See the results of this poll: How do you feel?
Respondents: 19 (This poll is closed)
- Offended!!! Include me include my kids!! : 5 (26%)
- Grateful! Mommy and Daddy need a night out! : 11 (58%)
- Undecided: 3 (16%)
Respondents: 19 (This poll is closed)
We didn’t have kids at our wedding. It was very small (about 50 people). Also the location had a rule that if there were more than 5 kids we needed to have a babysitter keep them in one of the rooms. I only had one person who was visibly offended, my cousin’s husband asked why we don’t like HIS kids. Anyways, its your wedding, do what works best. If we were having something larger, or in a different venue we may have gone a different route. If I were to go to a wedding now at night I would absolutely leave DS at home, even if he was invited.
We had children at our wedding, primarily because our daughter was our flowergirl and we had no intention of leaving her out of our big day. So when we decided to have her at the church and reception, we decided to include children of other guests. At the very least she would have had someone to play with!
That said, each to their own. I wouldn’t be in the slightest bit offended if someone invited me to their wedding but not my kids. Its their big day, not mine. Most of the time, I don’t bring them even if they are invited. Its a lot more stress for me, and usually involves Daddy bringing little girl outside because she’s bored in the church.
So I say do as you like. Those who truly care won’t be offended that you didn’t include their children. If you do choose to include them, that’s great too. Personally, I prefer getting a break without the stress of entertaining two little ones!
Best of luck
I have the same thoughts as you lucykate. I’m not disappointed or insulted if our kids are not invited to the wedding. However, I really like when they are because kids are so much fun! My girls can get through the church part, but the reception usually goes too long for them…because they get worn out from dancing! My older girls have been in several weddings as flower girls though so it hasn’t come up too often where they aren’t invited yet. That’s what I get for having kids early while all my friends were still single.
Our oldest DD was in our wedding too, but not old enough to be flower girl. She was kinda an honorary flower girl. We had a small wedding. My “odd” bridesmaid (I had 2, DH had 1 groomsman - then we had the MOH and best man) carried her down the aisle. She’s also her godmother, so it was special.
I would be offended only because the kids should be able to participate in events like this. Now, I don’t think I would bring my kids if they were not directly related to the couple, or if there were going to be certain events at the wedding that isn’t kid-appropriate. But I would want my child to know that he/she is involved. I hated when I was little and my parents never let me go do anything with them (once they went to a concert and didn’t invite me). Also, I wasn’t invited to my moms wedding because I had school to go to. I really hated that because I loved my mom and wanted to do things with her (even though I was 15).
I firmly believe weddings should be child-free, unless you’ve got a flower girl or ring bearer (both of which I’m also against as well.) I just don’t believe weddings are appropriate places for children to go running around willy-nilly. I know as a guest I really hate it when there are kids - they tend to monopolize the dance floor because every watches how “cute!” they are when they squirm around, and for those of us who like to dance, it’s a pain. In general, I’ve found kids at weddings to be an annoyance and usually end up crying or otherwise being a nuisance and causing not only their caretakers irritation, but also those guests around them.
At our wedding, we had a strict no-child policy. Several couples called and asked to bring their kids, even though the invitations clearly stated " Mr & Mrs. [name]Smith[/name]", not “& family”. We said no, children would not be permitted. It was a formal wedding and we wanted to keep it from becoming Romper Room. A few people complained. Tough nuts. I didn’t feel at all bad about excluding the kids, and I won’t feel bad about excluding our kids from weddings either. When they’re old enough to manage themselves and behave properly, then I’ll consider bringing one along to a wedding in the future. But now, while they still need tending and near-constant watching… forget it.
I would simply not go to the wedding in most instances. The only wedding that I would not miss for anything would be my sister’s but there’s no way she wouldn’t want her nieces at her wedding, even if it was a formal affair. In that case I would feel offended if there was a no kids policy but that’s the only wedding where the kids aren’t allowed would offend me. As I said my sister would want her nieces there though. I prefer events where children are invited and pretty much don’t go to places or events that my children aren’t welcome.
I very much feel children should be included in general but there are inappropriate places to bring your children with you such as upscale very high-end restaurants that I can’t even name but know exist. I definitely do not consider weddings and funerals inappropriate for children by their nature. My sister and I attended our father’s funeral when we were very young and were a part of the wedding when my mom remarried when we were 5 and 6.
It is entirely up to the bride and groom if they want a formal affair sans children or a family affair including the kiddos. I certainly wouldn’t call the bride to try and get her to let me bring my kids-now that is inappropriate!
I don’t have my own children yet, but I do find it awfully annoying when there’s a baby at the service and all it does is cry the whole time - this happened at the last wedding I went to and although I was near the front I could barely hear what the priest was saying because of the crying! I would be tempted to exclude children from my own wedding for this reason, as it would distract me too much when I was giving my vows!