Not a name question...but need some help!

I’ve been on here before to ask name advice but have a different dilemma now. I was dumped by my professional athlete fiance at 11 weeks pregnant, 3 weeks before the wedding. We used fertility drugs to get pregnant and when his family found out, they got mad, changed his phone number and I have not heard from him since. I’m now 6 months pregnant with a little girl and despite many tearful emails, sonogram photos sent to his parents house and requests for communication, he has not sent so much as a text. The last words he said were, "I gotta go, my mom is coming (age 27) and I was defriended on Facebook. That was the last I heard of him. (We were together a year and a half and now all of a sudden, his brothers convinced him I was a gold digger when I met him before he made it to the major leagues and he still lives in his mom’s basement. I own my own home in a country club and financially fine on my own. )

Now he has hired my ex husbands attorney (I have custody of my 5 and 6 year old) and not only has filed a paternity test (such a slap in the face), he now has filed for SOLE CUSTODY OF THE [name]BABY[/name] UPON HER BIRTH. He is a pro athlete who lives on the road and apartment during the season and then at his mom’s house. I don’t drink, do drugs or anything bad. I’m homeroom mom and active in church. They worse they can say is that I dated someone who was 19 when I was 26. I have a high profile attorney as reporters are calling but does anyone know if this is even possible or heard of a similar situation where mother was abandoned and dad wanted custody? My attorney says its a scare tactic but looking for real life scenarios.

Also, after asking for paternity test in legal document yesterday he then said he wanted me to coordinate birth of the baby around his baseball schedule. This would mean he would have completely abandoned me in first trimester, not offered any financial or emotional support, not asked about baby at all, questioned paternity when he gave me the shot and then will just show up at hospital?

Obviously I am still heartbroken and devastated and have cried everyday for the last three months. Looking for some peace of mind if anyone has any advice.

He cannot possibly be serious about the sole custody thing. And I doubt he would have the slightest chance of getting it. I mean, let’s compare shall we?
You already have 2 children who I assume are well looked after, so you’ve proven yourself a capable parent already and I’m sure people you know would attest to that. You’re an active member of your local community and you’re financially stable. No history of neglect, violence, drug or alcohol abuse. No criminal record.
He on the other hand abandoned you when he found out you were pregnant even though you had planned this child (taking fertility drugs which you probably have some record of - doctor appointments maybe?) as well as cutting off all contact. Then out of blue having offered you no support, financial or otherwise, during the pregnancy he wants sole custody because, what? He feels like it?
And coordinating the birth? Babies kind of just get born. You can’t completely control it like that. I can’t believe he asked a paternity test when you had planned it.

I’ve never heard of this happening before because when you think about it, his reasoning (if he has any) is crazy. He can’t abandon you for no reason then come and take your child away. If he wants to be part of its life he can’t just walk away and have it on his own terms.

I feel so sorry for you in this situation. It sounds like maybe he’s under the thumb of his family a little. I hope he sorts himself out and mans up before the baby arrives.

He sounds like he is having some very serious commitment-related issues, and obviously lacks maturity (chopping and changing his mind about a baby, indeed). Thankfully, I think that a judge will see this, especially with all of the hard evidence that you have, and even aside from his obvious git-ish tendencies, his life on the road makes him a much less suitable candidate than you to raise the child. Also, even if the judge had an IQ of three and awarded him majority custody, he wouldn’t get sole custody, as you have done nothing which indicates that you would be a negative influence upon the child’s life. Take heart from the fact that you are the better person in all of this, and be thankful that you are well rid of him - I am sending prayers your way :slight_smile:

I am so sorry to hear all of this. I could go on and on about the horrible things he is doing, but I don’t think that’s what you need to hear. I honestly believe that the truth will out and he won’t win a gosh-darn thing no matter how many lawyers he throws at you.

The truth is, after all is said and done, the most devastating thing you will be left with is the emotional wreckage he’s caused. Your poor daughter won’t know her father, though, considering, maybe that’s for the best. And you will have to deal with a commitment that you [name]BOTH[/name] agreed to, and he bailed out on. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this and I hope it all comes out for the best. My best suggestion would be to find a support net: whether it is family or friends, or even here on nameberry. Find people you can talk to and sort this out with. It will make an incredibly difficult situations better, by at least a little.

Good luck with everything! We’re praying for you.

P.S. My husband just pointed out that he’s not very smart for hiring the lawyer that lost to you the first time. Thought that might make you feel a little better. :slight_smile:

Although she is mean and nasty, my family said the same thing. Thanks for the input!

I would love to point out all the stupidity of what this “man” is doing, however i think everyone else has pin pointed that rather well:) but i will say i have never heard of a case where a father got sole custody over a child unless the mother was deemed completely incompetent (such as found of using drugs, abusing alcohol, or neglectful). There are cases where the mother, even when in abusing drugs or alcohol can still have custody because the court does not like to separate a mother and child.

This guys argument is ridiculously weak. Also it makes absolutely no sense at all. I don’t know what person in general would believe that a man who abandons a pregnant women after using fertility drugs to conceive, ask for a paternity test (!), have absolutely no contact from the 11th week to the 6th month, suddenly ask for sole guardian-ship, and be a person who will be on the road all the time, is not self dependent (living at home with mom at 27?), and apparently not even mature enough to respond like a big boy to the mother of his child’s emails and desperate pleas to take part in the pregnancy and the life of the child? I don’t see this holding up in court at all.

He has no case, at all! if you are a community involved person, with two other well taken care of children, are self dependent, and have been already going the vast majority of the pregnancy alone. I can’t even imagine a lawyer who in their right mind would take this case on, i see absolutely no argument for them against you.

As long as you have emails you tried to send, messages of any type, phone records, bills from the fertility treatments, and proof of your community standing and the overall well being of your other two children you will be fine. I can only see them granting partial custody, such as regular visits. But i get the feeling that this entire ordeal is in response to more then likely his mother wanting the child, and making him get the baby. That is the only logical explanation i can think of. They will probably argue that when hes gone the baby will be with its grandparents and he will have regular visitation and will fly to come see it- blah blah blah. But there is no better place for the baby then with its mother and other siblings. I bet this guy doesn’t even have a nursery for the baby,while im sure you do.

I wouldn’t worry much on it. It is totally ridiculous and over the top, and i dont imagine him getting anything but partial custody.

I am so very sorry you are going through this, but i really believe that you will win, i cant imagine you not winning.

But no i have never heard of ANYTHING like this ever before. Which is what leads me to believe that it is all caused from his mother wanting the baby more then him.

I hope we are all easing your mind a little bit:)
Good luck! not that i think you need it in the least. :slight_smile:

[name]Hi[/name]. This story is really ridiculous. Why would this guy want sole custody of a child he doesn’t even feel like he knows for sure is his? I dated a pro ball player for 5 years…that is not the lifestyle for a motherless child. I’d be shocked if the courts even considered it. They are on the road constantly and if he still plays in the farm system like it sounds like he does, he probably isn’t even making good enough money to support your unborn child. My question to you is, why would you go to the extent of using fertility drugs before you were even married? Sorry to be blunt but it sounds like drastic measures so early in a relationship.

What a terrible situation. His mother sounds really crazy! I don’t get why his family was ok with you getting married but mad that you tried to have a baby… so weird. And what kind of man would just dump you because his mom tells him too. That speaks volumes to his character and I know any judge would see that.

This has been mentioned already, but it’s important to remember that courts do not like to separate children from their mothers. That is only done as a last resort if the mother is really incompetent. There is no way he’s going to get full custody. I hope he doesn’t get ANY custody, but I doubt he could even get 50/50. They’re not going to let him have the child when he isn’t even home.

You are going to win. There’s no question.
Good [name]Luck[/name] and Hugs

Thanks for all of the advice. To answer the questions of fertility before marriage…I have a genetic blood disorder that causes miscarriages. My sister has had 7 with no babies and I have also had one. My doctor thought it would take a while to conceive if at all so at the time, the risk of being 8 weeks pregnant when we got married outweighed the stigma. [name]Little[/name] did I know he would be dragged to confession by his mother and bail on me!

I’m an attorney and while I don’t know what state you live in, the MAJORITY of states are guided by the same principle that mother and baby should not be separated unless there are some serious issues (like, previous children removed from home, unresolved substance abuse, etc). [name]Even[/name] if you were the athlete moving around all the time, it is unlikely that he would be able to gain SOLE custody. However, the court is likely to give him some form of custody, as they do not like to strip a father of his rights to his child either-- this you should be prepared for. You can and should bring up his crazy travel schedule, as this may have a heavy impact on just what kind of custody he gets.

Never fear, you will not lose custody of your daughter. You should have your attorney look up the law in your state re: the rights of a father to be present at birth. I don’t think you have to let him be there, so as to his requests for you to (somehow) work your daughter’s birth around his schedule, I believe it should be a moot issue.

Good luck (though I doubt you’ll need it) :slight_smile: