In [name_u]December[/name_u] we named our daughter [name_u]Scout[/name_u]. Well, today I was told that one of DH’s cousins is naming their little girl due later this year [name_u]Scout[/name_u]. DH and I are both pretty irate.
While I understand that no one “owns” a name, it seems pretty dang rude to reuse such an uncommon name within the same family when it’s definitely not a family name and the two kids in question will attend the same school and be in the same year or maybe a year apart.
I realize there’s very little we can do about it if they insist on using the name, but I needed to vent to people who would commiserate.
While I haven’t met a [name_u]Scout[/name_u] yet, my impression is that scads of people are naming their daughters just that.
Who knows - maybe they’ve had that name in mind since they read To Kill a Mockingbird in ninth grade?
I would be more upset if you named her [name_f]Boudicca[/name_f], [name_f]Thomasina[/name_f], or [name_f]Arethusa[/name_f] and they used that one of kind name.
I completely understand your frustration. Especially since the girls will live near one another and be similar in age. [name_u]Scout[/name_u], while not common now, is a name I could see getting more popular now that people are starting to realize that [name_u]Harper[/name_u] isn’t as unique as they think it is. So while it doesn’t surprise me, since it’s a name right on trend, I’d be upset too.
As I recall, your daughter has a lovely and meaningful middle name. Hopefully that will continue to distinguish her! In my family cousins often share first or middle names. Admittedly these are very common family names (think [name_f]Katherine[/name_f] or [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f]). I don’t really understand why the parents do this, but if it’s any consolation, the children don’t seem to mind.
They might change their mind, they have a lot to time to. Maybe once they realize how close the girls will be, they might have a change of mind. That being said, I wouldn’t be happy, either.
I completely understand, my god daughter is named [name_f]Hailey[/name_f] and her mum and I went through thousands and then one of our very close friends who would attend the same school and see us regularly wanted to name her daughter [name_f]Hailey[/name_f]- they almost did but last minute changed to [name_u]Harper[/name_u].
I think talking is obviously the best, most people would at least consider your point of view, maybe suggest some other names with a similar style.
I was in a similar situation with my sister-in-law! I was frustrated and hurt, but there’s not a lot that can be done about it, unfortunately! The hard thing too, for me anyway, is that these things feel like relationship issues masquerading as naming issues. Meaning the conflict is usually about a lot more than the name.
I would be quite unhappy as well, especially w/the close geographical proximity. If the cousins lived far enough away to not see each other often it would be a bit different, but I still would be unhappy. That exact situation happened to my ex-[name_m]SIL[/name_m], except that she had chosen her daughter’s name years before & a cousin of her husband’s used the name six weeks before my ex-[name_m]SIL[/name_m] gave birth. The cousin said that she fell in love w/the name when my ex-[name_m]SIL[/name_m] mentioned it at her baby shower & just had to use it. My ex-[name_m]SIL[/name_m] ended up choosing a different name but never felt the same about the cousin afterward (& I don’t blame her a bit).
I would be upset too! One of my SILs is due 2 weeks after me and we had the name discussion early on to make sure there was no chance of using/favouring the same name. I would evem less happy if someone reused one of our given names either because that is intentional.
DH always suggests some of his (much younger) female cousin’s names when we are expecting girls and never saw the issue with them being part of the same community and school for our older ones let alone that they would even have the same last name. ” Some people just don’t seem to get it. I grew up with multiple Jennifers, Jessicas and Ashleys, etc. so I just want my kids to have less common names in general and certainly not share a name with a cousin!
I would be super annoyed too!
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you have a decent enough relationship that you could reach out and ask them to reconsider? I certainly would.
[name_m]Will[/name_m] both the girls have the same last name?? If so I would approach the to be name stealing parents and tell them this could be a serious issue if they both go to the same school and same [name_m]Doctor[/name_m] their files could get messed up. Then what they can’t be called [name_u]Scout[/name_u] And the first initial of last name if they both have same last name. I would be Massily annoyed.
I can understand being annoyed, however, just talk to them. Maybe it’s been their choice for ages and they were disappointed when you used the name, too.
I don’t believe in “whoever comes first”, if a name can make two families happy then that’s great (after all your scout won’t be any less special because she shares her name with a family member).
[name_u]Scout[/name_u] is a super trendy name right now – I know more than one under the age of 5. Your daughter is going to meet other people with her name in her lifetime. Your husband’s cousin’s decision has nothing to do with you; I’m glad that you realize that your anger is unjustified, but I am appalled by some of the comments on this posts (you absolutely should NOT ask them to reconsider!). There is no such thing as “name stealing” because nobody “owns” a name.
I agree with this, and also the previous comment that perhaps they have loved the name for a long time and were disappointed when you chose it. I understand it can feel upsetting, and I’m sorry for that, but your delightful little [name_u]Scout[/name_u] is still just that.
This is probably the only situation in which I would ask the parents to reconsider their decision - remember: the priority here is the children, NOT the parents. My grandfather has been suffering the backlash of “identity copy” (same fn, same surname, same middle initial) for 15 years because the other guy does not like to pay bills. -_-
I totally agree with this. Nobody owns a name. Your child will meet a lot of people with the same name they have (no matter how uncommon it is) and that’s totally ok. They won’t be traumatised just because they share their name with family members or classmates (or both).
I’m apalled too at the comments that the other parents should reconsider. No, they should not. They are not taking a possession from you. It’s a name and they have all the right in the world to use it if they want to, no matter if the cousins will see each other a lot or not. They are not trying to cross you (really, who would even use a name they don’t like just to annoy other person? like…). They simply like the name. It’s not that deep really. Your child won’t be less special just because she shares her name with another kid. I think you even realise your anger towards them is unfair, I can understand that it’s frustrating, but you can’t control other people’s naming choices. However, some people who were comenting in this thread sounded kinda childish, [name_f]IMO[/name_f].
For those of you who think it’s not a big deal to have close members of a family w/the same name, I would like to point out that as a member of a family in which this has been an issue (my dad & grandfather had the same nickname, & my nickname rhymes w/their nickname) it was a real problem for my dad & grandfather until my grandfather died, & for my dad & me until I moved away from home.
Counterpoint: most of the men in my family are named [name_m]John[/name_m] and several of the women are named variations on “[name_f]Laura[/name_f],” and it’s never been an issue.