For the past few years, in therapy, I’ve been confronting the abuse I suffered as a child. I was the victim of violent crimes from the ages 11-15, by my mother. I was isolated and never told anyone. It ended when I had to go to the hospital one night and the police nearly discovered her actions.
I’m in my early 30s and finally trying to estrange myself more definitively from my family, and to begin my own family with my loving, supportive partner (hence all the therapy. I want to heal as much as possible before I become a parent). I’ve made strides lately… but something is holding me back - my name.
In addition to the fact that I need to leave my past behind, I found out last year that my name has another bitter story attached to it. My dad’s daughter from his previous marriage was living with my parents at the time I was born. My mom kicked her out of her bedroom and into the basement so that she could put me in her room, and gave me a name that was only a couple letters different from hers. My half-sister who was 15 then ran away because she felt replaced.
I want to be free of the name my mother chose.
Thank you for listening.
Now that you know my story, here’s some info:
5ft 6"
pale rosy skin
shoulder length hair with different tones of dark brown/auburn
large brown eyes with green flecks
slender and soft body
narrow face
straight teeth, big mouth
black eyebrows with high arch
unique tone of voice
University degree in English and [name_f]Music[/name_f]
music teacher (I play piano)
occasional performer (amateur theater, band member)
unsure of myself around other people
good at finishing what I start, thorough
passionate about children’s rights and women’s rights (because of the way I was raised)
am easily triggered when I drink, stay up late, or feel ill so I have to be straight-edged
straight-edged means cooking soup from scratch, spending time outside gardening, doing yoga, etc.
get really angry/awkward/anxious/stressed/morose/negative sometimes
romantic, get inappropriate crushes easily, blush a lot, crave physical touch, become girlish
That’s everything I can think of to say. What should my first and last name be? [name_m]Even[/name_m] a middle name could be helpful (I’m not really into taking my partner’s last name). One thing I should mention is that my happiest moments in life have been onstage with my band, and I feel that could be a key to my future.
The first name that popped into mind when reading your appearance description was [name_f]Bella[/name_f]. I always imagine a girl named [name_f]Bella[/name_f] being artistic and romantic, which goes along with the personality you described.
You didn’t mention any names to avoid, so pardon me if I mention anything too close to your birth name.
As for last names, is there anyone in your family tree whose last name you wouldn’t mind taking? Otherwise, I have no idea where to even start on last names.
Hey, I’m glad you’re moving on. [name_f]Hope[/name_f] you find the new name that suits you soon.
Some that come into my mind:
[name_f]Esme[/name_f]
[name_f]Elena[/name_f]
[name_f]Cordelia[/name_f]
[name_f]Tanya[/name_f]
[name_f]Isadora[/name_f]
[name_f]Marina[/name_f]
[name_f]Emilia[/name_f]
[name_f]Serena[/name_f]
I also have my degree in English, so the first name that came to mind was [name_f]Jane[/name_f], after [name_f]Jane[/name_f] [name_f]Eyre[/name_f] because though she suffers greatly, she always relies on herself to get back on her feet. You could do [name_f]Janie[/name_f] or [name_f]Janey[/name_f], etc. I hope you find the perfect name. <3
I’m so sorry for the circumstances, but was a great way to reclaim your identity! Would your partner be interested in picking out a new last name together? I know people who have done this, where both people change their last name as as symbol. That might make the experience more uniting and less “choosing a last name because I have to” type thing.
I like the name [name_f]Emilia[/name_f] that was suggested, and you could have a lot of different nicknames as a result. It’s an established name yet with a creative twist on the common “[name_f]Emily[/name_f]”. I think the best advice would be to try that name on for a week, have your partner or people you hold close call you that, see how it feels. You’ll know what fits when you hear it!
My husband and I play the “if you could have any last name…” game often because my maiden name and our shared last name are not connected to anyone. My grandfather changed his name after he endured abuse as a child and wanted to shed that connection to his father, and my husband’s grandfather was adopted into a similar situation. We always think “[name_u]Kennedy[/name_u]” would be a good fit. You should look at people in society, celebrity, or that you’ve known in the past who have influenced you positively when choosing your last name so it has more substance and meaning to it. It could help you feel empowered with the name change, too, like you’re connecting yourself to something good.
First instinct was [name_f]Heidi[/name_f].
I am trying to think of names which would be more popular 20-30 years ago…
[name_u]Taylor[/name_u], jess, erika, kalina, [name_f]Kathryn[/name_f], jaclyn, jaclyn, shauna
OR if you are looking for something more obscure you could go with a place name like [name_f]Geneva[/name_f] (optional nn [name_f]Jen[/name_f] or eva).
Thank you… I have a much younger sister who had a baby named [name_f]Isabelle[/name_f], so I can’t use [name_f]Bella[/name_f], but none of the others are close to my name… From the names I could use I look most like a [name_f]Juliet[/name_f], [name_f]Sabrina[/name_f] or [name_f]Lucia[/name_f]. I really like [name_f]Calla[/name_f], it feels fresh and new.
Thank you. Unfortunately, my dad’s name is [name_m]George[/name_m]. I really like [name_u]Carmen[/name_u] but can’t use. From the names I could use I love [name_f]Anna[/name_f], [name_f]Helena[/name_f] and [name_f]Chloe[/name_f], and I think I look like a [name_f]Gabriella[/name_f] or [name_f]Eva[/name_f] most.
Thanks, I look like a [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] and I’ve never met one (several Sophies in my [name_m]French[/name_m] speaking circle)… so it definitely feels new.
Thank you, we’re on the same wavelength, I admit I thought of this myself for the same reason. I’m reading Villette right now, also by Charlotte Bronte… so I’ve considered Charlotte but it’s very popular, plus I have dark hair and eyes like Charlotte York from SITC so people might think that’s why I took it. The heroine from Villette is Lucy Snowe, and she is also an interesting, independent orphan character.
Thank you, I’m touched. This is helpful regarding the last name, it can get overwhelming at times to consider changing everything. I’m drawn to the last names of spunky actresses from the early days of film (many of their names were changed for their careers!) [name_m]Davis[/name_m], Astor, Fontaine, Harlowe, [name_u]Temple[/name_u], [name_m]Brooks[/name_m], etc. They feel grounded and traditional, which I like because I’m feeling rootless. Maybe that’s why you like [name_u]Kennedy[/name_u], it feels like it has roots.
I’m so sorry to hear of all you have gone through, but I admire your strength and resolve.
When reading your description, Audrey immediately came to mind for me, followed by Celeste and Clara. Three very elegant names with a lot of history. Best of luck in your journey.
After reading your story and seeing the names in both your signature and the ones you mentioned you’re leaning towards, I think you sound like an [name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Grace[/name_f].
Maybe choose a last name that is recognizable yet not common. Something like:
Johanssen
[name_u]Bailey[/name_u]
[name_m]Anders[/name_m]
Good luck with your new you. Sounds like it’s been a long time coming and it’s so great that you’re taking steps to heal.
I think the name [name_f]Melody[/name_f] would suit you.
Other names that i think would suit you
[name_f]Aurora[/name_f]
[name_f]Beatrix[/name_f] / [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f]
[name_f]Calia[/name_f]
[name_f]Cecelia[/name_f]
[name_f]Delilah[/name_f]
[name_f]Freya[/name_f]
[name_f]Georgiana[/name_f]
[name_f]Leila[/name_f]
[name_f]Sadie[/name_f]
[name_f]Talia[/name_f]
[name_f]Zoey[/name_f]
Sorry for what happened to you, it sounds so traumatic
Thank you. [name_f]Audrey[/name_f] is a lovely name but it’s my grandma’s name and my much younger sister’s middle. I love both [name_f]Celeste[/name_f] and [name_f]Clara[/name_f] and will consider them. Maybe [name_u]Clair[/name_u], too. I always liked [name_u]Clair[/name_u] without an “e”, looks cool to me.