Eventually my husband and I would like to adopt. I am curious to see what people think about naming adopted children. Would you be ok with using a name for your culture on a child adopted internationally? What about a name from an entirely different culture, not relevant to you or the child? Would you keep part of the child’s name or use a play on that name? For example I have a friend who was called [name_f]Lian[/name_f] by the orphanage officials and her adoptive parents renamed her [name_f]Lauren[/name_f]. [name_m]Just[/name_m] curious…
I think if I adopted a child from say, [name_f]China[/name_f], I’d give them an easily pronounceable first name, with a middle name that ties to their heritage. I think certain countries require the child to have one ethnically related name (ie; an [name_f]Indian[/name_f] child needs 1 [name_f]Indian[/name_f] name in their birth name) , but I’m not sure on that.
That being said, if I adopted a child from [name_f]France[/name_f], I’d likely leave their name as it is.
I think it all depends on the age of the child. If you have adopted a 3 year old named [name_f]Mai[/name_f] and you want to change her name, it’d be easiest on her to make her name [name_f]Maia[/name_f] or [name_f]May[/name_f], rather than to change it from [name_f]Mai[/name_f] to [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f] or [name_f]Olympia[/name_f]. A 6 or 7 year old child would likely be best with their name being left as it is.
I think a lot of different factors go into picking a name for an adopted child.
If the child is a baby, the decision should be left up to the adoptive parent. I would want to give my child a name from their culture and a name from my own. I think this helps link the child to you, but also gives their culture a validity that is important no matter who you are.
If the child is old enough to have an opinion of his or her own, I would consult the child in picking a name. The child may have wonderful memories and a personal connection with her name, or she might have been mistreated and will want to distance herself from the connection as much as possible. In the latter case, I would still want to pick a name from the culture. I believe it is very sad to completely remove a child from his/her culture. The more you can incorporate it into their adoptive lives, the better (in my opinion).
As far as using a name from an entirely different culture, I think that’s fine. I tend to like names from other cultures, so any biological children I might have won’t necessarily have “American” names.
My brother and his wife adopted two children. They kept their birth names as middle names and chose first names that worked in both English and Spanish.
For me, it depends on two things – who named the child (and how big a role that person played in the child’s life) and how old the child is. For babies, if the child was named by biological parents who were then tragically killed, I would keep the name. It may be the only gift the biological parents left the child and it will be important to the child to have that name. If the child never had a relationship with the biological parents (if he/she was taken at birth and the mother still named him/her), I’d consider keeping the name in the middle name spot, but I’d name him/her whatever I wanted in the first name slot. If the child was named by the orphanage and the child is young enough that he/she doesn’t yet know his/her name, I’d change it if I didn’t like.
If the child is older – say 5 or 6 years old – I’d keep whatever name the child has, regardless of circumstances.
I think keeping the birth name as a middle name is a good option. (In case of an older child, I would also keep the first name as it is)
I know a lovely family in the neighborhood who has recently adopted a 3.5 years old little girl from [name_f]Russia[/name_f]. Her birth name was [name_f]Daria[/name_f]. They named her [name_f]Daria[/name_f]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f]. The mom said they fell in love with her name and did not want to move it to the middle spot. Also, it was already a big shock for the little girl to move into another country, lose her beloved nannies and learn the language. At least she could keep the name that was always hers.
We are adopting (in process) and plan to give our adopted children 3 names just as we do our biological children. We are adopting from a country where children are sometimes given names that reflect disabilities or why they are unwanted, for example we met a little boy whose name meant closed and he was deaf. In a situation like this I would give the child a middle name that connected them to their culture but also meant something meaningful and hopeful. We know a lot of people from this country who we admire and so we may give a child a name that honors someone we know. We will likely give them a first name and second mn that reflect their our family values and how we value and love them as part of our family. At this point we are planning to name our adopted children no matter their age. We want them to have a picture of our love for them in their name just as we have done for our bio kids.
I think it’s a really complicated issue. I want to adopt (maybe even only adopt), and I had thought that I’d always pick the name. I have heard strong arguments on either side, both for and against, and those against changing the name can be very vitriolic against those who do want to change their child’s name. I think it’s noble to try and give the child a tie to their parents and their heritage, but sometimes the adoption experts themselves suggest changing the name, and sometimes keeping the name would be a huge detriment to the child. And, like many adopted children/people I know/have met, the child is literally begging their new parents to change their name. They have a family now. They have brothers and sisters and parents who CARE about them and love them. And they don’t want a reminder of what was. I know a little boy named [name_m]Connor[/name_m] who is blind and was set up for adoption and for years no one wanted to take the little guy in. When my friend [name_f]Kate[/name_f] took him in, [name_m]Connor[/name_m] begged them with huge crocodile tears and genuine anguish that they change his name. They ended up changing the spelling to [name_u]Conner[/name_u]. And I’ve heard about 6 other stories about other children that are just as heartbreaking.
When it comes down to it, I feel like if I adopt a baby within my country (which is what I’d like to do first), I’d just use a name I liked. I might give the bio mom a say–it’s hard to say without knowing the situation, without knowing her, without knowing my baby. When I adopt a child any older than that, I think I would consult the adoption experts I’d be working with. I’d probably research it, as well. However, if I felt a name was related to something super offensive, or if it would be mistaken for something like that, or it was super teaseworthy, I definitely would change it. I might keep it as a middle, but I sort of doubt it, at this point. And if they were old enough to have an opinion (although I almost hope they wouldn’t be–I’ve always wanted to adopt itty bitty ones!), I would ask them, of course.
But every child/person I know that have has been adopted, their adoptive parents have changed their name, and honestly, I would really love to be able to do the same. At the same time, I would want to do what’s best for my child, and what would hurt them the least. So whatever that would be, that’s what I’d want to do. But still, I’m a name nerd. haha. I want to use the names I love. But I’ve dreamed of being an adopted mom long before I fell in love with names, so that would always be my first priority. 
I would give a name from the childs culture as the middle name. Their birth name would be given first choice but if it is unsuitable for the child I would pick another name. I think it is important to consider the culture a name is being introduced into that’s why I would keep the other cultural name as the middle name. I would use a name I liked form my culture as the first name. This is just my personal preferance.
If you were to use a name from the childs culture, I’d find one that was usable and not too outlandish for the culture the name is being introduce into, just to make the transition a little smoother
For me it depends on so many factors. What is the child’s age? Is their current name easily understood, pronounced & enjoyed here in the states?
If I adopted an older child, say from [name_f]Russia[/name_f], I would want her to keep her name or be part of the conversation about a new name. If her name was something like [name_f]Nastia[/name_f], which would be problematic in English, I would want her to change it or move the easily teased name to the middle spot & find something new that she felt comfortable with.
I think if I adopted an infant I would opt to keep one of the names tied to the child’s place or situation of origin. I think it would be meaningful to me & eventually to the child.