Name Family Drama

I am pregnant with another girl and I have my first born girl name [name]Hailey[/name]. When we were picking out her name we liked [name]Hailey[/name] and [name]Hannah[/name] but because of [name]Hannah[/name] [name]Montana[/name] being popular at the time we did not choose it. My husband and I want to name all our kids with an H name. I want a name that goes well with our last name which also starts with an H and sounds good with [name]Hailey[/name] and the middle name I picked [name]Madeline[/name]. So far the only name that works perfect and is our favorite is [name]Hannah[/name]. Well a few years ago my sister in law says if she ever has a girl she likes the name [name]Hannah[/name]. I gave my husband a look like oh no that’s our name too but did not say anything since I was not pregnant at the time and thought I would hopefully have a boy for my second baby and it would not be a problem. Well we are pregnant again with a girl and have looked for another H name for a girl besides [name]Hannah[/name] but can’t find another one we like. There are not very many H names to choose from. My sister in-law is upset that we are using her name. The problem I have is what if she never has a girl or changes her mind on the name and never uses [name]Hannah[/name]. Am I wrong for still using [name]Hannah[/name]? I feel like because I did not say it was my name out loud first in front of her I am the bad guy for using it. If she had a girl and named her [name]Hannah[/name] before I had this one I would not be upset I would have to find another name or we could both name our girls [name]Hannah[/name]. I also have no problem if in the future she has a girl and names her [name]Hannah[/name] too. It’s not like we live in the same house. :confused:

Honestly, I would choose something else. People tend to get really possessive over names, and would it really be worth causing a rift over a name? Some other choices are:

No one can call dibs on a name, no matter what your [name]SIL[/name] says about. Doesn’t matter who they are. [name]Hannah[/name] is not your name, nor your sister-in-law’s name. Neither of you has any more “claim” to it than the other.

That being said, your [name]SIL[/name] is being incredibly immature over the whole issue, especially since it sounds like she’s not even pregnant. So you have two choices. 1) First one of the two of you to pop out a girl gets to name her [name]Hannah[/name]. The other gets to sulk, cry, whine, give silent treatment, whatever. First come, first served. No cuts, no butts, no coconuts. Or, option 2) You both agree to give up the name entirely and find other names you like.

Only you know which of these options is workable in your situation. If it were me, I’d do option 1 because it just seems most logical (and grown-up) about the whole thing. I’m sorry you have to go through the whole situation. Your [name]SIL[/name] sounds like a real peach.

Also, get your DH in on this. This is his kid too, and it’s his sister (I’m assuming). If anyone should tell her to back off and grow up, it should be him. If you decide to use [name]Hannah[/name] (which is a gorgeous name, BTW, and goes so well with [name]Madeline[/name]), then you’ll need your DH’s support.

Good luck!

[name]Hailey[/name] and [name]Hannah[/name] go really well together. You’re the only one that’s really able to judge how much drama it would create in your family and if you’re prepared to deal with it. For what it’s worth, I agree with you that your [name]SIL[/name] is being immature about it, and I don’t think you can “claim” a name.

You’re right that there aren’t a lot of “H” names that fit well with [name]Hailey[/name]. I was thinking of some that a previous poster mentioned. [name]Harper[/name], [name]Harlow[/name], and [name]Hadley[/name]. Also, [name]Holiday[/name], [name]Holly[/name], [name]Hollis[/name], [name]Hope[/name], [name]Havana[/name], [name]Harmony[/name]. [name]Hero[/name], [name]Harriet[/name] and [name]Honor[/name] are nice names, but I’m not sure if they fit your style. Really, I like [name]Hannah[/name] best. Good luck with your decision.

No one can own a name or claim a name. If your [name]SIL[/name] really wants to name her daughter [name]Hannah[/name] she can still use it even if you do. She is not the one pregnant, you are, therefore you get first dibs. She’ll get over it. [name]Hannah[/name] goes very well with [name]Hailey[/name].

Unless [name]SIL[/name] is currently expecting a little girl its not Her name to own. She needs to grow up and you should use the name you [name]Love[/name].

Thanks for the great advice. The name [name]Holly[/name] is out since it’s my name. My sister in law is married to my husband’s brother. My husband wants to use the name [name]Hannah[/name]. He is on my side. I was the one who was going to change the name (people pleaser) but he feels like we should be able to use it since we liked it and no one owns a name. He talked to his brother and told him that we were having a girl and wanted to name her [name]Hannah[/name] (which was our second top choice with our first baby girl) and he said first come first serve and said it was just a name they liked. Well when he told his wife we were using it she got upset. I have not talked to my sister in-law about the name. This week my Mother In-law told me that my sister in-law talked to her and was upset we were using the name. I’m a little disappointed she talked to her and not to me directly. My mother in law thinks it is their name and wants me and my husband to pick out a different name to keep peace in the family. I really want to know the big reason why the name [name]Hannah[/name] is so special to her and why we both can’t use it. I know I should talk to my sister In-law but right now I am really upset and stressed out on if I am in the wrong for using the name. My husband and I have spent hours looking at other H names and the ones mentioned in the first thread and none of them work well with the middle name ([name]Madeline[/name]), [name]Hailey[/name]’s name and our last name. Thanks again for the advice!:frowning:

Personally, I would never do that to my sil. If I knew she planned on using a name, I would respect her too much to use that name. [name]How[/name] would you feel if she named her daughter [name]Hailey[/name]? If it is going to be an issue, I would move on.


If your [name]SIL[/name] isn’t pregnant, it can’t be her name. [name]Even[/name] if she was, tons of little girls are called [name]Hannah[/name]. Why would it be a crime for her baby’s cousin to have the same name as her? [name]Just[/name] use the name. No one has the right to ‘own’ a name. if you were thinking of it for your first baby, but decided no because of a TV show, it is obviously going to be the first name you pick. [name]Just[/name] name the baby [name]Hannah[/name]. My daughter [name]Jakarta[/name]'s got a friend called [name]Jakarta[/name] as well, but I am not angry with her mum for calling her baby the name i called mine, and vice versa. [name]Jakarta[/name]'s mum and I get on well, and we agree its good we chose the same name cause we just have to say “[name]Jakarta[/name]!” and they both come to us.
[name]Just[/name] use the name. [name]Hannah[/name] is a very common name.

I’m usually really sensitive when it comes to “name napping” but what makes it okay is this case is:

1. You thought about the name before she ever mentioned it. Would be different if you never thought about it, she tells you she wants to name her daughter “…” and you just take the name for your girl. (Of couse no one owns a name, but it would still be pretty unfair and upsetting)

  1. [name]Hannah[/name] is a totally common name. It would be different if it was a very rarely used name that you just never hear. That would be kind of weird, having a very rare name twice in one family.

I wouldn’t use it. Your [name]SIL[/name] pointed out that she liked that name, and it would be disrespectful to use it.

Also, to the person above me, friends and cousins are two different things. Cousins can be very close to being siblings, and having two cousins named [name]Hannah[/name] is not something a good majority of people want.

It’s not practical for both girls to be named [name]Hannah[/name] plus same last name, which may lead to mixups later on through out their lives. I think this is going to cause resentment either way. If you use it, she will resent you and if you don’t use it, you will resent her. Logically, you are pregnant and you should get the name, but you failed to speak up when you should have, she obviously is the stronger personality since you kept quiet when she was being territorial. With that said, you will need to explain to her that you have always liked the name etc. And that you never spoke up because you thought it was premature and wrong for either to be claiming names. There isn’t really a right answer, but it’s likely that only one of you can have the name because of the surname issue. Someone is going to be mad either way. I wouldn’t mind sharing the same name with a cousin, but I would mind if we both had the same first & last name combo, especially if she did embarrassing things or if she sort of looked like me and people got us mixed up. It’s just not practical to have the same first and last name and to be close in age.

I agree with that, if she will use [name]Hannah[/name] even if you use it, I really wouldn’t use it. I think it’s very weird to have cousins that have the same name. Would hate that. I mean that would mean that even in your own family you have to share your name, get confused all the time. I think a name is part of your identity, so that would really bother me.

If I was the SIL, I’d probably be ticked too. She stated that this name was important to her and you didn’t speak up when you had the chance. However, she might be more understanding if you go to her and explained why this name is important to you.

I agree with a previous poster who said that it’s not so easy for you and the SIL to share the name with not only the first cousin issues, but especially considering that they’d have the same last name.

Only name suggestion (that I don’t believe has been mentioned) I have is Heidi, which I think goes well with Hailey and Madeline.

I can definitely understand the situation, I was in a similar situation when my sister-in-law was pregnant. I think you should really think twice about using the name, especially if it could affect your relationship with your [name]SIL[/name]. Some people take name really seriously (like me) and may not be able to get over the hurt of someone else using it. Especially the fact that she announced the name makes the situation even more complicated. I guess I would just assess how important this is to her and how you think it could it would affect your future relationship with her. Since I’ve been there, I can say that if my [name]SIL[/name] had picked the names I had already announced I had wanted to use (thank God she did not), I would probably close myself off from her a lot except for polite social pleasantries when the situation required at family functions. That’s just me, but its a real world example from someone whose been on the other side of it.

To be honest and completely fair, I think it would be wrong for you to use the name. The whole reason she probably told you her name was to inform you that it would be the name she picked so you wouldn’t use it. Regardless of how you look at it, in her eyes it is name-stealing. If the situation was reversed I would think you would be offended. It would be totally weird for your [name]MIL[/name] to have two granddaughters with the same name. Be realistic - it doesn’t matter if she’s not even pregnant…you should have spoken up when you had the chance. Since you didn’t, the right thing to do would be to pick another name…or be mature enough to talk to her about it like adults. Why do you want to give all your kids H-names anyway, isn’t that a little “Duggar-ish”???

@meetcute- you said it so perfectly, everything I wanted to say but didn’t

Your [name]SIL[/name] is being completely unreasonable. If she would cause problems over you naming your daughter the only name you and your husband love then she is not worth being around. She needs to take a chill pill and get over herself. She may never have children at all, let alone a daughter. [name]Hannah[/name] is a VERY COMMON name, it is not unique at all so there will be many other children named [name]Hannah[/name] around. There is nothing wrong with cousins having the same name. Your identity is what you make it, your name has nothing to do with it. Use the name you love and if your [name]SIL[/name] holds it against you, then SHE is in the wrong. Are you always going to bow to her because she’s a control freak? Use the name you love and do not feel one bit bad about it.

My two sense… [name]Hannah[/name] is the ONLY H name you like with [name]Hailey[/name]? What happens if you fall pregnant again? [name]IMO[/name] I would think about not only changing [name]Hannah[/name], but changing first letters. You may claim this is your last, but things happen. [name]Just[/name] my opinion.

If I only liked two names of a letter, I wouldn’t have started up a rule that I have to have all my kids with one letter. I would have to like at least handful of alliterative names for each gender before I decided it had to be a theme?

You’re begging for a set of surprise twins, you know?

You want “all” your kids to have H names but you get to two and you’re stuck on only one name left in the whole world? I don’t get it.