I just turned 20, so I don’t mean right now, but I’m currently wondering whether or not I’d be a good mom. I really want a baby, but there are a lot of mitigating circumstances… I’m in treatment for anorexia, something I’ve had for almost 6 years and am wondering if I’ll ever fully recover from. I also am dealing with chronic major depressive disorder. I’m also gay. And would probably be a single mom, since I hate the idea of having to compromise on parenting techniques. I’m really good with kids, and I’d be completely dedicated to my child, but I’m just worried that I’m always gonna be too sick to be an fit mom.
Ahh the edit button isn’t working I mean a fit mom not an fit mom how embarrassing
[name_f]Sarah[/name_f], I honestly think it’s not my place to say any of this, I mean, both you and I have no way to look into the future and I also don’t know that much about you. I will only say that you’re a fighter, a warrior already, for having been through so many horrible predicaments, mentally and physically. I will say that the fact that you are treating yourself, that you are trying to make yourself the best (healthiest) person you can be, that on it’s own is huge and really, really important. I think that in order to be a mom, at the very least you have to be a fighter and a warrior, because it is not easy.
I don’t think you should limit your horizons or deprive yourself of certain desires and whishes just because of your anorexia and depression. I have faith that you well get through it and that you will sooner or later find yourself in the position where you’re content and happy with yourself as you are. And I honestly think, that having gone through so much already, you are very strong and have within you the strength needed to be a mother.
[name_m]Trust[/name_m] me, there is no recipe for it. Each mother is a case of her own, as are children. I think that if you really, really love children and it’s your dream to have them, they might give you that extra motivation to keep on going and keep on fighting. Lastly, I advise you to take things slow. Take care of yourself first, get your degree in sociology and try to be the best possible professional you can be (in whatever it is you put your heart and mind to). Most of all, do things that make you feel happy and alive. I think you’ll know or feel just when the right time has come for you. And who knows, maybe you’ll be surprised.
I wish you all the best in the world sweetheart!
I think that if you really want to be a mother the only thing stopping you is you. Clearly you’ve already been working on your own problems which is a good start. I think it would be wise to keep up that good work so that one day you could be in a more stable place, mentally and physically, to care for a child. I have no doubt in my mind that you have the potential to be an awesome mom as long as you work hard towards that goal. Everyone has their own issues and doubts about becoming a parent and that’s totally normal. Of course, I can’t see the future, but in my eyes everyone has the possibility of being a great parent if they work hard enough for it. I wish you lots of luck!
I’m not a mom quite yet (expecting my first in [name_f]October[/name_f]), but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone facing fears and doubts about one day having children.
I have clinical depression and social anxiety disorder. The depression seems to run in my family. For the longest time, despite adoring children and really wanting to be a mom, I worried that I’d either be too sad or too scared to be a good mother, or that I’d pass along the problems to my children. The thing is, as time went on, I began to come into a better place where I’ve accepted that me and my chemical imbalance are doing okay in our weird way. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though I am very sad sometimes, I can push through, and even if my child ends up inheriting some of my crazy, there will be beauty and joy in their world too just as there often is in mine.
It took me a while to come to the conclusion that it really was okay to be a mother. I’m sure that is a conclusion that everybody has to come to on their own, and that some people will reach earlier or later, and that some people may never reach at all. You still have lots of time, and life may take you in directions that you can’t even imagine yet. However you feel right now, I wouldn’t write off the possibility that in a few years you may feel completely differently.
Hang in there.
Hey [name_f]Sarah[/name_f],
I want to add my voice to the chorus of supporters who have already replied to you. My younger sister has struggled with bulimia and an anxiety disorder for over a decade, and there is no doubt in my mind that she will be a great mother some day, in spite of and because of her experiences. There have been times when she’s shared with me her fears that her fertility may be negatively affected by her eating disorder, or that the physical changes of pregnancy might be triggering for her, but she is also hopeful that she can and will be in a really solid space and have the necessary support when she decides to start her family. She is strong, and self-aware, and loving, and driven to be a good caretaker and role model for the little ones in her life. The example she sets is inspiring.
Being gay has nothing to do with your capacity as a parent. It is like a knife in my heart to think that you might hold that against yourself. There are obviously some logistical challenges to work around, such as how to get pregnant or how to adopt, but it is far from impossible. (These are the same things you will need to consider if/when you decide to become a single mother.) I’m a queer lady who mostly imagined myself as a single mother, also in part because I was not keen on the idea of compromising with a partner, though mostly because I was not imagining having a partnership before having kids. That being said, it was so much harder to think about parenting with any of the people I dated, up until I met the person with whom I’m having a child now. I cringe when people talk about “Mr./Ms. Right,” but for me, it really was a matter of growing up a few more years and being honest about the qualities I wanted in myself and in future partners. It became important to be honest, open-minded, communicative, supportive, and on the same page as my partner, and lo and behold, I met someone who felt the same way. Please do not think that you cannot find someone with whom you would want to raise children, if it is important to you to have romantic partnership, and/or to have two parents for your kids. That being said, don’t hesitate to pursue motherhood when the time is right for you, as an individual, just because our society pushes the idea that parents come in pairs. You’ll just have to work harder to make sure that you can support your little one(s) on your own. Also also, you may find that even as a single mother, you have to compromise your ideal parenting techniques when you find that they are not the best techniques for the child you end up raising. 
[name_m]Plenty[/name_m] of lovely, happy, healthy kids are raised by parents who struggle with physical and mental illnesses, who are queer, or who are doing it alone. It’s ok to have doubts - actually, I think it’s great that you’re thinking through a choice as monumental as becoming a parent - and it’s ok to do things unconventionally. [name_m]Just[/name_m] focus on getting yourself to a good place and trust that you’ll make the right decision when the time comes.
I don’t think anyone is confident on whether they will be a good mother or not, no matter the circumstances. I understand, I have been in the same mind frame before, different circumstance than you but nevertheless - same fears. You seem to be working towards making yourself healthy and fit, that’s what you should focus first and foremost. You’re only 20, you have no idea where you will be in 5 years or 10 years. I was a completely different person at 20, not in any place to have a child, now I am almost 30 and in the perfect situation to have a baby (& am expecting my first). [name_f]Do[/name_f] I still worrying about being a good mom? of course.
Focus on yourself! Be strong! Good luck 
Hoping you fight your disease and come out the other end better than ever!
Great responses here already. You should have a baby if and when you feel ready to have a baby. The way you write gives me the impression you do want them but have a good enough head on your shoulders to also know you’re not ready now. Focus on staying healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t rush yourself into getting ready for children. Work at your own pace and realize the pace that is best for you is also the best pace for your future family. You don’t need to be conventional. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the world’s best foster mom when you’re 50. The world needs more people who are brave enough to be unconventional, imo. Best wishes
A lot of the things I wanted to say have already been said by other posters.
As a teenager and in my early twenties I had mental problems myself. It wasn’t anorexia, like you’re experiencing, and I don’t want to go into detail, but it’s been a long road for me. When I was 20 years old, like you are now, I’d never have believed that I would have children one day and make a half decent parent. But now I’m 27 and my first child was born last month.
What I’m saying is, the problemns you’re experiencing now will make you stronger in the end, and when you’re vulnerable it probably won’t totally disappear, but if you keep fighting you can get better and maybe one day you’ll have a baby and make a great mother. Nobody knows what will happen in the future, but don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be a mother because of the problems you’re having now.