Here’s a little random part of my novel that I wrote yesterday for a bit of inspiration. I’d like some critique on anything regarding it.
I choked up when I saw the banner that was hung on the oak tree. It was sea-green; Mum’s favourite colour, and it consisted of beautiful pictures of everything that she held dear. Her family, her dogs and cats, and the symbol United Principia.
I squeezed Nora’s hand tight, as we walked up the stage. Mum’s lady in waiting; [name_f]Lady[/name_f] [name_u]August[/name_u] stood near the podium, her expression weary and sad.
“Nora, Thea,” she whispered, “You have to say something,”
We both shook our heads vigorously. [name_f]Lady[/name_f] [name_u]August[/name_u] sighed, “Girls, you have to. Its tradition,”
“Absolutely not,” [name_f]Nora[/name_f] said
[name_f]Lady[/name_f] [name_u]August[/name_u] bit her lip and looked at the crowd in front of us. They were waiting patiently for us to say something, “Nora, you have no choice,”
[name_f]Nora[/name_f] looked at me, and I gave her an encouraging inclination of my head. That seemed to give her the courage. She looked at the audience, took a deep breath, and clapped her hands, which turned on the microphones in the room. Everyone in the audience looked at their beloved princesses with pity in their eyes.
“I -” she started,
All of a sudden, I felt a shiver run down my spine. Everyone else seemed to feel it as well, for they all shuddered.
“What’s that?” I whispered to no one in particular
Right on cue, black-cloaked figures dived out of the grey skies. Everyone screamed. A few people grabbed their children and tried to teleport away. Some fainted in pure shock. A couple of others knelt and begged for mercy. However much they begged, I knew that it was useless. For these were the zombies affected by Virus TT, and the thought of mercy was simply against their very nature.
*Sorry for any typos!
3 Likes
I quite enjoyed reading this small snippet! The zombies seem to be based off of Dementors, if I’m not mistaken? I might want to make them a bit less affiliated with them if so, but you don’t have to. Overall, good work!
1 Like
I didn’t actually base them off dementors, but you’re right! They’re similar. Thank you so much for replying!
1 Like
It seems like a really good story!
1 Like
I love it! If you ever finish it, tell me where I can find it so I can read it!
1 Like