Hi, my brother recently passed away from cancer. I was very close with him. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I are due to have a baby boy in [name_u]January[/name_u]. We have thought about naming the baby after my brother. However, we have 3 kids already who share names with the same first initial. We didn’t necessarily plan for that, but that is the way it worked out. So my brother’s name starts with a different initial from the first 3. We don’t want baby #4 to feel left out later in life for not having the same initial name as his siblings. How could we honor my brother but not have baby #4 feel left out later in life? We have thought about using my brother’s name as his middle name, picking a first name with the same initial as the other 3, but calling the baby by his middle name (my brother’s name). Does that seem too complicated? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Name the baby after your brother if that is what you want to do. The meaning of the name far outweighs something as superficial as matching first initials IMO. No one cares about that sort of thing as an adult.
First of all I’m very sorry for your loss, my condolences.
I personally don’t think baby number 4 NEEDS the same initial as his siblings, if you don’t make a big deal about it I don’t think it would ever be an issue between them. As long as you and your SO don’t have the same letter as your kids, it shouldn’t be an issue in my opinion.
If it were me, I would either just use the honor name as a first name OR Use it as a middle name. In this case I think it’s complicated to ignore his first and just go by his middle name. I would call him by his first name.
Another idea: Maybe give him a double-barrel name. Like a [name_f]Mary[/name_f]-[name_f]Kate[/name_f] or [name_u]Tyler[/name_u]-[name_u]James[/name_u]. [name_m]Just[/name_m] an idea
I agree with this. I think any feelings of being left out might be superseded by honoring somebody important. If it helps, I know a set of siblings where all but one have matching initial names. It’s never come up as far as I know.
My condolences on your loss.
As for having the same initials, I’ll give you my point of view as someone in the same situation. I’m the only one in my family that doesn’t have a J name, first or middle. This includes mom, dad, 2 brothers and 2 nephews. I never have felt left out. In fact, I don’t even notice it unless someone brings it up. [name_f]My[/name_f] name has meaning (I’m named for a beloved relative) so that is more important to me than matching the rest of my family.
[name_f]My[/name_f] personal opinion is to name your fourth for your brother. It will be meaningful to them throughout their life. As they get older and head out into the world, the difference between their and their siblings names will be less noticeable.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I think the meaning outweighs the initial pattern (especially if you use your brother’s name in the middle and call your son that anyway, it makes the first initial sort of moot). You could use the same initial for his middle name instead.
I personally don’t think he would feel left out especially since his name would have a lot of meaning and be in honor of someone important. But ultimately it’s whatever you want to do. Sorry for your loss!
I’m sorry to hear of your family loss.
I understand your dilemma and why you are feeling this way. I agree with the rest of the commenters on this thread though, in that meaning outweighs pattern. Although it’s not exactly the same, perhaps use your brothers name as the first name if that is what you’d like to call him, and say, all your other kids start with ‘J’, give him a middle name starting with the letter ‘J’? That way he has both an honouring name and the initial that has been consistent with your previous children.
If it were me, I would not feel left out for having a different first initial. In fact, I would be honoured and feel incredibly grateful that my mother chose to name me after someone who was so special to her.
Good luck with your naming journey!
That doesn’t seem complicated at all and I think that is a great way to honour your brother. Two of my aunts go by their middle names.
I don’t think he’ll feel left out, rather he’ll feel special having an honour name
I don’t think it would be odd since it has a meaning for you.
Agree with all that matching initials is far less important than a name with meaning. Use the initial for a middle name as a way to stay connected. Good luck
Thank you all so much for your encouragement and advice! I feel so much more confident in naming my son after my brother. I appreciate all your input and advice! Thank you!
You can definitely put the name in the front if you want. [name_m]Say[/name_m] your other kids all have a name beginning with L and your brothers name is [name_u]James[/name_u]. Something like [name_u]Lincoln[/name_u] [name_u]James[/name_u] or [name_u]James[/name_u] [name_u]Lionel[/name_u] would honor your brother while carrying on the tradition, but you can definitely still break it. I know a sibling set: [name_f]Ava[/name_f], [name_u]Asher[/name_u], [name_f]Amelia[/name_f], and [name_f]Julia[/name_f] and no one bats an eye.
I am very saddened to hear of your brother’s passing.
It is lovely to honor him. I think an honoring name can be first or middle.
I’m not into alliteration in naming, but you are, so maybe the letter aspect would make your brother’s name a better middle.
But if you want to actually call him by your brother’s name, I would let that trump initials and I would go with it as a first. After all, soon enough the kids will be grown and people won’t know he has three siblings of a different initial.