[name_m]Hi[/name_m] all. I’m looking for some advice/somewhere to vent. [name_f]My[/name_f] baby is 5 months old (third girl). Throughout pregnancy I was obsessed with what to call her [name_f][/name_f]- looking at so many forums, following baby name Instagram accounts etc. I was determined she was going to have a beautiful unique name. For reference I had name regret with my 2nd daughter, wished I had been brave enough to use her middle name as a first and thought this time around I would make sure I wouldn’t regret my decision. [name_f]Lo[/name_f] and behold here I am obsessing over my babies name and that I made a wrong decision. Throughout pregnancy I felt she was [name_f]Sophia[/name_f]. I’ve loved the name for the last 10 years plus my eldest wanted to call her [name_f]Sophia[/name_f]. But due to the insane popularity (we live in the UK and I know it’s pretty much no.1 in the US too) I didn’t want to use it. She arrived and then I obsessed for 3 weeks whether or not to call her [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] or [name_f]Romy[/name_f]. We went with [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] as I felt it’s what she wanted to be called but now I’m having the same regret I had with my 2nd and wished we’d gone with [name_f]Romy[/name_f]. I’m worried I’ve failed her and as she gets older she’ll be amongst a sea of Sophia/Sofias/Sophies. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband doesn’t want to change it and says it suits her, plus my elder two know her as [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] now. I’ve tried coming up with more unique nicknames but nothing seems to stick and I feel like it’s all I think about. Her middle name is [name_f]Violet[/name_f] but was thinking of changing this to [name_f]Romy[/name_f].
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I guess I’m looking for a bit of support or understanding from others who have been through the same thing and how you came to love a name you weren’t sure was right or too popular? This is likely our last baby so won’t be able to use [name_f]Romy[/name_f] for another. Thanks in advance.
Welcome to NB! And just to say right up, these name regret (or name anxiety) posts are fairly common, and funnily enough I commented in another post only yesterday, that there seems to be a spike of name anxiety right as the protective baby hormones wane (around the 5-6 months mark). This is where the impossibility of picking one first name kicks in!
While Romy is closer to my own style, I think Sophia is a truly beautiful name - and gives you some very funky nicknames:
Phia
Scout
Effie
Sia
Pia
Pip
Saffie
Maybe Suki?
Edit: came back to put Posy on here.
And you know what, I don’t think it’s bonkers to use Romy as a nickname for Sophia - it’s a stretch but so is Peggie for Margaret. Maybe Sophia Romy or Sophia Rosemary would make it easier to use Romy as a nickname - but you can just start using it, and test it out to see if it sticks?
Maybe start with Sophia-Romy & Romy-Sophia (as nicknames) and you can go from there; also, so so it’s not so stark for your child and other kids.
I think until the child starts internalising their name around the year mark, you have some flexibility/ room to love, especially if you keep her first as Sophia or at least start using some combos where Sophia still in the mix and it’s not an overnight change. Then you can decide if you want the full changeover or if Romy’s just the occasional family nickname.
Or you let go of Romy, and go for a spunky Sophia nickname!
Overall, am sure you’ll get some good advice on here. Good luck!
Personally I love Sophia she’s elegant, timeless, has the lovely meaning ‘wisdom’ and this feminine energy which is appealing. Yes Sophia is statistically popularity within the UK yet I do not see a sea of endless Sophia’s of course I encounter Sophia’s however in my daughter’s school of 92 kids there is only one Sophia. I also think Sophia is one of those enduring choices that’s just classic therefore they’ll always been an element of popularity attached. Sophia has similar energy in my eyes to Elizabeth & Charlotte. She doesn’t have that energy of a name which has suddenly boomed in popularity and could tie her to a certain generation like Oakley for boys which is suddenly in the top #50 but was unheard beforehand.
Romy is a lovely name she feels very fashionable and has a spunky sound. I can definitely see the appeal of Romy she’s a spirited choice that everyone seems to love currently and I could envision becoming an Oakley in a few years. Therefore I wouldn’t allow popularity to be the deciding factor rather than focusing on which name you prefer. Maybe create a pros and cons list surrounding each name rather than just zoning in on popularity. On another note since my daughter and her friends have started school I’ve noticed that a lot of kids share similar sounds for example my daughter named Lilia ranks at #580 yet shares her class with a Lilyann@ so even though the names are statistically rare it has no bearing as her name isn’t ’unique’ with the classroom. Similarly my very close friend has a daughter named Anai@h ranking at #451 in popularity charts yet shares her class with an Amai@h another rarer choice so that uniqueness is sort of lost. I honestly think we really zone in on popularity and it’s unnecessary as naming isn’t the same as it was back in the day it’s rare to find a classroom with multiple children named the same name. Also you could give your child a rare name and run into similar scenarios as above so I wouldn’t over think the unique factor.
Out of these two names my favourite is Sophia which has always been on my list. She’s stunning! However I do see the appeal of Romy maybe you could incorporate Romy into her name. She could become Sophia Romy Violet or Romy-Sophia Violet as a hyphenated name which would be fun. It would be a shame to loose Violet she’s gorgeous so if it was me I would just add Romy onto her name either as a hyphenated first name so it’s not so much of an adjustment for the older children or as a second middle name. Hyphenated first names and second middle names are commonplace so I wouldn’t worry about it not working. Furthermore children don’t start recognising their names till 6 months old also I think you do have some wriggle room past this point as well up till a year I would say.
Finally I have to say name regret is really common I also experienced this when I had Lilia. I think that postpartum period is really hard to manage and can manifest into many things including name regret but personally I think Sophia Violet is stunning. Also I love all the nickname suggestions @EloiseT
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Eloise covered a lot of what I would’ve said, but I just wanted to say that I’d add Romy as a middle name! Then you can still call her Romy if you want, slowly making the transition. It’s definitely not unheard of for someone to choose to go by their middle name, but that way it’s also fair to your husband who loves Sophia and doesn’t want to change it entirely. It gives your daughter the choice to choose which name she uses when she’s older! And it’s not weird for mum & dad to have different names for their child - my mum and dad call me two very different nicknames and it’s never been weird.
Eloisie also had great nickname suggestions, I will add Sosie and Essie (from her S initial)!
I’m sorry you’re in this tricky situation! But for what it’s worth I think [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] [name_f]Violet[/name_f] is absolutely gorgeous, so classy and timeless. I’m someone who worries a lot about popularity but even then, I am tempted by [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] because of its beautiful sound and meaning. There’s no way [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] could be you ‘failing’ your daughter. I love many of the nicknames suggested above (and also [name_f]Sophy[/name_f], which is a regency era nickname for it that also looks modern on paper).
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Yes [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] is high in the charts but I’d echo what others have said that there’s a difference between statistically popular and trending. I volunteer with young girls and almost 50% of the girls I see have names that begin with A, and even more have L and Y sounds (think [name_f]Aria[/name_f], [name_f]Isla[/name_f], [name_f]Arianna[/name_f], [name_f]Alexia[/name_f], [name_f]Lyla[/name_f], Freya) and honestly when we had a [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] show up it was such a breath of fresh air!
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Granted, [name_f]Romy[/name_f] would also buck this similar-sounds trend but I wouldn’t worry about [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] based on her popularity. I have a name that is really associated with the era I was born and much as I wish I had a unique exciting name, I’d still rather be something classic like [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] or [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] than a stereotypical millennial name.
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[name_f]My[/name_f] gut is to say stick, and that’s influenced by your other children already knowing her as [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] and your husband’s two cents, but also, you say you felt [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] was what your daughter wanted[name_f][/name_f] to be called. That’s an important impulse! There’s a point to which we don’t have full control over what suits a child. Maybe this little girl is a [name_f]Sophia[/name_f], even if you love [name_f]Romy[/name_f] as a name.
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[name_f]My[/name_f] second suggestion would be to make it [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] [name_f]Romy[/name_f] (even though I personally adore [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] Violet!). Then you’ve got the best of both worlds.
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[name_f]Hope[/name_f] this helps and that you find clarity soon
Thank you so much for all of your responses. I have to say it is so refreshing to hear positivity and warmth on this forum as opposed to other forums out there which are generally quite catty and negative! It’s also nice to know I’m not alone in this feeling and other people experience name regret, especially around the 5/6 month mark.
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I had thought about adding in [name_f]Romy[/name_f] as a middle name, however she already has two middle names with the second being my maiden name (like her sisters), so if I were to add [name_f]Romy[/name_f] she would have 5 names which feels a lot. I thought about dropping my maiden name but I don’t feel right about that both for my parents and her siblings. I could always drop the [name_f]Violet[/name_f] but we announced her full name, so I wouldn’t know whether to tell people of the change or just do it and only mention it if anyone ever asked about her middle name?!
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Another reason I was second guessing the name is that the reactions haven’t been great. Someone said it’s quite common in comparison to her sisters (Ivy and Amelie) and that it didn’t follow the theme of the ‘ee’ ending. We thought over and over that using [name_f]Romy[/name_f] was a bit matchy matchy with the three of them, especially because [name_f]Amelie[/name_f] and [name_f]Romy[/name_f] have the ‘m’s in, it all sounded a bit similar. We then agonised over whether to do [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] or [name_f]Sofia[/name_f]. I preferred [name_f]Sofia[/name_f] as it was a different number of letters to [name_f]Amelie[/name_f] and I thought the prettier, slightly more unique spelling but because we don’t have a Hispanic or European background we went with [name_f]Sophia[/name_f]. I also really loathe the way some people pronounce it like ‘Sphere’ (my husband included ). It kind of ruined the post partum period for me, I then slowly felt better but now it’s creeped up again. I guess I could obsess forever about it all but ultimately I don’t think I have the guts to change it officially on her birth certificate and not sure I 100% want to. It would be awful to change it and then feel I’d made a mistake. I would also be so embarrassed telling people of the name change. I’ve tried different nicknames with her like you all suggested [name_f][/name_f]- Phia and [name_f]Fifi[/name_f] seem to be my go to at the moment but Phia sometimes sounds like ‘Fear’ so I’m not too sure. Perhaps I’ll try [name_f]Essie[/name_f] too.
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I also feel so guilty about obsessing over a name in general when there’s people out there who can’t even have children or who have experienced loss. I wish I could get rid of this feeling but maybe there’s a life lesson in there somewhere.
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Perhaps we could use [name_f]Romy[/name_f] for a pet one day
[name_f]Ivy[/name_f], [name_f]Amelie[/name_f] and [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] make a gorgeous set. Timeless, feminine, and distinct from one another. The naysayers can get lost!! First, it’s none of their business, and a bit cruel to criticise a new mum.
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Second, I actually think it’s a positive that you’ve varied the endings [name_f][/name_f]- gives the set more interest and colour. [name_m]Just[/name_m] think [name_f][/name_f]- if you’d have chosen [name_f]Romy[/name_f] they would probably be saying ‘but now [name_f]Amelie[/name_f] is left out without a y’!
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Anyway, you can gave the best of both worlds if you call her [name_f]Fifi[/name_f] (which is adorable[name_f][/name_f] by the way). And it’s a workaround for ‘sphere’ too
I was going to suggest as my final comment, Romy for a pet but it’s not quite the same and I didn’t want to seem like I was minimising. My friend has a dog called Audrey, after she didn’t get to use it on her two human children.
Either way, I agree with PC above: Ivy, Amelie and Sophia sound great together, and anyone saying otherwise can get lost . They’re so pretty & delightful. While I would say to pick for the individual name, Amelie and Romy are pretty similar sounding, and I like the break up in sounds.
I am not sure whether you call Amelie Millie, but you could always call her Mimi (Mee-Mee) which is closer to Romy in sound.
But otherwise I think if Romy is really holding onto you, I would consider swapping out Violet (honestly it might mean a 30 second convo with a few people about it - would weigh up whether getting though those potentially slightly annoying chats are less uncomfortable than how you feel about not having Romy in the name) - OR I’d just test out using Romy as a nickname for Sophia. I mean, I thought Posy might be a winner - Ivy, Millie & Posy are gorgeous or maybe Saffie or Pip/Pippi - but people have non-intuitive nicknames sl the time - eg my friend has a daughter whose nn is L@dy - which has nothing to do with her name (so you’d just say, “Her name’s Sophia, but we call her Romy.”)
Another nickname that’s there (at a stretch) is Zoe/ Zoey.
Meanwhile, we need husband to start saying So-Fee-ah / Su-fee-ah - three syllables please!
[name_m]Just[/name_m] came to say that I think [name_f]Ivy[/name_f], [name_f]Amelie[/name_f] and [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] are a gorgeous sister set! I feel like [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] actually fits better than [name_f]Romy[/name_f] with other girls. They all feel very elegant, timeless, and sparkling. Also it’s very sweet that your eldest daughter helped to name your youngest. Overall, [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] [name_f]Violet[/name_f] is just beautiful!
[name_f]My[/name_f] niece is named [name_f]Sophia[/name_f]. While it is not uncommon it is a beautiful name! We call my niece Phia [name_f][/name_f], Phi and even [name_f][/name_f] “phlee-bee” sometimes.
We actually call [name_f]Amelie[/name_f] ‘Ami’, occasionally [name_f]Millie[/name_f] though. [name_f]Posy[/name_f] is very cute, and I like [name_f]Saffi[/name_f] too. [name_m]Will[/name_m] try a few and see what sticks.
). It kind of ruined the post partum period for me, I then slowly felt better but now it’s creeped up again. I guess I could obsess forever about it all but ultimately I don’t think I have the guts to change it officially on her birth certificate and not sure I 100% want to. It would be awful to change it and then feel I’d made a mistake. I would also be so embarrassed telling people of the name change. I’ve tried different nicknames with her like you all suggested [name_f][/name_f]- Phia and [name_f]Fifi[/name_f] seem to be my go to at the moment but Phia sometimes sounds like ‘Fear’ so I’m not too sure. Perhaps I’ll try [name_f]Essie[/name_f] too.
. They’re so pretty & delightful. While I would say to pick for the individual name, Amelie and Romy are pretty similar sounding, and I like the break up in sounds.