I had to find an outlet to post this to because I am so not ready to admit this to some friends and family, and as awesome and understanding as my husband can be, I hate unloading on him too much.
As early as I can remember, I’ve never wanted kids. I was never the girl in high school who baby sat, even though my dad made me try it a few times. It was awful and I dreaded it. People always told me that I would change my mind, and I was so adamant that I wouldn’t. Up until like a few months ago haha I swear the world is just laughing at me now because of how bad my baby fever is right now.
Husband and I have been dating for about 10 years, and married the last 2. We discussed kids and he’s always been okay if we did or didn’t. I told him I didnt, and I knew I wouldn’t change my mind. Well, a few months ago, I finally admitted that starting a family wouldn’t be completely out of the question, and he told me that he knew I’d change my mind, and again was happy either way.
We’re both 27, but he’s still in grad school. If it happens we’re still a few years away from trying, but I really have baby fever so bad! So bad that I can’t concentrate sometimes, I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m an overthinker so Im still just trying to process that my mind has changed so drastically in the past few months. I swear the universe is getting a good laugh at me.
Anyway, how can I just get my mind off this baby fever so I can get on with my life for the next few years until it is actually feasible. I’ve told 1 close friend (no family just yet, they’d die of happiness) and that seemed to help, but my mind just goes into crazy mode sometimes. I’ve been trying to keep busy, but that doesnt always help.
Anyone go from an adamant no, to omggg I want a baby or two or three? hahah
I definitely knew I wanted to be a mother, but I think it’s rather normal to go from wanting no children to wanting a few.
[name_u]Baby[/name_u] fever is difficult to deal with when it strikes. Maybe take on some new hobbies to take your mind off of it until it’s something that you and DH are ready for. Also, enjoy the time being married just the two of you. My husband and I had six years of marriage before [name_f]Isla[/name_f] was born and it was wonderful to have those years to just enjoy each other, buy our home, and just grow as a married couple.
I’m sort of the opposite - I’ve always wanted children and known that - but the older I get the more I understand that I want to wait and I want 3 not 12! I’ve had baby fever on and off since I was about 16, and I’m pretty sure it will flair up again because I several close friends I know are trying at the moment so if they’re successful I’ll be spending a lot of time being an ‘auntie’.
I find that just thinking really seriously about names is enough to get me through those bits, also if you’ve got friends you really trust - admit it to them. I found it all much more bearable when I could talk to friends I knew wanted children and were also sitting going ‘why can’t it be a few years later when I’m older and married and can have a baby’ (being married isn’t exactly necessary, but ya know). I get that it’s a big change of heart, but that’s ok! It happens!
I also consider all the sleep I wouldn’t be getting and the nights out/in/general fun things I wouldn’t be able to do. Also helps that my S/O really does not want any right now (he does in the future, but we’re 23 and feel no rush).
I didn’t care for babies when I was a teenager or in my early 20s either. I guess I’m still not the world’s biggest baby person - I wanted to have children, not babies - although I definitely find babies a lot more charming now that I have had one. When I was younger I knew that I definitely didn’t want to be a parent now and I always said (and meant it) that I would have an abortion if I got pregnant. Luckily it didn’t come to that and I suppose I have no way of knowing if I would have actually gone through with it, but that’s how I felt. But I still always knew I wanted to be a parent someday.
If you really thought you didn’t ever want to have children I would definitely wait at least a year or so and see if it passes. This is something you want to be really, really sure of and hormones can be powerful things. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t think about just babies. Think about if you want to be a parent for the rest of your life, to a baby, a toddler, a child, a teen, an adult.
On the other hand you’re definitely allowed to change your mind and I think it’s quite normal. If this is truly the case for you I hope people don’t give you the smug ‘I told you so’ attitude too much because that is simply obnoxious. Sadly a lot of people with children are very obnoxious on this topic.
I completely agree with and have felt the same way as @jackal described. I have three children today, but I feel like I would have felt just as happy and fulfilled without them. I would give yourself some time to reflect about this and to keep talking it over with your partner from time to time, maybe with a close friend or two.
This was totally me. I never wanted kids and was pretty uncomfortable with them too. Then one day when I was about 21, i woke up and desperately wanted a baby. It was all I could think of and didn’t take long for my (then fiance) husband to get clucky too!
What helped me was doing a LOT of baby reading. I’m a planner, and to me that seemed to help the feelings. I also started a baby box. If I came across an amazing sale on baby clothes or saw a ridiculously cute outfit, I would buy it and store it away in the box. I also put in helpful articles and stuff like that. And I really loved doing that. It was a way to get out some of my cluckiness and plan a little, without just going and getting pregnant. We had a baby 3 years later, and we had a good little stockpile by then!
I was the same way for a very long time. For me, I’m fairly certain it’s a hormonal thing. My ex boyfriend and I had a little “oops” that resulted in a very early miscarriage, and after we broke up, I had to focus on getting my life back on track. So I didn’t really process it emotionally until nearly a year later. By that time, several friends at work were having babies and the baby fever got pretty bad. I took another year to kind of wait it out, because I was convinced it was just a phase. My current boyfriend isn’t sure he wants kids and I didn’t want to freak him out so I only talked to him about it a couple months ago. Our agreement is to wait another year, get better jobs, maybe start college classes, generally get more financially stable and a better quality of life in general, and then discuss it again and see where we stand.
A big part of my conviction that I really do want children comes from the fact that most people I know who have children (my parents included) say that they never meant to have them, it just kind of happened. It’s not fun growing up knowing you were an accident, and any child of mine will never have to deal with that. If it’s going to happen, it will happen deliberately and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure my children have a good life. That conviction really helps temper the baby fever. I can’t imagine bringing a baby into my current living situation, and if I did, I’d instantly get stuck where I am, scrambling to provide, and it wouldn’t be a good life for any of us.
When you don’t have a bay you will said to yourself you don’t want to have one but when you already have it, embrace the precious moment you will really love it.
Oh yes, I am really going to let this sit on my brain for a while, because I defintiely want to be sure we want to raise a family. I currently have an IUD so an accidental child would be rare.
We are definitely a few years off, husband is in school still, and I want to travel, enjoy being married, and get a few financial things under control first. I know we’re not ready, but my mind is just going insane with baby fever haha
I’m glad I’m not alone about going from 0 interest to omgg I want to start a family right now!
One of my fears is people being so smugly “I told you so!” about it. I did cave in to a friend recently, and she was super supportive about it and happy, but def not obnoxious. That was nice! I’ve been doing some more hobbies, and keeping busy which has helped because anytime my mind gets a break it just goes oh! rememeber that baby name you were thinking of! or lets go look at baby things!
I didn’t want a baby for a long long time. My husband knew this and was okay with it, but he also figured I would change my mind, lol! 2 years after we were married, it hit me and I began to want 1. I think it’s just a normal thing that when you are younger, you are more focused on being able to do what you want to do, but then once you marry, settle down, get all the stuff you wanted to do out of the way, having a baby all of sudden becomes the next best thing. Plus by then we had the money, the house, etc, all we needed was a baby!
My baby is now 4 months old, let me tell you, as much as I love her, I do not want anymore! I honestly don’t think I could love another child as much as I love her. Plus pregnancy was no cake walk, and the sleepless nights are dreadful (she’s started sleeping through the night now though, so yay!). Plus the financial aspect of course.