Parents of 3 or more kids - help :)

[morgantaylore]

Hey berries !

It’s been a while since I’ve been on actively but my husband and I have been going back and forth about having another baby. We have 3 girls now (5, 3, and 1)

We’re considering finances and logistics like our vehicles , rooms, dressers, etc. We have a four bedroom house with no plans on moving, so two kids would have to share a room. Not really a dealbreaker. I would love another baby but my biggest hesitation is logistical. (My older girls are dying for another sibling.)

Any thoughts or feedback from people who’ve been through it ? Anything you wished you thought of before going for it ? Anything you thought would be a big deal but wasn’t? Anything would be appreciated !

[Asherose]

Mother of 5 here. Give it another year or two so that some of the logistics can be sorted out. Things like car seats etc as the girls would each go up into a different car seat. You would also need to consider a larger car. and the fact that new baby could be a boy. That in itself is a major call. I found boy no 1 very different from the girls. Give two of the girls the biggest room (not yours of course) to see if they are okay with it. Your health needs to be considered (another reason for waiting another year.

[morgantaylore]

Thank you for the response ! I have a large enough car for another kid, but my husband doesn’t since he has a truck. It would put more of the driving on my shoulders and we both work full time. I’m not crazy about that.

[Rosebeth]

I have four children, and am pregnant with my fifth. The oldest is 7, the others are 3, 2 (twins) and baby is due any day.

Logistics is definitely one of the most difficult aspects. I can’t drive, my husband can. But we do as much as we can by bike, on foot or with public transport. When we go by bike, it’s a combination of our oldest riding his own bike, a cargo bike and/or bike seats But I realize that doing most of the transport without a car isn’t possible for everyone, of course.

Our twins share a bedroom now. In theory, our house is big enough to give each child a separate room, but we’d need to do some remodeling. Maybe someday we will, maybe we won’t. The twins will share a room for as long as they want. Siblings sharing a room isn’t necessarily a problem, but it could get tricky when they’re teenagers. I can imagine they’d want some privacy. [name_f]My[/name_f] twin brother and I have always shared a bedroom, basically until we moved out, but not every child/teenager would be comfortable with that.

Finances are of course a major consideration. We can afford everything we need, but we do make some conscious decisions about what we (don’t) spend money on: most clothes are passed on to a younger sibling, for example. All of the clothes we buy are gender neutral, so gender isn’t an issue for that. We also buy a lot of things second hand, including toys. We don’t spend much money on transport. Most of our vacations are close to home, except when we visit my family in [name_f]Iceland[/name_f].

The thing I worried most about was that I / we wouldn’t be able to give each child the love and attention they deserve. It can be difficult sometimes. [name_f]My[/name_f] oldest is a gifted child and highly sensitive, our
second has autism, and one of the twins is hearing impaired. Sometimes I’m terrified we’re not meeting all of their needs. But in the end, I think we manage just fine. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I make a great team, I guess that’s what keeps us going. In the end, our relationship is the foundation for our entire family and although it takes some effort, we also never stop showing our appreciation for each other, and we make time to develop our relationship.

When you have a large family, you need all the support you can get. [name_f]My[/name_f] dad is no longer with us and I can’t count on my mother, but my twin brother lives with us and is basically our children’s third parent. To be honest, I don’t think we would have managed without him.

[marigold.solstice]

Not a parent, but I do have 5 siblings!
I shared a room with my older brothers until I was about 10. I loved sharing with my brothers, and obviously that’s not really something that could work anymore, but I wouldn’t think of 2 kids sharing (especially being as young as your kids are) as a big deal. We lived in a 4-bedroom house until I was 12, and my two older brothers shared a room, I had my own, and my three little brothers shared. The only annoying thing about this was that because we didn’t (and still don’t actually) have a guest bedroom, I have to vacate my room whenever my grandparents or something come (I sleep on the couch, It’s not a big deal ) Now we live in a 5-bedroom house, but the extra room is my dad’s office/where my little brother sleeps because he doesn’t like having to share so I still have move out of my room from time to time, and the only slightly annoying thing about this is that my mom moves all my decorations/other stuff out of my room and puts up pictures of like…birds when guests come, but I totally get that my 60 year old grandparents don’t want to feel like they’re in a teenage girl’s room.
In terms of vehicles, we have a minivan with an 8th seat in the middle that can be taken out, so when my parents found out they were pregnant again, they were very happy they didn’t have to buy a new car
I’m trying to think of logistics my parents had to deal with, especially with my youngest brother (because he may or may not have been an accident lol) Umm, I remember they got rid of their bed frame (which, I know, is so random, but we were all really active little kids, and the wooden frame had caused a lot of head injuries during pillow fights, etc. )
Money-wise, my dad is a doctor, and we basically only shop secondhand, so we’re fine there. (although with three teenagers we go through food fast )
I guess just, idk, do whatever you feel is right ? Good luck!

[morgantaylore]

Thank you for such a beautiful and thoughtful response. This honestly gives me so much hope that we would be okay. We would have to cut back on some things for sure. We have a pretty solid village but I think fun husband and wife only vacations would have to stop for quite a while for us, thank you for bringing that up.

You sound like an amazing mother and partner. How wonderful that your kids get you

[morgantaylore]

Thank you for your response!! It sounds like you have such a fun and loving home and that is exactly what I want with my family

[jk_garrison]

This is no help to you, but I’m here but deciding whether or not to have a 3rd. Logistics, finances, sleep and sanity are all in play. What was your decision process going from 2 to 3

[morgantaylore]

Don’t worry, I’ve got you! @jk_garrison

1. I always wanted my kids to have more than one sibling. Built in best friends was very appealing to me since I have a lot of half and step siblings but was raised as a single child by my dad.

2. Daycare - we could swing three kids in daycare without sacrificing much.

3. Vehicles - my husband has a truck that could fit three car seats and I upgraded to a Honda [name_u]Pilot[/name_u].

4. We had an upstairs loft/living room that we converted into a fourth bedroom, so everyone could have their own space. (Very easy, since we built the house and my husband is amazing at things like this.)

[name_u]An[/name_u] extra note, 2 to 3 kids was actually an easy transition. We’re late a lot, it is harder getting out of the house, but we haven’t had any jealousy issues which has been really nice. But that could be because I really made it a point to have them help me with everything and sometimes I would say “no baby, I have to help big sister right now “ and I think that made it easier for my girls.

But knowing we just did this, four is a little scary for me, but the idea of having no middle sibling sounds really nice.

[Weinbagel]

Pregnant with my fourth and now I think I want five haha. I only had one sibling ten years younger than me and no cousins. I always wished I had more siblings and maybe cousins my own age. That played a factor in wanting a large family. I have 11, 7, 2 and baby on the way. I think spacing them out some has also helped us tremendously. Our older two are more independent obviously and loveeeeee their 2 year old little sister. We did move into a bigger house and bought a bigger car so yes logistics like that are good to keep in mind. Mostly I just am positive and know things will always work out

[morgantaylore]

That is so wonderful to hear ! Thank you so much for sharing.