Older parents, yes or no

Hello! I am 39 years old. 2 years ago I met someone special:p A man I love with all my heart. We have been joking around about having a baby for quite some time. But you know how it happens, when jokes slowly turn into real intentions. So, guess what, we went to a doctor to see if it’s possible. I had my first child at 22 with another man. When I told my friends about a possible baby number two they called me crazy. The doctor too said that the risk for chromosomal defects is quite high. And to be honest, it’s the risk we are not willing to take. Now we are considering egg donation programs… What are your thoughts? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you think older parents are too old to have children?

[name_m]Just[/name_m] a friendly reminder not to post ads or spam here.

At age 25, your risk of having a baby with Down syndrome is 1 in 1,340.
At age 30, your risk is 1 in 940.
At age 35, your risk is 1 in 353.
At age 40, your risk is 1 in 85.
At age 45, your risk is 1 in 35

So yes, you do have a higher risk of having a baby with a chromosome issue now then you did at 20 or 30.

My boss had her son at 42 and he is a freshman in college and got a bunch of scholarships. One of my cousins was 41 when she had her youngest and he too was born perfectly healthy.

I do think that women shouldn’t really try getting pregnant themselves (adoption and surrogates are great alternatives) after the age of 40. But I think you still have a little wiggle room.

A good thing to do is to get genetically tested to see if you and your SO are at risk for several disorders. I’m in my 20’s and the fertility doctor recommended we get tested just to be safe. It was a huge relief to know the actual odds for us specifically.

I would not want to be pregnant in my 40s, but it’s been done for millennia.

My neighbor also had her youngest at 40, she has a beautiful healthy kid, so yeah, there are so many blessed parents) Yeah, it is quite risky and that is what I am afraid of. Anyway, we are planning to get genetically tested and see what our doctor recommends and what are the odds. I am looking into alternatives of course and I think that surrogacy might be a good option for us:D

I know quite a lot of people who had their 40s, and they’ve all had healthy children, but it is a high possibility at that age so it’s up to you whether or not you think it’s worth the risk.

Whilst surrogacy is an option, certainly in the UK and most of Europe its a very difficult route. Surrogates generally wouldn’t agree to be a surrogate for someone who is able to have children, and many won’t agree if you already have children. Many countries that once allowed international surrogacy, such as [name_f]India[/name_f], have now banned it, and I’m fairly sure in the USA its exceptionally expensive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t consider it, but its far more difficult than people think.

I was born 3 days before my mum’s 40th birthday. Another of my friends was born when her mum was 44. And my cousin had her first baby at 43.

Is it higher risk? Yes. But if you accept that going in then I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t try to have a child if that’s what you want.

My mother was 40 when she had me and whilst I do have a disability that I’ve had since birth (but have only been recently diagnosed) I am otherwise healthy. I also know a lot of other “older mums” who had children in their mid 30s to early 40s who turned out to be completely healthy. I personally would like to have children at a younger age (preferably in my mid twenties) though if you can and are able to look after the child properly (as with all ages) then I don’t see why not.

Thanks everyone for your answers!:smiley: I really appreciate you sharing your opinions and experience, it really means a lot. We have been researching with my husband everything about surrogacy and egg donor programs for older couples. Actually we have found a very interesting alternative, called mitochondrial donation. It looks like a very good option for us. We are going to look into it and see what it is all about. Tomorrow is my check up to see the odds, I guess the results will help us decide what to do next. xx

Yeah, I know that surrogacy is quite complicated. That is why it’s our Plan B

Hey everyone. Unfortunately, sad news. The actual odds are not that great, the risk of Down’s syndrome is 1/40 and with time it will only get worse. What should I do? Currently trying to get as much info about mitochondrial donation as I can, but to be honest, it doesn’t seem legit and safe.

Decide if it’s something you want to risk, 1/40 isn’t particularly high odds in my opinion but if it’s too high for you then it’s time to consider other options.
You could consider Pre-Implantation Genetic Diagnosis if it would really bother you to have a child with Down’s, you could also consider just trying it but having an understanding of what course of action you’d like to take if the Down’s tests come back positive.
My parents refused to test for Down’s because they’d have had me either way. But as it happens, all the people with Down’s Syndrome I know were born to parents who were in their 20s, and all the children I know who were born when their mothers were 37+ had children with no developmental delays, there’s always a risk for it and it does increase, but consider the actual statistics. 1/40 is a 2.5% chance - how you write it makes a difference to how ‘scary’ it looks.

Basically, decide how important this is to you and move forward from there.

If you’re both currently in reasonable health, I don’t see why not. I can’t imagine wanting to have a newborn at that age - especially with a 17 year old child. But each to their own. If you really want a baby, have a baby

That’s the problem, if the test is positive I won’t be able to do anything about it, that’s just not right. Yeah, actually now I see that the odds aren’t that high after doing so much research on the internet) but my doctor said that it’s still a risk because of my age. Mitochondrial donation sounds like a good option but it seems that there are not so many clinics that do this procedure in such a way that only ip’s genetical material is used, donor’s mitochondria have nothing to do with donor’s genes what is crazy! Technology and science these days…

Thank you for your support! Well, if someone would have told me ten years ago my current situation…. hahaha That’s life, you never know…:smiley:

I believe if you do IVF you can test the embryos before they are transferred into your uterus to see if they will have a variety of disorders, including down’s syndrome. So it would just be a choice of using the embryos which aren’t affected. I think that would be a much better idea for you than mitochondrial donation. You could also do straight up egg/embroy donation.

Please consider adoption.

Yeah, true, but what if all of them are affected? AMH levels are not that high, and I don’t want to undergo all the treatment to find out that everything was in vain( It’s a hard decision, what can I say… As to egg/ embryo donation, I thought about it but it means that baby will be genetically related only to my husband

My Mum had me at 40, and Dad was 54! They’d both had a lot more life experience by that stage, which was a plus. I don’t think having kids older is any ‘worse’, it’s just different. Chromosomal abnormalities might be a consideration, but if they really concern you then perhaps early detection and abortion is an option?

I am happy to hear that! And I completely agree that life experience is a significant plus. After learning, traveling and just seeing so much, I think there are so many things to tell to your child! As to early detection, it is an option but I don’t know how will I feel in case if abortion is needed.