I have an acquaintance. We met a couple times in real life. Now we only talk on FB and rarely, although she is on there a lot. When I met this woman - I’ll call her [name]Ashley[/name] - she told me her daughter’s name and I about died. I don’t want to say what it is because I think she comes on name sites and I don’t want to throw it around. Her daughter is older now but occasionally I will still see [name]Ashley[/name] pop up on a name site talking about this name.
Anyway it is a beautiful name. [name]One[/name] of the most beautiful I’ve ever heard. I have never heard it anywhere else. I googled and found it used a long time ago in some obituary records. It was [name]Ashley[/name]'s grandmother or great-grandmother’s name. [name]Ashley[/name] is EXTREMELY proud of this name.
Anyway… [name]Ever[/name] since I heard it this has been my favorite name ever. My husband and I are TTC. If I used it she would definitely know.
I can live without using it but whenever I think of this issue I wonder what others would do. Obvi she can’t STOP me from using it. But would using it make me a crappy person? An unoriginal person? Sort of a beeotch? Or just someone who saw a pretty name and used it?
Would you use it? Would you talk to [name]Ashley[/name] first? Would anything she could say change your mind?
[name]Just[/name] wondering what y’all would do. Thanks!
I think if it makes you any of those options, it’s the “someone who saw a pretty name and used it” one.
If it were me, I would ask [name]Ashley[/name] first – because I’m one to tread lightly. I don’t think you should be expected or required to, but it’s the safe option. You do risk her saying no, of course, and you’d have to decide what to do in that case: go ahead against her wishes, or drop it? It depends how much you value keeping her on good terms, regardless of how close you are (or aren’t).
The runner-up option is to play dumb, which is only very slightly beachy in my humblest of opinions, and I would personally understand and not really fault you for doing so!
Gosh my interest is piqued. Would you post it and then edit it out??? You just told us “I have a secret but I can’t tell you what it is!”
I just scoured the site and don’t see it anywhere except when I have mentioned it, so I’m gonna go ahead and post it, at the risk of being anticlimactic and you all hate it. Ha! The name is edited. Idk exactly why but ever since I heard it, it has been my #1 fave name but I rarely mention it or anything because it’s “hers.”
Again we are not close at all but, idk, I guess I’m a nice person and I don’t want to upset anyone. But I just adore this name. Torn!
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?
Since it’s uncommon and has personal family meaning to her but you just happen to like it, I think the polite thing to do would be to ask her feelings on the matter. It could go either way–she could be flattered or offended (or anywhere in-between). Whether her feelings on the matter influence your decision to use the name or not is up to you, but at least you’ll be making the decision with full knowledge. Discuss it in a way that’s more of a head’s up that you’re considering the name than asking for her permission.
Fascinating name! I won’t type it in case you decide to remove it later. I haven’t heard it before, either.
[name]How[/name] long have you known about the name, and how long have you been TTC? [name]Do[/name] you see any possibility of falling out of love with it on your own? Is your husband on board?
I would wait on it until you’re closer to the birth of your first. It’s not worth broaching the subject now in case you find something else, hubby doesn’t like it, you only have boys, etc. Bring it up if/when it’s a realistic possibility.
I know EXACTLY how you feel, I would probably be going through the same thing.
I think it would depend on whether you want to keep her friendship. If you want to stay friends with her she’ll obviously find out and it would be better to tell her before she found out.
If you don’t really want to keep in contact with her I would personally just remove her from my friends list and use the name. If you rarely to never see her and she doesn’t mean a lot to you, then it’s just a matter of a rare name.
Heard about the name years ago. Been TTC a few months and about to start Clomid. I’m a “name person” so of course already thinking about it. I could be happy with another name but since the moment I heard it, it has been #1. I def wouldn’t bring it up to her until I knew I was pg.
My husband doesn’t like it much but he hardly likes anything. LOL. He thinks everything is “weird,” so he’s gonna have to compromise. And he doesn’t hate it. I could easily talk him into it.
In other words, there is a definite possibility that I will be pregnant in the near future. I really hope I stop loving that name so much but it’s been like 4 years and… It’s still #1.
I would ask her. I know if someone asked me if they could use my name I would be flattered. Of course to each his own, but since you don’t see each other and her daughter is older and you wouldn’t be socializing in the same circles there would never be an overlap.
I agree with yellow’s suggestion of timing. No need to have an awkward conversation until you’re actually pregnant and know you’re having a girl. If you’re one to want a surprise, still make sure you and your husband want to use the name on a girl before bringing it up. It would be just as awkward to get her blessing and wind up using another name as it would be to use it against her protests.
If it were me I would ask my friend or choose another name. Although asking about the name may be a rather awkward experience since your friend likely chose the name at least in part due to its uniqueness. If it were my daughter who had the unusual name and an acquaintance used the name, I’d definitely consider it stolen from me. I don’t think using the name necessarily makes you unoriginal, crappy or a beeotch, but I think there’s a good chance your friend will think so. There are two cases of name stealing among my group of friends and every time we get together for a baby shower, which is happening a lot lately, the name stealing is brought up, and although there is no name calling, it is obvious that those with stolen names are not pleased.
I agree with this. You say this person is an acquaintance who you’ve only met in person a couple times. It’s not like she’s a friend and if not for facebook, would you two even be aware of each other anymore? [name]Just[/name] delete her from your friends list (she probably won’t even notice) and use the name. In the end, which will you regret more, upsetting someone who is basically a stranger or not using a name that you love?
When my brother, [name]Riley[/name], was a baby (and his name was still fairly uncommon), a lady that my mom worked with named her son [name]Riley[/name] too. The lady just told my mom how much she loved the name and how much she wanted to use it. My mom was really flattered. It made her love the choice even more. She actually used to brag that she introduced the name to someone else who loved it as much as she did.
So your friend may not think it’s as big a deal as you fear. She may feel flattered hat you love it. So when the happy day comes and you need to choose a name, I would just talk to her about it.
I wouldn’t use it because it’s obviously a very precious family name, that’s incredibly rare.
Using it to me is like taking a family heirloom almost.
I’d approach [name]Ashley[/name] about it first, and see if she’d be okay with it. If she’s not, then I would definitely not use it.
I would delete her my my friends list on Facebook and use the name. If you were friendly with this woman in your every day life, then it would be a different story, but you are not. You are only acquaintances. And her family doesn’t have sole usage on this one name. I encourage you to use because you love it and have loved it for years now. I wish you luck with TTC.
You know what, screw it. I’m just gonna leave it here: it’s Atrella.
I’ve tried googling and I can only find a very few rare uses as a given name and some species of moth. LOL! It’s from a Latin word having something to do with “dark,” I THINK but I can’t find much about it anywhere.
Some baby name site says it was given to 7 babies in 2007. Can’t find anything else on usage but according to Social Security website it’s never been in the top 1,000.
I appreciate all of your advice. I don’t know if I could use it if she said no. I might just feel weird about it. Or I might not. But I will definitely ask her if it ever gets to that point, and hope she is flattered.
You can go to the real source, the SSA and download the roster of ALL baby names with at least 5 occurrences annually and see if Atrella has ever been given.
