Needing a little perspective

My first daughter, [name]Elizabeth[/name], was born almost 8 months ago. She is the 6th of 7 grandbabies on my husband’s side. My sister-in-law just had her 4th baby, a girl, last weekend. The name chosen for the new baby: [name]Elsie[/name]. I wish I could say that I was happy about his, or honored that they would choose that name, but I am furious that they chose a name that is essentially the exact name I gave my daughter. These two girls are the closest cousins in age, and will almost always be associated together in the family and compared in terms of development and accomplishments (which is already happening with 2 older cousins in the family). I hoped that they wouldn’t be compared in name, as well.

I think I am most upset because she had made it very clear that she had “claimed” her first 3 kids’ names and any variations on them. For instance, her oldest is [name]Katie[/name] (full first name), and no one could use [name]Katherine[/name]/[name]Catherine[/name]/[name]Kathy[/name]. She and her husband are the kind of people who do whatever they want whenever they want, so I shouldn’t take this personally, but I’m having trouble letting this one go.

Anyone have any advice or a kick-in-the-backside for me?


Wow. I would definitely be angry. That’s just unfair and doesn’t make sense… if she didn’t want anyone to use [name]Katherine[/name] because it sounds too close to her daughter’s name, how can she not realize that [name]Elsie[/name] and [name]Elizabeth[/name] are the same, if not worse? Is there any way you could talk to her about it?

Sorry that you are feeling bad. It is upsetting that she claimed all variations on her chosen name and then broke her own rule.

However, I guess I don’t look at [name]Elsie[/name] as being “essentially the exact same name” as [name]Elizabeth[/name].

It’s a shortened version of the name [name]Elizabeth[/name], right? Is that what bothers you?

I know a [name]Margo[/name], a [name]Megan[/name] and a [name]Margaret[/name], but I don’t think of them as having exactly the same name (even though their names are all based on variations of [name]Margaret[/name]).

Did you plan on calling your daughter [name]Elsie[/name] as well as a nickname? There are lots of great nicknames you could choose instead …[name]Ella[/name], [name]Elle[/name], [name]Beth[/name], [name]Liz[/name], [name]Bette[/name]…or you could just call her [name]Elizabeth[/name]!

We had a non-confrontational discussion at the baby shower of all the kids’ names in the family, and (as a name nerd) I explained that [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Elsie[/name] were the same name. They have also known all along that our [name]Elizabeth[/name] is called “[name]Ellie[/name]”. Now [name]Elsie[/name] is officially and legally named, so nothing will change. I just need to find a way to get over this since there is nothing I can do about it now. I’m having a hard time doing so, however.

I would be a little upset as well. Is her full name [name]Elizabeth[/name] nn [name]Elsie[/name] or just [name]Elsie[/name]? If it’s [name]Elsie[/name], it’s not that bad imo. [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Elsie[/name], while they have the same roots, aren’t exactly the same. Perhaps they adored the name like no other.

I don’t have kids yet, but I know if anyone in my family used [name]Anastasia[/name] - even distant relatives, or general friends or acquaintances - I would be livid. However, if someone instead used [name]Ana[/name], [name]Anya[/name], [name]Staci[/name] and other nn’s, I wouldn’t mind as much. As long as they didn’t outright use the full name or a spelling variant, such as [name]Anastacia[/name], I could live with it.

In the future, if I go with [name]Anastasia[/name], and then someone close to me used [name]Staci[/name] etc - I would take it as a form of flattery and admiration. That said, people need to be a bit more creative in such instances. If someone takes a name you like, there are always other names out there.

PS. If you ever have another one, I would do what she did with [name]Katie[/name], “forbid” anyone to use the name you chose, it’s variant and it’s nns :slight_smile:

Ican see how that would be frustrating… but if your kids grow up to be good friends, I think they’d enjoy having such close names- for example, I know two girls who gave themselves matching nicknames ([name]Gabi[/name] & [name]Abi[/name]) on purpose, and thats what they both go by. And I have a good friend whose name is exactly the same as mine, even down to the spelling, and I like having a friend with the same name :slight_smile: So [name]Ellie[/name] and [name]Elsie[/name] will probably enjoy their names being so close… it’ll give them a sort of bond. And [name]Ellie[/name] and [name]Elsie[/name], although they are from the same name, sound different enough that they won’t both come running when one’s name is called. I hope that helps!

I don’t think that they are close enough to get upset over. [name]Ellie[/name] and [name]Elsie[/name] have vastly different feels to me. Plus, [name]Elizabeth[/name] has too many variants and diminutives to lay claim to ALL of them!

That stinks. I’d be upset, too.

Here’s what I’d tell myself (and apologies in advance, because this isn’t really an admirable way to handle this): This woman and her husband are the kind of people who do whatever they want, even if it means stepping on someone else’s toes. It is totally impossible for people like that to raise children who are easy to love and easy to be around. Make sure your daughter is. [name]Elizabeth[/name] might not be distinctive based on her name, but she will be based on her her sweetness. People won’t consider [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Elsie[/name] a matched set, because my guess is they will be so very, very different. No comparison. Plus, everybody knows [name]Elizabeth[/name] is the original.

Also, don’t dress her in [name]Carter[/name]'s or [name]Baby[/name] Gap. [name]Heaven[/name] forbid they show up in the same outfit. (Okay, that’s pretty shallow. Sorry.)