Note: wrote this after midnight and very tired, mostly word vomit, but I’d love to discuss these thoughts
Y’all there’s so many names I love but I’m only willing to get pregnant one more time, plus a lot of my name list my partner hates so its very sad for me. Theres just so many names I LOVE That will just go to waste. I joke i want to have twins just for another name to bestow, but realistically thats my worst nightmare (I dont handle pregnancy well) my grandma is definitely trying to manifest it though
Anyway, how do yall get over the disappointment of not being able to use many of your favorite names? I find myself having a bit of name remorse for the child i already have because i just let his father have his pick while it wasnt even on my list. Like a missed opportunity.
Like idk I think my name style is a bit more soft, creative, plant vibes while my fiancé likes strong historic names and we have found a middle ground but I don’t know, I guess its the selfish wish that only my opinion would matter. I guess its just his style tends to overpower mine so compromises are feeling more like entirely forfeiting. Example, I wanted [name_u]August[/name_u] if we have another boy, he wanted [name_m]Augustus[/name_m], I didnt love it, and suggested [name_m]Augusten[/name_m], he didn’t budge but I figure i could just call him [name_u]August[/name_u] so [name_m]Augustus[/name_m] is still the plan but honestly the whole thing has me turned off of [name_u]August[/name_u] anything.
Idek what I’d want alternatively more, [name_u]August[/name_u] is sentimental because its our anniversary month, and theres other names i like but because its most likely my last child nothing feels right.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] a taste of the names I like:
[name_f]Imogen[/name_f] [name_f]Ivey[/name_f]
[name_f]Fenella[/name_f] [name_u]Fern[/name_u]
[name_f]Elspeth[/name_f] [name_f]Maeve[/name_f]
[name_m]Lelund[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]
[name_m]Judson[/name_m] [name_u]Hayes[/name_u]
[name_m]Evander[/name_m] [name_u]Greer[/name_u]
This might not help, but, since I’m not planning to have kids and have a whole list of names that I adore, I guess I try to see them as sort of like a collection, the same as any other collection, like of gemstones, postcards or ornaments. I don’t need to do anything with them, however, I can show the list off to people who are interested, or admire it myself.
Hopefully finding a name for your next baby that you really, really love might help ease those feelings too?
This may or may not help but I try to remember that my naming style has changed and will change over time so I’m not losing those names, just changing in what I find charming. Also, a lot of the fun of names for me is coming up with different combinations (according to rhythm, imagery, pattern, satisfying flow, to solve a problem - eg what if the last name means middle name is no longer as appealing etc). I have been a name nerd since I was around 5-6 years old so it’s never been fully attached to real life children/humans. Having kids (as you know!) is a separate undertaking with so many additional and different challenges than the naming part.
But I get the feeling, I have it more with my wedding dress (it wasn’t as nice as I’d hoped and I was too exhausted to push back on it and get it fixed). I can tell when I’m not feeling great - a sign is that I start thinking about the “imperfect” dress - this might be for you with name regret/ anticipating name regret.
Hopefully, in any case, you’ll get to use a beautiful and satisfying set of names for your next baby and your husband gives you the deciding vote given you felt a little disenfranchised last time. [name_m]Just[/name_m] remember, your tastes will change (such that you might be glad one or two of them remain in attached to a child!) and you’ll probably always love making up new names, and enjoying the process!
Ahhh gosh being a name nerd is the worse at times!
So me and my partner are polar opposites some say practically incompatible so of course are naming style is very very different and I know a lot of my favourites I will need to let go. I think for me I just create a collection of favourite names, match personalities aesthetics to them then take any opportunity to share them! I agree with @Greyblue i would say creating a collection of names is similar to a gemstone collection or stamp collection something you can keep and show off when people ask about your collection. I find belonging to Nameberry really helps with this! It’s just gorgeous escapism.
Naming with someone else when you’re a name nerd is so hard! I completely get it! I have 3 kids and my first’s name is really the only one I’m completely satisfied with. BUT now that #2 and #3 are 10 and 7yo, I can’t really imagine them with other names. Their names fit them perfectly. On some level, I believe we are given the name we’re supposed to have at birth. I follow numerology and the name helps create the personality. This has helped me accept the names chosen for my children. They wouldn’t be the wonderful people they are without the names we bestowed upon them. But that’s just my mystical, woo woo take on it. lol
[name_f]My[/name_f] final baby is coming up on 2YO and I still struggle with these feelings on the daily. It doesn’t help that this last baby has been like 100% unadulterated joy and has made me terribly want a fourth that we are in no position to actually have.
Sometimes I fantasize about the conditions that would make that fourth baby possible (different variables at different times), but I really haven’t allowed myself to fully think about what I might name any more children because it’s too painful still for that concept to be so far from reality. That’s pretty much the opposite from how I used to see playing with names when it was always so fun to think up the possibilities, be they real or imagined.
I really don’t have much to offer other than to comiserate that the FOMO is real, compromising can feel like giving up a part of yourself, and your name taste is lovely (though so is [name_m]Augustus[/name_m], to be fair).
Yeah tbh I think my only real issue with [name_m]Augustus[/name_m] is that its not my pick. Like I /like/ it but when we had my 1st I really wanted to name him [name_u]Arlo[/name_u], but it was pretty trendy so that was kinda turning me off from it, then my fiancé felt it was feminine so he didnt like it. [name_u]Arthur[/name_u] was one of his top names and it felt like a compromise at the time so i pretty quickly agreed. Then his middle name is my dads name because my dad raised me by himself and I was a difficult child then he ended up having a stroke right before my son was born (he lived) so I felt the need to honor him but that meant the name I got to “choose” wasn’t technically a name I would choose. So as a name nerd it bothers me I didnt use a single name on my list, but at the same time I love my sons name for him so maybe that’s stupid, I just have always felt a bit disappointed I didn’t fight for a name i like more and I’m afraid of it happening again.
I agree with you on all counts, just as a name nerd I guess I will always be disappointed I didn’t use any of the names I truly loved for my 1st son amd Im scared of that happening again. I cannot imagine my son being named anything else now, but I dont feel like his name is my style at all (Arthur Robert) because his dad picked his first name and his middle is after my father which i did choose but while I dont regret choosing to honor my father I don’t feel like I really chose the name y’know? Like I wanted [name_u]Arlo[/name_u], so [name_u]Arthur[/name_u] is close but it just doesn’t feel the same.
Btw this popped into my head after I posted, till I’d decided on how many kids I would (read: was able to) have, I found my enjoyment of this site was more up and down. So I definitely relate to your feelings, mine was more to do with reading about pregnancies and birth announcements - that was unsettling for a bit, so I took a break! Now it’s back to being fun. But it wasn’t so much fun for a moment there. Wishing you the best with this!
There’s a lot to unpack here! It seems like it’s about more than just a baby name. Some genuine questions to ponder:
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you trust your partner to really listen to your perspective, and take it into account?
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you believe that your opinions are valid and worth advocating for yourself?
Are you okay with compromising? Why or why not?
Is this about the baby, or someone else? Who should it be about? Why?
How will you feel about it in 5 years? 10 years?
For me anyway, I can easily get wrapped up in the concerns of the day, and downward spiral until I drive myself nuts. Sometimes, it just takes some perspective and some time. You’ll figure it out! The Nameberry forum is great! But it can only get you part of the way there - the rest is you! You got this, mama
I do struggle with depression/anxiety so I more than likely am making a bigger deal about this than it merits. But I think a lot of it has more to do with my own struggles in motherhood and expectations I had before becoming a mother. [name_f]My[/name_f] entire life I’ve wanted to have a big family and at least 3 children but because of some medical issues my 1st pregnancy was almost disablingly miserable, I’m scared to even get pregnant again once so I’m assuming I’m not going to be able to cope with 2 kids and a 3rd pregnancy. Being a mom has always been my #1 goal since I was just a baby myself. You could’ve asked 3 y/o [name_u]Shelby[/name_u] what she wanted to name her future kids and she would’ve given you half a dozen full names. So I think that’s part of my name disappointment with my first son, because I’ve kept baby name lists my entire life and didn’t get use a single name I really love.
I know my partner understands how I feel and has already told me I can name the next baby whatever I really want, but I still want him to like the name. I don’t have an issue with compromising, I think it’s just we value different things in a name, and the names I like are pretty soft while his taste is more strong so it feels like the smallest compromise changes the entire feel of the name, taking away a huge part of why I like the name in the first place. I don’t have a problem with advocating for what I want but I also don’t want to bulldoze over his opinion which is what I feel like happens if I really push for the name I want. Like my top name for a girl is [name_f]Imogen[/name_f], but he doesn’t care for it and I’ve been trying to sell him on it because nothing else shines brighter for me. He’s totally fine with it if it’s my choice, I just don’t want him to unhappy with it in the long run.
But it’s most likely our last baby and he got his pick last time so it’s my last chance to name a child what I want so I don’t want to waste the opportunity either. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter who gets their way if it’s a good name and the child will grow into the name. Like I don’t absolutely hate [name_m]Augustus[/name_m], just I tend to prefer names around 4-6 letters long, with a more Celtic vintage creative feel (I think), and our current son Arthur’s name fits that just with a bit stronger of a feel, but [name_m]Augustus[/name_m] is a wholly different feel to me. [name_u]August[/name_u] isn’t exact either, but with it being our anniversary month and the fact it mirrors [name_u]Arthur[/name_u] in length it feels more right than [name_m]Augustus[/name_m] to me. But he’s not a fan of just [name_u]August[/name_u] because he sees it just as a month, not a name. So Idk I’m considering scrapping the whole [name_u]August[/name_u] idea altogether. But again idk if there’s another boys name I feel strongly enough about to be able to choose. Which worries me because it feels much more likely we’ll have another boy than girl because my fiance’s family is very male dominant.
I have a lot of names I love. But loving a nale and giving it to a real baby are kind of separate matters in my mind. [name_f]My[/name_f] daughter’s name wasn’t my favorite, but it was her name and now I can’t live another name as much as that one.
But I name stuff. Like my houseplants, devices…
Recently I bought an instant pot. Her name is [name_f]Josephine[/name_f] Cooker.
