Hello,
We are expecting a beautiful little boy and had decided to keep the name and gender private as it is something commonly done in our family.
We had previously discussed our top boys and girls names with close relatives and I had discussed and sought approval from my grandmother to use my grandfathers name if we were blessed with a little boy…
Due to complications and more scans than we were expecting we found out the gender and while not revealing it to extended family named and started preparing for our little boy.
So at 25 weeks with no one we knew pregnant at the time we assumed we were pretty safe in using our selected name.
However…my cousin then announced her pregnancy at 12 weeks and on social media announced the gender and name which was the name we had selected!
[name_f]My[/name_f] cousin is a beautiful person but this did really throw me as although we had not specifically declared our baby name I had made my intentions clear with names if we were to have had a boy.
[name_f]My[/name_f] grandmother suggested talking to her which I did to explain that we had already selected the name & actually were having a boy & had our heart set on the name. However they felt very strongly about it too and advised it was not going to be changed.
There were lots of comments from their siblings (my cousins) about first in best dressed- referring to them announcing it first and so I reluctantly felt like we were required to change our choice.
[name_f]My[/name_f] grandmother however is not backing down and has made it very clear that she would prefer for me to continue to use the name & that it is what she feels my grandfather would of wanted. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband expressed he did not want to change it but would do what I felt needed to be done as it was my family.
So here I am 36 weeks along still as confused as ever. Obviously hormonal drifting between ‘no I want my son to have his OWN name so I’ll continue to try and find another name that we love.
Vs stuff it- we had it first, I’m delivering three months before their babies due I am using the name!
We had used it privately for so long before the scenario no other name are feeling right in trying to pick another.
It is a close cousin who I know we would see regularly and they have continued to use the name publicly when referring to their son.
Babies are such a blessing and this is meant to be such a beautiful time but this has really left me very confused as to what the right thing to do is.
Would love to hear your advice on the matter as time is obviously now of the essence with making a choice.
Is it ok to have two babies with the same name in a close family?
[name_u]Or[/name_u] do I graciously need to just pick another name?
Congratulations! It’s okay to have the two with the same names, especially if you had already picked out the name before they announced it. It’s more ‘usable’ if it’s a more common name like [name_m]Leo[/name_m] or [name_m]Alexander[/name_m] or a name that’s on the rise, imo. Instead of a more uncommon name that is likely not to get too popular soon, like [name_m]Ambrose[/name_m] and [name_m]Ulysses[/name_m]. It also depends on if the two will be seeing each other a lot. And having multiple people with the same honor name is quite common, because the names are all honoring someone in the same family. [name_m]Long[/name_m] story short, I think it’s fine
Are both the first and middle names the exact same?
If it’s only the first name that’s the same, I guess you could still use it. I would definitely tell her tho. I would be extremely upset if my cousin named her baby the same thing and I found out at the same time as everyone else.
[name_m]Even[/name_m] tho they have already announced it, maybe they are feeling doubts about their name? Maybe you telling them will help them decide on a different name? You just don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors, ya know? [name_u]Or[/name_u] if they are 100% certain about it, you still should give her a heads up. So they can prepare themselves for the babies having the same name.
Oof, that’s a tough one! It’s good that you speak so kindly of your cousin, despite the situation, and I feel truly sorry for you that this happened.
I can’t tell you what you should do because I am not you and I don’t know your family. But I can tell you what I would do, given the situation. If it were me, I would use the name as a middle name. After all, it would still be special, still honor his great-grandfather, and still be part of his name.
I just think it might be confusing for the majority of the family and could potentially cause hard feelings and awkward situations between you and your cousin if you both use the same name. I know it would be difficult to give it up as a first name, especially as your son will be born first, but, to me, that just seems like the better way to go. Again, not telling you what to do – you can certainly still use the name if you cannot reconcile yourself to any other! Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you and your son.
Just know that if you do end up wanting help coming up with alternatives, the other Berries and I are always ready and willing to make suggestions and give feedback!
I would still use it. Your grandma has explicitly stated she wants you to use the name. I would listen to her.
You said you come from a family that doesn’t divulge genders or names before the birth, and yet your cousin did. Did she hear of your intentions to use it and decide to declare it so she could say she had first dibs? To me, how she (and her siblings) went about it is odd.
You have every right to use your grandpa’s name for your child. I would use it no matter what.
You should still use it. I know you are a close family but they will be second cousins so it isn’t like you are using the same name as your sister had chosen. Another reason is that it is a family honour name, not one chosen randomly, and please know there are lots of families with the same honour name being used over and over. I am sorry that you have to deal with this stress but I think you should feel reassured that it is okay and should you receive negative feedback, I would gently offer this explanation. Best of luck!
I would say “stuff it” and still use the name, as your grandmother has explicitly stated she’d rather you do so, and names are repeated in families quite often, and there’s ways to adapt to it. You’ve spoken to your cousin already and informed her that you also chose the name, so imo, you’ve already done your due-diligence. If she’s refusing to budge, that’s her prerogative, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to change your choice either.
Thank you very much everyone for taking the time to share your thoughts. I really appreciate it. Has definitely helped give me some clarity.
I have again reached out to my cousin and emphasised that I in no way expect her to change her name selection but reinforced that I will still be using it also. As it is a long name with a lot of nickname variations my husband and I have chosen a nickname variation different to what she has started using.
Which in all honesty although was not my first choice - now feels more ‘right’ than the original choice.
Completely different nick name lengths and sounds which should help anyone in the families concerns of it being confusing. Although I still just love the full length name & intend to use that a lot also.
My cousin is a very beautiful person & seemed ok with this & as far as I am aware still intends to use the name which I am completely fine with.
I guess I felt that I was obligated through etiquette to change my choice (which I really didn’t want to & really didn’t feel right doing). I was also worried I may be seen as doing the wrong thing by everyone if I kept it- so thank you all for your encouragement.
Family is very important to me so I will definitely strive to make sure it does not cause any major tension but am happy I get to do it without compromising our boys chosen name and my values as to why we chose it.
So here is to two beautiful little boys due to bless this world and who will no doubt make it a more beautiful place. [name_f]May[/name_f] they be healthy & strong & grow into men my grandfather would be very proud of.
Thank you all so much again & sending lots of love to all the expecting mums who may be reading this.
We shall see how it all plays out.
Best of luck to anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation and hopefully everyones advice on here may help you too.
