Details=
It’s actually a family tradition, going back three generations, for the men in our family to use their innermost middle name as their daily name: my grandfather used his second middle, my father used his third middle, and I use my (only) middle as my given name. (If you didn’t catch it, I’m Papa, not Mama — and in our fam, I’m the name nut).
In a way, naming a son the same way would be fitting.
But I grew up on a different continent, where it’s much more normal to use a middle name. Where we live now, it’s impossible even to get middle names printed on some government documents. (I’ve actually thought about starting a petition because it’s such a culturally biased/imperialistic approach - how hard is it to put all of someone’s names in a database?). And even after I’ve told, say, the doctor’s office or the bank a dozen times to use my middle, and I’ve seen the field filled out “likes to be called”, I get my first name used almost without exception.
I’m not actually that fussy about my own name – it helps sort those who know me from those who don’t – but I do worry about it with a kid.
=Your Thoughts?=
If baby is a boy, do we rearrange baby’s name and get used to what feels off to us to save our son a headache?
Or do we keep the name the way we love, keep the tradition as a link between the generations, and let Papa and son have something to commiserate about with name mangling in the new country?
Thanks so much for your thoughts!
[name_m]Even[/name_m] if this baby is a girl, this issue could come up again.
I approved this thread (originally I tried merging your duplicate instead of just deleting it like I usually do, but the way it turned out I ended up deleting the duplicate post anyway).
Thanks. I’m new at this. Wondered where the thread went.
Hello! This is a really tough call to make.
You love the name the way it is currently arranged, but also from what you’ve stated not only are middles used less frequently where you live but they don’t always appear on documentation. (I sympathize, I have two middles and I usually can only put one on documents.)
I understand being concerned for the frustration and difficulty going by a middle name might cause your child, but really I feel that experience isn’t too different from that of someone who exclusively goes by their nickname.
It seems to me no matter the outcome, this name is the one you will be calling him, so really it just comes down to which is more important, tradition or convenience. From what you’ve said here it sounds like tradition means more to you that the potential hassles.
Thanks @[name_f]Brittany[/name_f] for the really thoughtful answer! And we share some favourite names. 
I think you should go with your original pattern, it’s what you want and what you think sounds best. It will probably be more of a problem when he’s older as opposed to now. Family and friends will know him by his middle, when he is introduced to people it will be by his second middle name. He will probably have mix-ups at doctors/dentists appointments and the first day of school, but it’s a pretty easy explanation. I know kids who go by first/middles interchangeably so the second middle would be his everyday name and occasionally he’ll be called by his first. I’m not totally saying it’s unimportant, but I think, for you guys, the significance of him going by the second middle trumps the annoyance it could bring.
Oh really? Always nice to meet someone with a penchant for older and underrated names!
I don’t know if I offered much help, but I know whatever you and your partner decide to do will be the right choice.
Thanks everyone for voting! Helping to give me peace of mind.
I thought it would be no problem going by the middle (I know people who do) but as I read further I see that it is an issue in your country - is it the US? I’m in Australia and it sounds like it would be easier here to choose to go by the middle. So, as pp said so well, it comes down to whether tradition or convenience is more important to you. I voted for the first option, but I sympathise with the dilemma.
And baby is a girl!
I just posted a birth announce in the forums, but for some bizarre reasons (blame it on tiredness), I put the wrong name in the title!!! Very frustrated about that.
If you know anyone I can ask to fix it, let me know. Thanks!
Were you able to get your post fixed? I looked for it in the birth announcements but couldn’t find it.
They took down the original version, but I’ve tried to post the corrected version three or four times w/ no success, over the last two days. ;(
Any tips???
Should I just post in the baby girl area?
YAY! It finally posted. 