[name_f]My[/name_f] partner refuses to see that some names can be source for teasing and deflects that I’m the one with issues to think this. I’ll give you some examples.
[name_u]Hazel[/name_u] for a boy
[name_f]Mable[/name_f] with the last name [name_f]Sura[/name_f]
[name_f]Sarah[/name_f] with the last name [name_f]Sura[/name_f]
[name_f]Molly[/name_f] [name_f]Esther[/name_f]
Tell me I’m not crazy. These are huge reasons why a kid could be teased, right! He says he just doesn’t care and that I’m silly. That I give up a beautiful name because of what other people will say. I tell him this is the first defence of protecting my child and will do my best to not name them something they will hate or be teased for. It’s just cruel. He just can’t see it nor is he willing to understand my strong feelings about how a name can be harmful. What would your advice be? What can I do to make him see that these names are borderline child abuse?
Ok, First of all, you could name your child something with no teasability at all and children will still find a way. That being said, I suppose you and he could playact with him having the name and you teasing him about it like for [name_f]Maple[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f] you could say something like “Oh look, here comes [name_f]Maple[/name_f] Syrup, I hope I don’t turn into a pancake, etc”. There may be nothing you can do to make him see your point of view but I do see what you mean. Maybe pick a specific name you feel will get them teased like [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f] and try to weed it out and then if that works move to the next one.
I think it’s because [name_f]Mable[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f] reminds people of [name_f]Maple[/name_f] Syrup. [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f] doesn’t flow very well and [name_f]Molly[/name_f] [name_f]Esther[/name_f] is like Polyester the fabric, I could be wrong though
[name_f]Mable[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f] is fine to me, but i agree that the rest would be a bit of a no-go (especially [name_f]Molly[/name_f] Esther!! tell him you don’t want to name your child molester)
Ok, first of all, I have to say, I take huge issue with equating names to child abuse - there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these, and honestly, kids don’t make fun of kids for their names. Equating names that you feel will get teased to “borderline child abuse” is a bit inappropriate.
I’ve been working with children for a few years now and have never once heard a child make fun of another child for their name. Usually those comments come from adults who will judge you for anything and everything anyways.
That being said, if you don’t like them tell your partner and leave it at that. Tell him you won’t discuss it further if you’re that set on it, or suggest other names that you are ok with instead.
So if we’re being honest the [name_f]Maple[/name_f] Syrup thing I saw right away. Same with [name_u]Hazel[/name_u].
The [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f] one yea the flow is very tongue twistery therefore not the greatest but the teasing factor behind it I’m not quite seeing
The [name_f]Molly[/name_f] one Indidnt quite see until you and @Emma_Elle111 spelled it out for me but once you see it I agree you can’t Unsee it.
Some thoughts:
If you’re ok with [name_f]Esther[/name_f] then that could be a place to start. I see no teasing with [name_f]Esther[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f]
I do agree that you as a parent can do what you can to give your child a name that won’t be a hurtful hurdle BUT I would caution when discussing names using strong language such as “abusive” if anything that will likely more shift gears in his putting his foot down and/or coming on the defensive. I would help him see the likely teasing potential yes but there has to be a better way to do so….
Also I agree with the above commentary that a good course of action is coming up with a list of names. [name_f]My[/name_f] recommendation would be you each should come up with your own and then see how you can narrow both your lists into a one working list.
I don’t think you have to worry about the mn for any of these, since in the US your mn is rarely used, so the only issue I see with it is [name_u]Hazel[/name_u], but then again my moto is; if girls can have boy names, then boys can have girl names too."
I agree that these may lead to teasing or issues, except for [name_f]Mable[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f]. I don’t think that many people are going to immediately think [name_f]Maple[/name_f] Syrup.
People can be teased for any name if someone wants to, but [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f] and [name_f]Molly[/name_f] [name_f]Esther[/name_f] “Polyester/Molester” are maybe a bit too teasible. [name_u]Hazel[/name_u] for a bit depending on where you live may be confusing, but I don’t think it would cause that much teasing.
I agree with you… those names aren’t so great… If you don’t like those names, though, then the two of you won’t name your child that. You don’t have to change his mind! You don’t like those names, and that’s that. I hear you, and I’d be worried my child would be made fun of if her name was Mabel Sura! You aren’t alone!
But he doesn’t get that, and that’s okay. Maybe it would help to shift your position to “I don’t like these names” rather that “I want him to see that these names are bad” ? Time for some new name ideas and to let these ones go, I think.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] I see the teasing potential? Yeah, maybe, but they’re all still a bit of a stretch for me. Of course, I’m also a non conformist who isn’t motivated by the opinions of others. I would probably react the same way your husband did, frankly. But I’m still going to try to help you and be open minded in your time of need.
So let’s assume that your partner is like me. That they don’t view teasibility as a strong enough reason to back off of a name they love. You need to find a different tactic. I recommend that you just tell your partner that you don’t like the names. Tell them [name_u]Hazel[/name_u] on a boy is beyond your comfort level or that [name_f]Mable[/name_f] [name_f]Sura[/name_f] is too punny or whatever the case may be. Your partner is not wrong when they say that you’re the one with the issue, but shouldn’t that matter more? Maybe you believe that in summoning a hypothetical angry mob that gives your opinion more weight, but that’s not really how this works. Your partner has no connection to the hypothetical angry mob, they know and love YOU. So start putting yourself at the forefront of these discussions and from there you can start maybe compromising. Maybe you like [name_f]Molly[/name_f] and [name_f]Esther[/name_f] fine, just not together. [name_u]Or[/name_u] maybe you’re okay with some traditionally feminine names on a boy but [name_u]Hazel[/name_u] is really pushing it. [name_u]Or[/name_u] maybe you’ll find something completely different.
Also, please understand that I’m not saying this from a place of meanness: that paragraph at the end of your post is…very revealing. It says a lot about how you view the world. It’s the kind of thing that you should maybe hash out with a therapist if you don’t already have one. You’re not crazy, but that last paragraph suggests insecurity and fear, and that’s just not a good place to live and parent from.
Are you naming a real child? If so he doesn’t need to agree with you, both of you just need to agree on a name. Throw out the ones you don’t like and move on. Who cares if people on the internet agree with you or not?
I agree. [name_f]My[/name_f] maiden name was [name_m]German[/name_m] an I was always teased. No matter how hard you try to choose a name that a kid won’t be teased with they will find a way.
I love [name_u]Hazel[/name_u] for a boy! I don’t think kids will associate that name with girls only. Kids are pretty flexible. If they know a boy named [name_u]Hazel[/name_u], then that means it must be a boy name too then.
With [name_f]Molly[/name_f] [name_f]Esther[/name_f], I didn’t see anything wrong with it till someone pointed out the vague similarity to molester. BUT kids don’t know each other’s middle names so I really don’t see an issue there. You could consider [name_f]Molly[/name_f] [name_f]Theresa[/name_f] as an alt, it has similarities to [name_f]Esther[/name_f] but enough of a different sound.
I do have to say that I absolutely love [name_u]Hazel[/name_u] on a boy! I don’t think just because it leans more feminine, that it’s strictly a girls name, or is more teasable. I think little kids especially don’t usually see the differences between gendered names. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if they know a girl with that name, a simple “it can be a boy name too” would be enough for them! When I was a kid I knew grown men with more feminine names like [name_u]Tracy[/name_u] and [name_u]Terry[/name_u], and even though before that I thought they were “girl” names, meeting those men made me realize they were unisex names! I think especially with more masculine names being used on girls in recent times, using a more feminine name on the boy isn’t as out of the ordinary. Also, plenty of currently popular girl names used to be “boy” names!
I do see where you’re coming from about the possibility of teasing when it comes to names. I do think there are names that are best avoided for that reason, but it’s usually only extremes or outright offensive names (your example of nazi names is a great example).
I also believe that kids can find a way to tease any name. [name_f]My[/name_f] name was in the top 3 most popular names for the year I was born, I went to school with more kids than I can count with the same name, and yet classmates still found a way to tease me for my name.
that being said, I also think that’s not as common as it used to be. I also work around kids, and know plenty of other people who do as well, and I just dont see/hear of much name teasing going on. I think a lot of the references we notice in names, kids don’t know about, and by the time they do know of them, they’re old enough to know bullying someone especially for their name is wrong. So unless there are grown adults making rude comments to children about their names, I don’t think it’s that big of an issue.
Also, another thing I want to mention, is people can hate their names for multiple reasons. So just because you don’t give your child a “teasable” name, doesn’t mean they won’t hate it. [name_u]Or[/name_u], on the opposite side, you may give your child that GP name, and they may love it. It depends more on the child than it does the name (for example, everyone I knew with my name loved their name, but I always hated it!)
Lastly, I agree with other posters that as frustrating as it may be for you, it doesn’t matter if your partner cant understand that you find certain names unusable because of teasing potential. All that matters is that you don’t like the name, so you won’t use it for your child. If you’re naming real children, you two will have to find names you both love regardless. So I think you should just tell them it comes down to the fact that you don’t like those names. I’m sure he also has names he doesn’t like and won’t use. Naming children is a compromise between both parents (usually), and that’s the important thing here.
This isn’t something I would necessarily assume. For example, full names are typically said during various grade promotions- pre-k, kindergarten, elementary, middle and high school. As well as show up in year books. And as a former ECE teacher I made it a habit of calling the kids in my class by their full names. I do agree with other posters that they aren’t usually used regularly but it’s not uncommon for middle names to be known.
Oh really? That’s interesting, it must depend on regionality. I grew up in [name_f]Canada[/name_f] and middle names never came up in Pre-K, middle school, high school, or yearbooks! [name_m]Just[/name_m] first and last names.
Since so many typical boy names like [name_u]James[/name_u] and [name_u]Parker[/name_u] are used for girls why cant a girl name be used for a boy? Is femininity something negative?
