Not sure how else to describe what’s happening here, wondering if anyone can relate!
I have a couple of names that I’ve loved since I was a teenager. They are [name_f]Sophie[/name_f] and [name_u]Elias[/name_u]. Where I grew up and at that time, they were rather offbeat choices, and have gained significantly in popularity meanwhile. But I digress.
When I am NOT pregnant or the like, these names swirl around in my head as The Perfect Names for my children.
Then, as soon as I am pregnant, they totally disappear from my radar- they lose their appeal, I’m not excited by them, they’re old, common, boring; I want to find names that are more special and that I’m totally in love with.
After naming my first child (choosing something completely different, [name_u]Sage[/name_u]), I had what looked like name regret for a good year or so- thinking I should have named him [name_u]Elias[/name_u] instead.
Thinking about my next one now, I’m noticing that the same thing is happening again- the name [name_u]Elias[/name_u] seems boring to me and I’m not interested anymore.
What do you think is going on here? Are [name_f]Sophie[/name_f] and [name_u]Elias[/name_u] actually my perfect choices? Or are they old ideas I just can’t let go?
Have you had a similar experience with a name? What did you do?
I can relate. My first daughter was always, always going to be an [name_f]Eva[/name_f]. It had been THE name ever since I got over my [name_f]Josephine[/name_f], [name_f]Carlotta[/name_f], [name_f]Wilhelmina[/name_f] phase at the age of about 8.
When we started thinking about trying for our daughter, I suddenly started hearing [name_f]Eva[/name_f], [name_f]Eve[/name_f], [name_f]Evie[/name_f], [name_f]Ava[/name_f], [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] EVERYWHERE. As a longtime namenerd, I already knew the name wasn’t unusual; it wasn’t its popularity per se that bothered me - it was the fact of hearing it so often on other children. It lost its sparkle and stopped feeling like my baby’s name.
I still love the names [name_f]Eva[/name_f] and [name_f]Eve[/name_f] in theory, and would definitely consider them for the middle name slot in the future, but I’ve never once wished we’d named our daughter [name_f]Eva[/name_f]. It didn’t feel “right” for her once she was actually a reality, and I think if the same thing is happening to you with [name_f]Sophie[/name_f] and [name_u]Elias[/name_u], there’s probably a reason for that. I think it’s a bad sign if you swing back and forwards on a name, even if it’s been on your mind for a long time. The ideal is to find something that you love completely and unconditionally, all the time.
Okay so I’m not a psychologist, biologist. I just have done a lot of research and work with people.
Intrinsic motivation is an individual’s motivation that comes from within, and as humans beings (if somethings not ‘broken’) are motivated to have our children succeed to carry on our bloodlines (Or when they have something to lose). If we believe that giving our child a name that cause them to stand out amongst the crowd, or a one up in life. We do it. Now obviously pregnancy is a huge hormonal madness time and that’s most likely at the forefront. So logically you may like the name [name_u]Elias[/name_u] but when pregnant you want your child to have a leg up, if you believe an uncommon name (like I do) would give him/her a one up that’s why you go for it. We’re biologically programmed to want the best for kids (again if everything went right growing up OR someone decided to move past traumas etc, which does happen of course). [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t think to much about it, or as [name_m]Jim[/name_m] Rohn says “[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t take that class.”
I don’t know if this is exactly the same as your describing, but something similar:
When I was pregnant with my first we didn’t find out the baby’s sex, so baby was either [name_m]Linus[/name_m] or [name_f]Ivy[/name_f]. [name_u]Baby[/name_u] was born, he was a boy, and we named him [name_m]Linus[/name_m].
Then when I was pregant with #2, we again didn’t find out sex. And when we made our short list for girls, I kept crossing [name_f]Ivy[/name_f] out. I loved it so much the first go-round, why didn’t I like it the second time? We ended on [name_f]Betsy[/name_f] for #2.
I think what happens, with me at least, is that I’ve sat on the name so long that it loses its freshness. It doesn’t seem as exciting or original. We’re now hoping for #3, and all my previous number one choices seem to have lost their sparkle.
In my experience, even when a name seems perfect in theory, it may not be perfect for that specific child. So even though you love the name [name_u]Elias[/name_u], maybe that particular child just isn’t a [name_u]Elias[/name_u], but a [name_u]Sage[/name_u]. This happened with my mom, she sat on the same girl name through 4 kids and never used it, still loves it though, she just never had a [name_f]Lily[/name_f].
Thank you for relating. Yes, this makes sense. Apparently you can love names “in theory”, or in general perhaps, but when it comes to YOUR child, suddenly new criteria are thrown onto the table.
Thank you. Your comment makes me think - the “leg up” was not a criterion in our naming choice. Our criteria were “finding the right name for this soul”, which included beauty and meaning. “Leg up” perhaps if by that we mean giving him a name with a beauty and meaning he can look towards for guidance in life - but his name does not scream Next President or another position of power.
I can relate to that as well. Although, what puzzles me is how I keep coming back to certain names AFTER the pregnancy.
But if I were actually to use these names on a next child, I’d likely end up feeling underwhelmed and bored by my own choice. I know there are more exciting names out there, so why would I settle for a name just because I’ve loved it for a long time?
Unless I get the feeling that it’s “the right name for this child.” Then I wouldn’t care about exciting or uncommon.
I’ve never had any children, and I won’t be for a long time, but I understand how you feel. I enjoy finding meaningful names for my characters, even if they never end up with a story. There are some names that I absolutely love and are always on the list for my new characters, but they never actually make it. It’s like they’re exciting until I actually get the chance to use them.
For example, I’ve had the name [name_f]Theodosia[/name_f] on my list for quite some time now. I finally got the chance to name a new character, but I didn’t use [name_f]Theodosia[/name_f], despite it seemingly being my go-to name. I think it has something to do with the fact that we have such clear images in our minds of the people that would have our long-term favorite names, so it’s difficult to picture the name fitting anybody else. You’ve already defined the name, so you can’t let a child define it for themselves.
I wouldn’t suggest using the name if it doesn’t feel right to you. You can give yourself a few options that include [name_u]Elias[/name_u] and decide once he’s born, if that would help.
