Nameberry Advice thread

Ok so this could be a total waste of time, but I’m going to make it anyway!

This is a place where people can give others advice if they need it! Safe space!

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Advices about anything? If yes, that’s a great idea!

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Yup!

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OK, I start.

I’m autistic. People often bully me. I want to resist , but don’t know how. I’m generally afraid to talk with people, but really want to resist to them. What should I do?

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So it depends on what they say. If you don’t want to share that’s absolutely fine but if you do I might be able to give you specific help.

Here are some general things to do.

  1. Ignore them. I know it’s basically impossible to, but at least let them think it doesn’t bother you and they might back off. That might be hard tho! I suggest, if you can, next time someone comes to you and says something mean, either:
  • tell them it’s not funny (I don’t know, they might not be trying to be mean and might have just been joking or not realixed it would deeply hurt you (most bullies probably do realize that tho))
  • or tell them to stop. [name_m]Just[/name_m] tell them you’re not okay with them doing that.
  • clover your ears and walk away. (if it’s online just leave the website or chat) Show them you’re not going to allow them to bully you.
  • stare at them. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t smile or look sad. [name_m]Just[/name_m] stare them down and don’t stop.
  • just say “Stop.” or “No.” [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t back down. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t allow it.
  • roll your eyes and walk away. Or [name_u]Flip[/name_u] your hair. Show off something great about you. [name_m]Flash[/name_m] them a bright smile if you can and skip away. You are amazing. Let them know that.
  1. Have you told someone besides us yet? Maybe your brothers, or [name_f]Annie[/name_f]? You mentioned your dad was really strict, and yes, absolutely tell him if you want, but you don’t have to if you think it’s not super serious or he’ll overreact.

  2. I understand you being afraid to talk to people, and that’s fine, but if you want them to leave you alone, you’re going to have to do something about it(not neccesarily talk to them but you might have to). I suggest next time someone approaches you and does something that is bullying to you to, tell them that

  3. You are amazing, kind, funny, wonderful, give great name advice :grin:, always brighten my day, and deserve only love :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:. Always remember that. No matter what anyone says to or about you, you matter and no mental illness defines you. You are you, and if someone doesn’t like that, they’re not worth your time or tears(though crying is fine). Stay strong, girl, we’ve got your back, though I can’t be there with you in Turkey, I wish I could. I wish I could give those bullies a piece of me :angry:!!! [name_u]Love[/name_u] ya lots! :wink:

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also you could write them a message telling them it’s not okay and have your friends, us, and your family sign it. Send it to them or give it to them next time you see it.

here’s an article to help you too

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I’ve been bullied before, and I just ignored them. They want a reaction from you if you know what I mean. If you don’t give them one, they’ll stop. And as [name_f]Elena[/name_f] said, you are one of the greatest people I know! Those bullies don’t deserve you at all! If [name_f]Annie[/name_f] can talk, you should tell her. What about M@r!3 @v3l!n3? She’s a good person to talk to! You’ll get through it, and soon, those bullies will know that they’ve been messing with the wrong person.

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I would definitely sign it!

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same. WHen I was bullied in K and grade 2 I ignored them so much I literally didn’t even realize I was being bullied after a while!! :grin:

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They were bullying me in such a way that they made me laugh!

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@EJpuddlejumper & @12queen Aww it was… it was great and relaxing to read your responses! Thank you soooo much for advices and your kind words about me :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

They (my classmates) bullied me in every possible way :grin: [name_m]Can[/name_m]’t list them all!

Yes, my family know that. And my dad is really sensitive about me! Actually he’s sensitive about everyone. His strictness is mostly about our online safety.

This :grin::

:heart_eyes::heart:

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I am not sure how to stop bullying. It’s such a complex social issue because a lot of it falls on the bully’s intelligence and willingness to work on themselves. Sadly, we cannot control how other people feel or think, and while I’m sure there are some young persons out there willing to rethink their path and do better in order to live better, others grow into obtuse, cruel adults and continue to spread their misery.

What I can tell you, as someone who was bullied and regularly accosted at school and at home, is that working on my own self-esteem and practicing self-love was what got me through it all. It does not stop other people from acting terribly, and the shock, the frustration and the sadness they spread may follow us for as long as these bullies are around us.

Protect yourself mentally and spiritually. Give yourself positive messages that affirm your qualities and practice gratitude towards yourself in mind, body and soul. Be your best friend and maintain healthy habits. This is like a bullet proof vest that we put around our minds so what others choose to do does not get through.

Use friendly language to describe yourself and smile at the mirror. Celebrate your qualities and seek people who will join you in celebrating!

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Hi! I feel that much of the advice here is spot on - like treating yourself with love. That’s so important.

As you age, things start to become clearer, just never stop questioning why. I’ve realised that at times when I have bullied people, it has been the result of a combination of a lack of love from my parents, a lack of skill taught by them about how to resolve conflict and communicate with people, bad behaviour that I copied from them such as getting satisfaction out of hurting someone I felt hurt me or an innocent person who you feel jealous of for not having felt the pain you have, and also from having been hurt and scarred by them so that your self worth is very low. Generally it is the result of pain. All of these things cause pain in some form or another and we struggle. We look out and we see others who don’t seem to be going through the same thing and we want to hurt them because we feel like it’s unfair that they aren’t hurting like we are.

When I have been bullied by others it is often because I do not stick to the status quo and that makes people very jealous and bitter because sticking to the status quo is hard and horrible, and indeed, it often feels wrong. It’s very scary to go against it because there is a lot of pressure from multiple different areas, such as home, friends, school, media, for you to conform to it. It’s easy to feel bitter when someone else seems to be doing what they feel is good for them despite constant pressure to conform.

As someone with autism, I wonder if you sometimes seem to not conform. Sometimes I have wondered whether I was on the autistic spectrum myself because bucking the trend in certain ways never seemed so scary to me, but I think it was just the result of my upbringing. Everything is the result of upbringing - well, I think so anyway - most things.

There are many reasons why we may get bullied. Like I said, for me it is often my lack of “etiquette”, however, when I was younger and less developed than I am now (after many years of reflection and figuring myself out) I know I was very bad at communicating with others and I think this could have caused misunderstanding which can lead to being bullied. It can be very difficult though, because even though communicating openly with someone else is important to establishing a good relationship, if the other person isn’t on board, it won’t work out. Many people are afraid of being honest with others and also themselves. In this case scenario, you can try to encourage someone else to communicate with you, show a sign that you are trustworthy, then maybe they’ll talk. If someone refuses, then all you can do is walk away from the relationship because otherwise you continue to put your wellbeing at jeopardy and that’s not fair on you. As they say, it takes two to tango! If you feel afraid to be honest with yourself, remember: you’re safe in yourself, with yourself. No one is watching, no one will get you. It’s just you and you. You want to build a safe space with yourself inside yourself. If you are afraid to look at hurts, remember, it’s never as scary as it seems - often it just seems scary because we try to avoid it as much as possible. Also remember that when we do look or feel those things we are afraid of, we are one step closer to progress, one step forward to the healing and happiness that you deserve.

Again, sometimes it could be that we have hurt someone else, perhaps said something that hurt their feelings accidentally, or maybe even said something that hurt them on purpose. These types of things can lead to backlash that’s why communication is important. But again, both sides have to be communicating openly and honestly for things to start moving in a positive direction.

As others have said, remember to look out for your wellbeing. We must all work on ourselves first and foremost if we want to be able to develop relationships of trust with other people. We have to get comfortable in our shoes

I hope this helps!

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[name_f]My[/name_f] advice:
find something that will impress them and prove to them that you belong (I would say start spouting off stuff about names, but I think that we are the only people that works on :slight_smile: )
Maybe write songs. This might not help get them to stop bullying you but you can get your feelings out
[name_m]Leave[/name_m]. Take a moment to collect yourself.
I strongly suggest screaming into a pillow, though that look really weird written.
REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THEM!!!
This is more for dealing with it, sorry

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oh yes! it really helps! I had anger issues when i was little (not like terribly violent psychopath issues sorry now you’re probably all scared of me :cry: but I’ve gotten ways better now I just have a temper)

Screaming into pillows really helps. Actually. It is way better than buying a hammer and whacking the driveway (which is what I wanted to do when I was 9 lol)

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You know that song I pmed u some time ago @penelope_lynson? You could do that too! I’ve written abt 10 so far, so if u decide to do this and need lyric help, im here. Also, doesn’t have to be melodious. It just takes all ur anger out.

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Hey @penelope_lynson!

Many other users here gave some great advice and suggestions on how to handle your situation, and I’m probably only going to reiterate what some of them have said, but it is totally important for you to know you have support so I’m going to do it anyway!

My brother is autistic as well, and he has faced many a bully in his lifetime – and in some instances he has even been the bully himself. I do not suggest that you retaliate by turning any insults they might be throwing your way back at them, but I would advise that you show them that what they do does not affect you.

You know your worth. You know you are a better person than they are proving to be. All they want from you is to see a reaction that makes them feel like they’re in the right for making fun of you. Anything they say to you can roll right off your back because in the long run, those people will be completely irrelevant to the successes you’ll have made. It’s the people who support you who will be around when you do well for yourself. Anyone who bullies you now doesn’t want to see you succeed, they want you to fail, and the more you let them get to you, the less successes you will have because their voices will always taunt you and tell you that you’re not good enough, or that you don’t deserve a happy life.

You have power over them! In the future, when you move on to bigger and better things and they are stuck wondering why they aren’t, they’ll come to realize they wasted their time trying to put you down because you proved to be stronger than they ever treated you.

You are the most important person in your life, like another user said – treat yourself with love. Be kind to yourself, and the more you practice emitting and receiving positive energy, the less the negative energy will come to affect you.

You seem to have a solid support system within your family and (hopefully) your friends, and you clearly have a lot of love to be received here from fellow berries! [name_m]Just[/name_m] from my experiences seeing you around here on Nameberry, I can tell that you are a very kind girl and have a generally happy attitude which is all you’ll ever truly need in life to be good. I hope you are able to find it within yourself to beat this stage in your life!

PS. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone! If you approach things with the idea of “oh, this’ll show them!” it will never be as great as it would be if you were to approach it with the idea of proving to yourself that you can be incredible and do incredible things. Persevere to show yourself that you can, not to satisfy others! It always seems impossible until it’s done. This will pass!

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