My first pregnancy was very wanted and planned. I did everything right.
We had a scan at 6 weeks and saw the wee heart beating away.
Unfortunately I miscarried that pregnancy at 11 weeks, although it had stopped developing earlier.
We immediately tried again, and got pregnant on my second cycle. This time we miscarried at 6 weeks.
We tried again, and I fell pregnant before my period returned. Although this pregnancy was complicated, with unexplained bleeding for the first 20 weeks, and a failing placenta, this pregnancy resulted in my beautiful, spirited [name_f]Nola[/name_f].
I am now pregnant for the 4th time. I’m 16 weeks and just hoping for the best.
Experiencing those miscarriages was the darkest time in my life. So hard dealing with questions around when we were going to have kids etc…
Great job dear. People often find it difficult to cope with the loss of the parenthood. It is difficult to express the feelings and the emotions. By starting this thread you are giving them the opportunity to be expressive and tell the story ond the happenings around them. Sharing the ideas can be helpful too. When people with similar stories come together life seems easier. People often share their experience and the steps they have taken to make the life easier. I hope there will be many people getting some solution through this platform.
I’m so sorry you experienced such terrible medical care. My midwives saw me as soon as I got a BFP and followed my HcG to ensure that the MCs were complete. Are you able to seek out a new doctor?
My daughter was easy peasy, we were very lucky. When we decided to try for #2, it took 6 months to get a BFP and ended up being a chemical pregnancy. I had friends going through MCs around the same time so that was helpful emotionally. I had a great attitude, this happens all the time, there must have been an abnormality, my body hit the reset button as it was designed to do, we’ll just try again.
Second time I had spotting, no doubling of HCG. Ultrasounds confirmed a blighted ovum.
Third time, I got a BFP the morning we left to visit family for Thanksgiving. While we were there, in the middle of a 4 mile hike, we stopped to use the compost toilet and there was spotting. The spotting stopped, but I knew I was miscarrying. I called the doc when we got home. HCG wasn’t doubling. First ultrasound showed me 1 week behind. Second ultrasound still measured behind, but there was a slow heartbeat. I still refused to get my hopes up. By the next week (3rd ultrasound) no more heartbeat. It started spontaneously the [name_m]Saturday[/name_m] before [name_u]Christmas[/name_u].
All 3 happened spontaneously, with no cramping or pain, within the span of 1 year- but it was more difficult emotionally each time. We are now waiting on results of testing. The hope is the testing will help us decide whether it is worth trying again naturally. We aren’t interested in aggressive fertility treatment, we’re older, and we already have a wonderful daughter. Our next decision will be when to decide to count our blessings and move on with our lives.
First off, reading through this thread absolutely broke my heart. It’s so hard to be so close to something and all of a sudden you aren’t. Thank you for making this thread so we can support each other. I don’t post as often anymore as I did in the past… and this will likely be my last post here.
When I was 22 I found out I was pregnant. A few short days later I was bleeding and suffering intense stomach pains so I drove myself to the ER and found out I had an ectopic pregnancy and they rushed me into emergency surgery. The surgeon assured me that he was able to re-attach my tube together and I should have no issues in the future. Being 22, I decided that it was for the best and that I would have better luck when I was more ready.
Fast forward to [name_f]April[/name_f] 2019. 31 year old me I suspected that I was pregnant - I took 4 tests and they were all negative. A few weeks later I noticed that I was getting dizzy and sick during the day, hungrier than usual and just feeling generally different so I took another test - POSITIVE. We were so happy. I went to the doctor that day and told them that I had had an ectopic before, but at this point I was roughly 7 weeks along - with no pain and bleeding - so the doctor said that this one was likely successful… but they would not yet send me for an ultrasound.
Call it “mother’s intuition” but I knew something was wrong. The next day I got my love to drive me to the hospital, and after 2 ultrasounds I was hooked up to an IV and admitted for emergency surgery again. This time, I was advised that I should have the tube removed so there would be no chance of this happening again (it was the same side as the first ectopic), so I agreed.
The next morning my worst nightmare came true. High as a kite on morphine, the surgeon came in and asked if he could show me photos. I said no, and he said “It will help you understand”. My left tube had been removed. My right tube was barely recognizable. He said it was extremely abnormal and there would be no chance of me getting pregnant naturally.
Unfortunately, IVF is not an option for us as we cannot afford it. I always felt like I was born to be a mother and now I am on the journey of figuring out a new life plan.
Good luck to all of you <3 It’s been amazing to read that miracles do happen I wish you all the best.
@Missa, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I hope you are able to find happiness someday. We were very, very lucky to finally get pregnant and stay pregnant, I think about that every single day. We wouldn’t have been able to afford IVF or adoption either, I can’t believe how much it costs. We were in the very early stages of becoming foster parents before we got pregnant with our twins. Maybe that’s something you could look into? I know it won’t replace the loss you’ve suffered, but you could possibly help to end someone else’s. <3
I can sympathise. I want to give you the hugest hug rn. I feel like I am born to be a mother so my losses hit very hard. As my both my twin cousins, aunt and mother struggled with fertility I worry every day. I feel my fertility is bad or something in my body can’t carry to term as the last M/C I was having unprotected with DH for 4 years without anything other than an early M/C. I do imagine the worse (hitting 40 and no children). IVF is VERY expensive here in Australia. Although we are lucky that if we have the right Health Insurance it is a little cheaper but still not attainable for me.
My back up plans are adoption, foster or lots of animals and working in childcare/nursing to let my Maternal Instinct out more. But I know it still won’t be the same as that bond of mother and child and seeing mine and DHs genetics make something.
<3 if you ever want to talk my inbox here is always open <3
I’m sorry for all your loses. Losing a pregnancy is so hard and I savour any opportunity to share my story and talk about my precious wee boy.
Some may remember me from the Due [name_f]April[/name_f] – [name_u]June[/name_u] 2017 group. We got pregnant easily and everything was just text book perfect. I had no morning sickness, no bleeding, no nothing. My pregnancy was a dream. We had the NT scan & testing at 12 weeks and everything was perfect. Low risk for everything & we had a happy healthy baby on board. We announced to everyone that we were expecting baby #2, a sibling for my son who was 3 at the time. Life was great.
On [name_u]December[/name_u] 8th 2016 I had a routine midwife appointment. I was 16 weeks & 3 days pregnant. We laughed & chatted, I told her about how I’d felt the baby move for the first time the week previous, but hadn’t since, but not that that was any concern at that point in the pregnancy. And then I jumped up on the table and she pulled out the doppler to listen to his heart. Only she couldn’t find it…
I was sent for an urgent ultrasound which confirmed my worst nightmare. My sweet boy had passed away. 6 days later on [name_u]December[/name_u] 14th 2016, I went into labour and delivered him in hospital. He was so tiny, but so perfect. We named him [name_m]Ciaran[/name_m] [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m].
Given how far along we were they offered us a post-mortem to try and figure out why his heart had stopped. Sadly it was inconclusive as he was a perfect formed baby boy & it was really just one of those horrible bad luck things that can happen sometimes. Almost 3 years later I still struggle to understand how or why my perfectly healthy babies heart just stopped, but it’s not a question I’ll ever get an answer to.
We welcomed our rainbow in [name_f]September[/name_f] last year and she’s our sunshine, so for those still waiting, don’t give up hope <3
I just wanted to thank you all for starting and posting in this thread, and to let you know people are still reading and appreciating the stories. I am thankfully 36 weeks into my 5th pregnancy but it will only be my second living child assuming all goes well with the delivery. The pain and anxiety from miscarriage never completely goes away but it helps to know how many strong women have endured and thrived despite going through hell! <3
Hey Everyone! I am so happy to see so many posts I had missed while I was away. As much as a loss is a heartbreaking event, I’m so glad we can come together and support each other openly and honestly. And knowing that some of you have gone on to have happy healthy babies, makes me hopeful which I need right now.
I took a long break from being active on nameberry and stepped back from pregnancy and the idea of babies. I thought of this thread the other day and wanted to come back and read, remind myself and find hope. We are discussing trying to conceive again soon, aiming for pregnancy #6. And a lot of the old anxieties are popping up again. I feel like I don’t have a “safe” point in a pregnancy, like the 12 week mark that I lost my 4th pregnancy at, the line that every nervous mama looks at first as a sign of a healthy pregnancy. You know, make it out of the first trimester, then make it past the anatomy scan, then viability… etc those lines we watch for in order to know where to aim the anxiety dial. I feel like, maybe I’ll feel better this time because I’m healthier, but at the same time, the anxiety of another loss is going to settle in hard. I’ve been considering therapy but I’m honestly not sure it will help. I know that I shouldn’t fixate on what bad things can happen, but that’s easier said than done with my track record. I know how I should think, but…
@Kibby, welcome back to Nameberry! I’m [name_f]Thea[/name_f]. Although your posts here were before my time, it’s lovely to see you back. I’m proud of you for taking the step back to find hope. After a loss, it can be truly one of the most difficult things to do, confronting the idea of a baby once again. I haven’t been through nearly as much as you, but I have so much love and sympathy for what you’ve gone through.
Therapy is most certainly a very personal experience. After my loss, it personally didn’t do much for me at all, no more than talking to a loved one, but every woman’s journey is so different and I’m sure that it has greatly helped some mamas.
It’s such a big step to open up the discussion of TTC again after everything. If you do decide to take the plunge into the TTC journey, I am sending you so much baby dust and support.
