Naming son after hubby takes all of the fun out of things!

I think you both have to really love your child’s name. For some people, naming a child as a junior is enough to make them love the name, but for other people this might not be the case. It sounds like it is not the case for you, and that is fine, but you have to let your husband know so that you can find another name for your child that will make you both happy. If your husband really has his heart set on naming his son entirely after himself, he might feel somewhat disappointed in not doing so, but not necessarily in a way that will preclude him from loving another name. There are also lots of ways to compromise here, especially since 1) it sounds like you do like the idea of your son’s name honoring your husband and would want to incorporate that honor in some way; and 2) your husband sounds a bit undecided about the junior thing rather than being a die-hard proponent.
Some other ways to honor your husband with your son’s name, without giving the exact name would be: using your husband’s first or middle name as your son’s first name but allowing your son to have his own middle, using your husband’s first or middle name as your son’s middle but allowing him to have his own first name, using a variant of your husband’s name, using the same initials, working off of a nickname of your husband’s to find your son’s first or middle name, honoring someone else in your husband’s family, using a family surname, using a name with the ending “son,” or even using inspiration from your husband’s favorite authors, characters, musicians, or even places - especially something that relates to values or experiences that he wants to pass down to his son.

I understand how you feel [name]Martina[/name]. I remember when I was a young girl thinking how boring it was that my brother had both my father’s first and middle name and had always hoped to have more creative freedom when it came time to name my own boy. Dh’s father passed away when he was a teen and so it has always been his wish to name his son after him. It wasn’t a name I was ever crazy for (though it certainly isn’t popular) but it’s really begun to grow on me. But to put a bit of myself into the name we’re going to give him a middle name we like and he his go by that (so the first name will be more of a formality and it allows for the initials to honor my father). Also you may be surprised to discover how many common names have more unusual variations, such as:
[name]Zachary[/name] has [name]Zachariah[/name]
[name]Joseph[/name] has [name]Josiah[/name]
[name]Adam[/name] has [name]Adamo[/name]
[name]Jacob[/name] has Jacobus or [name]Jacoby[/name]

So maybe there is a variation of your husbands name that you can use. On the bright side however there’s a 50/50 chance your first born will be a girl so don’t stress over this too much yet. I’m sure when you do eventually have a boy everything will work out for the best.

I understand how you feel! My hubby and I have compromised and will use his name as a middle name for our son, when/if we have one. Its a lot of family pressure and expectation to deal with though, so you have my sympathies.

I think in your case since he is not adamant about naming a son after him, you should go ahead and pick whatever names you both like. If it’s family members farther up that are insisting on naming your DS after him, I think you should not keep them from using whatever names you (and DH) like. As has been said before, the only person who needs to agree with your name choices is your partner.

Am I a bit weird in that I’m a guy, but I actually would NOT want to name a son directly after me (other than possibly my FN or MN as his MN, or alternate forms of those names in either spot)? For one thing, I think it’s pragmatically unhandy (having to come up with nicknames to distinguish each other and potential bureaucratic mixups).

This is tough. I have a little experience with this as my SO told me early on in our relationship that he would like to name a son his first name, who would be the third with the same first name. I said no outright, haha, but for many reasons. Some of which may or may not be applicable to you but…

  1. It’s a patriarchal tradition I don’t agree with. Why is it only fathers that pass down their names? [name]How[/name] many mothers name their daughters their exact name? Vitually none. Isn’t passing down their last names enough? (Also another thing I have a problem with but I won’t get into that, haha)
  2. I find is assumptive for the man to believe that their name is so fantastic they have to bestow it on their son. To name a child after someone I feel like they have to have done something honourable rather than just assuming they deserve it. Know what I mean?

Ok, I understand I sound harsh and a little mean but these are my views. However, I may still use SO’s name, but only if we have, like, 4 sons, haha. I would use it as a middle though, for sure. Fortunately, my SO was reasonable when I explained my thoughts, and I think we’re sort of on the same page. I wouldn’t get too worried about it until the time comes and you have a baby boy in your arms :slight_smile:

I understand it may be a bit of a dilemma.
First off, I’ve never understood the tradition of naming a child after his father and I really don’t like it. To me, it’s like you’re simply giving your child a number and how can a number be unique and reflect his personality.
No offense to those who like this tradition, these are just my thoughts!
I understand one may want to honour a family member in naming one’s child, but there are other ways of doing this than simply using the same name over and over again. Using grandfather’s fn as a middle for example.

In the tradition of naming often times patronyms have been used for boys and matronyms for girls, but of course these are last names, or as in [name]Russia[/name], a form of last name.
Still a patronym or matronym is more unique than inheriting a fn and mn.

In most European countries children won’t be given the names of their parents but often enough will be given a grandparent’s (or greatgp) fn or mn as a middle, sometimes a first.

In your case, at the moment at least, it doesn’t sound like your DH is too occupied with keeping up the tradition. If you do decide to go with another name, and this upsets his family members, sit down an discuss your reasons for giving your son another name.
I’m sure it’ll all work out for the best.

What a tricky situation, and unfortunately not an uncommon dilemma! I feel lucky that this is not a tradition in dh’s family, because I agree that it would take all the fun (and personal taste!) out of the naming process. My dad is a [name]Jr[/name]., though he goes by his middle while his dad went by his first name. My parents chose not to carry on the tradition, so my older brother has our dad’s middle name as his middle, but a different first. I think everyone was happy with that, but now I’m curious and will have to ask my mom if there was any pressure from the in-laws!

On the other hand, a friend just had a baby boy who is the fifth of his name. When they found out it was a boy, there was no question as to what they would name him. I think that as the tradition goes on, it is harder and harder to break! My friend felt he really had no choice in what to name his son, and I imagine his son will feel the same when the time comes! I usually like family traditions, but not so much replicating an exact name over and over. It has to stop somewhere!

That is a tough one. If it were me I would stop the naming cycle. I mean after all it has to stop somewhere, there cant be a [name]William[/name] [name]Edwin[/name] the 12th. [name]William[/name] is a nice name but if you dont love I wouldnt bestow it upon your child. I would try not to push the issue on your husband though. I think because it is his families name that he needs to come to the decision as well. You could always stick another name in front of it and have [name]William[/name] [name]Edwin[/name] be a double middle name. Then the names still get passed on but your son will get his own first name.

I just had to comment because our initial situations are so similar…my husband is [name]William[/name] III. Sadly, in his family all of them go by the nickname “[name]Bill[/name]”. He is adamantly against having a “IV” --which also means that we can’t name a son after his father or grandfather, either!

I’m sort of hoping that we can find some compromise when we are at the point of talking about an actual child rather than a theoretical child.

I tend to agree with your husband that giving the second son your husband’s name could cause issues. I can see where he’s coming from on wanting to make sure the baby feels connected to his side of the family too. Having said that, I’m not a huge fan of [name]Jr[/name].s, IIIs, IVs, etc. [name]Do[/name] you think your husband would compromise by giving the baby his first name or middle name but not both? You could use the other part of your husband’s name for the second son.

I agree with pleinelune, except I don’t think that you need to discuss it with his family if they disagree. It’s your child, and your choice. They had a choice for their children, it is unreasonable to expect that they again have the choice to name yours. If they don’t like it it’s their problem, tell them to deal with it and leave you alone.

That sounds so like my hubby. When I started seriously pushing for [name]George[/name] suddenly I had a green light to any other name on my list. I would say if he’s insistent on using [name]William[/name] you can be persistent with using [name]Liam[/name]. If it’s going to be years before you use the name then you have time to warm him up to it. I’m sure it’s hard for him to imagine an unheard of nn since Willliam has been his name his whole life.

I think “[name]Dru[/name]” is a very clever, and sweet alternative nickname. :wink:

love the list of nicknames. I worry about this (a little) with my soon to be husband- he’s a third and would want to name our first son after himself. I don’t necessarily mind but I’m not crazy about the IV, V, etc. I think it gets a little unwieldy and [name]IMO[/name] can sound pretentious. I’d personally like to keep is first name and use a different middle. not thinking he’ll go for that…

He feels that passing on his name to our first son would be a great way to show that our kids are proud of his heritage too. It kind of puts me in a bad position because I understand where he is coming from, but I just don’t want to feel like our first child has already been named by his family. Basically I feel like hubby’s mom has named our child(since she named hubby). That makes me feel a bit slighted.

I’m on your side here. I don’t think naming a child after a parent is a connection to both sides of the family.