No. Just No.

Parentberries
1

[name_f]My[/name_f] grandma is in town visiting and is driving me insane. Among other things, here is a sampling of what she has told me.

I need to feed him every time he cries (he’s already 5 months old, my a newborn). And she feels bad for him because I don’t. I have him on a strict schedule- no, he follows general patterns. He usually eats and sleeps every 2 hours, and it is predictable. I usually know when he is tired and hungry. But she thinks I am not feeding him enough. When we gve him rice cereal she says he needs water to drink too. She wanted to let him try my coke and pasta at lunch today- what?!?! Then she told me something is wrong with him because he is so fussy. And it’s my fault for not putting him to bed at the right time, feeding him enough, giving him water, etc. he is fussy. But I’ve tried everything, taken him to the dr a bunch and they say it is just his personality! I know my boy! And she is making me feel like a miserable good for nothing mother who doesn’t know anything. When I told her I’m not going to feed him if I know for sure he isn’t hungry, she said that is not how breast feeding works and I should formula feed, and that I’m going against time tested tradition by not feeding him every time he cries for comfort. She say I’m going to have a fdifficult time being a mother if I keep going against time tested things. I told her I’d like to try clothe diapering and she went off about how it will give him rashes and make him miserable and ill hate it and its just more work. Everything I do is wrong. She even grabbed my hand and boob and resituated my son when I was trying to feed in public. Tonight I spoke up. She said he was too tired and needed to go to bed earlier (his bedtime is already 6:30!) and he was cranky and miserable and what I’m doing isn’t good for my baby. I told her that he is my son, I know him, he’s fine. Went to feed him and she left! [name_f]My[/name_f] poor aunt is stuck in the middle of it all.

On top of that she dropped my iPhone and it shattered today. It’s only the second day there been here. 4 more to go.

2

Sorry to hear that your Grandmother is acting that way. :frowning:
I hope things get better.

3

I think you need to straight out tell her that you will raise your child how you want and she has no say. It will make it uncomfortable, but you need to set your boundary or she will keep pushing. She will get over it eventually, but stand up for yourself.

4

Eh, I’d try to cut her some slack. I’m sure she’s just trying to be helpful and in her day, things were done a lot differently.

Here’s a pretty good article about why you shouldn’t give your baby water. I’m sure others will have other links for the rest. I’d probably just print them out and keep them handy if grandma started her fussing again.

Sorry she’s being a pain!!

5

I would not cut her any slack! She is behaving terribly and her age is not an excuse. Tell her that you want a good relationship with her, that you want your son to have a good relationship with her and in order for that to happen she must stop disrespecting you. If she does not like how you run your home and your family she can leave. Stand your ground. We are treated how we allow ourselves to be treated.

6

Eek, this sounds stressful. Could you leave your baby with your aunt and go do something fun with your grandmother that isn’t at all baby related? Go to a movie, show, etc.? Or maybe your aunt could speak with her about giving you space and respect on your behalf. Maybe the three of you could sit together and have her mediate the discussion.

I don’t think she should be given any slack but at the same time, many older women before the internet had to commit to what the “experts” said in books or from their doctors, so very little of them got more than the perspective of the “time-honored traditions.” There were no forums or blogs for a mom to find alternatives. Or maybe she’s like my grandmother and her whole life was the person in charge of taking care of everyone (seriously, adults, children, babies, were all heaped on her), so she’s not used to someone not needing her help.

Did your grandmother assume her visit was to help you? If so, she is probably just trying to be useful and maybe she is thinking that your’e the stubborn one being rude and not accepting her assistance and wisdom. Perhaps she just wants to be useful. If you do in fact need her help perhaps it would be good to think of other things that might make her useful and ask her simply and calmly to do those things (does she like to cook? maybe she likes to read and you can ask her to read to you and the baby while you breastfeed rather than just sit there and watch you breastfeed?).

If all of this fails, you’ll just have to prepare yourself to not have extended visits from her in the future so you don’t have these arguments in front of the kid once he gets big enough to know what you’re talking about. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom would sometimes vent to us about the things she didn’t like that my Grandmother would do when we would go visit on our own, and it was always really awkward.

8

I’m sorry, that’s no fun. I’m sure that in her mind she’s being helpful.

Since it sounds like she’s just visiting, I’d suggest smiling, thanking her for her advice, and kindly reminding her that you, your husband, and you physician have decided on the best manner for you to raise your baby. Whether she decides to react poorly is her decision.

I did get a kick out of her talking about the “time tested methods,” but being shocked at the thought of cloth diapering. As though disposable diapers have been around for more than a couple generations! :rolleyes:

9

Bless you!!! Oh, I soooo know the feeling!!

I’m a big believer in communicating, if you think you can do it in a calm manner. (Maybe your Aunt could help?) First I would attempt to reach out and share with Grandmother what you are feeling. Be very specific, but not mean. Also, only share the two worst offenses, you don’t want to seem like you are pulling out a list with 25 problems on it. For example, “Grandmother, when you say (blank), it makes me feel like (blank), even though I know you are just trying to help. So, please don’t mention (blank) again as it makes me feel like (blank) every time you bring it up”. And then prepare yourself for the fact that she will bring it up again (as people who have trouble with boundaries often do) and then just repeat what you’ve already told her. “Grandma, I know baby’s crying is upsetting to listen to, but please remember, this is something that makes me feel (blank) every time you say it. I need for you to please respect my request to not discuss this issue any more.”

The second thing you need to do is pump a bottle and then have a big glass of wine, because the next few days with her are going to be hard. :slight_smile:

Good luck!

10

Hugs. Family/ friend/ random people… Crazy :wink: as someone who has been breast feeding for years… Kids are all different, after they are your child’s age yes its important to know them, what they personally do and be prepared for change. [name_f]My[/name_f] current nursling ( quite a bit older than yours) feeds 4-5 times a day and has 3-5 solid meals, a similarly grump tempered babe. When he cried if he will take the breast but if he won’t or it just makes him mad ok… She should know all kids are different, some kids do fuss for hunger reasons, I try and feed mine before they show their late signs of hunger. As for water NO… [name_f]Do[/name_f] not give a baby under 6 months at all. They can become ill. The soda thing is crazy… I would never ever ever as you well know give a baby soda… Or a child that can’t read or write honestly b[name_m]Ad[/name_m] I cannot see where she is coming from with that. We don’t offer solids until 6 months as we breastfeed and they aren’t needed at all until then and can backfire :-/ rice is empty calories for a baby so we don’t offer that till past a year so that all their hunger is satisfied with breast milk which is the best nutrient. Also never give a child under 1 pasta :-/ she sounds like she wants to help you but has really old infirmation. I am someone that does just about everything the way nature intended honestly I have happy healthy kids and we do follow ‘the old ways’ for things. I always think of crying baby nurse him too so I get that but some kids obviously are different . As for cloth diapers … [name_f]Do[/name_f] it! We always have… Always!!! Never had a rash … ? Not sure if she think you won’t be changing him or if you won’t be rinsing out all the soap? Or something or you’ll use something that will make them leak or hurt his bottom like fabric softner…??? As a point avoid that stuff and just get them clean with a clean detergent and use cotton diapers so you aren’t struggling to clean polyester its nasty and I imagine kids could get a rash but diaper rash is far more common with disposables and all the nasty chemacles, never had an unhappy child due to a diaper, I’ve never bought disposables or even thought about it. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t listen to that she is just wrong. Tell her you know people who have always done it with no problem and you will just get the best advice and you’re sure there is also a wrong way… Show her some modern cloth choices if you want to talk with her in a way that might get her on board. Grovia or bumgenious or blueberry/ simplex or Bummis (not sure where you live but those are just a few you can get most places and find online with great photos of happy babies) tell her your child is unusual in that he’s fussy ( if its since you started rice that sometimes causes intestinal pain Espescially in children under 6m who’s guts haven’t closed yet) just fussy because he is . If nursing was what he wanted that you’d nurse him and that giving him anything he’s too young for has been proven to cause lifelong allergies and other various problems. The caffeine in soda could cause him some real problems. Outsmart her and show her you know what you’re doing. If it makes her happy nurse him when he cries, it won’t hurt anyone and kids that young change their habits so she will see either way what he wants and either way be happy. Sorry you have to go through this. I have people ( few but still) in my life that say things like ‘oh… This!’ And I go on like this and they say ‘wow I didn’t know! [name_f]Glad[/name_f] you told me!’ So hang in there :wink: * more hugs