New account, and huge naming problem

General Name Discussion
1

A little less than two months ago I posted (as cati, my account was set up with my ex-boyfriends email, so i had to start a new one with mine) with a bunch of names my (ex) boyfriend and I picked. Since then he was decided he does not want a baby, and is choosing to completely ignore everything about this pregnancy. Now I don’t want to get into the whole thing, or be judged by the fact that I’m only seventeen and it wasn’t planned. I’m only saying this because it’s important to the rest of the problem.

So we had finally choosen on two names for each gender.

[name]Abraham[/name] [name]Joel[/name]
[name]Rhys[/name] [name]Landon[/name]

[name]Anya[/name] [name]Madeleine[/name]
[name]Vera[/name] [name]Josephine[/name]

But now that all this has happened, I feel torn about using the name. My family says they were the names I loved, and I should use them, but it feels weird to me since we picked them together… If he chooses to not be in the baby’s life, I don’t think I want to use a name we picked together. But I love these names. I find out in a couple of weeks the gender, and I was planning on just keeping my top two and naming the baby when I have it. Now I’m so torn. What are your opinions, and if you don’t think I should use the names, any suggestions?

2

Sorry to hear about your situation. It’s tough enough being a single mother at a young age but not to have the support of your boyfriend makes it more difficult. I hope you have other family and friends who are supporting you at this time.

My advise is: always choose a name YOU love. All of your name combos are solid choices albeit different styles. [name]Abraham[/name] [name]Joel[/name] is very majestic and Biblical while [name]Rhys[/name] [name]Landon[/name] is Welsh and trendy. [name]Anya[/name] [name]Madeleine[/name] is exotic and European while [name]Vera[/name] [name]Josephine[/name] has a lot of vintage chic. It’s always good to remember that what you name your first child often determines what you name your future children. [name]Do[/name] you like more classic or Biblical names? [name]Do[/name] you like more contemporary styles?

Maybe mix them up a bit if you feel strange using them as they are now - [name]Abram[/name] [name]Joel[/name] ([name]Abram[/name] was the original name of [name]Abraham[/name] in the Bible), [name]Abraham[/name] [name]Rhys[/name], [name]Joel[/name] [name]Landon[/name], [name]Vera[/name] [name]Madeleine[/name], [name]Anya[/name] [name]Josephine[/name]. Whatever name you choose, the father of your child will always be your baby’s father whether he’s present or not.

3

I can understand your hesitance in choosing a name you both agreed on together. It must feel like part of you is holding onto him when you know that you will probably have to care for your child by your self. You might also be thinking that he shouldn’t have any say in what your child will be called.

I don’t think his level of involvement should influence your choice in names. I’m assuming you are keeping the child and caring for it yourself. But even if you should choose adoption you should give your child a name you love. If the names you listed are your favorite names in the world - please use them. You are going to be the one who is dealing with the name on a daily basis, be it actually telling him not to eat crayons or just thinking about them every day.

However, this is also a great opportunity to reconsider names that you loved that came off your list because he veto’d them. They don’t have to replace your current list, but reconsidering will allow you to revaluate without nixing the names.

Good [name]Luck[/name]!!!

4

My advice is to stick with these four names. Not only are they beautiful names that you love, but they ARE names that this baby’s parents picked out TOGETHER. Whether or not you and your ex ever get back together again, and whether or not he ever even wants to meet his child, it may be meaningful for the child to have a name that both of his or her biological parents selected together. Absent fathers give up so much when they walk away from their child, and your child will someday have a hard time dealing with that sort of rejection (though you may find a good man to step in and be your child’s daddy someday :slight_smile: ). However, the fact remains that your ex IS the baby’s biological father, half of the baby’s DNA, and it could be a gift you give to your baby–or, really, your ex’s last gift to his own child. I think you should give your child one of these four names as his or her last gift from daddy. That’s my two cents. I hope you find support…you’ve got ours on here, but I know a bunch of online strangers aren’t too much help!

5

I am sorry to hear that you have this dilemma, however when naming it is most important that you choose names that you love.

The names that I would choose from your list are:

[name]Rhys[/name] [name]Landon[/name]
[name]Vera[/name] [name]Josephine[/name]

I think you have great naming taste and I am sure that the nameberries will absolutely love the combo of [name]Vera[/name] [name]Josephine[/name].

I love [name]Rhys[/name] but would prefer [name]Owen[/name] as the middle name eg [name]Rhys[/name] [name]Owen[/name].

[name]Just[/name] in case you want some fresh ideas I will give you a couple of ideas.

[name]Rhys[/name] [name]Elliott[/name]
[name]Rhys[/name] [name]Oliver[/name]
[name]Charles[/name] [name]Joseph[/name]
[name]Joel[/name] [name]Bennett[/name]
[name]Grant[/name] [name]Lachlan[/name]

and

[name]Veronica[/name] [name]Josephine[/name]
[name]Verity[/name] [name]Anne[/name]
[name]Vivienne[/name] [name]Hope[/name]
[name]Isla[/name] [name]Josephine[/name]
[name]Tessa[/name] [name]Josephine[/name]

All the best

rollo

6

I think it’s up to you. Since names are long term, you want to choose a name you will love for forever. At the same time, maybe you need a fresh start. You have great taste so I’m sure you will find something you love and something that will be great for the baby’s whole life.

7

I must admit I am shocked at the loveliness of your choices. I feel like a lot of the youneek names I hear are from young parents but your choices are great! I particularly love [name]Vera[/name] [name]Josephine[/name]. Its stunning. I am sorry your bf is being a dbag. But, remember if you love these names then use them. If you must emotionally let go of them as u are letting go of your ex then do what u need to do to make yourself emotionally healthy. As you have great naming taste I am sure you can find something as lovely as you had before.good luck to you

8

I was also going to suggest the idea of mixing up the combos. If these are all names that you truly love and not just ones you settled for, don’t feel like you have to scrap any of them.

9

I’m in agreement with this. You’ve chosen four excellent names.

10

Wow, those are amazing names! I love [name]Abraham[/name] [name]Joel[/name] and I really love [name]Vera[/name] [name]Josephine[/name]. Here is my two cents:

If these were your final 4 names then chances are you have already pictured your little one being called one of them. As long as you still love each choice just as much individually, then I think you should keep them on your list because they must truely be favorites of yours (regardless of whether or not your ex helped pick them out).

On the other hand, I too am a single mother and one of the best parts of my pregnancy was not having to compromise on the name I envisioned for my son… So by all means mix up these combos and add in the other names that you didn’t get to consider while the ex was a part of the process. You do have a lovely style, and I have no doubt that you will find the perfect name for this baby. Good luck to you, and we are always here to help if you need it! =]

11

I love the names, they’re really beautiful. I think any baby would be lucky to have these names, but I understand your hesitation. If my boyfriend had decided to not be involved in my baby’s life, I probably would want a name that I figured out on my own. You’ve still got a while to figure it out, so you can keep these while you play around with some new ones.

Good luck, and I hope you’re doing okay.

12

I’m sorry to hear of your difficulty. Are your parents helping?

I agree with alzora. This baby shares half of its DNA with your ex-boyfriend. No matter how utterly minimal his role is in rearing the child going forward, you will have a lifelong connection with him, as will your baby. It might be very comforting for your child to know that their father cared enough about them to help select their name-- that he wasn’t completely unwanted.

13

I’m sorry you’re having to go through these hardships :frowning: I know it must be very difficult, I can’t imagine. My sister-in-law is a single mom and had an un-expected pregnancy, but her daughter is such a light in her life no matter how hard things are, she is so thankful to have her, it’s given her more purpose. I hope for you, it becomes positive as well.

[name]Even[/name] though you chose these names together, the fact that you love them makes all the difference in whether or not to keep them as options. I could see why you wouldn’t want to use them if you had to compromise on them when you picked them out, but since you seem to love them so much I think it’d be okay to use, unless, for reasons you fear that the names might trigger negatively either emotionally or psychologically in your mind due to being picked out with your ex and the thoughts or memories it might provoke, then you might want to reconsider. It all depends on how you feel.

As far as pure names go, the 4 you chose are great choices! Any of them would be excellent.

14

I am so sorry for your situation. I will echo what other posters have said and choose a name YOU love. If it is the 4 gorgeous names you have already chosen,then use one of them. I understand your hesitation, but you do love those names. If you changed your mind, then feel no guilt about that either. Good [name]Luck[/name].

15

From one seventeen year old to another, I’d just like to say that it’s so exciting to see such a refined, [name]Jaydin[/name]-Braydin-less taste in names :slight_smile: [name]Vera[/name] [name]Josephine[/name] is absolutely breathtaking!

Now I’m no wise and experienced individual, but I’d have to agree with alzora. Using one of the names kind of fossilises the presence he had at the beginning of your pregnancy, and knowing that he was there at one point may one day be a source of comfort for your child. Scrapping the names removes this presence, but then again (because I’m no expert on child development, and I have never met your ex) this could be just as healthy of an option for your little one. I guess it’s up to you to decide what you think would be best for your baby. Alternatively, as this is a tough situation and both outcomes have their cons, you could decide based on what would bother you less/be less painful: keeping the names or letting go of them.

The names you’ve chosen are beautiful, but just in case here some other ideas. I’m taking a stab here, but these sort of remind me of your style:
[name]Reuben[/name], [name]Sylvie[/name], [name]Ameline[/name], [name]Wylie[/name], [name]Nola[/name]/[name]Noa[/name], [name]Adele[/name], [name]Saul[/name], [name]Cassia[/name], [name]Marigold[/name], [name]Eamon[/name], [name]Lara[/name], [name]Aurora[/name], [name]Hanson[/name], [name]Matthias[/name], [name]Roman[/name], [name]Calder[/name], [name]Marlowe[/name], [name]Zara[/name], [name]Lorelei[/name], [name]Saskia[/name], [name]Sienna[/name], [name]Aurelie[/name]/a, [name]Wilson[/name]

Good luck, and I hope you will be at peace with whatever decision you make :slight_smile: