Need some advice - starting from scratch

Hey everyone :slight_smile:

I’ve been a lurker for a while and would really appreciate some help.

I was in a long term relationship for a while and kind of based all my name choices around his opinions and feelings, etc.

Now I feel weird about all my choices. They don’t feel like mine anymore. I don’t really know what names I 100% like anymore and which ones have meaning to me. I’m thinking I need to start again.

Would anyone be willing to help work with me on this? I was such a name nerd so this is kind of devastating for me, and I’m sure you guys are the best people to ask because you would totally understand <3

Thank you so much!

I think starting from scratch would be helpful! I’d suggest going through blog posts or lists on nameberry or other sites and starting your list afresh - hopefully you’ll discover some new names without past associations
Or, it might be worth asking for name suggestions here - that way you might discover something new too :slight_smile:

Here’s what I would do:

I keep my list on my notes app, so I would delete my list and just start jotting down any and every name that catches your eye.

Scroll through the forums, read names in movie credits, read all the name blogs; aside from Nameberry, I love Appellation Mountain and British [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Names for inspiration.

[name_f]Do[/name_f] this until you get a nice, lengthy list and then, if you like, create a new thread asking how people would put the names into combos. Then you can see how you feel about them, and by this time, you might start feeling attached to some of them!

[name_f]Hope[/name_f] this is helpful, it will take a little while, but it will be a fun journey.

Starting from scratch could be helpful for you, and hey if it means you need to talk about names a lot - this is the place!

You can also think of the things you had to take off your list to compromise with your partner, and see if you still love them/explore similar names.

Thank you so much for commenting and offering your support, guys :slight_smile: I’m so glad to be a part of this really great community!

I feel a lot more positive and empowered about this opportunity. I’ll put together some names and post to get some feedback.

Thanks again!


Hey @pippakate!
I went through the same thing about 2 years ago, but it took me about a year after to really change my list. I’ve still been working on mine for off and on about 8 months. I added some that I loved for a really long time and never fell out of love with, just took a back seat off my list cause of him. I took basically all the names he came up with, besides one or two with changing middle name to fit my taste more. It’s a work in progress still! If you want to, you can PM me and I’ll tell you more!

I was in the same position as you six months ago, having left my abusive fiance, and then not long after beginning a new relationship with a childhood friend (kind of??).

My ex and I had our kids’ names picked - [name_u]Collins[/name_u], [name_u]Kennedy[/name_u] and [name_u]Hunter[/name_u] for girls, and [name_m]Aaron[/name_m] for a son. Now I feel kind of, indifferent to all of them, because they were our kids - that now won’t be happening.

I basically just threw out every list we ever made together, created a new NB account, and started completely fresh. My current boyfriend and I have talked about names, and we’ve got an entirely new list (thankfully for me, he and my ex had completely opposite styles), which is totally helping.

[name_m]Feel[/name_m] free to message me if you need to/want to talk about anything with someone who’s recently been there. You’ll rediscover some old favourites, fall in love with new names, and maybe keep some others from your previous list - it’s so much fun to start all over though.

Wow, thank you both so much for your kind replies. It’s really validating to know that others have gone through similar situations. I am sorry that you both went through that though.

For me, I think it might be helped that he really disliked a LOT of names. Yes he did put down a lot of ones I liked, which then made me not like them anymore, but I think I can bring them back. <3 He also was of an ethnic background other than mine, so there were a lot of names I specifically considered to honour his heritage, which now I obviously don’t have to do anymore, lol.

I’m wondering if I can bring back all my favourites. I for sure would love to chat with both of you some more to get some more encouragement in the right direction. I’m feeling like my names are lacking the spark I felt they once had.

Thank you again :slight_smile: