Miscarriage/StillBirth/Pregnancy Loss Support

Parentberries
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I was blessed to have two healthy pregnancies; however, my third ended up being an ectopic and my fourth was a missed miscarriage.

With my third pregnancy, I had a bad feeling from the beginning. I just felt like I wouldn’t be fortunate to have three healthy pregnancies. I was paranoid from the start. I wasn’t experiencing morning sickness or anything. One day, I had terrible cramping and pain. I thought it was pressure due to constipation because I couldn’t go; however, I was in so much pain, I was doubled over and couldn’t move. I remember finally moving to the tub to see if a hot bath would help alleviate the pain. It helped a little. We called the doctor and they said it was normal. It didn’t feel normal. I went to the ER the next day. I had to schedule an ultrasound for the following day. I wasn’t given the results but, they were sent to my doctor (who never received them). The cramping never really stopped and I had mild bleeding. My doctor monitored my HCG and it kept rising but not doubling. I ended up having intense pain again and this time chose to go to another hospital. Again, they found nothing. My doctor finally scheduled an appointment (they don’t see patients until 10 weeks) and discovered I had a tubal pregnancy. I was scheduled for surgery the next day. It turns out, it had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. If I had waited another week, I probably would have lost my life. [name_m]Even[/name_m] now, the reality of that hasn’t sunk in. I feel like I’m being overly dramatic. I lost my ovary and fallopian tube.

My miscarriage wasn’t life threatening but, it was definitely traumatic. I experienced morning sickness the first couple of weeks and then it stopped. I remained optimistic because I didn’t experience any miscarriage symptoms and I went to my first appointment (10 weeks) excited. They did an ultrasound and told me that it was measuring small. I didn’t think anything about it until they said there was no blood flow. I had lost the baby at 7 weeks. That’s three weeks of thinking I was fine and my baby was healthy. I broke down in tears. I scheduled a D&C for later that week.

Both of these happened within a year. I was recently blessed with my rainbow baby but, I still think about what could have been. Especially since my due date for my ectopic was around the same time as his.

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@sunshine31 - picking up and carrying on and figuring out what works for yourself is tough. Yesterday marks two weeks since we lost our most recent pregnancy, and only now do I feel more like myself. It’s been a tough, terrible couple of weeks. My 12 week loss hit me so much harder than my earlier losses, and I needed much more time to come to terms with it. I went back to work the day before my D&C just to get everything organized, and haven’t been back to the office since. I worked from home luckily with support from my office and will return back to work on [name_f]Tuesday[/name_f] now. It’s very hard and you need to let yourself feel all the emotions running through your system, the fear, the despair, the anger, and sometimes the relief. [name_f]Do[/name_f] not push yourself to get over it, do not push yourself to try again sooner than you are emotionally ready. Be kind to yourself and don’t pressure yourself to feel a certain way.
Try to find closure, name your baby if it helps. All four of mine have names, it’s how I remember them. Some women get tattooed, some release balloons, some write a letter to their baby. It’s such a personal journey and it’s not an easy one, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve and move forward. Try again when you are ready, whenever that may be. A week ago I never wanted to be pregnant again, but this week I feel more brave when it comes to the possibility.
[name_m]Even[/name_m] after two miscarriages your odds of a healthy pregnancy are still so high, and I am sorry your doctor reacted that way, I was told the same thing during my first pregnancy this year. It’s incredibly insensitive, and I never went back to that doctor. Keep your head up.

@lapislazuli - Complications from a ectopic pregnancy can be terrifying, I had a friend with a very similar experience that almost cost her her life as well. It’s wonderful that you have been able to conceive since that experience though, and that your rainbow baby coincides with your ectopic, things like that feel meant to be!

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Many of you know a little bit of my story but none of you know all of it. A long time ago, when my husband and I were first together, we got pregnant without trying. We were young, I had just started my career, we weren’t in a good place financially, and we just weren’t ready to be parents. We came to the difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. It was the best decision at that time and although I don’t necessarily regret it, I often wonder what my life would be like had we chosen differently. I think about that baby often and it still hurts.

Fast forward several years and we were ready to be parents! Then came years of heartache during our struggles with infertility. I couldn’t help but think I was being punished for my previous decision all those years ago. I thought that it was karma, that I didn’t deserve a baby. Then we miscarried, and then we miscarried again, and then came the depression. I thought it was all my fault. That my body gave me the opportunity once and I threw my chance at motherhood away. I was in a dark place for a long, long time. My husband is the only reason I kept putting one foot in front of the other.

Fast forward again to [name_f]September[/name_f] of 2017, I had an HSG that showed a blocked tube. Luckily my OB was willing to let me do three final rounds of meds before moving on to IVF. We were one month shy of three years of actively trying and I was ready to give up. I had zero expectations and I had lost all hope. The HSG showed my right tube was blocked and of course all of my ovulation pains were on the right. I was 100% sure we were out. And then randomly around CD 25 I had a crazy vivid dream about childbirth, woke up to pee, and decided to pee on a stick for shits and giggles. It was freaking positive. I still didn’t believe it or let myself get excited.

I went on to have blood work that showed great numbers but I still told myself we’d lose this baby too. It wasn’t until our 8 week ultrasound where we saw TWO babies that I started to feel hopeful. The ultrasound confirmed I ovulated from the right ovary, which has the blocked tube. And it showed that the twins were identical which is a completely random chance, not caused by my fertility meds. These babies were miracles. I had two subchorionic hemorrhages which caused me to bleed from 6 weeks to 14 weeks. Two days after hitting viability week, when I thought I could relax a bit, we found out one twin was measuring quite small. Our baby B was diagnosed with SIUGR and was extremely stressed in my womb. Basically the shared placenta couldn’t keep up with both babies so baby B was suffering. We were sent for steroid injections to strengthen the babies lungs and I had doctors appointments 3 times a week including ultrasounds, NSTs, and other procedures. Somehow we made it to 34 weeks and my girls were born at 4 lbs and 2 lbs 10 oz.

Additionally, during my surgery my OB found a mass on my right fallopian tube, the one that had the blockage. She removed it and sent it to pathology for review. She came to see me while I was visiting my girls in the NICU to tell me the results. It was an old ectopic pregnancy that by body encapsulated. So adding all of this up… I have actually been pregnant 5 times resulting in 4 angel babies and our miracle twin girls.

I guess I’m explaining all of this to show you that miracles really do happen. It sounds so cliche and I hate that, but I can’t help it. Please feel free to reach out to me if you want to, I’m a great listener. There is also a lovely community on Instagram for all things ttc, pregnancy loss support, stillbirth, etc. I’m more than happy to send you in the right direction if you’d like to join. It helped me so much during my darkest days. It’s a very active community and these women understand you 1000%. I wish you all the best and I can’t wait to see your BFP posts in the future! <3

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We have been on the forums for a long time together [name_f]Lainy[/name_f] and thank you for sharing this part of your journey I had no idea. I know all of these feelings and this part of your journey all too well as I have been experiencing these thoughts myself lately after repeated losses. It does feel like punishment and bad karma, I find myself wondering if that was a baby that would have worked out, if I should have kept that baby, or if I would have lost that baby too anyway. I try not to let myself get lost in these thoughts but it’s hard not to. I still don’t regret it but wondering and what ifs are always there. The chance and everything was there, but we weren’t ready, the time wasn’t right, and now we are struggling for making the choice to wait until we were ready, fast forward 8 years and Now almost a year of trying later we have 3 losses and I am losing hope that it can be done some days. Other days I am eternally optimistic but it’s beyond difficult.

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Lainy, your story has always given me so much hope. We were in at least 2 TTC groups together on here and I remember hoping so badly that you’d get your miracle. You 100% deserved your little miracle girls. That had to be unimaginably hard to walk that path, thinking that you were getting some sort of payback for ending your first pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your story <3 you and all of the other ladies.

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I’m posting to give this thread a boost. I know there are berries out there now who might benefit from posting (or even just following the discussion).

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[name_m]Hi[/name_m]. I hope you are doing well. Thanks for making this thread. I feel so bad for every mother who ever lost their babies. Miscarriages are horrible. I never had one and I hope I never do. I don’t think I will ever be able to deal with that kind of pain. When my surrogate was pregnant with my son, my life started changing on a daily basis. I would desperately wait for the birth of my son in those days. I couldn’t even imagine what I would’ve been like if I had lost him. People who go through this are really strong. They deserve all the happiness in the world. Sending prayers to the mommies who are currently dealing with this. I hope things work out for you all. More power to all of you.

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We weren’t trying, and my period was only one day late, but I just had this weird feeling, so I took an at-home pregnancy test. And it was clearly positive. That was on [name_u]November[/name_u] 16, 2017. I went to my doctor and had a test done there as well, and it was positive, with my HCG levels over 30,000.

I was terrified. I had only known my boyfriend for two months and he was battling with mental health problems. But he was so excited and happy. I wasn’t. …I wanted an abortion, and I cried all the time and was angry. I prayed for a miscarriage.

I soon found out that under my parents health insurance, I had no maternity benefits, so I went on welfare. They wanted my first ultrasound scheduled for [name_u]December[/name_u] 20th, but because of the whole health insurance fiasco, it got pushed back to [name_u]January[/name_u] 8.

Around the middle of [name_u]December[/name_u], I started to bleed, like a very mild period, but it didn’t go away. I talked to the nurses and they just thought I was dehydrated, so I tried to drink more water.

On [name_u]December[/name_u] 17, its really weird, but I just started thinking about my late grandmother all the time, and it almost started to feel like she was there with me, by my side, telling me that everything was going to be okay. One week later, I decided that I wanted the baby, and I was at peace and I was happy, and everyone sort of breathed a sigh of relief.

On [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] [name_f]Eve[/name_f], the bleeding got worse, so me, my boyfriend and my parents went to the ER. I had my first ultrasound done, and there were four sacs. I was diagnosed with a threatened quadruplet miscarriage. It was the happiest day of my life. I had always wanted at least four children, and I was going to have a full family all at once. They were so tiny on the ultrasound that you couldn’t even see them. I was about five or six weeks along at that point.

On [name_u]December[/name_u] 30, the cramping got worse, and quickly became the worst period pain of my life. I completely soiled a thick pad in under 20 minutes, and then I started having contractions every three minutes. It was so painful… I knew I was losing them and I broke down, we went back to the ER, and it was confirmed, and I had to have a D&C that night. By [name_m]New[/name_m] Year’s [name_f]Eve[/name_f] the miscarriage was over…

It was like… I had life in me… four children, and then all of a sudden, they were erased. [name_m]Just[/name_m] gone. I think about them every single day, all day. I wonder what gender they would have been, what they would have looked like, which one would have been the first to talk, or walk…

This pain stays with you. I really miss them.

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So sorry to read of all your losses.

My first pregnancy was very wanted and planned. I did everything right.
We had a scan at 6 weeks and saw the wee heart beating away.
Unfortunately I miscarried that pregnancy at 11 weeks, although it had stopped developing earlier.

We immediately tried again, and got pregnant on my second cycle. This time we miscarried at 6 weeks.

We tried again, and I fell pregnant before my period returned. Although this pregnancy was complicated, with unexplained bleeding for the first 20 weeks, and a failing placenta, this pregnancy resulted in my beautiful, spirited [name_f]Nola[/name_f].

I am now pregnant for the 4th time. I’m 16 weeks and just hoping for the best.

Experiencing those miscarriages was the darkest time in my life. So hard dealing with questions around when we were going to have kids etc…

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Great job dear. People often find it difficult to cope with the loss of the parenthood. It is difficult to express the feelings and the emotions. By starting this thread you are giving them the opportunity to be expressive and tell the story ond the happenings around them. Sharing the ideas can be helpful too. When people with similar stories come together life seems easier. People often share their experience and the steps they have taken to make the life easier. I hope there will be many people getting some solution through this platform.

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I’m so sorry you experienced such terrible medical care. My midwives saw me as soon as I got a BFP and followed my HcG to ensure that the MCs were complete. Are you able to seek out a new doctor?

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My daughter was easy peasy, we were very lucky. When we decided to try for #2, it took 6 months to get a BFP and ended up being a chemical pregnancy. I had friends going through MCs around the same time so that was helpful emotionally. I had a great attitude, this happens all the time, there must have been an abnormality, my body hit the reset button as it was designed to do, we’ll just try again.

Second time I had spotting, no doubling of HCG. Ultrasounds confirmed a blighted ovum.

Third time, I got a BFP the morning we left to visit family for Thanksgiving. While we were there, in the middle of a 4 mile hike, we stopped to use the compost toilet and there was spotting. The spotting stopped, but I knew I was miscarrying. I called the doc when we got home. HCG wasn’t doubling. First ultrasound showed me 1 week behind. Second ultrasound still measured behind, but there was a slow heartbeat. I still refused to get my hopes up. By the next week (3rd ultrasound) no more heartbeat. It started spontaneously the [name_m]Saturday[/name_m] before [name_u]Christmas[/name_u].

All 3 happened spontaneously, with no cramping or pain, within the span of 1 year- but it was more difficult emotionally each time. We are now waiting on results of testing. The hope is the testing will help us decide whether it is worth trying again naturally. We aren’t interested in aggressive fertility treatment, we’re older, and we already have a wonderful daughter. Our next decision will be when to decide to count our blessings and move on with our lives.

Best wishes to all of you.

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edit for privacy

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First off, reading through this thread absolutely broke my heart. It’s so hard to be so close to something and all of a sudden you aren’t. Thank you for making this thread so we can support each other. I don’t post as often anymore as I did in the past… and this will likely be my last post here.

When I was 22 I found out I was pregnant. A few short days later I was bleeding and suffering intense stomach pains so I drove myself to the ER and found out I had an ectopic pregnancy and they rushed me into emergency surgery. The surgeon assured me that he was able to re-attach my tube together and I should have no issues in the future. Being 22, I decided that it was for the best and that I would have better luck when I was more ready.

Fast forward to [name_f]April[/name_f] 2019. 31 year old me I suspected that I was pregnant - I took 4 tests and they were all negative. A few weeks later I noticed that I was getting dizzy and sick during the day, hungrier than usual and just feeling generally different so I took another test - POSITIVE. We were so happy. I went to the doctor that day and told them that I had had an ectopic before, but at this point I was roughly 7 weeks along - with no pain and bleeding - so the doctor said that this one was likely successful… but they would not yet send me for an ultrasound.

Call it “mother’s intuition” but I knew something was wrong. The next day I got my love to drive me to the hospital, and after 2 ultrasounds I was hooked up to an IV and admitted for emergency surgery again. This time, I was advised that I should have the tube removed so there would be no chance of this happening again (it was the same side as the first ectopic), so I agreed.

The next morning my worst nightmare came true. High as a kite on morphine, the surgeon came in and asked if he could show me photos. I said no, and he said “It will help you understand”. My left tube had been removed. My right tube was barely recognizable. He said it was extremely abnormal and there would be no chance of me getting pregnant naturally.

Unfortunately, IVF is not an option for us as we cannot afford it. I always felt like I was born to be a mother and now I am on the journey of figuring out a new life plan.

Good luck to all of you <3 It’s been amazing to read that miracles do happen I wish you all the best.

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@Missa, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I hope you are able to find happiness someday. We were very, very lucky to finally get pregnant and stay pregnant, I think about that every single day. We wouldn’t have been able to afford IVF or adoption either, I can’t believe how much it costs. We were in the very early stages of becoming foster parents before we got pregnant with our twins. Maybe that’s something you could look into? I know it won’t replace the loss you’ve suffered, but you could possibly help to end someone else’s. <3

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I can sympathise. I want to give you the hugest hug rn. I feel like I am born to be a mother so my losses hit very hard. As my both my twin cousins, aunt and mother struggled with fertility I worry every day. I feel my fertility is bad or something in my body can’t carry to term as the last M/C I was having unprotected with DH for 4 years without anything other than an early M/C. I do imagine the worse (hitting 40 and no children). IVF is VERY expensive here in Australia. Although we are lucky that if we have the right Health Insurance it is a little cheaper but still not attainable for me.
My back up plans are adoption, foster or lots of animals and working in childcare/nursing to let my Maternal Instinct out more. But I know it still won’t be the same as that bond of mother and child and seeing mine and DHs genetics make something.
<3 if you ever want to talk my inbox here is always open <3

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I’m sorry for all your loses. Losing a pregnancy is so hard and I savour any opportunity to share my story and talk about my precious wee boy.

Some may remember me from the Due [name_f]April[/name_f] – [name_u]June[/name_u] 2017 group. We got pregnant easily and everything was just text book perfect. I had no morning sickness, no bleeding, no nothing. My pregnancy was a dream. We had the NT scan & testing at 12 weeks and everything was perfect. Low risk for everything & we had a happy healthy baby on board. We announced to everyone that we were expecting baby #2, a sibling for my son who was 3 at the time. Life was great.

On [name_u]December[/name_u] 8th 2016 I had a routine midwife appointment. I was 16 weeks & 3 days pregnant. We laughed & chatted, I told her about how I’d felt the baby move for the first time the week previous, but hadn’t since, but not that that was any concern at that point in the pregnancy. And then I jumped up on the table and she pulled out the doppler to listen to his heart. Only she couldn’t find it…

I was sent for an urgent ultrasound which confirmed my worst nightmare. My sweet boy had passed away. 6 days later on [name_u]December[/name_u] 14th 2016, I went into labour and delivered him in hospital. He was so tiny, but so perfect. We named him [name_m]Ciaran[/name_m] [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m].

Given how far along we were they offered us a post-mortem to try and figure out why his heart had stopped. Sadly it was inconclusive as he was a perfect formed baby boy & it was really just one of those horrible bad luck things that can happen sometimes. Almost 3 years later I still struggle to understand how or why my perfectly healthy babies heart just stopped, but it’s not a question I’ll ever get an answer to.

We welcomed our rainbow in [name_f]September[/name_f] last year and she’s our sunshine, so for those still waiting, don’t give up hope <3

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I just wanted to thank you all for starting and posting in this thread, and to let you know people are still reading and appreciating the stories. I am thankfully 36 weeks into my 5th pregnancy but it will only be my second living child assuming all goes well with the delivery. The pain and anxiety from miscarriage never completely goes away but it helps to know how many strong women have endured and thrived despite going through hell! <3

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Hey Everyone! I am so happy to see so many posts I had missed while I was away. As much as a loss is a heartbreaking event, I’m so glad we can come together and support each other openly and honestly. And knowing that some of you have gone on to have happy healthy babies, makes me hopeful which I need right now.

I took a long break from being active on nameberry and stepped back from pregnancy and the idea of babies. I thought of this thread the other day and wanted to come back and read, remind myself and find hope. We are discussing trying to conceive again soon, aiming for pregnancy #6. And a lot of the old anxieties are popping up again. I feel like I don’t have a “safe” point in a pregnancy, like the 12 week mark that I lost my 4th pregnancy at, the line that every nervous mama looks at first as a sign of a healthy pregnancy. You know, make it out of the first trimester, then make it past the anatomy scan, then viability… etc those lines we watch for in order to know where to aim the anxiety dial. I feel like, maybe I’ll feel better this time because I’m healthier, but at the same time, the anxiety of another loss is going to settle in hard. I’ve been considering therapy but I’m honestly not sure it will help. I know that I shouldn’t fixate on what bad things can happen, but that’s easier said than done with my track record. I know how I should think, but…

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@Kibby, welcome back to Nameberry! I’m [name_f]Thea[/name_f]. Although your posts here were before my time, it’s lovely to see you back. I’m proud of you for taking the step back to find hope. After a loss, it can be truly one of the most difficult things to do, confronting the idea of a baby once again. I haven’t been through nearly as much as you, but I have so much love and sympathy for what you’ve gone through.

Therapy is most certainly a very personal experience. After my loss, it personally didn’t do much for me at all, no more than talking to a loved one, but every woman’s journey is so different and I’m sure that it has greatly helped some mamas.

It’s such a big step to open up the discussion of TTC again after everything. If you do decide to take the plunge into the TTC journey, I am sending you so much baby dust and support. :heart: