My daughter-in-law is pregnant with twin girls. At the beginning of the pregnancy we had a discussion about naming twins in which the whole “don’t give the kids rhyming names” thing came up and she assured me she would never do that. Quite a while back they started liking [name]Riley[/name] and were looking for a name for the other twin and they mentioned [name]Kailey[/name]. That, to me, was too matchy in sound but it just got worse. Yesterday was her baby shower and while sitting there, I heard her say it is now [name]Riley[/name] and [name]Kiley[/name]!!! Someone help please. [name]How[/name] do I politely get the message across that matching names are not a good decision (for the girls or their parents). Can you imagine the nightmare of mixing up their names everytime you call them or the nightmare for the girls of never being sure which is being called? Should I say something again or not. I don’t want to offend them (I understand that they must like the sound of these names). I just don’t know what to do. Help!!! Those of you who are pregnant, tell me if there is any nice way to tell them it isn’t a good idea. Or should I just keep my mouth shut and back off and let them name their kids anything they want?
Wow! That is a really tough one! It’s easy enough to give out advice here on Nameberry, but face-to-face with your own family it’s much harder, especially if they aren’t asking your opinion.
Because they aren’t asking your opinions, I say you need to go about it in a very subtle way, but I personally would still feel compelled to say something.
Depending on your relationship, you could simply bring up naming and ask if they’ve decided what names they are using, and go from there as delicately as you can… (Simply asking “Oh! Names that rhyme?” might be enough to jar her back into reality…) There might be a chance you misheard your DIL at her shower?
You could always find a great name (one very similar to style or sound) suggest it and hope it appeals to her too.
Let’s see what’s like [name]Riley[/name] and [name]Kiley[/name] (these combos are all still awfully close but SO much better than [name]Riley[/name] and [name]Kiley[/name]):
[name]Riley[/name] and [name]Kyla[/name]
Ryah and [name]Kiley[/name]
[name]Kaia[/name] and [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Kayla[/name] and [name]Riley[/name]
It’s difficult because I know if my [name]MIL[/name] was trying to tell me what to name my children, I would be very upset. But in my opinion, it’s just a crime to give twins rhyming names.
Maybe approach your son first?
Here are some of the names I think have similar styles/sounds to [name]Riley[/name]/[name]Kiley[/name]:
[name]Kayla[/name]
[name]Kaia[/name]
[name]Kyla[/name]
Ryah
Rylah
[name]Hailey[/name]
[name]Halle[/name]
[name]Kaylee[/name]
[name]Callie[/name]
[name]Aubrey[/name]
[name]Audrey[/name]
[name]Cara[/name]
[name]Lucy[/name]
[name]Lily[/name]
[name]Lyla[/name]
[name]Cassidy[/name]
[name]Emily[/name]
[name]Livy[/name]
[name]Maia[/name]
[name]Miley[/name]
Mailyn
Ailey
[name]Ainsley[/name]
[name]Bailey[/name]
[name]Kaylin[/name]
[name]Maisy[/name]
[name]Poppy[/name]
[name]Paisley[/name]
[name]Payton[/name]
[name]Rainey[/name]
[name]Shyla[/name]
[name]Skyla[/name]
[name]Cheyanne[/name]
Best of luck to you! Let us know how everything turns out!
Hey, Unie!
Well, I’m obviously not a mother-to-be, but I personally - as a twin - think you should say something. In order to do it tactfully, you might offer up a book about twins - there are tons! - that perhaps mentions names and forming individualized lives. I’m not too familiar with the twin literature, myself, but I bet it is in at least one of those books! So, take a trip down to the library or bookstore today, scan the babies and parenting section for books about twins, and look in them to see if the topic of names comes up. It just has to!
If all else fails, I can tell you from the experience of my family - [name]Esther[/name] and [name]Lester[/name], [name]Gary[/name] and [name]Larry[/name] - that rhyming twin names quickly become a family joke and honestly only further the sort of “natural freak-show” that twins - especially identical (i.e., me) - already are…
Good luck! For the sake of your twin granddaughters, I wish you the best!
[name]Lemon[/name] 
Hmm that is a toughie… I’m sure you don’t want to come across as being pushy, especially if these end up being THE names of your grandkids.
I will say that it’s possible she likes the names so much that she no longer cares that they rhyme… I “went back on” what I said about naming our soon-to-be-born 2nd daughter. Our firstborn’s name starts with an S. My stepdaughter’s name also starts with an S. When we found out we were having a girl, my hubby immediately thought it would be “cute” to keep up the S-name “theme.” I was adamant that we would do no such thing - especially since I had nothing to do with naming my stepdaughter, so it wasn’t really “our” theme. However - I fell completely in love with an S name and nothing else sounds right. So I had to go back on that one (hubby was thrilled BTW, lol.)
There’s this website called babynameintervention.com that lets you send an anonymous email to someone that voices your dislike of their intended baby name(s). There are several different styles you can choose from and they’re written so that they’re meant to be humorous but also get the point across. Maybe you could try that and see how she reacts to it without her having to know it was you?
Thanks everyone! We do have a good relationship (she even lived in my home for 14 months) and I don’t want to ruin it if you know what I mean. In the beginning, she actually asked for my help with name suggestions. However, I found myself becoming too emotionally involved (in part, because I lost my first daughter at her birth due to severe prematurity 9 years ago and the fact that these babies are girls has brought up some grief that always lies right below the surface) so I stepped back from the situation. I can live with whatever they choose but I worry for my grandchildren’s identity formations and for the headaches it might cause my son and d-i-l when calling their children. I did not have the best relationship with my own m-i-l (God rest her soul) and I feel like I am walking a tightrope in how best to tell them that I don’t believe rhyming names are a good idea. I think I will ponder this for a little longer before deciding. If anyone else has advice (yea or nay) please keep it coming.
This is a tough situation. My husband and I haven’t been sharing our name list with anyone because, frankly, I don’t want any negative input from people who don’t like our choices. Some people have been kind of pushy about trying to find out what’s on our list, which makes me really annoyed. I think it’s great you’re at least considering their feelings before you comment about the names. Your d-i-l put it out there at the shower so that is a little different. I think you could say something to your son or d-i-l like, “So I heard you (or her) talking at your shower about potential baby names. Are you up for hearing opinions about that topic or should I just keep my mouth shut? I can understand if you want to make that decision without any interference.” Then she can let you know if she wants to hear your ideas about the names or not. Maybe she’s open to suggestions, but it’s better to find out first before offering them.
Hm… Since you said you have a good relationship with your DIL and son, and especially because she asked for naming help in the beginning, I say just talk to them.
Be ready to step back and respect them if they are set, but I think it will probably save a lot of grief and worry if you address the topic directly. That way you will also have some peace knowing that you spoke your mind.
By the by, I’m so sorry for your loss. Wish I could give you a big hug! What a blessing these new little girls will be in your life though! Such a gift.
This is indeed a difficult task. If they do not ask for your advise you can’t tell them because perhaps the daughter-in-law will see you as a mother-in-law from hell.
The only way is from a kind, humoristic way… just try to discuss it. Come up with funny alterations of the names and see how it goes. I am expecting my first child in july/august and when I told my mother-in-law that I loved the name [name]Noah[/name], she just completely tried to trash it. I won’t let her, because my naming of my child is my and my husbands business only.
Good luck anyway!
Thank you…I am really looking forwards to my grandaughters ( no matter what their names). I think I will say something (nicely, of course). Does anyone know of any research done on twin names and how they affect twin’s perceptions of their identities? If so, give me a webpage or something that I can copy for them to read. Perhaps something like that would dissuade them from using rhymes.
Also, if anyone can think of names that are like [name]Kiley[/name] or [name]Riley[/name] in style, similar sound, etc. then perhaps they would have a list of alternatives to use for one. Thank you to the first poster for your suggestions.
By the way, I love the middle names I overheard her say yesterday and I sincerely hope they keep them. He picked one, she picked the other. I won’t reveal what those are right now but eventually will tell you all.
I don’t know if you will be able to find this, but here is a citation of interest:
Plank, [name]Robert[/name]. “Names of Twins.” Names 12 (1964): 1-5.
[name]Robert[/name] Plank, who studied names of twins, discovered that the names fit into three patterns and that the names in two of the patterns show unmistakable similarity. The most common pattern, which occurred in 62f the cases Plank studied, was the use of names that begin with the same letter. This included such names as [name]Richard[/name] and [name]Robert[/name] ([name]Ricky[/name] and [name]Robby[/name]), [name]Joseph[/name] and [name]Judith[/name] ([name]Joey[/name] and [name]Judy[/name]), [name]Louise[/name] and [name]Louisa[/name], as well as such names as [name]Paul[/name] and [name]Paula[/name] and [name]Patrick[/name] and [name]Patricia[/name]. The second pattern involved names that had different first letters but where similar in sound, rhythm, or rhyme. Such sets of names as [name]Tracy[/name] and [name]Stacy[/name], [name]Billy[/name] [name]Joe[/name] and [name]Penny[/name] [name]Sue[/name] accounted for 17f the sets of names. Finally, Plank found that only 21f the sets of names were different enough from one another to be considered dissimilar. Identical twins, who are always of the same sex and who look so much alike people have trouble telling them apart, fare worse than fraternal twins in the similarity of their names. For, as Plank found, almost 90f the identical twins had similar names compared to roughly only 75f the fraternals.
The point of all of this is not that parents of twins are vindictive toward their children and purposely give them names that will confuse other people. Instead, the point is that the parents instinctively feel that their twins share an identity and hence should “share” a name. Sometimes, though, it seems that parents are unable to resist the temptation for humor when it comes to naming twins. For example, a woman in [name]London[/name] named her twin daughters [name]Kate[/name] and Duplicate. When a clergyman refused to baptize the second one, the newspapers picked up the mother’s cause and editorialized in support of her right to give her children any names she wanted. A couple in Dubuque, Iowa, named their twins [name]Bing[/name] and Bang, and [name]Dick[/name] [name]Gregory[/name], the comedian and civil rights leader, combined his two callings by giving his twins the middle names of Inte and Gration ([name]Smith[/name]).
Quote from: Names and Personal Identity - Behind the Name
Good luck, Unie!
[name]Lemon[/name] 
Thank you lemon! Interesting article! [name]Kate[/name] and Duplicate, Inte and Gration- oh my goodness 
Hmm, that is a tough situation. Your relationship with your son and d-i-l reminds me a lot of mine with my m-i-l. We have always had a good relationship, and I value her opinion. She doesn’t have very broad taste in names though, she only likes very normal ones, but even doesn’t like a lot of those (I think it’s because she’s worked with children her whole life and lets the bad associations get to her). Anyway, she didn’t much like any of the names we were considering. I must say that annoyed me (she thinks [name]Jack[/name] and [name]Owen[/name] are nerd names, [name]Alfred[/name] is a butler, [name]James[/name] is boring, etc. etc. for every single name). The name we initially chose she pretended to like, even wrote it on a [name]Christmas[/name] ornament, but when we decided not to name him that she was THRILLED and proceeded to make fun of it a lot. And that sort of hurt my feelings, and I wouldn’t like it if we’d named him that and she always had those thoughts. The name we chose both sets of parents LOVED, and that was a part of my decision to go with it. They were so upset that we might not use it, so I know they were sincere. Sorry to get so long winded, I’m trying to sort out what I think you should do.
I think I would want my m-i-l to say something. Especially because she had said in the beginning that she didn’t want matching names. However, maybe these are just the two names they love and they don’t care anymore if they match. I would just start a casual conversation, “So have you decided what the girls will be named yet?” “We’re thinking [name]Riley[/name] and [name]Kiley[/name]” “Oh! I love both of those names! But I thought you didn’t want to go with names that match?” Then I’d think they’d tell you their reasoning and you could understand where they’re coming from and determine whether or not they’re open for suggestions.
They obviously love the I sound. I’m trying to think of less matchy names that still have that sound, but they all still sound matchy!
[name]Riley[/name] and [name]Ivy[/name]
[name]Riley[/name] and [name]Isla[/name]
[name]Riley[/name] and [name]Shyla[/name]
[name]Riley[/name] and [name]Kenley[/name]
[name]Riley[/name] and [name]Kelsey[/name] - These are still matchy, but I like them together, maybe they would too.
Good luck, tell us what happens!
I actually like both of these names alone, just not together if you know what I mean(lol). I certainly don’t want them to think I dislike the names they’ve picked. If I did, I would just be blunt about it and then tell them, “It isn’t my decision, it’s yours. These are YOUR children.”. Not sarcastically but very nicely. It is harder when you actually like both names but don’t like them together as a twinset.
In the end, I realize that this is totally their choice and will just be happy to have the little ones here safe and sound.
oh man! I totally agree with you rhyming names are just wrong! But I dont think you can say anything without offending her, unfortunately. You could always call one of them by a middle name so at least YOU dont have to call them riley and kiley. For example my mom call my daughter lily belle even though her name is [name]Lila[/name]. My daughter feels special that her grandma has a special name for her.
The most interesting and relevant part of the article [name]Lemon[/name] shared is the part that says “parents instinctively feel that their twins share an identity and hence should ‘share’ a name.” That seems to hit the nail on the head.
If you can have a direct talk with your DIL… then great. IF that is not possible, it would be helpful (for the twins) if that information can somehow be passed along to your DIL-- about the subconscious tendency of parents to view their twins as sharing an identity – either from the article, a book, etc., so that she becomes aware of it. Hopefully, she will recognize that is exactly what she appears to be doing.
Is there any chance that you can team up with another family member and have them raise the subject of twin psychology (in general) at a family gathering? You could offer to do some homework on the subject – or say that you found some info (coincidentally) on the topic and will share it when you locate it. Then bring an article, book, etc. when you see them again or casually pass it along through a more neutral family member to give them. The naming advice could be just one element of what you give them so that it does not come across as direct advice. Not sure if this idea is at all feasible for you to do, but it’s a thought.
Once aware of this tendency, who would purposely treat their twins like they “share an identity” – especially when bestowing their names? Hopefully, she will see the light.
Good luck! Keep us posted!
[name]Hi[/name], again!
Everwaiteing, you raised some very interesting points, and I agree with your plan of action wholeheartedly. I wish I could have gotten my hands on the article I cited, as the one I quoted from just mentioned the title. I don’t know how to get to that article, but I think it would’ve been perfect…
Regardless, the one I did quote brought up an interesting point - the one you quoted - in that parents view their twins as a unit and thus feel like they should ‘share’ a name. You’re an identical twin if I remember correctly, right?
Anyway, regarding the topic of twin psychology, it is a very interesting subject that I’m sure is prevalent and robust. I encourage you to seek out books about twins - which are likely to include discussion of such issues - and present them to your daughter-in-law and son as a gift! It is a tasteful way to get your point across. As I said before, I’m really not up on the twin literature, but we do have an interesting book at my house that I’ve glanced through from time to time. The book is called “Raising Twins: What Parents Want to Know (And What Twins Want to Tell Them),” co-authored by Dr. [name]Eileen[/name] Pearlman, an identical twin. Dr. Pearlman is a counselor who specializes in twins and twin parenting. She is also the director of TwInsight, an online resource for twins and parents of twins. At the link, you can even email her! Maybe she can point you in the right direction…
TRY IT: http://www.twinsight.com/
I can only speak from my own experience as an identical twin in saying that it is vital for your son and daughter-in-law to treat their daughters as individuals from the get-go, and that includes the months before their birth, in which important decisions - such as names! - are being made. It is important for them to recognize that they are not just welcoming twins, but rather they are welcoming two wonderful little girls into their family, two separate but forever intertwined children. My parents have never once referred to my sister and I - notice, I don’t say my twin and I - as “the twins.” It’s rule Number 1 in twin parenting - don’t refer to your twins as “the twins.” Rather, my parents would either say “[name]Sarah[/name] and [name]Lauren[/name],” or, more commonly, “the girls.” Calling us “the girls” worked well for our family since we were the only girls - we have one older brother. If their was another girl in our family, it wouldn’t have worked so well. As a college student, I am having to face more and more the realization that I’m not back in my small high school where everyone knew I was a twin and was generally “over” the shock. Most teachers knew our names or were kind enough to refer to us both as Ms. [name]Miller[/name], which is fine with me. Now, being in a bigger place where people don’t know from the start that I have a twin, I often find myself being stared at when my sister and I go places together - yes, my sister goes to the same college as me and is one of my roommates. I feel like a “freak show” many times, and we are incessantly fawned over as if we were conjoined or something! Here is where I fail to recognize just how unusual it must be for the rest of the world to see two people who look so much alike together. All of the cafeteria workers here know and adore us - you want to come get food with us because you’ll probably end up with a free gift! - but they always call us both “twin.” There’s been more than a few times that I just want to say, “Look. My name isn’t “twin,” and if you can’t tell which girl I am - which I don’t blame you for - then I’d ask you to use a more polite term, such as Ms. [name]Miller[/name].” But, I can’t do that. I can’t lash out at someone for being confused. I just have to deal with it. I just have to resign myself to the fact that I am forever part of a unit.
Goodness! I don’t think that even had anything to do with this topic, but I guess I just had to get it off my chest. I’m SO sorry for that very long-winded reply, everyone, and I hope that you can work this out with your son and daughter-in-law so that your granddaughters can have the best chance at being individuals!
Take care!
[name]Lemon[/name]
[name]Hi[/name] Uni
I say speak up (I haven’t read all the posts) your family know that you eat and breathe baby names so if you speak up they will I believe accept what you say without a problem. They may not take your advice but I don’t think it will cause a family strain.
I knew twins once one was called [name]Carol[/name] the other [name]Joy[/name], they were identical and so people called them [name]Carol[/name] [name]Joy[/name]. I think that this is a great idea because the names aren’t rhymey like [name]Riley[/name] and [name]Kiley[/name] yet run together beautifully and apart they are quite individual names so let’s think of some combos
[name]Mary[/name] and [name]Kate[/name] equals [name]Mary[/name] [name]Kate[/name]
[name]Julie[/name] and [name]Anne[/name]/a equals Julieanne
[name]Anna[/name] and [name]Belle[/name]/a equals [name]Annabelle[/name]
[name]Carol[/name] and [name]Lena[/name] equals [name]Carolina[/name]
[name]Marie[/name] and [name]Rhea[/name] equals [name]Maria[/name]
[name]Kay[/name] and [name]Layla[/name] equals [name]Kayla[/name]
[name]Mary[/name] and [name]Jane[/name] equals [name]Mary[/name] [name]Jane[/name]
[name]Maria[/name] and [name]Anna[/name] equals [name]Marianna[/name]
[name]Grace[/name] and [name]Lynne[/name] equals [name]Gracelyn[/name]
[name]Lee[/name] and [name]Anne[/name] equals [name]Leanne[/name]
[name]Skye[/name] and [name]Lark[/name] equals [name]Skylar[/name]
[name]Elle[/name] and [name]Nora[/name] equals [name]Eleanora[/name]
So if people can’t remember or work out which twin is which this is the ideal way to reduce confusion and yet give each twin basically there own name whether the other person is confused or not.
Why not get her to think along these lines? I think the twins would thank you.
[name]Hi[/name]…
I’m so sorry to butt in again, but I wanted to say something.
[name]Rollo[/name], I’m sure Unie appreciates your advice, but for the sake of the twins, I have to say that I really wouldn’t recommend doing something like what you suggest. I see the appeal of calling [name]Mary[/name] and [name]Anna[/name] “[name]Marianna[/name]” for the rest of the world - it’s easier and you never have to remember (or discover) who is who! But, I honestly see it as a cop-out to make things easier and less embarrassing for people who don’t want to take the time to get to know each girl individually and learn to tell her and her sister apart. I know I’d rather get called my twin sister’s name than be called [name]Laura[/name] (my failed attempt at combining [name]Lauren[/name] and [name]Sarah[/name]). I feel like the point in naming twins is giving them individual names, and combining their names into a joint nickname is no better than making a wacky celebrity couple nickname, a la Brangelina! I’m just speaking from the perspective of an identical twin, here, and I really didn’t mean any offense, [name]Rollo[/name]! Please don’t take it the wrong way.
[name]Lemon[/name]
Coming from someone who had twins and had to name them, I think it is best for me to advise you to let them name their children whatever they want. I know as someone who loves names (and your future grandchildren) its hard to sit back and watch them do something that you feel is a mistake. But they are THEIR children. If your son and daughter in law ask for advice, then by all means…
Naming is very stressful. Double that for twins. Having extra opinions and “advice” from my family members added so much extra stress. I made the mistake of talking to everyone about my daughters names. I thought the extra opinions would help me come to a decision. But actually, I sat crying several nights trying to please everyone that I was close to and still trying to stay true to myself and husband.
Seriously, when your grandchildren are here, you will love them no matter what their names are. Until then, really, for the mother, stay out of it unless asked. And if you are asked, only offer support. If they want to pick out rhyming names, so be it.
I hope that wasn’t too blunt or harsh. Good luck and congrats grandma!
why dont you use reverse pyscology? say the names and mix them up- or get a friend/relative who is pretty blunt to say something in a nice, but to the point way… can you talk to your son?