Namenapping or All's fair? What would you do?

My mom’s family is large, she’s the 4th of 9 and her youngest sisters are all having kids along with my generation. We are all over each others’ names. My aunts don’t share they’re name pics ahead of time so its like a race to give birth first so you get to use the name before they do (I say this jokingly but really, its frustrating). To top it off, my broter’s girlfriend tried to call dibs on [name]Levi[/name] (they’re getting married in a year or two), but I told her that she can’t do that, period, no dibs if you aren’t currently pregnant!

What do you think about this situation: [name]Veronica[/name] is my 1yo first cousin whom I have never met and may only see on [name]Christmas[/name] every 2-5 years. I’m due in [name]March[/name] and [name]Veronica[/name] was on my short list. Am I out of line if I use it anyway? The kids will be second cousins and will seldom meet…But my Grandparents will have a grandchild and a great grandchild with the same first name who are very close in age. Is that odd or more common than I think?

My other problem is that there are so few names I love right now. I’ve maybe over done it and found reasons to scratch every name off the list. Two of my aunts are due before me, so should I tell them I’d like it if we could at least let each other know about the names or risk having 3 kids all named [name]Adeline[/name] all just weeks apart?!

I personally won’t name my baby a name if I know someone else who’s kid is that name BUT I also think that namenapping is when you tell someone your name that you have chosen for your baby and they name their baby that before you have the chance to. I also think that you have the right to name YOUR baby whatever name you like best. On the other hand I do think it would be a bit confusing with 2 grandchildren with the same name but it does happen. My husband’s family is all about naming their kids after other family members. Best of luck to you!

[name]Do[/name] your aunts tend to like nameberry type names? Because most nameberry type names are underused in real life. I ask because you used [name]Adeline[/name] as an example.

As far as your brothers girlfriend calling dibs, I dont see why you need to abide by it, you said girlfriend so I assume they arent even engaged, what if they break up or what if they are unable to have kids or end up just having all girls?

As far as whats acceptable within families, I think it all varies. I have read many articles on this with people commenting on their real life experience with it and its truly a mixed bag. Some families are okay with cousins being named the same names and some arent okay with it.

If [name]Veronica[/name] is the name you feel strongly about then I would suggest speaking to your mom and see what she thinks and maybe she can speak to her sister to make sure its okay as well as her parents. I dont think it would be a big deal since the kids would hardly see one another, plus the girls would have different last names right?

I’m in the same situation, both my parents come from large families. And we mix and match names all the time. We have several Steeles, a couple of [name]Alexandra[/name]'s, some [name]Rose[/name]'s, [name]Mark[/name]'s etc. and that’s not to mention those who have married in to the family. So I guess it depends on how your family feels about it.

I wouldn’t do it. I would use it, in stead, as a middle. It’s not stealing the name, really, but I think if you’re posting about it, it will likely end up bothering you, especially if (great)grandmother points it out at all throughout the years. What is it about [name]Veronica[/name] that you like? Can you pinpoint some features and let us help you find another? [name]Veronica[/name], for some reason, always likens to the names [name]Simone[/name] and [name]Nina[/name] for me. Is it the V? What about [name]Vera[/name], [name]Veda[/name], [name]Viva[/name], [name]Violet[/name], or [name]Valentina[/name]? Those all seem in keeping with someone who likes [name]Levi[/name] and [name]Veronica[/name]. If you want more help, I’d be happy to service!

– [name]Kristen[/name]
marginamia

Thanks everyone for the input. I’m looking for perspective since my aunts and I are due in Nov, [name]Jan[/name], and [name]March[/name]. Cousin [name]Veronica[/name] is 1mo older than my son, so here we go again with baby frenzie! Lol.

My Grandma thinks the family is big enough that there are bound to be name repeats, but I do think its a little soon for that if we can avoid it.

Our naming styles are similar, although my aunts wouldn’t quite be name nerds. Name styles are a bit religious/literary/heritage. Sibsets include [name]Mary[/name], [name]Thomas[/name], [name]Veronica[/name] +baby in Nov; [name]Vivian[/name], [name]Alexander[/name], and [name]Diana[/name]; [name]Aiden[/name], [name]Cael[/name], and [name]Edmund[/name]; [name]Elizabeth[/name], [name]Grace[/name], [name]Eamon[/name], [name]Liam[/name], and [name]Sophia[/name]; [name]Norman[/name] and [name]Evelyn[/name] +baby in [name]Jan[/name]; [name]Lauren[/name] and [name]Elaine[/name]. My sister wanted to use [name]Evelyn[/name] and I wanted [name]Veronica[/name] and really liked [name]Elaine[/name]. My cousin used [name]James[/name] as her son’s middle name before we used it has our son’s first! But that wasn’t an issue for anyone.

I used [name]Adeline[/name] as an example because I can see any of us 3 using it in our sibsets.

Names like [name]Veronica[/name] that I almost like:
[name]Monica[/name]- but know one and she really spoils the name.
[name]Vera[/name]-family name, but I only like it as nn for [name]Veronica[/name].
[name]Beatrice[/name]-think [name]Dante[/name]'s vision of Woman, but our last name is [name]Nyx[/name] so the name has terrible flow.
[name]Vanessa[/name]- I’m on the fence between love and hate!
[name]Victoria[/name]- like [name]Vittoria[/name] better but that wouldn’t fit in, nn [name]Rory[/name] is cute but not [name]Vicky[/name] or [name]Tori[/name].
[name]Freya[/name]-this took forever for me to love it. I hated it until I saw “Any Human Heart” and that’s when I finally came around to it, but my hubby would never go for it.

[name]Levi[/name]- I like this boy’s name and am more likely to get it past my husband than my real favorite, [name]Gideon[/name]. So, its a very good option that I can’t give up to “dibs”! Lol.

Open to suggestions! Possible middle names are [name]Anderson[/name] for boy and Ehrhardt for girl, maybe double middle for girl.

Sorry for the super long post!(Well its long on my blackberry)

I think a long time ago it was very common to have name overlap in families. I do think you should use the name you love. A cousin already used the name I loved and I felt weird, so went with another name I liked. I never told/asked the cousin, but I just felt weird since we are in the same area and they are about 5 years apart in age. It is super common ([name]Sophia[/name]) which was another reason I decided to go with a different name. I consider [name]Veronica[/name] a timeless name. It is also the name of my niece. It is not on my list, but it is a nice name.

I don’t think I helped other than to let you know I debated the same thing.

I am from a huge, blended family (there are 10 siblings total). I only have one sister with kids, named [name]Hailey[/name] and [name]Brody[/name], but in the next 5 years and on there will be MANY more. I don’t have many cousins or a big extended family though… but I don’t think I would use a name that one of my siblings has used. My naming style is luckily pretty different then I think my siblings will be! Then again, the children would obviously see eachother more often then in your situation. [name]Veronica[/name] is a pretty uncommon name, at least where I’m from, so I think that cousin would feel as though you copied them. So whether or not you use it would depend on how much that would matter to you.

I forgot that to mention that my name is [name]Vanessa[/name], which is a name that you were looking at! I do like my name, and have only met a handful of other girls with my name, which I like. I’ve always thought that I am more of a [name]Julie[/name]/[name]Julia[/name], but thats besides the point. I think its a good choice :slight_smile:

My family is Jewish so it is a big no no to have anyone with the same name. I wouldn’t do it besides because I feel like one some we know has used a name it is " used " and loses some appeal for me. Nonsensical, but that’s just how I feel. A liitle girl around the corner was named [name]Leila[/name] while I was pregnant with my daughter and it fell right out of the running!
Its not really name splint if you use the name of an already horn older kid, but I think it might cause some hard feelings depending on the family member especially if that name is not currently in the top 20,50,100

I would have your mom speak to your aunt and find out if it would bother her if you also used [name]Veronica[/name]. If your aunt doesn’t mind, then I say go ahead and use it since you hardly ever see your cousin in the first place. To avoid confusion, maybe your [name]Veronica[/name] could go by [name]Roni[/name] (at least around your mom’s side of the family, anyway).

In my family (including very close family friends), it’s a pretty big no-no. So much so, that my favorite for a girl, [name]Lucy[/name], is out now that my sister has a [name]Lucas[/name], and [name]Eliza[/name] and [name]Elias[/name] are out because my best friend has an [name]Elijah[/name].

Also, your [name]Veronica[/name] would most likely be nicknamed, being the second, unless your cousin already goes by a nickname. While the girls might not see eachother often, family members will refer to her with a nickname, or Your name’s [name]Veronica[/name]. Something to ponder.

I see [name]Blythe[/name] in your sig, and think [name]Blythe[/name] [name]Veronica[/name] would be breathtaking, especially with a brother named [name]James[/name] [name]Hamilton[/name]! Good luck in your decision!

I think your grandmother put it best–in a large family there’s bound to be some name overlap. If you love [name]Veronica[/name] and no other name will do, then use it. I like pansy’s suggestion of using a distinct nickname for the family (Vee, [name]Vera[/name], [name]Roni[/name], [name]Rory[/name], [name]Nicki[/name]) or having them call her a double-barreled name like [name]Veronica[/name] [name]Mae[/name]. If you’re looking for inspriation for a replacement name, here are some names that remind me of [name]Veronica[/name]:
[name]Danica[/name] (a great name with a lovely meaning and interesting history: http://appellationmountain.net/2011/04/20/baby-name-of-the-day-danica/)
[name]Patricia[/name]
[name]Cassandra[/name]
[name]Sabrina[/name]
[name]Carissa[/name]
[name]Miranda[/name]
[name]Camilla[/name]
[name]Verena[/name]
[name]Cecily[/name]

The other thought that I had was that it’s probably better to have two Veronicas that are 18 mos apart rather than two Adelines that are 3 months apart in age. So it would be better to go with [name]Veronica[/name] than any of the names your currently-pregnant aunts will use. I don’t know how to get them to talk about their names–many people are against sharing names for lots of reasons, everything from avoiding other people’s criticism, to not wanting to commit to a name before the birth, to religious bans on naming children before they’re born. I hope if you explain your plight and promise to not share the names with the world that they’ll be understanding and share their short lists with you. Good luck!

[name]Just[/name] wanted to say that I think [name]Vanessa[/name] is better choice because it has all the appeal of [name]Veronica[/name] and the same initial, but would not be a repeat. [name]Just[/name] imo.

I say if you haven’t met your 1yr old cousin yet, then the relationship b/t you and that aunt and the relationship your child will have with her child aren’t intimate enough for the same-name issue to matter. If these two little Veronicas will live in the same town, go to the same school, see each other every month, etc. then there would be an issue. But if it’s just the occasional family reunion or holiday, I say no bigge. It will be a fun little icebreaker when they do meet! Something they can bond over. . .

Plus [name]Veronica[/name] sounds wonderful with [name]Nyx[/name].

Personally I wouldn’t use a name that is the name of a cousin or any name that my cousin has used in the first name position. My family did run into this when two of my cousins both named their sons [name]Wyatt[/name]. They have different last names and different middle names but it still feels odd. The only way I would think it would be ok is in a different case where my cousin named her son [name]Michael[/name] when I have a cousin who is also married to a [name]Michael[/name]. But the new baby [name]Michael[/name] was named after his father [name]Michael[/name]. I guess it all comes down to personal preference but I know that I couldn’t do it.

I asked my mom if she thought that she or I should ask her sisters about names. She replied in the negative. She thinks that I can just pick something else since I am due latest if either of them happen to use a name I chose. Since her sisters do not find out the sex or announce the name before the birth, she thinks that I can’t “force” them to tell me. (Which is not my intention, but I guess that’s how she perceived my request.) My mom’s reaction seems odd to me, and a tad offensive (deferential to her sisters instead of her daughter), but whatever. What I’ll have to do is find out the sex of my baby and announce the name I choose if I think it is going to be an issue OR use whatever name I decide on regardless of my aunts’ choices even if it means there is overlap.

@ krismichelle [name]Blythe[/name] [name]Veronica[/name] is gorgeous, although I prefer the flow of [name]Veronica[/name] [name]Blythe[/name] a tad better.
@ katybug Double-barrel name is a good idea if I use [name]Veronica[/name]. I really like [name]Veronica[/name] with brother [name]James[/name], and with our surname.
@ walshe44 If [name]Veronica[/name] had been a boy and my aunt had used [name]James[/name] ([name]Veronica[/name] is 1mo older than my son [name]James[/name]), we still would have used [name]James[/name] for our son without a second thought. So, I would like to think that she wouldn’t have a problem with me using [name]Veronica[/name]. I agree that the kids would probably think it was neat to have the same name when they finally got to know each other.

I’m not dead set on [name]Veronica[/name], although it is still in the running and maybe in the lead. My real concern is that these three babies are coming so close together and I really would like to pick names and not have them 1)offend anyone 2)be told to pick something else 3)settle for a compromise.

I fell asleep the other night with [name]Lyla[/name] on my mind. WDYT? (No, the aunts definitely will NOT use [name]Lyla[/name]). What mn would work with our surname and brother [name]James[/name] [name]Hamilton[/name]? I also like [name]Tess[/name] and [name]Stella[/name], but have a hard time with mn and flow since our surname is only one syllable. [name]Tessa[/name] might be better for flow than [name]Tess[/name].

Thanks so much berries! My mom may not get it, but y’all do!

As far as I know, the only reason they don’t share is that they are very private, which I am sensitive to, but do not share in when it comes to naming and babies etc! I’m far too excited to be all hush hush =) I may circumvent the situation by letting them know the names I choose, if they have an issue, then they can let me know then. We are a big happy family, but really spread out across the nation, so I agree with Grandma that we are bound to repeat names and it isn’t too big of a deal.

I totally understand what you’re saying and your concerns jerinnyx - i am all about keeping the family harmony - but I really think in a situation like this, the most important thing is to follow your own heart. Cheesy as that may sound, I really mean it. This is such a personal, meaningful and significant decision in your life that the thing that has to be most important is you (and your significant other) being happy. If someone feels like you stole their name or copied them or anything else silly like that, it’s their problem and not yours and hopefully they’ll get over it soon.
Best of luck to you! ~ [name]Christine[/name]

I would not name my child [name]Veronica[/name] if the name was already taken by a family member. Each child needs to be an individual and sharing a name with someone in the family does not allow them to be…even if they only see each other once a year. Plus it’s bound to anger the mom of the other [name]Veronica[/name]. I would die if one of my cousins named their child my child’s name. There are a lot of names out there, surely you can all find something to call your child without stepping on any toes. If your aunts won’t tell you what they are going to name their children then you should choose a name and announce it to everyone in the family. That way if they choose to name their child the same name, they look ridiculous and not you. As for your future [name]SIL[/name] dibbing a name, I think a lot of people do that. I know my sister in law and I have both “dibbed” names.