[name]Hi[/name], I was almost 32 when I had our son 10 weeks prematurely. He’s 8 now and you would never know he was a preemie. I had a m/c Labor [name]Day[/name] weekend 2011 at age 39 and have accepted that he will probably be our only child. Then I read through the “What’s it like to be an only child?” forum that is now closed and the disadvantages/advantages of having siblings. The sad truth is that sometimes you can’t provide your child with a sibling. Some people assume that we’re being selfish when in reality I have struggled with infertility for seven years. I’ve had close friends tell me that I should give our son a sibling because it would help him to be a better person and realize that “the world doesn’t revolve around him.” Meanwhile, all the teachers, camp counselors, friends’ moms, relatives and acquaintances he has ever met comment on what a genuinely sweet and caring boy our son is. Our son is not spoiled or over indulged at all. He willingly gives his used toys to the family next door that has three younger boys and wants to pick out gifts for charity. He is smart, funny, considerate and has excellent social skills. He was voted by his classmates as the student demonstrating the best character (Adaptability, Compassion, Respect, etc.) traits in his grade. So, I would like to speak up on behalf of parents who only have one child. Please don’t make us feel that our child is suffering because he/she doesn’t have a sibling. Especially if we have hoped that we could give him/her one. Thank you!
[name]Hi[/name] there,
I know many only children and they are sweet kids. They are much more adult like and very polite. So don’t let people tell its not so!
everlea Did you know that in Latvia it has been the culture of the country to mainly have only children? That’s right a whole nation of only children (not so much now but in the past).
[name]Don[/name]'t let those know it alls spoil the pleasure you have in your familly. It is none of their business as to how many kids you decide upon and you don’t have to tell them it wasn’t by choice.
rollo
Everlea, I have also read similar posts, not on here, but on facebook where a friend of mine asked what people would think if she and her husband decided to not have any more children. Different situation from yours, I know. The responses shocked me. People have very strong opinions on the importance of siblings and I stopped reading when I read that someone said “an only child is a lonely child”. Absolutely ridiculous! Not only do I completely disagree, I believe that comments like these stem from ignorance.
I agree with [name]Rollo[/name]. You shouldn’t feel the need to explain to anyone why you have one child. I understand how insensitive people can be and feeling the need to explain, however it is no ones business.
Your son sounds amazing!
As an aside…many of my friends are very close with their sibling(s), and just as many have absolutely nothing in common and dread spending time with them…you just never know.
I just… don’t understand how this keeps becoming such a huge issue. Why the heck do people care how many kids other people have?! (Barring, of course, they aren’t having 30.)
If you have one kid, I don’t care. If you have one kid by choice, I don’t care. If you have one kid because multiple kids weren’t in the cards for you… I just don’t care. I empathize with your situation, but why the heck would I judge you regardless of what that situation was?
So… I don’t understand the extremely vehement opinions on this - either way.
BTW, we are struggling with fertility as well. If we can only have one child… so be it! We will love God’s blessing on our family and care less what people think!
Thank you for your thoughts. I hope that ignorant (yes, if you haven’t walked in someone’s shoes - you are ignorant,) comments don’t continue to make you feel upset about your situation. Go give a hug to your little miracle and feel better!
I really don’t understand or like people sometimes. Ha! When will people realize that your choices are your choices and no one has the right to hand out unsolicited advice? I’m sure you don’t like having people thrust their opinions at you when they have no idea that you’re dealing with infertility. [name]How[/name] rude, insensitive and inconsiderate of them. It’s no ones business or place to judge whether you have no child, one child (whether by choice or circumstance) or 30 children — so long as they’re loved and well taken care of.
In the case of only children being spoiled and having a “ME, ME, ME!” attitude, I don’t actually know any only children (that I can recall atm) BUT boy do I know some spoiled, self-centered, generally horrible people who have upwards of 3/4/5 siblings! It’s not about how many children you have, it’s about how you raise them.
[name]Every[/name] only child I know has loved it and never upset they didn’t have a sibling. They are all generous loving people and nothing like that thread made out. If we could only have this one child I would not be upset, there are advantages and disadvantages to both. OP I am sure you’re an amazing mother 
I appreciate your comments and support. Children are such a blessing and I love spending time with them. Now I can go to my younger cousin’s baby shower today with a happier heart. She’s having a daughter in [name]November[/name]. Thank you.
Everlea, my son was an only child for ten years before he aquired a much younger step-sister that he adores. I was single that whole time, and you would laugh out loud to hear some of the ridiculous things people would say to me about him being an only. Everything from I had better hurry up and “get a man” when he was young - just so we could get to makin’ siblings! - to how it was too bad he’d gotten “too old” to adjust to a sib!! [name]Lord[/name], the nonsense that pours out of people’s mouths! Your son sounds like a fabulous young man, which is validation enough for parenting an only. Kudos to you.
Only children actually tend to do better in terms of educational attainment, and they don’t seem to have adjustment problems. I’m attaching an article that references some of the research. The recent book “Nurture Shock”, by [name]Po[/name] [name]Bronson[/name] discusses sibling rivalry, and it turns out that children learn bad behaviors from having siblings as well as good ones.
I have an only. My friends who are onlies tell me that one thing that they do worry about is dealing with their parents’ end of life health crises by themselves. I think therefore, that i f you have an only, it’s important to have a will, living will, assisted living, retirement accounts etc. sorted out properly so that your child will have an easier time dealing with any crises that might arise.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2002530,00.html
I love having several children, however, that is my choice. All I wish is that parents will give love to their children, whether one or 10, that each child is made to feel loved, wanted and is provided for…it annoys me when people get crazy about how many kids a person does or does not have. My one [name]BIL[/name] and his wife plan on having no children and my inlaws are all up in arms about this, so what! They are admitting they do not want any and not bringing a child into the world that they feel will not fit with their life. Good for them for acknowledging this and putting up with everyones assumptions.
All this to say, what I choose is best for my family and what another person chooses is best for them, and who am I to say what another family should do, and who is anyone to say what I should do, kwim?
People also never know (unless they are close to you) what a woman goes through to have children. Infertility is horrible, I wish it on nobody and unless somebody has had this happen to them, or, knows a person who this has happened to they need to think before they speak. While I am so very lucky to have only had 1 miscarriage, I have also had 1 stillbirth and already random stupid strangers are saying things to me and my DH while we have our 4 children in tow about our family size and if they only knew the struggle to add a much wanted 5th child to our family (we had the mc almost a year to the day after our son was born dead) they would shut the heck up and consider what is coming out of their mouths. I am sorry that people feel the need to comment on your family size, I have several friends who have one child either by choice or not by their own choice (infertility) and the things they hear make me cringe on a regular basis.
Much love to you! Keep adoring your beautiful child!
Good advice to be prepared. I wish that I had been the only one looking after my mother because the other siblings caused huge problems it would have been much better for all if I had been in charge.
rollo
I am an only child and was happy growing up. Never wanted a sibling.
My DH has a sister and he and his sister were also very happy growing up.
My point is: it really don’t matter. Children are happy as long as you love them.
I’m really glad to see this forum. I am also an only child not by my parent’s choice. All of my cousins come from large families, so when I get a new toy (ie the tablet I just bought for my birthday) or the 3,000 dollar cheerleading team I was on, they assume it’s because I’m a spoiled only child. People don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, such as the 1,000 dollars I pay my parents in rent a month (I’m 22) or the two jobs I worked in high school to help pay for the cheerleading.
It’s always been a source of pride for my mother that I was known in school and cheerleading for being polite, hardworking and compassionate. In turn, that has helped with the snide remarks from other people about being “spoiled”.
So long as you keep reinforcing in your son how proud you are of his compassion and how well mannered he is, any rude comments or assumptions will sting less and less.
I’m also really glad to read this, also. My parents were told to hold me back in first grade. They were “informed” that due to my younger age and the fact that I was an only child I’d be less socially developed than the other children. Funnily enough, my birthday is only the end of [name]August[/name], before the [name]September[/name] cut-off. I’m 22 and never had “social-issues” through any of my schooling years, thanks very much, Principal F.
I am an only child and people always commented about how polite and well spoken I was. I also learned to enjoy my own company. I am absolutely comfortable around large groups of people, but I also feel very happy on my own. I know I have quite a few friends with lots of siblings who feel extremely lonely with only a few hours of time on their own. I enjoyed being an only child and do not feel slighted in the least. I always had friends over when I wanted them and they loved coming to my house to escape being picked on by their brothers and sisters. On the flip side my husband has a lot of brothers and sisters and they are the most competitive and jealous people I have ever met. My dh says that, “the squeaky wheel got the grease” when they were kids, so even now they are always clamoring for attention and praise from their parents by one upping each other. This is just my singular experience, but dont let any one make you feel bad about only having one child. Only children have the same chance to grow up to be as normal and well adjusted as someone with siblings,.
I don’t like when people criticize others for only having one child, and criticize people who have multiple children. [name]Every[/name] family and person is different. If they want one child, let them have one child. If the next family or person wants multiple children, they have the right to decide. I also hate the stereotypes of children without siblings and children with siblings. [name]Every[/name] child is different, we don’t need to put them into specific categories or make assumptions based on other children because that is just dumb. This is my opinion though and I know a lot of people will disagree with me.
I do hope that this thread does not go bad like the other thread. This is a sensitive topic, because when expressing our opinions about this subject, somehow someone gets offended and suddenly it becomes a circus.
First off, I’m sorry you weren’t able to have another child. Wanting a child (first, second, whatever) and not being able to have it can be tough. But I don’t feel sorry for your son. I was an only child and it worked out pretty well for me. I was lonely sometimes, but that was more because we lived out in the country without any neighbor children, but I got all my parents’ attention, instead of having to share it. My mom was 5 when her brother was born, and he had a lot of health problems in childhood, so she felt like she went from having her mom all to herself to almost never seeing her. If you son’s 8, having another child now wouldn’t offer him a playmate anyway. It sounds like he’s a great kid. All the lessons of sharing and selflessness don’t require a sibling to teach them, and there are plenty of kids with siblings that still don’t manage to learn them properly. My mom wanted another child, but after 5 years of fertility treatments to have me, she would have been starting over trying again at 37 (which was a lot older 30 years ago than it is now) and it probably would have been years of trying and miscarriages again before producing another child, if that ever even happened. She didn’t want to miss out on time with the child she already had because she was too focused on having another. She didn’t spoil me with toys or clothes or lack of rules, but when it came time for me to go to college, she could afford to pay my whole way, which she couldn’t have afforded if there were 2 or 3 of us.
Please, don’t believe that. The people saying that are mean and judgemental. Having siblings does not make one a better person. Otherwise, this world would be a lot better/kinder. There are lots of people with siblings who are selfish, overly competitive, mean, and violent.
Also, I am an only child and I was never lonely. I’m very happy with my life. I never wanted siblings.