NO nns please

Parentberries
1

I decided to make this post to get some of your opinions. I understand that some people like to give their children nn’s (I myself like nn’s for some names), however, what about those times when you don’t want people to shorten your child’s name to a nn. [name]How[/name] do you deal with that. Example: a friend’s child’s name is [name]Alessandra[/name] - but people call her “[name]Alessa[/name]”. [name]Friend[/name] does not like the nn and wants people to use the child’s full name, however, more and more people use the short version. I thought about this because I want to use the name “[name]Daniella[/name]” - but I don’t want the nns [name]Dani[/name] or [name]Ella[/name] or any of that. But its sure to happen. Sometimes I feel that while nns are nice, at other times, people select the name (long version…ie. [name]Katherine[/name] NOT [name]Kate[/name]) because they fell in love with the name as is, and they just want to have their children called by that name, not a shorter version.

Thanks for your feedback!

2

I understand you completely. My DH and I do not like nicknames. Neither of us has ever had one and we didn’t want our children to either. We named our daughter [name]Juliette[/name] knowing that there are many NN for it. We have never once had someone try to shorten it. If someone did I would have no problem telling them to call her by her full name.

My advice would be use the name you love. I wouldn’t not use a name that is a favorite just because someone might try to nn her.
If you tell people that you don’t want a nn they will usually honor your wishes.

3

I am not against nn’s, but, I do think that each parent should decide when a child is young (for instance, saying 'Her name is [name]Katherine[/name], we are calling her [name]Katherine[/name]" if somebody starts with [name]Kathy[/name]/[name]Katie[/name] etc) and I also think that as a child gets older, they should have a say on their own name. I really dislike the assumption that “You are naming him [name]James[/name], but we will go by [name]Jimmy[/name] or [name]Jim[/name]”, that was maybe the case in generations past, but now I hear of more children going by their given names then when I grew up. I think its lovely, actually. But, I would never name my child a name where I hated a possible nicname. We love [name]Harrison[/name], but I do not like [name]Harry[/name] (with our last name) and I am open to the fact that it is a name that he might be called, so I avoid it all together.

When I was younger, I was “[name]Jenny[/name]” and once I hit junior high school, I decided to go by [name]Jenn[/name]. Not [name]Jen[/name], [name]Jenn[/name], because there were a gazillion [name]Jen[/name]'s and I saw somewhere a girl went by “[name]Jenn[/name]” and so that is what I wanted to do too. :wink: My parents and family did not take to it well, I was [name]Jenny[/name] or [name]Jennifer[/name], not “[name]Jenn[/name]”. To this day (I am 33), I have family members who still call me [name]Jenny[/name], and while I am mature enough to just “let it go”, I also wish they would respect me as an individual enough to call me by what I call myself.

Having older children myself, my oldest prefers to go by [name]Sebastian[/name] (he went by Sebby and [name]Seb[/name] when he was young, but now, goes by his full name at school and that is how people refer to him) and my oldest dd goes by her full name too. I respect that, even if I do think [name]Seb[/name] is a cool nn, and if he decides to be “[name]Bastian[/name]” or “[name]Bas[/name]” while not my favorite versions, I would call him those too.

4

I think if you let people know, “no, he/she goes by their full name” they will respect it. I know of a [name]Catherine[/name] and [name]Katherine[/name] who both go by their full names. It seems weird to try to call them [name]Cate[/name]/[name]Kate[/name].

5

I, too, believe if you let others around you know that your child only goes by their full name, they will respect your wishes. I have a cousin who was taught at a very young age to correct those who tried to shorten her name to a common nickname. However, both her siblings go by a short variant of theirs.

Also, I was given a nickname when I was younger. However, I never really cared for it, at first. The lady just couldn’t say my name right, and decided upon herself to give me a nickname, even though I told her I didn’t care for it. When I started to having nieces, I couldn’t stand them messing up my first name, so I initiated them calling me by that old nickname. I guess it was just easier for all of us.

The adults mostly call me by my given name and the children 16 and younger call me by my nickname.

I know a girl who went by her middle name among her family and close friends, and her first name in school.

I think when your child gets older they will decide whether or not they prefer to go by a nickname (first name related or something totally different. ie. First name [name]Caroline[/name] and she goes by Stretch.) Sometimes it happens in high school and/or college, or because they think it fits their personality better. Nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. You, as the parents, can still call him/her by their given name. I have seen it happen both ways.

Although, I have nicknames listed in my siggy, it does not necessarily mean I will always enforce it upon my child. I have a pet-peeve against people butchering up some of the easiest names, at least to my ideal, because it happened to me. So, a nickname, is one alternative to giving my child an option, if they so choose, to offer to that person as another form for them to use.

6

I’m not a nickname fan either, and I think the best way to deal with the issue is early and often. I find many adults hate the nicknames they were saddled with as children, and even though they go by their full names as adults, family and childhood friends won’t drop the nickname. My husband is a [name]Patrick[/name] that hates [name]Pat[/name], though half his family still calls him that. He’s non-confrontational and just lets it slide, but I know it bugs him. Sometimes I wish he’d just correct people.

My brother is a [name]Jonathan[/name] who has never gone by [name]John[/name]. If someone ever shortened it, my mom would just say, “It’s actually [name]Jonathan[/name],” and leave it at that. I think if your child hears you politely correcting others, she won’t be intimidated to do it herself when the time comes.

A college friend was an [name]Elizabeth[/name] who despised the nickname [name]Liz[/name]. But a [name]Liz[/name] in our dorm would always address [name]Elizabeth[/name] as [name]Liz[/name] and say, “It’s so cool we have the same name!” My friend was a complete and total wuss. She could not correct the girl. She let that girl call her [name]Liz[/name] all year and hated it, all because she’d never learned how to correct someone.

7

I’m not much of a nickname lover, either, so I’ve thought about this a lot. While some nicknames are harder to avoid than others, I want to believe there’s no such thing as an unavoidable nickname. I think the key to avoiding nicknames is not letting them start. You have to be determined and consistent about correcting people, willing to speak up wherever you are, no matter how often it takes, and say “It’s [name]Danielle[/name], not [name]Dani[/name].” Unless you’re dealing with people who have absolutely no respect for others, they’ll call your child what you tell them to call her.

After a certain point, of course, your child takes over ownership of her name, and correcting people (or not) becomes her responsibility. [name]Even[/name] a child raised without a nickname can end up with one. The issue may not be as important to her as it is to you, or she may like nicknames and want to use one. If that happens, you have to accept it, so while I think there’s nothing wrong with going the “no nicknames, please” route, I think every parent should make sure they can at least accept a name’s nicknames in case that’s their child’s choice. If there’s a nickname or multiple nicknames that would just kill you to have attached to your child, the name is best crossed off the list entirely.

8

I don’t think you’ll have too much of a problem only because I had a friend growing up named [name]Daniella[/name] and we all called her by that. When we were younger we would sometimes call her [name]Dani[/name], but as we got older, it went back to [name]Daniella[/name]. I think for kids, its much easier to say a shortened nickname than the full name which is why we start out with them. Getting older, we want to seem more mature so we start going by our full name instead of all the little nicknames we picked up along the way. Some people keep their nicknames, some people don’t. But you have to realize as your daughter gets older, she’s going to take control of her own name.

9

If you don’t like the nickname, then just don’t use them. If other people use them, well then it’s up to them. [name]Just[/name] don’t use the nickname yourself.

10

I agree with everyone else - just gently correct people when they shorten the name. Keep in mind, as someone else has pointed out, that as they get older, they may choose to have a nick name, at which point it’s not really up to you anymore. If you really hate it that much, I suggest finding another name. We did that with one of our girl names - [name]Addyson[/name] - other than it’s soaring popularity, we absolutely hate the nn [name]Addy[/name], and knew at some point, she would very likely be called that, and we wouldn’t be able to change it. So it fell off our list.

11

[name]IMO[/name] nn’s are inevitable. It is up to the child to correct people for the rest of his/her life if they do not wish to go by a nn.

12

We tried to pick a name for our daughter that had no nn’s, but unfortunately, [name]Emily[/name] is called [name]Em[/name] by some people, which she does not like. She gently corrects the person and says, “I go by [name]Emily[/name].”

13

Thank you all for all your feedback!

14

My name is [name]Alexandra[/name], but I go by [name]Alex[/name]. [name]Even[/name] though I like my full name better, most people are pretty uncooperative when it comes to a 4-syllable name. (plus if I push the issue I get [name]Alexandria[/name] or [name]Alexander[/name] a lot which is more annoying than the nickname) What annoys me is when people refuse to call me even by my shortened name. I’ve run across people who insisted on calling me [name]Allie[/name] or [name]Al[/name], even after repeatedly saying I didn’t like being called those things. It was confusing too, because being called something else, I often didn’t realize they were talking to me and wouldn’t respond.

At any rate, I think most people will use the original name if you make clear it’s important to you, but there’s always going to be a few people that won’t.

15

Oh, also, even if you have a preferred nn, it doesn’t always stick. My grandmother named my mom [name]Elizabeth[/name], expecting to call her [name]Beth[/name]. Sometime in early childhood, one of my mom’s uncles called her [name]Betsy[/name] and it stuck. 60+ years later, my mom is still known as [name]Betsy[/name].

16

I am a [name]Rebecca[/name] and got ‘bex’ and ‘bec’ a lot from school mates but not often… i dont quite know how to explain what i’m referring to! its like having a ‘sometimes’ nickname. Like [name]Lucy[/name] sometimes getting “hey [name]Luce[/name] can you grab me a banana while you’re up?” sort of thing, we never call her [name]Luce[/name] but in some sentences we do? Same with [name]Emma[/name], sometimes its “oh [name]Em[/name], are you feeling okay?” “or cheer up [name]Em[/name]!” but she is known as [name]Emma[/name]. Which is quite different to a [name]Katherine[/name] always having been called [name]Kate[/name] or a [name]Elizabeth[/name] always being a [name]Lizzy[/name].

I’m personally quite fond of ‘sometimes’ nicknames, i think they are sort of an intimate way of showing friendship i’m not sure why i feel this way, but when i call [name]Lucy[/name] ‘[name]Luce[/name]’ it’s like a casual comfortable intimate friendship way. Sometimes nicknames almost always seem to use the first letters or ‘sound’ of the name too.

My brother [name]Alexander[/name] was [name]Alexander[/name] up until he was 12 and the other kids started calling him [name]Alex[/name] and now he’s more of an [name]Alex[/name] though he still gets a mix. He’s not really bothered at all, they can call him [name]Alexander[/name] or [name]Alex[/name] interchangably he’s fine with it! [name]Alex[/name] from [name]Alexander[/name] is an easier nickname to come to than say Lynnie from [name]Melinda[/name]. People might to [name]Mel[/name] but less liekly to start saying “hey Lynnie?” i would hear “hey [name]Mel[/name]?” more likely

My mum has a unique opinion on middle names to what most on her do, though i think it’s quite common in scotland (where she’s from) in which the first name is what you call the person by, if you want to call them [name]Kate[/name] you dont call them [name]Katherine[/name] you give them [name]Kate[/name] as their fullname.

i think in the end if you correct people from the beginning they will respect that. though if you miss a correction once you might find it creeping back in! as your kid gets older and grows into their personality they may or may not end up with a nickname so i think you just have to roll with that. Also keep in mind most kids go through the ‘i hate my name’ phase or something similar!

good luck!

17

Like someone else said, it is hard to get people to not shorten a four syllable name. Of course, by correcting the people and telling them that she is named [name]Alessandra[/name] and not [name]Alessa[/name] that can help but to me it just seems like too much of a hassle.

When the girl gets older, she may actually love a nn that her mother does not love. At that point, the mom would have to live with her using the nn.

I am picking names for my children that have nn’s that I love, so I wouldn’t go through that trouble.

18

I think if you don’t want a nn, it’s possible to enforce it, especially if you start early. I knew two sisters, [name]Anamaria[/name] and [name]Daniela[/name], and neither went by a nn. I also know a [name]Gwendolyn[/name] who is just [name]Gwendolyn[/name] (alternate, awful spelling, but still. Same sound), a [name]Julietta[/name] who is just [name]Julietta[/name] (from what I know–just a passing acquaintance), etc. I think it’s possible if you keep to it. Of course this is all dependent on the kid by some point–perhaps [name]Gwendolyn[/name] will want to be just [name]Gwen[/name], or [name]Winnie[/name], or even [name]Dylan[/name], or she’ll love being just [name]Gwendolyn[/name].

19

I agree with everything that has been said. As long as you enforce it from an early age, people will follow.

I was never a [name]Sue[/name] or [name]Susie[/name]-just [name]Susan[/name]. Occasionally, I’ll have close friends call me [name]Susie[/name] ,Sushi, or [name]Zuzu[/name], but other than that,I preferred [name]Susan[/name] so teachers/family/friends would call me [name]Susan[/name].

20

If I were you, I’d go for the name you love and refer to her as that; if people try to shorten it then just gently correct them. My daughter is [name]Dorothy[/name], and her nn is [name]Dolly[/name] - both of which I love. But sometimes people call her [name]Dotty[/name]; I just lightly say 'Actually, she’s a [name]Dolly[/name].

I will say, however, that you will be correcting people a lot. For whatever reason, people always abbreviate. My parents called me [name]Victoria[/name], but don’t like the nickname [name]Vicky[/name]. In my opinion, that’s just a little shortsighted as it’s a pretty natural thing to happen. Also, prepare yourself for how you will feel if your child wants to abbreviate their name. No one else called me [name]Vicky[/name], but it’s something I decided on as a young teenager and it has, of course, stuck. It’s the reason I would use [name]Marguerite[/name], for example - it’s a name I love, but I’m not a fan of [name]Rita[/name] or [name]Margie[/name].