Mom/Mumsberries

Oh my gosh, that must be so hard and isolating!

First off, I think you have every right to vent! Nobody knew how long quarantine/COVID would last or how long it would take for things to get back to normal, and deciding to have a baby during COVID does not negate your feelings.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to hire a nanny to come a few times a week if that is your best option. You need to take care of you, not only for yourself but for your family. Mental health is soooooo important and if that’s the best way to get some time for you then I say it’s worth exploring!

We’re so lucky that my mom and my in-laws live close by and have all been fully vaccinated. Although in my state, the governor does not give a sh*t about the pandemic so there are literally no restrictions right now, which is another level of frustrating.

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@Hollyrow it’s good that you and your SO have already talked about it. In the end all that matters is that the both of you are happy with your choice.

@Perpetua I completely understand. I’m immensely grateful that I have my twin brother around, because other than him there’s nobody we’re in close contact with now because of COVID. [name_f]My[/name_f] second son, [name_m]Barnabas[/name_m], is almost 18 months old and has hardly seen any of our family members. The twins are almost 4 months old, and from both my and SO’s family my mother is the only one who has actually met them (from 2 meters away and wearing a mask). And my uncle has seen them a few times, always on his doorstep. [name_f]My[/name_f] father hasn’t been able to visit from Iceland since [name_m]Barnabas[/name_m] was 3 months old. And I chose to get pregnant during a pandemic, the same as you, but none of us could have known that it would last this long or how things would evolve. [name_m]Don[/name_m]’t feel guilty for needing support. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. It’s completely normal.

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@Perpetua sending positive vibes your way, Mama. This situation is SO difficult in SO many ways - there is no shame in considering hiring help. You need to do what is best for you, because what is best for you is ultimately going to be best for [name_u]Léo[/name_u].

Thinking out loud, I wonder if there are any loopholes to be had in the whole nanny hiring business. As in, do they have to be specifically licensed as such, or can you “hire” someone you know.

Both my parents and my in-laws live in other countries, and [name_u]Beckett[/name_u] hasn’t met any of them at 9 months old. We have one family member in Australia, and I honestly believe it saved me that our state borders opened up at the end of the year and my sister was able to fly in quarantine-free for a visit. I cannot exaggerate how much of a turning point that was for all of us.

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I know I’m kinda late to this thread, but I’ve been reading through all your stories and I really appreciate it. I’ve been feeling horribly guilty the past month since we’ve had our second. And it’s because mentally I’m doing so well now. With my first I had near crippling postpartum anxiety, I’d wake up in cold sweats having had horrible nightmares. I had regular panic attacks just about everyday, it was to the point that even though I loved my baby I could hardly stand to hold her or look at her because it just caused me so much anxiety. And yet I wanted to hold her and snuggle her so bad, but there were many times where I just couldn’t. And then to add to it she was not a particularly easy baby and wouldn’t be soothed by the typical things that soothe a baby, she wasn’t a very good nurser and would nurse for an hour or so at a time and barely get enough (we later found out she was in chronic pain because of her belly her first year and had to have surgery to fix. Which just makes me feel more guilty, poor little thing was just in pain and needed her mama) and because of the pain she wasn’t a very good sleeper maybe sleep for an hour or two before needing to nurse for another hour or so and she continued to wake up 3/4 times a night until she was about 7/8 months old. Then add to it the pandemic hit when she was about 5 months old and we were quarantined plus right around that same time my husband got a new job that required him to work nights and sleep all day so he was only around to help for about 2 hours a day. It was just the perfect storm for my anxiety to really amp up.It got to the point where I was really tempted to just leave, I never wanted to hurt her or myself but I did not want to be mom. (But the thought of her sitting there waiting for mom to come home killed me, I could never do that to her, she deserved so much love)

But now with my second I’m feeling pretty great, I still have an occasional bout of anxiety, but over all I feel mostly back to myself. However, a newborn needs so much of moms time, I feel like my sweet first baby never gets mom. And now that I feel like I can be a good mom, she has to share and she never got the love and attention she deserved and it breaks my heart. Logically I know it wasn’t my fault, I was sick and did the best I could. But it’s still hard.
Plus another layer to it is my second pregnancy wasn’t planned. So I had all this stuff I wanted to do with my first this year as I hoped I was slowly improving, that now will never happen. She will never get that one on one time with a happy mentally healthy mom.
However I truly feel it was my second pregnancy that really helped improve my anxiety. Something about it must’ve just stabilized my hormones or caused something to kick in. So on the flip side she might never have had a mentally healthy mom if I hadn’t gotten pregnant.

Anyway if you’ve read this far, I really appreciate knowing there’s others out there who struggle with motherhood. And mom guilt is a real thing. And I really feel we need to normalize talking about how hard it can be emotionally/physically/mentally being a mom. And a lot of times it’s not a good experience, it’s hard.

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