I’ve tip toed around these boards before asking about different names. Our situation is that our daughter is 2 months old. We left the hospital reluctantly with a name for her (but didn’t put it on the papers) and began to question our decision almost right away. 3 days later we went back to finalize the paperwork and chose a different name. Over those 3 days we did introduce her to some family/friends as her original name but no biggie everyone understood. However the new name was chosen in a very emotional state in a coffee shop (lol) and about 1-2 weeks later I started to really regret that decision. Now this remorse has lasted 6 weeks or so. I lose sleep. Find myself unable to think of anything else. A couple of weeks ago I told my wife and at first she thought I was just suffering from anxiety that was being funneled through the name. But I still don’t feel better about it but I feel pretty good about basically everything else in my life, so I am starting to think its just the name. Most people close to us have yet to meet her in person. Is it too late to change her name? I know that I want too but I also feel a little self doubt after the way things have gone so far. I keep trying to give it more time but it’s not sitting right with me and now I’m starting to think that we cant put off registering her B/C any longer so a decision needs to be made. My wife tells me she would be willing to change it if it made me happy. I feel selfish and guilty but don’t want to go on not loving my own daughters name. With my first daughter we decided on a name before the nurses were done cleaning her off and never gave it a second thought.
What should I do? Stick it out and tough it out? Seek counselling of some kind? Or bite the bullet of embarrassment and change it? I do have a short list of other names I like and the wife seems ok with most of them. Any advice would be amazing.
PS - She says she think the current name we have is “fine” but she always uses a nickname that she has become attached too.
As long as the wife agrees you should. She won’t know the name change and ultimately it is no one elses decision
I feel like you’re expressing two problems, actually: dislike of a name choice, and also extreme anxiety.
My first thought is that it’s super easy to change a 2 month old’s name, and harder when she’s older. If you really don’t like this name, change it. There will probably be much less embarrassment than relief.
My other thought is, I wonder if you might have PPD? You refer to a wife, but I’m wondering if you are also a woman and gave birth? PPD can strike in lots of ways, and such extreme anxiety could be a sign. Losing sleep and not being able to think of anything else isn’t a normal reaction to discontent, even over such a seemingly big deal as a name. Because, really, it’s a name you liked well enough to choose at one point, and it’s probably not really a problem. Your reaction to it could be, though. It took 2 weeks for discontent to set in; it’s not like you were strong-armed into choosing a name against your will, or that your wife chose a name without your input. This was a name you liked. Your wife seemed concerned about anxiety, so I’m wondering if anxiety could already be an issue you deal with, which might make PPD more likely? I’d recommend talking to your doctor, anyway, regardless of what you decide about changing the name.
I agree with denmama! If you can’t think of anything else your brain is probably a bit out of whack and you should talk to your doctor. I think anxiety problems are pretty common after childbirth and treatable.
I think if you’re losing sleep and unable to think of anything else, it might be useful to see a therapist about it. If I were in your situation, I would likely feel much better making a concrete decision to either change it or not. It’s worth pointing out that people grow into their names. When I see a baby, I don’t really refer to them mentally as their name yet, they just look like “the baby” to me. After babies get more personable and communicative, their name starts to feel less like some strange floating label and more like…a name. That being said, if there’s one other name that’s sticking out to you, I’d say go for it. Family will understand.
If you both agree, then change it. Start with the nickname and work from there.
It’s completely fine to change the name. I don’t think you need to feel embarrassed about it, and it’s probably more common to do this than you think! And I bet there’s a lot of others who didn’t change who wish they did!
Change it! I think you have given every reasonable argument for changing the name. [name_f]Do[/name_f] what your heart and intuition are telling you. Your wife can still use the nickname she likes, no one needs an explanation for mommy-baby nicknames. If you were my close friend and you confided this to me, I would tell you that you should absolutely change the name to a name you feel comfortable and happy with.
I will say that it’s very possible that this is a symptom of Post Partum Depression (as a previous poster said), and this may be symbolic of you struggling to fully connect with the baby. BUT, I also think that if you’re having that struggle, loving her name may help you connect better.
Have faith in yourself. [name_m]Trust[/name_m] your intuition. [name_f]Do[/name_f] the thing that will make you feel better <3.
For sure discuss your feelings and emotions with a liscenced therapist for your own emotional well-being.
Unless there was a very specific, signifigant reason that you chose the name your baby currently has, perhaps you should change it, and keep your wife’s affectionate name for the baby. Either the new name could reflect the nickname in some way, or not.
2 months old is a safe time to change it if you’re going to. But don’t delay it further.
Thank you everyone for your comments. Yes, going to talk to someone to make sure something else isn’t going on but I still do prefer to make a change. Wife is open to it, we’ve come up with a short list of about 4-5 names that we like but have yet to make a final decision. I am still hoping one day I will wake up and feel better about the current one and just get on with my life. Please not while this cloud is hanging above us I do love and enjoy my new baby to no end.
Does anybody have experience doing this same thing? Did you regret it afterwards or did you feel relief? At this point I think relief will come before happiness, but hopefully it’s the right call. I know it’s just a name but it feels like a big decision to make the change. Its probably weighing on me more than it should but I do feel some guilt about even considering the whole thing.