My mother-in-law was a nightmare at my daughter's birth.

I have posted about her before being downright rude at my baby shower when my husband and I announced our daughter’s name. I gave birth to my daughter early [name_f]Sunday[/name_f] morning (it’s already [name_f]Tuesday[/name_f] here where I live) at home and I thought when she saw her grandchild she would let all of the nonsense go. Not the case. Instead she decided to talk about how she didn’t understand home birthing how it was ridiculous and then said she was going to call our child [name_f]Mary[/name_f] whenever she came over. I’m sitting here holding my daughter while she’s just harping and finally my husband bless his heart kindly asked her to leave. I just cannot believe she had the audacity to keep the drama going. Needless to say I am over the moon in love with my daughter and I am actually saddened that she acts the way she does. I want my child to have her grandmother in her life, but right now I have told my husband that I have no desire to see or speak with her. I just want to focus on raising my child without all the unnecessary comments. This may be a bit harsh but I can see why his dad divorced her she has been just awful throughout my entire pregnancy. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother-in-law is a special snowflake I will give her that much.

Congratulations on your baby girl! I’m glad you were able to have the birth you wanted and that your [name_f]MIL[/name_f]'s bad attitude didn’t scare you away from using [name_m]Gable[/name_m].

I don’t have experience with a difficult [name_f]MIL[/name_f], and mine lives on the other side of the globe so frequent visits are not an option; however, I know a lot of people with toxic in-laws, so my advice is to have your husband tell her in no uncertain terms that she is welcome to have a relationship with her granddaughter, but she must agree to a) call her by her real name; b) not criticize you or your parenting choices; c) abide by certain ground rules such as calling before she comes over, not barging in, etc. This should come from your husband because it is HIS mother, and having the message come from you would leave you open to her thinking it’s all your decision and not his. That may sound a bit harsh, but if she feels it’s her place to exert authority over your child’s name and how you gave birth, she will keep doing so and will question every parenting decision you make in the future. There may be some fall-out, but hopefully in the end she will agree to abide by your wishes in order to see [name_m]Gable[/name_m].

((Hugs)) I hope you are able to enjoy your beautiful daughter without being dragged down by this toxic personality. Congrats again. :slight_smile:

First of all, congratulations! I read your other post but never commented… I adore the name [name_m]Gable[/name_m]!

I’m sorry your mother in law is making this time so stressful for you. I know it’s very hard for other people, especially strangers on the internet, to understand your exact situation, but I can tell you how I would handle this.

I absolutely would not allow someone into my home to visit my child who blantantly refused to call my child by their given name. To me, this is just straight up disrespectful and rude. I think there is an easy way to address this. You or your husband should spell it out very plainly to your mil, saying “we find it hurtful and disrespectful to us and our daughter that you refuse to call her by her given name. Until you can do this we will ask you don’t come over.” It sounds harsh and maybe over the top, but I see this as a power struggle between her and you/your husband. She is obviously trying to assert her power as the baby’s grandmother, but we all know that status is trumped by you and the baby’s father. I think you should lay down the law now. Make it clear who is running the show as far as your daughter is concerned and let her deal with it. I’m guessing her desire to bond with her granddaughter will win over and she will stop being so difficult. But I strongly feel this should be addressed now, because if it isn’t she will only get worse.

Stay strong, don’t sit on your feelings. Your baby deserves a happy mom!

Best of luck!

Congratulations on your new baby girl!

Obviously, not being in the situation makes it really hard to really judge what is going on. I can’t tell whether she is controlling or it’s a traditional [name_f]MIL[/name_f] who is upset that you are making non-traditional/alternative choices for her granddaughter.

I still think your husband should talk to her about the appropriateness of her comments and controlling behavior. He could also try to talk her into finding a cute nickname to call your daughter that’s based off the name. For example, my friend [name_m]Charles[/name_m] is called CC by her grandmother. That way the nn wouldn’t be a completely different name. t feel like cutting off ties to a family member because of a name is harsh, but if you would never see her or see anyone who would mention your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] I guess it’s possible. But, if there are cousins or family members that are talking about your [name_f]MIL[/name_f], it could eventually lead your daughter to wonder why her grandmother isn’t in her life.

[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let this all get to you. You have a new baby girl to focus on =)

Yikes x_x

Could your MIL not come up with a pet name for her granddaughter, like Gigi or GeeJay (based on her initials) for example, if she insists she hates Gable so much?

It’s not that I would never want to see her again I think at this moment it’s just better if we both keep our distance. It’s a very delicate time for me and I don’t need the added stress. In time I would be more than ready to welcome her back to our home but right now no. I wouldn’t be opposed to her giving [name_m]Gable[/name_m] a nickname in fact I love the idea of GJ, but flat out saying she will call her [name_f]Mary[/name_f] was just a bit much for me to handle. I just want to get into the swing of things give us both time to really think about what has been said.

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your daughter. I wonder if I might float a theory. If your mother-in-law had a decent relationship with you before this pregnancy, she might have been upset by your decision to have a home birth. Many people, myself included, are highly critical of home birth due to the increased risks this poses to the baby. This is especially a prevalent attitude in older generations who remember many women who lost babies in the era before hospital birth became the norm. It sounds like your mother-in-law shares this attitude.

Perhaps then everything related to your pregnancy and birth was viewed through a critical lens tempered by fear for her unborn grandchild, and an unconventional name choice just sparked further worry that a grandchild she loves very much won’t be (in her view) looked after adequately.

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying this excuses her rudeness in any way whatsoever. But perhaps if you understand where she’s coming from it might make things easier to mend.

Congratulations on your beautifully named baby!

That sounds like a plausible theory, [name_m]Blade[/name_m].

What I am wondering is where the heck [name_f]Mary[/name_f] comes from? Did she want you to name your daughter [name_f]Mary[/name_f] for some family reason and is now offended? Or did she just pull a name out of the air? Cause it seems like [name_f]Juliette[/name_f] is a pretty normal alternative, or there are nickname possibilities- I dunno. [name_f]My[/name_f] dad calls my son by a nickname that I don’t love but it doesn’t bother me. I think grandparents do that a lot.

I really hope that you can have some peaceful time with your daughter and eventually reconcile with your [name_f]MIL[/name_f]!

Wow, just wow. Full sympathies for her attitude, that’s ridiculous. But congratulations on the new addition to your family!

Congratulations! I’m sorry to hear about your [name_f]MIL[/name_f]'s disapproving attitude - that’s just wrong beyond words.

Perhaps she could call your daughter [name_f]Juliette[/name_f] or [name_u]Julie[/name_u] if she dislikes the first name? [name_f]Mary[/name_f] doesn’t make any sense to me.

That’s so stressful!

Congratulations on [name_u]Baby[/name_u] [name_m]Gable[/name_m]! (Sounds perfect, doesn’t it? [name_u]Baby[/name_u] [name_m]Gable[/name_m] :slight_smile: )

[name_f]Remember[/name_f]: you are totally a hormonal wreck right now, so don’t go making any life decisions about your tactless mother in law. Take care of yourself. Try to rest. Perhaps in a few weeks when your hormones are a little more normal you’ll feel less upset about it, and realize how silly your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] is being instead.

Enjoy the babe!

Firstly, congratulations on your baby girl and your successful home birth :smiley:

Secondly, your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] needs to be stabbed in the face with a fork. There’s just no excuse for her crap (read your other thread but had nothing constructive to say) and I think you need to nip it in the bud. The longer you sit there and politely take it the worse it will become.
It’s your baby, your body, your business - not hers.

Anyway I just wanted to sympathize with you. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister was/is very abrasive about potential baby names, and thus I don’t discuss them with her. She thinks we wait to see the baby’s face before we choose the name, but that’s not true. We know months in advance, we just don’t tell anyone until it’s too late :stuck_out_tongue: Throughout my last pregnancy she would threaten to call my baby “pagantreebranch” etc because of the horrible abnormal names I like, and for the past year she has very rarely used my daughter’s name. She calls her by a completely unrelated and annoying nickname. (There have been several instances where my friends have tried to use that nickname too, and I’ve drawn the line at that!!) I think the only reason we haven’t had a complete falling out about it is because she told me she really loves my daughter’s given name and because she nicknames EVERYONE in her life.
But yes, can relate!

Anyway, I hope this gets sorted soon and she doesn’t manage to spoil this beautiful time in your life.

Congratulations on the birth of your lovely baby girl! [name_m]Gable[/name_m] [name_f]Juliette[/name_f] is such a beautiful name! She’ll thank you someday for giving her such a great name! Your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] will come around…I’ve seen this happen before in my own family. She won’t be able to stay away. No more fretting…just enjoy your new little blessing :slight_smile:

Congrats on the arrival of your baby girl! I don’t have negative [name_f]MIL[/name_f] experiences but, I think that you should lay low and focus on yourself and [name_m]Gable[/name_m] right now. Maybe you can come up with a few nicknames that your husband can tell his mom are acceptable to call [name_m]Gable[/name_m]. Hopefully she will be able to explain what she’s really upset about in a few weeks when you’re in a routine.

[name_f]My[/name_f] gut reaction is to tell her to get lost and to shun her… living happily ever after.
But families are fickle animals.
I think as hard as it is try to find some middle ground- if need be limit the exposure to her to half hour coffee shop meetings with hubby in tow once every now and then (work out what you can tolerate).
There might be long term consequences for alienating her despite her despicable behaviour. Especially in the relationship between you and your hubby- after all she is his mother no matter how bat *&$% crazy she comes over as.
As far as the name GJ is a cute NN option which may be more acceptable to a [name_f]MIL[/name_f] who seems excessively traditional. Another possible nn for [name_m]Gable[/name_m] could be [name_u]Gabi[/name_u] (Like [name_f]Gabrielle[/name_f]) as that has a very traditional vibe to it so might please you fussy [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and keep some sense of peace. If I were you I would get your husband to make it crystal clear that [name_m]Gable[/name_m] will NOT be being called [name_f]Mary[/name_f]- have him explain that if she calls [name_m]Gable[/name_m] ‘[name_f]Mary[/name_f]’ your family visit will conclude- therefore it will be up to her how much time she spends with her granddaughter.

I think you should consider being assertive early- because the next ‘opinion’ frontier is sure to be your parenting choices. Start as you intend to continue. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it means limiting time with your [name_f]MIL[/name_f].

Good luck, sadly I think you’ll need some.

Congrats on your little girl, [name_m]Gable[/name_m] is such a beautiful name and so cute!

Some people just don’t get some more obscure names and become really grouchy if they are not included in the naming process. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother-in-law is kind of the same, she is a murder to be around and she is very into traditional names (her children are called [name_m]Lewis[/name_m] - my husband, [name_f]Alice[/name_f] and [name_f]Jane[/name_f]). [name_f]My[/name_f] mother-in-law is actually calling my daughter by her middle name instead of her first really upsets me as I love my daughter’s name.

It’s a hard situation because you want her in your child’s life but if she is just going to be rude there is no point trying, if she is not going to make the effort and then neither should you.

Your daughters name is beautiful don’t feel the need to change anything because your mother-in-law does not like it, it’s not you who needs to adapt it’s your mother-in-law. It is hard trying to get used to unusual names but sometimes you just got to go with the flow, at the end of the day it’s her grandchild she should love it no matter what even if it’s name is silly in her mind.

Congrats on your little girl, [name_m]Gable[/name_m] is such a beautiful name and so cute!

Some people just don’t get some more obscure names and become really grouchy if they are not included in the naming process. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother-in-law is kind of the same, she is a murder to be around and she is very into traditional names (her children are called [name_m]Lewis[/name_m] - my husband, [name_f]Alice[/name_f] and [name_f]Jane[/name_f]). [name_f]My[/name_f] mother-in-law is actually calling my daughter by her middle name instead of her first really upsets me as I love my daughter’s name.

It’s a hard situation because you want her in your child’s life but if she is just going to be rude there is no point trying, if she is not going to make the effort and then neither should you.

Your daughters name is beautiful don’t feel the need to change anything because your mother-in-law does not like it, it’s not you who needs to adapt it’s your mother-in-law. It is hard trying to get used to unusual names but sometimes you just got to go with the flow, at the end of the day it’s her grandchild she should love it no matter what even if it’s name is silly in her mind.

Your mother in law had her turn when she named her children, it is now yours and your husband’s turn don’t be changing anything just because styles are evolving and she isn’t. However no matter what there is no need to be so blatantly rude, in the future I would put in her place and well done to your husband for putting her in her place - it must’ve been very difficult for him to do so.

Best of luck and congratulations again!

Congratulations on [name_m]Gable[/name_m] [name_f]Juliette[/name_f]! I love her name! It’s so pretty! yes, very unconventional, but so pretty!

Sadly, I have no advice about the [name_f]MIL[/name_f]. Talk to your husband and see how he feels. He knows his mom, maybe he’ll know how to deal with it.