[name]Hi[/name] all! I am turning 30 next month and have been having baby cravin’s for a few years now. My husband is 2 years younger than me and, to put it lightly, is not quite as ready as I am. We have come to a compromise to start TTC in [name]January[/name] (fingers crossed that it happens quickly!) My husband is hesitant about the lack of freedom and spontaneity that come with having a child. I love him so much and am so grateful for his compromise on the baby-making issue, and I want to do anything possible to help him be more comfortable and even excited about the prospect of a child next year.
Has anyone else experienced a reluctant baby daddy to be? And any advice for me? [name]TIA[/name]!
I had some of those same worries when I was pregnant. And we had been TTC for over a year. I can tell you, those worries completely left my mind the moment my son was born. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why I was so worried. A lot of things change when you have a baby, and you do have much less freedom, but I would never go back, or even want to. If I had known how awesome it would be to be a parent, I would have started trying sooner. I think my husband feels the same Other ideas that might help: If there is something that he loves to do, that he’s afraid he won’t have time for, make sure you set aside time for that once the baby comes. Schedule it if you have to. Also, remind him that he’ll have nine months to get used to the idea once you do get pregnant. And, if you need some more leverage, tell him that pregnancy risks increase for women over 35, so depending on how many children y’all want, you should start soon Good luck!
Thank you whit! Yes, he knows that we don’t have that much time. We want 2. He said that he knows that he would adore his child once it came, but he just feels young. I am not that young though
I was ready a while before my husband - but I didn’t push the issue. I really felt like it wasn’t something I wanted to do if he wasn’t ready for it. When we eventually started trying, it was worth the wait to have him alongside me emotionally. We were blessed and only had to try twice before [name]Baby[/name] happened, but obviously this isn’t the case for everyone.
Granted, I’m only 26, but he is 30.
It’s a bit tougher since you are bit older - and since you aren’t TTC yet, you don’t have an idea of how long it will take you. Maybe remind him that the older you are, the harder it is to conceive as well. If memory serves me correctly, over 30 ladies on average take about a year to conceive. If you’re looking to have two, your timeline is short to conceive, give birth, recover, and start the process over again - if you’re aiming to have it done before you’re 35.
I just want to note though that my mom had me when she was 35, and my dad was 44, and it took them only a few months of TTC, and I was perfectly healthy, so obviously the “average” doesn’t apply to everyone.
Thank you for your reply Mamamaassy. We had another talk last night and I think we are finally getting on the same page. Yes, I don’t have any idea how long it will take me, but we’re both healthy and I’m relatively young. I’m going to stop having negative thoughts and think positively! My [name]SIL[/name] is 31 and it took her three tries. I read that it takes a 30 year old woman an average of 7 months to get pregnant*, that’s not too bad. And maybe I’ll be lucky like my [name]SIL[/name] and get preg in 3 (positive thoughts! lol)
*that’s without fertility charting. With fertility charting it’s 3-4 months, whee!
I am only 25 (I had my daughter at 24) so I don’t personally understand the “ticking clock” aspect, but my husband is 34 and I do worry about timing the second child soon so he isn’t too much older. My mom was 37 when she had me and I always kind of hated the fact that she was so much older than all my friend’s mothers. Looking back though, I do wish I would have done more before my daughter was born. Like take a vacation. Taking a trip with a one year old is definitely not fun. We went to [name]Florida[/name] a few weeks ago for my best friend’s wedding and we couldn’t really do anything the whole time. My husband did most of the babysitting (bless him) while I did the bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, photography, etc. I feel bad that he didn’t have a chance to do anything.
And side note, it took me 4 months to get pregnant when I was 24 and it took my Mom 1 try at 37…so you never know.
Thank you [name]Rowan[/name] for your reply! I think that is a good idea…enjoy our last months as non-parents. I was thinking about even taking an adults-only vacation to [name]Lake[/name] [name]Tahoe[/name] or [name]Vegas[/name].
BTW, I [name]LOVE[/name] your daughter’s name. There was a little girl named [name]Rowan[/name] in the news awhile ago who stuck with me.
Other ideas that might help: If there is something that he loves to do, that he’s afraid he won’t have time for, make sure you set aside time for that once the baby comes. Schedule it if you have to. Also, remind him that he’ll have nine months to get used to the idea once you do get pregnant. And, if you need some more leverage, tell him that pregnancy risks increase for women over 35, so depending on how many children y’all want, you should start soon 