Moms of girls – tell me all the great things about raising a girl!
Just found out we’re having a girl and I feel a little overwhelmed. I felt way more prepared to be the mom of a boy (I babysat for little boys and helped raise my little brother). [name_f]My[/name_f] mother and I have a strained relationship and I’m terrified I’ll repeat her mistakes and my daughter will grow up to hate me.
I could have written this post myself!
Your feelings are TOTALLY normal and common, truly. The worries and concerns that you have are all founded, realistic, and valid. The great news is that this kid is an impressionable new person, and you can help shape their developing understanding of what is fun, what is nice, what is okay and not okay, etc etc.
For me, the reassurance didn’t truly come until I met my little one and her personality shone through (thankfully, it was evident straight away after birth).
For not wanting to repeat mistakes, I think that puts you ahead of the pack in terms of awareness. The next step is to really pore through some parenting style books/ literature to see what parta of various parenring methods that you would like to adopt. Couple this with some new insights into the SCIENCE behind early child development (as in, pick up a text book or two) … And you’ll be a superstar parent.
Some pro’s include: a wider range of clothing options. Realistically, about a third of a “boys section” in even the more traditional baby clothing stores is composed of the unisex stuff, meaning “girls clothes” can be found even in the boys section. Also, there’s nothing to say that girls can’t wear a shirt featuring a space rocket or grizzly bear or airplane! They’re kids! Another PRO is that potty training is on average WAY easier/less messier experience with girls than boys.
Congrats!! I probably shouldn’t comment, since I’m not a mom yet. But I only have nieces, no nephews, and it is wonderful.
But I still want to say, and I hope it is not taken the wrong way, I think talk therapy would be really great for what you are experiencing. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom and I have a very challenging relationship. I’ve talked about us a lot in therapy, and we’ve gone to therapy together, to work on our relationship. I think what you’re feeling about your fear of repeating mistakes is extremely valid, I have had the same fears. The best way to not repeat those mistakes (even if you did have a boy) is to unpack what, exactly, caused the problems and how to put safeguards in place to prevent them with your children. If you do not have the means to participate in talk therapy, you could journal memories and experiences from your childhood. Seeing it on paper, reading, and reflecting will certainly help in a very similar way as talk therapy.
I hope this helps. Again, congratulations!
Congrats!!!
I LOVE having a little girl! She’s only 2, and I don’t yet know what it’s like to have a boy… but I love how much easier it is these days to dress girls in blue and trackpants and tractor tops without getting any of the weird looks you might get for putting your boy in a pink frilly dress. Similarly with activities, I feel like there’s not THAT many boys doing ballet, but loads of girls doing soccer or martial arts.
She’s going to be influenced by what she sees around her, so is already talking a lot about pink and noticing sparkly unicorn stickers… but she loves diggers and fire trucks too, and is interested in all sorts of things. We read and talk about so many books, play duplo, cook together, garden, go swimming, etc etc. She’s not very physically skilled… no idea whether that’s anything to do with being a girl or whether it’s just each baby being different regardless of sex, so certainly doesn’t leap all over the place like some of her male cousins. But it’s made things easier as a parent… hard for her to race off and get herself into trouble when her idea of running is just waving her arms faster with her legs going the same speed! And her language skills are AMAZING, so it’s really cool to be able to explore the world with her as she tells me her ideas and wonderings and the way she sees things.
I understand your fears about your relationship with you own Mum, but as others have said, I think in some ways that’s a huge advantage. You already know what parenting doesn’t work, and how you’d like to do things differently. [name_m]Just[/name_m] watch and respect your child. Respect her being her own person, separate from you. And gently guide her with how the world works and how to manage her feelings.
My Mum tried her very very best and was on the whole an amazing parent, but grew up with quite old-fashioned strict parents herself, and didn’t have much support in parenting from my father who was loving and a wonderful man but just pretty hands off and clueless with kids. When Mum was stressed out her parenting choices didn’t always feel helpful.
I know now how I want to be different. I will never smack or yell or give time out. I will always offer comfort and always talk through things. I will be very very open about my own feelings and try to encourage my children to do the same. I’ve “picked up” some of that stress/anxiety from my Mum, but will try to be aware of and reduce my own stress levels and anxiety, and make more careful choices about how I vent or respond to them, including owning them as my own problem that I need to work through. I will actively encourage confidence and independence. And I’ll carry on with the things she did so well, loke bedtime stories and home-made christmas decorations and valuing people rather than material things and encouraging curiosity and discussion and excitement about the world.