Need advice please!

My husband and I are due with our first son together (we each have one boy from previous marriages and one daughter together) in two months. I have wanted to use the name [name]Noah[/name] before the birth of my first son but it didn’t go with the last name at the time. My husband likes this name as well. However, about two years before we met, his sister miscarried a set of twins and one was named [name]Noah[/name]. While I want to be sensitive to her loss, I’d also like to be able to give my son a name that I love. Although I’ve searched endlessly, I haven’t been able to come up with an alternative name that I really love. What would you do?? Thanks for your help!

Would you feel comfortable discussing this with the couple who lost the baby?

Could using this name be a way of honouring the lost baby?

They may feel pleased that you are considering this name I would not use it unless I had had a heart to heart with them and felt that they honestly did not mind and were in fact flattered.

Yes, I would definitely say something to her first. She can be a little dramatic so it could go either way… either she could be happy that we would use the name or hurt. It’s impossible to predict which is what makes us hesitant to bring it up. I know we will have to do it soon. There’s the risk of coming across as heartless when that is not our intention at all.

Of course, the truth is that she didn’t pick this name to honor that lost baby; she picked it because she liked it, before she even knew them. I agree that it might be best to get their feelings before proceeding with this name, but I disagree with insincerely framing it as an honor to their child’s memory when it’s not. If it were me, I would avoid this name as off-limits (same as if they had a living child with this name) and move on rather than risk opening a wound. After what they have been through, they have every right to feel upset by the use of this name in the family, and it would only out them in an awkward position if you asked them outright how they felt (they would have to choose between being honest and disappointing a pregnant woman or swallowing their sadness and giving you their blessing; neither solution makes a happy ending and the result is that you end up with a child whose name - whether [name]Noah[/name] or something else - feels to everyone in the family as if it carries a burden). There is absolutely another name out there, and if you give us more information, the nameberry community can help you search.

I have to agree with JLM. I personally wouldn’t be able to use the name because, like JLM said, I wouldn’t want to open old wounds. I’d personally cross the name off my list due to the sensitive situation, but you of course need to do what’s right for you, whatever that is.

If you don’t go with [name]Noah[/name], some names you may like:





Good luck!