I am just wondering how other Mothers cope with mental health / mental illness and raising a bub?
I sometimes worry that due to my Mental illness I may not be a good mum but I know I am not the first human with mental health illness and wanting to or are a parent.
Not expecting. TTC 2021 [name_m]Just[/name_m] collecting information.
I am not on the spectrum but know of a father who is and he is wonderful, I feel like having bub helped him in his areas of concern.
One of my mental health illnesses has me doubting myself, opinions and beliefs. So very worried about making sure my child will have a stable core of morals etc if I am doubting myself. I also can’t read expression or body language well, My mind always jumps to I have done something wrong as I only see a few emotions (happy, sad, confused - real basics ones)
I would say what I have in the forum but I am very afraid as it has had a lot of stigma in the past so would rather in a message to those I have already gotten to know.
Such wonderful advice! I am only just learning to not bottle up my feelings or when I feel unsure/sense of self is lacking. I definitely agree with your last statement.
I have Bipolar Disorder and have two boys (3.5 and 2) and am expecting a baby next month. It is hard. Some days much more than others. I look at other mothers who seem to have it way more together than I do (their house looks cleaner, their kids do crafts and go to the zoo, etc.) and I feel like I’m yo-yoing constantly between cycling, recovering, and playing catch up on days when I feel better and able to truly give my best. I try to be realistic as much as possible and my partner is excellent at reminding me: it’s an illness like any other, some days you will only focus on keeping the kids alive and getting through the day, and other days when you’re feeling better you will thrive. Not all moods or days are created equal. Beating yourself up over not being able to cope one day or not being able to be the sort of mother you want to be–it will only make you feel worse and it changes nothing. I hope I will be more patient and tolerable of their struggles and more loving and affectionate since I am more sensitive. I guess we’ll see.
The best thing about having kids when you are mentally ill is that it’s not all about you anymore. You must get out of bed. You must feed and look after them. You must get out of your head and put them first. It’s really hard, I’m not going to lie, but you can do it. One foot in front of the other. Follow their routine when yours feels broken. Give them lots of love and they’ll return it with the sweetest gestures: a hug or kiss, a cuddle, bringing you a story to read while they sit on your lap. It’s love without you asking for it when you need it most and perhaps can’t give it to yourself. They see you so differently it seems than you see yourself.
Finding ways to cope is very important: your partner or friends or family who can tell you what you need to hear when you need to hear it to keep you moving through it. Mine is very good at reminding me that with each day, I am getting closer to the end of the cycle, and that it never lasts forever. He tells me I’m doing fine when I feel like I’m failing. I write often in a journal and talk myself through the most basic tasks sometimes, but it works for me. [name_f]Music[/name_f], a walk, a shower, a distraction–there are things that may help you. Professional therapy and medication, as well. You will still be you, with all your good and bad, just with a baby to love and care for. So just do your best. [name_f]Every[/name_f] mother, mentally ill or not, is faced with just doing their best, right? Everyone struggles with something sometimes. None are perfect. So be fair to yourself and be kind, always. You deserve that much. Good luck!
I have Bipolar 2 so more of down days then ups(at least that is how the psychiatrist explained it to me).
I actually want a pet dog due to the reason in your second paragraph (we will be getting a pupper next year - if all goes to plan otherwise it is straight to motherhood XD ) something to get me out of bed and going in the morning.
Thank you for such beautiful and insightful words. Very happy to have posted this as it has helped me alot even with my 2 replies 
I have Bipolar 2 as well, so a lot of depression and not as much hypomania, but I rapid cycle (so it’s over faster but it returns faster as well). I’m on medication so it’s less often and less intense than before, but far from perfect. I still struggle. A dog would be a good first step, but if not, all the best with motherhood!
My psychiatrist and Drs never talk about cycling (more treating another mental health illness) so sometimes when I look it up I feel rapid makes sense to me but it is speculation.
Thank you for replying <3
I suffer from a generalized anxiety disorder, and am due with my first but this year. And to be honest it worries me some times that my child will miss out on typical life experiences and things like that due to my anxiety.
However there are two things that have helped me the most one was getting a dog with my husband, which may sound silly but it has taught us both to learn to compromise and trust each other. My husband has learned to handle my anxiety and sometimes just follow my lead because I just can’t handle it, and also I think made him more aware of how I think and process situations. Plus it has also forced me to trust my husband that he’ll watch over and keep our dog safe without me watching his every move.
The second was really the most important I feel. I have two sisters who are both diagnosed as bipolar, so from a young age my parents started teaching me coping techniques to handle my anxiety. Which I think really has made the biggest difference. It doesn’t get rid of the illness but it has allowed me to live a full life. And I think just being able to recognize when and what and why I’m having anxiety (as much as you can) and then being able to think my way through it because I already have a plan and method set up before hand to handle the anxiety is the biggest help.
And then lastly being able to ask for help when my coping mechanisms fail is also really important.
Now this is pretty specific to anxiety however, I feel having a plan beforehand if the illness starts to interfere with life too much is really important, as is having a support system that can recognize when you’re struggling and offer the help you need will also be important.
I also want to add I know many wonderful mothers who suffer from mental illness, it is completely doable if that is what you want from life, I wouldn’t let mental illness stop you.
Thank you so much Libe.
I can’t believe the response I have gotten on a post I thought would not be accepted or commented on. I am overwhelmed and very thankful.
Your messages have encouraged me and reminded me that I can do this.