The name situation is really bringing me down. I’m sick of my parents forcing their suggestions onto me and criticizing mine & OH’s ideas - I KNOW I shouldn’t tell them any thoughts but I’m the kind of person who just needs approval, especially from my parents, I can’t help it. But I never get anything but negative feedback.
Yesterday my Dad actually said to me “We’ve got a stake in this baby too you know. Its a third yours, a third Jons and two 6ths mine and your mums!”…My response of “Oh right, well I’ll meet you in the delivery room when you’re giving birth to it too then, shall I?!” just made him laugh but SERIOUSLY?!
I know its just a name, but naming is one of the main things I’ve always looked forward to about having a baby and its been completely ruined for me.
My mum told me the name we like best is horrible, and actually said “Your sisters kids have names that we feel proud calling out in public, I’ll feel ashamed shouting out [name]Tyne[/name] in public”. I mean…WTF kind of thing is THAT to say to someone, let alone someone pregnant and emotional!?
I suggested a new name today, one that is VERY similar to one they have been suggesting to me (Caian instead of their suggestion of [name]Kian[/name] which is too popular for me) - and still, they just criticized.
I have come to the conclusion that they will not like ANY name unless it is one that THEY have come up with.
So I guess I have to just suck it up and go with the name that my partner & I have loved from the very start ([name]Tyne[/name]), but it breaks my heart to hear it berated so much - I know I need to grow a thicker skin, but I just hate the idea of them so passionately hating my poor little babies name
I have a people pleasing tendency too. I also have a family who tends to think it’s all about them! Let’s just say planning my wedding was a nightmare & leave it at that!
I’m sensitive and when my grandmother would insult a name that I loved I would think it was ruined somehow
By month 5 I refused to talk names & names became infinitely more fun! It was my husband & I bonding & it was great. I asked a few friends who I kind of knew would be “yes people” and drove my family nuts by refusing to talk names
My advice is that they’ve had their fun & had their input & it’s time to let them know their place in naming your child
I’m so glad i did. Once [name]Leonie[/name] was born they all denied ever disliking the name to begin with. I guess she made it beautiful to them!
I’m sorry they’re treating you this way. You are the parent. They can have their opinions, but they had their chance to do whatever naming they wanted to do. And loving a child as a grandparent is not the same as being the responsible caregiver–dividing up claims on the baby seems very distasteful to me. Honestly, I would probably get pretty defensive. I know being ashamed to call a name in public isn’t the same as being ashamed of the child, but I’m sure that’s what it feels like. I don’t know how to advise you to address this, as just hearing about it has my temper flaring and I’m sure in the same situation I’d probably say something that made things very uncomfortable. Ultimately, though, you can put whatever name you want down for your baby, and they can’t do anything about it. They can have a bad attitude about it, of course, but you’re going to be with your child, using the name daily, so to me that trumps pleasing their tastes.
You really need to stop telling your parents your choices. I know thats easier said than done, but you do NOT want to be put in my shoes! My mom made nasty comments all the time about my choice, so I changed it and my son is now going to be turning 4 in a couple months and I STILL regret his name!
This is NOT their child, they do NOT have a stake in it what-so-ever and that’s awfully presumptuous of them to say! I would be royally P O’d. YOU are the parent! You need to stand up for yourself and take back your pregnancy!
I definitely agree with the others, don’t share your name choices. I can understand that it’ll be hard because you want their approval, but I think it’s safe to say at this point that you won’t get it.
Unless you’re willing to compromise on the name, and pick one that will please your parents and you, I suggest you drop it all together. Especially since it’s making you so unhappy! The mother’s emotional state is so important during pregnancy I’ve found and heard.
I think the naming process should be between you, your baby’s father ultimately. No one else. Use it as bonding time with your husband, and not with everyone else.
If you really want input, have everyone make a list of their top 5 names, and say you want ideas. Then leave it at that, be firm in that you won’t announce the name until after your baby is born. Also, technically your father only has 1/8th of the baby…the paternal grandparents weren’t factored in.
LOL… really I did.
I discuss possible names for a future child with my DH and 3 kids.
DH “whatever you like” (BLESS HIM!!!)
DS 20 likes Indo/ boho names- [name]Delilah[/name], Terzia, [name]Rhys[/name], [name]Braden[/name]
DD 19 likes traditonal/ quirky -[name]Elena[/name], [name]Lucy[/name], [name]Leo[/name], [name]Alexander[/name]
DD 15 likes names of her peers- [name]Courtney[/name], [name]Alicia[/name], [name]Tyler[/name], [name]Harry[/name]
[name]Just[/name] when I think I have found ‘the one’ someone drags it down with an eye roll or two.
In the end I drive myself crazy trying to pick something everyone approves of.
When I look back at choosing my other kids name I didn’t tell anyone- they adjusted.
Hard as it is, just go with what you like.
A thought on [name]Tyne[/name]- could you use a more ‘popular’ type name as a longer version then shorten it to the nn [name]Tyne[/name] and thus win everyone over? Eg the name [name]Tyson[/name] nn [name]Tyne[/name] or maybe the initials [name]Ty/name with an N name eg [name]Tyler[/name] [name]Nathaniel[/name] ([name]Ty[/name]…N).
I agree, but I would also add the caveat that their negativity will no longer be tolerated, and if your mom wants to be included in further conversations about baby anything (not the names) she should apologize for saying she’d be ashamed of your choice. That’s absolutely crossing a civilized line, AND placing your sister’s choices higher than yours. Big no no’s. And if anybody throws a fit about your name after he’s born, don’t allow them to come visit until they remember how decent people conduct themselves. They need to treat you and your choices with RESPECT.
It’s one thing to enjoy approval, but you have to stress to them that this issue is important to you, and they’re actually causing you stress and making you deeply unhappy. It’s an unacceptable situation.
[name]Hayley[/name], sweetie, I’m so sorry. I know it’s been tough on you, it is hard when people, especially our parents, say these horrible things about the names we love. I think the worst thing is how she compared your names to your sisters, that’s really unfair and quite mean (I’m sorry to say this about your mum, I’m sure she’s lovely but I get upset on your behalf here!), and the comment on being ashamed to call out [name]Tyne[/name] in public. I’m all for people giving their opinions but that’s not the way to do it. I agree with the others that you should stop sharing your choices, but I get that it’s difficult. It’s normal (at least for people in happy families) to ask for advice in these matters. But if she is going to keep on beating them with a stick, you need to stop.
I’m super close with my family, so even though I didn’t intend to I told them about my list and it was literally beaten to death with the most gruesome comments and evil laughter you can imagine. My boyfriend’s mother actually made a similar remark about Belphoebe, how no one would ever take a person with that name seriously. So now I won’t be telling them any names until she/he is named.
Ok, so I misunderstood and thought you were using [name]Tyne[/name] as a girl’s name, like [name]Tyne[/name] [name]Daly[/name]. Is it possible that her problem with the name isn’t the name itself, but the idea of using a feminine name on a boy? Not trying to take your mom’s side, but maybe knowing why she has such strong opposition will help, even if neither of you changes your mind.
I agree with everyone above: your child, your choice. Full stop.
Most people feel perfectly entitled to make negative comments about names when they are “hypothetical”, but I’ve found it’s much harder for them to say hurtful things when an actual baby, who they love and cherish, is wearing it. My own sister ruthlessly criticized our choice for my first daughter’s name (and also our front-runner for our second), but once the baby arrived she kept her mouth shut.
FWIW, I really like [name]Tyne[/name] - it reminds me of [name]Tynan[/name], a surname I heard a lot when I lived in [name]Ireland[/name] Go with your heart and tell the naysayers to f* off.
Thanks guys. I know I have to stop telling them, but the problem is we’ve already made the mistake - [name]Tyne[/name] was the first name we loved and we told them, and they hate it. Now every name I come up with is an attempt to find a compromise and not one I truly want, so the damage to the name I want to use is already done and has been from the start.
I hate the idea of a popular name and I’m not a fan of using longer names just to shorten it, and I know that no compromise would work with my mother anyway - she won’t like anything unless its been her suggestion, I’ve figured that much out now.
And I despise all of her suggestions - plus even if I didn’t, why should I compromise?!
Kungfualex - no…here [name]Tyne[/name] [name]Daly[/name] is a barely-remembered has been from [name]Cagney[/name] & [name]Lacey[/name] so its not considered a feminine name just because of the association with her because that association barely exists - its not really considered a name at all, there were only 3 children registered with the name here last year - its very unusual which is why I like it.
I refrained from saying what my mothers problem with the name is incase it offends anybody, so lets be clear these are HER words and her opinion not mine - but she says [name]Tyne[/name] is a “[name]Black[/name] name”. And apparently that’s a negative thing for her. So this is what we’re dealing with here
Her suggestions to me are names like [name]Harley[/name] & Brettany which to me just sound chavy and not at all the kind of style I want.
Oh no she didn’t! Maybe she’s thinking of [name]Taye[/name] Diggs? [name]Tyne[/name] - [name]Taye[/name], just a thought. Anyway, ugh, I don’t know what to say. You can give me her phone number and I can yell at her for you if you’d like
Please please go with [name]Tyne[/name] though. It’s the sweetest name possible.
Hmm could be, I’m not sure if she’d know who he was though. Possibly she’s relating it to [name]Tyson[/name] as a PP commented that they were similar?
[name]Even[/name] so though, she’s ridiculous. I don’t understand how I was created from her genes lol.
I really really really want to be strong enough to go with [name]Tyne[/name] - I just know what a weakling I am when it comes to standing up to her
I know that feeling… Here’s the thing though. If you don’t go with [name]Tyne[/name] you most likely will regret it. You wouldn’t not use it because of your own feelings, but because of what your mother says. This might lead to resentment. When your baby is born, she won’t care what he is called, I would think. When she sees the fluffy pink cuteness her heart will melt and she’ll be in love with him, and no ones dislikes the name of someone they love. The name takes the colours of the person who wears it.
My mom says stuff like this too. She said something similar about the names a friend was considering–[name]Taran[/name] for a girl, [name]Declan[/name] for a boy. I told her that was really inappropriate to say and that I had no idea how she made that connection anyway. That was like 8-9 years ago, though, and I think she’s either become more tolerant or at least learned that it’s not acceptable to say racist stuff even if she thinks it.
It also doesn’t seem like your mom is against uncommon names and in favor of classic names, which I could also see coming from an older generation. Brettany just seems like a mash-up of other names to me. Really, if I was in your situation, whether I went with [name]Tyne[/name] or not, I’d probably automatically rule out any name she suggested, even if I would have ordinarily liked it, just because she’s being so pushy about it.
That’s interesting…is it the potential “chavy” connection she doesn’t like?
And that’s the last ethnicity I’d have tied to [name]Tyne[/name]! I was thinking Scandinavian through and through!
Honestly, I think it’s best you go with the name you love, even if it displeases your parents. If you and your husband like it, GO WITH IT.
I’d much rather be named [name]Tyne[/name] by my parents who loved it, than by [name]Harley[/name] because my grandparents pressured my mother’s into it. I really wish you would stick with [name]Tyne[/name], because it sends out a huge message to your parents that you are an adult, and that your decisions are the right ones for YOU and your family, and deserve to be respected.
Perhaps your husband could be the rock for you?
[name]Ottilie[/name] - Yeah thats true! I do think I’ll regret it if I don’t use it. Did I tell you that we were playing around a few weeks ago calling out different names to the bump and he kicked FOUR times in direct response to [name]Tyne[/name]?! lol. He ignored every other name, but every time we called out [name]Tyne[/name] he kicked! I think its his name
[name]Alex[/name] - yeah I think I’m def going to just vetoe any of her suggestions in future!! Its nice to know my mum isn’t the only one who says inappropriate things like this!
east93 - No she hasn’t said its chavy, just that its “black”…apparently if she heard the name she would assume that the bearer was black. I don’t understand how you can get that association without having ever met a single person with the name, or why it should even matter, but thats what she said.
I think another part of the issue is that [name]Tyne[/name] is a connection to my other half, and she doesn’t like him (nothing new there, she has never liked any of mine or my sisters boyfriends! She likes very few people in general…). He never gets drawn into the conversations about names with her, and just says he doesn’t care what she thinks but that its ultimately my decision and he’ll go along with whatever name I most want to use - but [name]Tyne[/name] would be his first choice too.
I wouldn’t let him stand up to her on my behalf though, as right now we live with them temporarily and the relationship is already strained without adding any fuel to the fire!
That is a clear sign, [name]Hayley[/name], he has chosen his own name! Your baby is pure awesome!
My mother in law (well boyfriend’s mum) isn’t a big fan of me either which can be difficult (his dad adores me though, so it even out). It must be tough to live with your parents at the moment, I feel for you. [name]How[/name] long are you staying there?
Go with your heart and tell the naysayers to f* off.