My last name or his last name?

I don’t want to feel like I’m beating a dead horse, but my new attorney suggested that I give my unborn daughter the last name of her well known athlete father…also the man who abandoned the baby and me 3 weeks before our wedding, changed his number and has not even bothered to call in almost 2 months. (Ironically, he wanted this baby and tried to get me pregnant! Came to first sonograms and after his mother laid the guilt trip on him, left me and moved back into his parents basement as I struggle to work and function like a normal person.)

The attorney thinks it will “sit better with the judge” if this goes to court. He also said that my ex has the “right” in [name]Florida[/name] to be in the delivery room if he wants to be despite not calling, not responding to emails and not contributing financially to any of my medical care or baby needs. I doubt he will show up but where are my rights?

I do not want to give the baby the last name of a man who essentially abandoned his fiance when pregnant with their first child, especially a girl. I would rather her have my family’s name, the only family that has supported her and her mother in this process. I don’t see how a judge would look poorly on a woman who was left in this situation and gave her baby her own last name. Wouldn’t it look worse for him? The attorney argues that in terms of privilege and things of that nature, she would fare better as well. While I understand that side, what is the point of giving her the last name of a man who didn’t care enough to call to even learn her gender? [name]Tom[/name] [name]Brady[/name]'s ex girlfriend seems to be doing okay with the baby having her last name!

So…do I go with the legal advice or what my heart tells me? Sometimes the heart does not always make the best decisions in a courtroom.

I would change the person giving me legal advice he sounds horrible.

[name]DON[/name]'T, [name]DON[/name]'T give your baby the father’s surname. I would cry buckets if that happened.

I don’t think that either you or your daughter need a reminder every day of your lives that your baby’s surname is that of her father’s when he abandoned her before she was born and gave you more grief than you could ever have imagined.

I don’t think it would be good for her self esteem to be [name]Mary[/name] PatheticSuperstar instead of [name]Ava[/name] LovelyMother.

Go with your heart all the way, fight for your future and your daughter’s future and don’t give in to pathetic advice. I am sure that prayer, loving support from your mother and listening to your heart will overcome any adversity.

I love the [name]Mary[/name] Patethetic Superstar and [name]Ava[/name] [name]Lovely[/name] Mother!!

I agree with [name]Rollo[/name], please don’t be pressured into giving your daughter her fathers name - does he really deserve to have the honour of giving her her last name!? I really do not see how it would look bad in court, i think everyone would understand perfectly why your chose to give her your last name instead! I think your legal advisor is talking scribble in my opinion! Good luck! :slight_smile:

Sounds to me like you have already made up your own mind - and, imo, that is the right decision. I’m not sure i understand why it ‘would sit better with the court’ for her to have his name???!

Having said that, he is the [name]Lawyer[/name] and has reasons for saying this. I think you should maybe delve deeper into his reasoning - ask him straight out “Exactly why should she have his name? In what way would it ‘sit better’??”. If you aren’t satisfied with his answers, go with your name (as i think you should anyway!) xx

NO, no, no. [name]Do[/name] not fall for this lawyer’s chauvinistic crap. Please give your daughter YOUR last name. There is no need for her to have her father’s name, absolutely none, he’s done nothing but cause you upset and grief and you and your daughter shouldn’t be reminded of that every day by seeing his last name all the time.

[name]North[/name] [name]America[/name] is still so sexist and the only way that this can change is for women to stand up to it, and in a small (but it’s a big personal stand) way you can do this. [name]Do[/name] not give in to this lawyer (I would personally seek advice from someone else at least, if not change lawyers) and stand up for what is right - in this case honouring you and your family by giving your daughter your last name. Ugghhh, this makes me so angry that he would advocate this!

I think giving the baby your last name is the natural and expected thing to do. I can’t imagine anyone having any problem with that. [name]Don[/name]'t take this as legal advice, but maybe the suggestion was made with an abundance of caution, so that it is the ideal scenario, but not necessary. Maybe you can get a second opinion about this from another attorney (which is okay when you have reason to doubt the legal advice you are given).

If you do decide that there is something important to be gained in givng the baby the other last name, hopefully the usefulness of this surname would be short-lived. I would plan to legally change the name to yours ASAP after the other name has served its purpose.

If your case does end up in court, the likelihood of the court requiring a DNA test is almost 100%. So I don’t see why it would matter if your daughter has your last name or his as long as you have the DNA proof to back up the fact that he is the (slimeball) father. I am not an attorney, and have never studied law, but this seems like a no-brainer to me! Go with your last name!

I guess I would clarify that legal advice. What, exactly, does your lawyer think you or your daughter might lose if she had your last name (vs his last name)?
Is this a question of custody or receiving child support? I would think a DNA test would be enough to guarantee your right to child support. And if the father were ever to try to get some sort of joint custody, I don’t see why the last name would have any bearing on that whatsoever. But I’m not a lawyer!

But, I would agree with everyone else, it seems perfectly natural that she should have your last name since you will be the one to raise her.

[name]Even[/name] when the dad is in the picture, some couples choose to give their kids the mom’s last name. It’s not that strange. There are all sorts of good reasons for going with the mom’s last name sometimes, and you definitely have one of those very good reasons.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this while you are pregnant, but I am glad that you have family to help you through this difficult time.

While I understand that you don’t want to call your baby by her father’s last name, your lawyer is trying to give you the best legal advice she/he can give. Legal advice is not always pleasant or sensible in the real world, but, if it works in court, can help you provide for your daughter and compel her father to live up to his responsibilities, then it’s worth considering. Your lawyer speaks from experience (hopefully) and should be able to guide you through your state’s legal system and advocate for you and your daughter.

If you aren’t sure of him/her or don’t feel that he/she has your best interests at heart, then by all means get a second opinion.

I wish you and your sweet baby girl the very best.