As pregnancy becomes a very real possibility for my near future I can’t help but privately dwell on how much I would prefer to have another girl.
I have many reasons to want a girl ranging from the practical (all of the girl gear/clothes from baby #1) to the blatantly sexist (little boys seem like duds most of the time, and teen age boys are gross, controversial, I know!) Also, I grew up in a house full of women, all of my cousins are girls, I am a girl’s girl all the way. It is rare that I will really click with a man and honestly when I do they often display stereotypical female behavior to some degree and they ALWAYS lack stereotypical male traits.
But what I am wondering is if part of my dream of having another girl has to do with NAMES? Cause I really don’t love any boy names. Or maybe I don’t love boy names cause I’m such a man hater??
What I am wondering is- [name_f]Do[/name_f] you have gender preferences & why and do you find this connects to your feelings on naming? [name_f]Do[/name_f] the moms who dream of having a boy have trouble with girl names? Are those who dream of having a girl just like me? Or are all of you infinitely better people who only want a healthy baby with none of these hang ups?
I’ve never been able to imagine myself with daughters. I’ve always imagined myself with sons. Of course I would be thrilled to have girls, but boys are just so much easier for me to interact with. And yes, girls’ names are very difficult for me.
Thanks for responding! I think that part of the reason it is so hard to make a boys list is cause I’ve never imagined that boy…so it’s hard to think of what name would suit him.
I love girls names. I could picture myself having lots of daughters, and loving all of their names. For boys, it is a lot harder. Most of my favorites are long time favorites, and I find it harder to find new names I like. I try to keep my lists even, and I can never feel like I love a boys name enough to add it to my list, so I usually have to take off another girls name to balance it. I can picture myself having boys, but girls names are lots easier to love. I come from a family with 2 brothers, and most of my cousins are boys. So I guess that makes me like girls names a bit more. And for me, with girls names, I can be more creative and out there, but with boys I feel like I need to pick more safe, not so out there names, they need to be established and mature sounding. I guess that is because I have a weird name and both of my brothers have normal names. Boys just aren’t as much fun for me. I’m a long way from kids, but I understand what you are saying. I do think I have connected with the boys names I have had on my list forever, probably more than some of the names on my girls list. I think once you are pregnant or find out what you are having it will all come. If the baby is a boy, you’ll have to name him something! It may be harder for you than naming a girl, but I’m sure you’ll find the perfect name eventually.
I completely understand.
I just found out that baby #2 is a boy. For a few of the same reasons you mentioned, plus a few more of my own, I too was hoping for a second girl. I’m disapointed and feel like a horrible person for it
To answer your question… I have no boy names picked and, truth be told, no real interest in boy’s names right now. As time goes on, I’m sure that will change but right now… I’ve got nothing. I’ve spent the past few months thinking about my favourite girl’s names and I think that I have to get over the fact that I’ll never use them before I can start hunting for boy names.
@candybee I am so glad that someone gets it and I know that you will come around to having a boy, as I would as well!
For me, as a name obsessed person, I want to come up with a boy name I love in order to get more excited about the possibility of having one! But it’s really hard. I just can’t get enthusiastic about anything. Maybe your partner will have some good suggestions.
I know what you mean. I kind of (okay, really, really) want another daughter, although not for the same practical reasons like handing down clothing, etc.
For our first, I really wanted a boy but had a lot of girl names in mind. I think girl names are just more fun to contemplate! Maybe it’s because it’s almost like getting to choose one’s own ideal name as a grown woman without actually changing yours.
You’re not a bad person for wanting another girl! I think a lot of women feel like this and feel a lot of guilt if they experience some disappointment. But the guilt doesn’t help anything.
[name_u]Truth[/name_u] be told, I think so far I’ve been a better mom to our boys than I’ve been to our daughter; I have a really, really difficult relationship with my own mom and sometimes I think I’ve let it affect the way I relate to [name_f]Elise[/name_f]. But ultimately each of us is a work in progress, right? You never know how it will all play out, so you just do your best to relate to the children you have in the best way that you can.
I could’ve written your post! I have one girl and only see myself having girls. I grew up with only sisters and never had guy friends. Boys are just so foreign to me! I remember expressing outrage over a BF farting in front of me and my friend (who had only brothers) was trying to tell me that it wasn’t a big deal, that it’s just how guys act. I just couldn’t believe that’s how someone would act.
Of course all that matters is a healthy baby, like that even needs to be said. But I really would have distress over a boy. It really bothers me when people try to belittle others over gender disappointment or preference.
Thank you so much for the support! I know that if I do have a boy, I will love him & just think he is the coolest boy in the whole world and get over all of this nonsense. And yes, healthy & happy matter the most! But it feels so good to know that maybe every mom does have their ideal. I just worry that I might feel a little bit too strongly about my ideal!!!
And the name thing only makes it worse. If I could come up with a boy name that I truly adore maybe I could wrap my head around the idea of a boy just a bit more!
I don’t have a preference so to speak, but I have two distinct styles for each, and I always have an easier time picking out girls names over boys. [name_f]My[/name_f] girls list is actually about 300-400 names long, but my boys one is just over 100 names long. I’m pickier with boys (lord help me if I get married and my husband hates my boys list, and we have sons…). I do find that, when I’m in classrooms, I seem to find that the girls in the class gravitate themselves to me a lot more than the boys do, most likely because I’d rather play dress-up/kitchen over blocks/army men. It’s not that I won’t play with the boys - in my kindergarten class ([name_f]September[/name_f]-[name_u]January[/name_u]), I was constantly being asked to play with 4 -5 little boys, because I seemed to just ‘click’ with them - I know my kids shows I guess haha.
I understand feeling like you’d click with a daughter more than a son though - my dad actually wanted girls instead of boys, he knew how much of a hassle he was as a kid, so he didn’t really want to put my mum through what his mum went through (although, his mum lost her husband at a young age and ended up raising a 15 year old and a 12 year old on her own, so not quite the same). I know my mum always says that she and my dad never had any boys names that they LOVED when I was born. [name_f]My[/name_f] gender was a surprise until I arrived (I was one fat baby haha), and they went in with one definite, absolute girls choice, but two, kinda sorta loved boys names - [name_m]Jonathan[/name_m] [name_m]Daniel[/name_m] [name_m]Charles[/name_m] (ugh I hate [name_m]Jonathan[/name_m]) and [name_u]Mackenzie[/name_u] [name_m]Daniel[/name_m] [name_m]Charles[/name_m]. I think [name_u]Mackenzie[/name_u] was the winner, but yeah, they couldn’t agree on anything for a boy.
I ultimately want at least one of each, but I feel more confident in many ways about raising a boy. With maybe one or two exceptions, I feel like boys are easier. I love the constant activity of little boys, and I would much rather throw a ball than play with dolls. Of course, any daughter will be active and play sports, but while I appreciate femininity, I don’t know what I’d do with a girly-girl. And the drama…I’m worried about my ability to patiently handle the drama of a teenage girl. But I don’t want to miss out on prom dresses and helping to raise the next generation of strong women either! Still, I think I’d prefer a boy first to build my confidence. And yes, I like more boy names than girl names.
I really wanted a boy, and got one but I had no names in mind. It took months before even one name clicked. [name_m]Even[/name_m] now my husband and I are neutral on gender preference and we have a list of girl names and no boy names.
The nice thing I found about raising a boy is being able to teach/show him how to treat girls. He’s 4 and he holds open doors and asks to pleeeease give us backrubs. He has a very giving, sweet personality. He loves [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] the train and Tinkerbell. (Totally normal)
Having girl names picked out I feel more excited to have a girl down the road. I’ve always wanted to dress her in blue dresses and pigtails. However I see all my friends with girls and it’s not reality. It’s not cute dresses, running through fields, and tea parties all day.
I’m pretty much the opposite in that I could only ever picture myself having boys and although I’ve grown to like the idea of having a little girl, I think I’d still rather have more boys than girls. I grew up around boys and a football (soccer) loving family, including 2 brothers and lots of male cousins. In addition to that I grew up a complete tomboy so I wasn’t into the whole playing with hair and making daisy chains ha! I regularly look after a friend’s little girl and I make sure that I practice doing her hair because I know that I’ll be totally useless at it when and if I have my own daughter and I think little things like that impact on me wanting a boy over a girl.
When it comes to baby names I like a lot more boy’s names and have a real love for some so I’ve always been able to picture myself having a son named [name_m]Isaac[/name_m]. It has taken me a long time to really fall in love with some girl’s names! I’m much fussier with girl’s names and I find myself more bothered about popularity when it comes to a girl’s name than boy’s names. Now I have a list of girl’s names that I like (around 20 or so), as well as a solid top 4 names that I’d love to use and that I could actually picture on a future daughter of mine!
I’ve always had in my head that I’d have a son first, but I’m now praying for twins, a boy and a girl, ha!
I would love to have only girls if possible. In a perfect world, I’d have only daughters. I dare say that I’m capable of feeling disappointed if I discovered I were having a boy at an ultrasound (not that I wouldn’t love him, but I would be more than a little disappointed). [name_f]My[/name_f] parents were the same way, they only wanted girls, and so was my grandmother. [name_f]My[/name_f] other half would prefer to have only boys, on the other hand! So we’ll see what happens.
What’s curious though is that I have several boy name choices that I would use at the drop of a hat, but with girl names I’m hesitant to commit to any one of my favorites. I don’t know why! Perhaps I’m just pickier with girl names.
I should also mention that I am not a super girly-girl despite my gender preference. And my daughter is about as rough & tumble as they come. In fact, one of the boy-mom things that bothers me most is the “boys will be boys” “he’s all boy” attitude, because all of my women friends & girl kids I’ve interacted with are just as wild & crazy, brave & strong, practical & such, as any guy is supposed to be. I think a lot of this hang up comes from not knowing how to raise a boy in the environment of all of that “little man” machismo that seems so common.
I’ve always wanted to have a son first, I love having a big brother and thats a dynamic I want for my kids. I do have a slight preference for boys, I’ve only got brothers, almost all of my cousins are boys and all the children of my parents friends when I was growing up have been boys. I do want a daughter but I think having a mix between the two balance each other nicely rather all boys or all girls.
Ooh, this is really interesting. I find that I like more girls names and am more open to girls names, but I don’t fall in love with them as much as I do with boys names (same with combos). [name_f]My[/name_f] top boys combos, I absolutely adore, (especially [name_m]Caspian[/name_m]), but my girls combos/ faves are a lot more subject to change, especially since despite loving my no.1 girls name, the associations aren’t great. And because I like so many names, I’m always changing my mind.
For some reason I have always been able to imagine having a boy last, however many children I end up having. I can also imagine having boys called [name_m]Caspian[/name_m], [name_u]Phoenix[/name_u] and [name_m]Ptolemy[/name_m], whereas I find it more difficult to imagine having a girl with one of the names I like (probably because they keep changing). Tbh, I think I can probably imagine having a boy more than a girl (although I really want both), because one of my younger male cousins (who’s about 4 now), was born when I was about 11 and I actually realised I’m definitely having kids at some point in my life. I’m also quite close to him (he was the first baby I held etc.) and although I have loads of other younger cousins, I can’t exactly remember being that bothered when they were toddlers/ babies. Most of my cousins are girls as well, so I kind of want a break from girls.
[name_f]My[/name_f] mum and I are both pretty tomboy-ish so I can only imagine having a boy, or a girl who’s a tomboy; I’m not good with girly stuff. I’d love to have both though, and sorry for the ramble.
I can absolutely related to having gender preferences! I don’t know if this is bad to say, but gender is a huge part of your child’s identity and a huge part of you relate to them and vice versa. I absolutely want a daughter, but I absolutely do not want more than one. I have only one sister and our rivalry is lifelong and I can say the same for many of my friends. It seems that when it comes to sisters, they’re either best friends or sworn enemies, and I don’t want to risk the latter. I also just can’t imagine myself having to divide my love and attention between two daughters. Sons, on the other hand, I want lots of! Boys are so much easier (usually) to raise–fewer worries, “quieter” emotions, easier going, etc. And brothers tend to quash conflict and rivalry much more easily. I dunno, this is all just personal experience, but I would be devastated to have no daughter, but also devastated to have more than one.
