I was set on giving my son my father’s middle name as a way to honor a part of my family, since he will be taking my husband’s last name. [name_f]My[/name_f] father-in-law found out about this and threw a hissy fit about not also being honored in the middle name. I was appalled that he would have that reaction and act so immature about the whole thing, but I also don’t want my son’s middle name to be a constant source of drama for years to come (which, knowing my FIL, he would make it).
Begrudgingly, I’m considering two middle names - [name_f]My[/name_f] Father’s First Name then [name_f]My[/name_f] FIL’s First Name. They are both very classic and don’t sound bad together (think [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] [name_m]John[/name_m], along those lines).
The problem is, I don’t necessarily like the use of two middle names. I think it’s clunky and a bit of a hassle of forms etc. Then there’s also the fact that we want more children and I don’t want to have to give them all two middle names!
The other options are:
Use my maiden name as a middle name (although, then we might have to also give all our subsequent children the same middle name)
Pick a random name that doesn’t have particular meaning (“filler” name, that we just like)
No middle name
I’m exhausted that this has even become such a difficult issue and I’m stuck at what to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
I’d be inclined to ignore your hissy fit throwing FIL and use your original choice. Why compromise on your baby’s name because your FIL is rude and whiny? Your other options are all great though. I’d do what you and your husband like best and try not to be bullied by your FIL.
That was my initial thought, but unfortunately now my husband is getting very emotional about it and siding with his father. It’s a whole mess. I really don’t want to think of my son’s middle name as such a source of pettiness and drama…
In that case, I probably wouldn’t “give in” to your FIL and instead choose something more neutral. Plus, I agree that two middle names sounds like something you’re not into. If you used your maiden name you wouldn’t need to give it to subsequent children unless you wanted to. You could still use a name with a personal link to your father that’s not obviously his name. Just don’t make a big deal about it No middle name is fine but it might bring up the story of “why don’t I have a middle name?”
I personally agree with you about two middles. I understand why many people on here have them in their combos, but in reality, it’s not super ideal. However, I would definitely have one middle name. I don’t think you’d need to give your maiden name to all of your children if you did one, but since that seems important to you, let’s take it off the list.
So, for me, that would leave choosing a middle that isn’t an honor name or…
Using a name that combines both. For instance, if it’s [name_m]William[/name_m] and [name_m]Edward[/name_m] you could use [name_m]Wilfred[/name_m] as a middle name. If it’s [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] and [name_m]Nathan[/name_m], you could use [name_u]Jonah[/name_u].
Using a name with a meaning that incorporates both. In your example of [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] and [name_m]John[/name_m], maybe [name_u]Elias[/name_u] is a good compromise, since its meaning of God is apparent in both the other two.
I agree with @Scottie491 in the suggestion of merging them. I knew someone where they were called Jathan, a mix of the grandads names (James and Nathan)
I don’t see the point in giving in to your FIL because he’s being a brat. You should never give your kid a name that you don’t want to use for the sole reason that someone else wants you to.
If the only reason you’re using your father’s middle name is to honor a part of your family, you could always use your maiden name. I don’t see why that would require you to give all kids the same middle?
Or, you could say that you’re giving this kid your father’s middle name and you can honor your FIL with another kid down the line. Hopefully that would satisfy everyone in this situation
If you don’t want to use two middles, I wouldn’t advise it. I’m sorry this is such a struggle for you
As @venezio suggested, if more children seems like a viable option, perhaps you could honor your FIL with another kid down the line? Otherwise, I think that using your maiden name would be a good option for you.
I hope you find a solution that you are all happy with
Honestly, option 3. This is your baby and it’s ridiculous that a grown man should be throwing his rattle out the pram give your son the name you want for him. He will get over it, in no time.
Oh for goodness sake… It is sad when your unborn child has more maturity than the adult baby…
I wouldn’t give in.
Your child’s name should bring YOU joy. You are not responsible for keeping your FIL happy, content and controlled. That’s on him and honestly, he doesn’t sound like someone I’d want to name my son after.
I have to agree with this. I would say ignore your FIL’s hissy fit and use your dad’s name this time and use FIL’s name for a future child.
On the other hand, if you do go with a double middle name for your first, it isn’t necessary to continue on with other children.
For example, one set of siblings (b-g-g) in my family have the initials D.E.P., A.K. and B.A… Another set of siblings (b-b-b) have the initials H.C.R., E.I. and C.A… Neither set of siblings have jealousy issues and nor do they care how many names their siblings have.
I would honestly go with your original middle name. If anything you can tel your FIL that you could consider his name with future children… the keyword emphasis being “consider”. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing if your hubby is now feeling torn.
Your FIL had his chance to name children. It is now your and your husband’s turn. Who you choose to honor is up to you. Your FIL should be honored to have a grandchild on the way. Any other honors are up to you two.
Also, with his current behavior, is your FIL someone you want your child to emulate right now?
This I actually have to completely agree on. I know someone who gave a middle name as an honor to someone that they don’t have the best relationship with and it’s makes it hard for the child carrying their name to appreciate their name completely. It’s almost like they see it as a swear word due to all the relationship tension they know of. So if things are “not ideal” I would pass on the honor to the FIL in any form for the sake of your son
No middle name is fine but it might bring up the story of “why don’t I have a middle name?”
give your son the name you want for him. He will get over it, in no time.