I keep hearing horror stories about being pregnant and the changes that happen to the body and am wondering if it’s worth it.
Other options for us are adoption and possibly surogacy, but that’s really expensive. My fiance’ really wants one of “our own” and I am on the fence.
I love my body the way it is and fear it’ll change. So I was wondering what does change permanently? Personal experience is what I’m looking for, I’ve read plenty of things online, but I want the truth from real women.
I think it depends on your body type, genetics, and skin type. The only thing different now on my body is a few stretch marks near my bellybutton and on my thighs, and my boobs are slightly larger (which isn’t a bad thing!) But my good friend, who is much smaller than me, She’s 5’1 and only 110 pounds or so has stretch marks on literally every square inch of her body and she always complains about the skin on her stomach being “flappy.” I also have a friend who has trouble holding her pee now, but she had a pretty traumatic delivery. I had a C-section though, so I cannot speak for women that have vaginal births. I hear more pelvic/bladder problems arise when giving birth vaginally.
I think if you are really worried about it, talk to the women in your family who have had babies (especially your Mom). Their problems could possibly be yours.
Thanks, I’m not close with my mom and do not want to discuss babies with her, same with the rest of my family.
I am 5’2" so I know I have to worry about stretch marks since shorter/smaller people tend to have that problem… I also don’t want my boobs to get larger, a lot of women say it’s not a bad thing, but I’m already a C and I think that’s big at times… so I was hoping they would go back to normal. I don’t plan to breast feed either since that leads to saggy boobs… but again this is just what I read online, so I just want to hear what other women have experienced before making a final decision.
I know that sometimes your hips actually widen and there can be changes with your breasts (I’ve known some people who were more endowed after having their kids, some less and some the same). Also, your shoe size can increase with each pregnancy. I agree with the previous poster that you should ask the women in your family and see what, if any, changes their bodies went through post pregnancy.
Also, how old are you? When I was younger (early to mid-twenties) even though I knew I wanted kids eventually, the thought of pregnancy did not appeal. Once I got into my late twenties though, all those reasons why I was apprehensive about pregnancy/labor (body changes, labor pains, etc) totally went out the window. They just didn’t really matter anymore and now that I am pregnant, I’m really enjoying it. So I guess what I’m trying to say here is if you’re some years off from having children (which I’m assuming you are since your signature says you’re engaged), I wouldn’t worry too much about the effects of pregnancy on your body. When it comes to the time that you’re actually having a baby, your views/concerns might have changed.
My girls spent months and months growing, and certainly it has had an effect on my body. As far as I can tell 9 months since their birth all that has changed on my body is my torso section, chest and tummy area. All my advice stems from having twins… if anyone needs real advice on carrying and raising twins, message me!
Problem is that if we have a baby, we plan on not telling anyone until we at least know the gender, but if I had it my way, it wouldn’t be till after the birth. I just don’t want people seeing me “Fat” no matter what anyone says, I always view pregnant people as fat, sorry… but that’s just how I feel so if I do go that route I refuse to be seen by anyone I know. I also have an overbearing mother and we don’t want her involved so to prevent her feelings getting hurt, we’re just planning on not telling anyone, so I can’t talk to anyone without giving hints that we are thinking about it. Probably won’t start trying till a couple more years, but then it might become more problematic if I choose not to carry the child since we’ll have to save up money or get on a list… so I’m trying to sort out the positives and negatives of all the choices.
I am 21, but I will still be in my twenties when we have a child. I don’t think my views will change, they have only gotten worse thanks to my friends. [name]One[/name] took a class related to pregnancy and told me horrible stories of the baby breaking bones due to kicking hard… she actually says that surrogacy is a much better option since pregnancy basically “destroys” the body. Before I was leaning towards possibly being pregnant, but thanks to her, I am now leaning more towards adoption/surrogacy.
There will be changes and I don’t want to be rude, but if you aren’t willing to make some physical sacrifices then I believe you are not ready to have children. I used to feel the same way then one day it just became a non-issue, I was ready for whatever nature was going to give me. I changed my mind when I was about 25 (because news flash, your body will change baby or not). The way I see it is, in order to have a child and truly care for it you should be ready willing to give up anything for that child. Surrogacy [name]IMO[/name] is not for women looking to keep their tummies in tact, it’s for women who are physically incapable of carrying a child safely. There is nothing wrong with adoption either but I feel you are considering it for the wrong reasons. I’d recommend just really thinking about why body image is your reason for not wanting to have your own child, and if its something you’re not willing to sacrifice or work on before, during and after pregnancy, then is having a child what you really want? I feel as though you are still too selfish or self involved to have another person dependent on you. Honestly, I have never heard anyone but you say pregnant women are just “fat”. MANY women do not gain unneeded body fat during pregnancy. If your mind doesn’t change I sincerely hope you chose to not have children and enjoy your life for yourself. I said sincerely because I mean that in a kind way.
After reading your response to my post, I’ve got to say that I agree with tinabina. It sounds like you have a lot of issues (body and otherwise) that you need to work out before having children (if you do decide that you even want them). What you’re describing sounds like some kind of severe fear/paranoia and you should really address that before making any final decisions on having kids. Not wanting anyone to see you while pregnant is very extreme, not to mention not very practical. [name]How[/name] would you even do that? Quit your job right away and not leave the house or talk to anyone for nine months?
Well, to me a women has a right to keep her body. Why do you think there are so many pro choice people out there? It’s the same thing, it’s my body. I don’t have to have a child using my body. I actually ALWAYS wanted to adopt. I have a fear of overpopulating the environment. My fiance’ though really wants his own, so surrogacy was the other option to avoid using my body. Men don’t give birth and don’t have to give up their bodies, would you consider them selfish? Why must I give up my body for a child when he doesn’t?
I actually don’t have body issues. I think I look pretty good, but I can’t help but see a pregnant woman and automatically think “she’s fat/huge!” I just have such a negative connotation towards pregnant women. My friend even says pregnant women freak her out so I’m not the only one.
Basically the last part, but I said people I know so going to the store will be no problem. We live a state away from all family and friends, so I have no problems with avoiding them. I don’t plan on working IF I choose to carry the baby. I wouldn’t mind telling friends, but I don’t trust them enough to keep it a secret. Also my friends support the surrogacy thing as well. None of them want to get pregnant and say why destroy your body when there are people out there who just love being pregnant and will do it for you. They are all feminists though.
You misunderstood most of what I wrote, which is unfortunate.
Pro-choice has [name]ZERO[/name] relation to a woman not wanting to “sacrifice” her body. Everything you wrote points to selfishness, which is OK, you are allowed to be selfish, its just not an ideal environment to bring a child into. You said so yourself how judgmental your mother is towards you, would you want to put another person through that? Many men, if give then chance would take some of the burden of carrying a child from their wife. Honestly, if I was adopted or birthed by a surrogate because my mother didn’t want to have to put a bit of work into getting the baby weight off, I’d be ashamed and completely heartbroken.
Your body issue isn’t that you [name]DON[/name]'T think you look good, it is that you do and have such a fear of how your body will change. That is normal, we’ve all been there at your age (although perhaps less extreme). The news flash though is that by the end of your 20’s your body will begin to change regardless. That’s life. If you’re willing to drop over tens of thousands on surrogacy why not just spend less than that on plastic surgery after the child and make healthy choices while pregnant. Sweetie (and your friends), you clearly aren’t in the mental capacity to consider having children yet so just ENJOY your youth while you still have it, enjoy your partner and all the awesome things you can do and don’t worry about having children because clearly it is not the time yet.
I never said my mother was judgemental. I said she is overbearing, big difference. She wants grandkids and will just be annoying. We also don’t get along and everytime I visit, she “looks” for a fight. I haven’t hugged her in over a year since I always end up leaving storming out the door. She constantly called me fat when I lived at home, but I know I’m not so that doesn’t bother me. It did when I was in high school, but I’m a lot more confident now. We just don’t have the best relationship and I don’t want to go into details. It has NOTHING to do with my choices of having a child. I just don’t want to involved her because I don’t really want her in my life.
Also it is not the “fatness” of the pregnancy that totally bothers me, it’s people seeing me that way. What bothers me more is the fact my boobs might get bigger and I’ll have bladder control issues. It is not the same as growing older. I also know the vagina will never be the same and that is DUE to pregnancy not aging, so the aging arguement is invalid in my opinion.
It’s not just the “baby weight” I’m not stupid. I know it can be worked off, but that’s not the only body change. I’m sure my child would be fine no matter how we got it. It would be ours and I would love him or her no matter what. I just don’t believe that sacrificing my body and taking on bladder issues (which I already have a weak bladder), a wrecked vagina, and big boobs has to be involved. But that is my opinion. You are free to have yours, but I strongly think it’s wrong to force your opinions on others.
Most men will jump to it because they know they don’t have to deal with it. That is invalid as well. They are biased because they can’t have them so of course they can “think” they’d be willing to, but the reality is they are biased because they can’t and the truth is many just say that so you don’t feel bad about it. My fiance’ claims he would do it, but he knows he is biased and that’s why he’s not forcing it on me.
Also, I asked for experiences because I am still thinking about it. I have not made a decision yet.
Also plastic surgery? Are you serious? That is way worse in my opinion than having a baby.
Pregnancy is beautiful. If you want to feel your body at its fullest empowerment, the “changes” are worth it. It’s not like a cancer, you are creating life, and a woman is at her strongest in pregnancy and delivery.
Also does anyone know anything about ribs breaking? My friend said it’s common. I was wondering if anyone had that problem as well or knew what the odds were? I’ve been on other forums and have read more scary stories about how they can’t do anything until after the birth… so you’re stuck with rib pain which does not appeal to me at all.
Too young to have children, but as an x-ray tech I can tell you about broken ribs. It is ranked the absolute worst bone to break. Surgery is usually not an option and the pain is unbearable in many cases. The only thing you can do is stay on bed rest for a very long time. I’m not sure how common it is to fracture your ribs during pregnancy (though it seems very possible), but you can break your rib from just sneezing or coughing. Usually, if one rib is broken another one is broken as well. Some of my patients that came in with fractured ribs were still able to walk, so that is reassuring that the damage might not be that bad.
I have carried three pregnancies, two singletons and one set of twins. As far as physical changes go my tummy muscles are weaker and certainly not as flat as before, and I have a few stretch marks but that is pretty much it. I should note stretch marks eventually turn white and become hard to see. My bladder is weaker but I don’t have incontinence. And this is a bit graphic but I actually found intercourse more enjoyable after my births, before I often found it painful so for me the little bit of extra room was a plus. I have never heard of anyone breaking bones from fetal kicks. To me this was the best part of my pregnancies, feeling my babies move was wonderful. I never found it painful at all. I honestly can’t imagine not getting to have felt this, it is something I miss when I am not pregnant.
I wanted to mention that before I had children, while I knew I wanted them and wanted to carry them I was a bit terrified of the whole process. I never had an eating disorder per se, but I definitely had a fixation with my weight and during my first pregnancy was the first time since I was a child that I was able to feel free to whatever I wanted. I was fearful that I would become massive but about three weeks after all of my births I was only 5lbs over my prepregnancy weight. So you don’t have that much weight to lose after. I agree with some of the above posters in that you reach a point in your life where your youth is leaving you anyway and so you are ready to make the physical sacrifices to have a child. I have read prior posts of yours where you seem to think that people should have their children when they are in their early twenties but realistically you might just not be ready when you think you want to be and there is nothing wrong with spending a few more years enjoying your youth and the beauty that comes with it and have a child when you ‘feel’ ready to move onto the next stage of your life. But from my experience I can’t imagine not carrying my own babies it is probably the most important thing you will ever do in your life and even with all of its discomforts it is a wonderful experience.
[name]Amen[/name] to this. Quite frankly, it DOES sound like you have body issues and are not yet emotionally mature enough to have children (sorry, but the “fat” comment IS rather juvenile). Of course your body will change, but as another poster said, it will change with age no matter what. You may feel differently when you reach your thirties, and if you don’t, then having children probably isn’t in the cards for you.
Thanks for being honest. I know I want to have children in my twenties because a lot of research has proved that is the best time and you have less risk for complications. The children tend to be healthier as well. My mom was 31 when she had me, I was underweight and a weak late, because of that I have very poor skin and have to be careful about the products I use. I’m allergic to sterling silver and various other kinds of cheap metal so I tend to only wear gold jewelry. I also get have bad reactions to mosquito bites. Instead of just a little red bump, mine swell up to the size of quarters.
So I don’t want to risk my child ending up like me. I also won’t likely be able to breast feed since my mom couldn’t, so I’m planning on just not doing it at all. My mom tried and I ended up loosing more weight, I don’t want to risk that happening to my child. Hopefully that will prevent my boobs from getting bigger and from sagging.
I know a lot of women want the experience, but personally I’m one who could go without it. I always planned to adopt, the only reason I’m considering it is because my fiance’ really wants one and so I’'m willing to consider it.
To point it out again, there is difference between aging and then the aftermath of the pregnancy. Aging isn’t going to tear your Vagina. Your bladder won’t weaken until your like 50. And boobs will sag when your 50, but they won’t get bigger like when your pregnant. (I’m already a C and I don’t want to be!) I’m more focused on what damages happen DUE to PREGNANCY. Not things that will happen anyway later on in life…
I know I can lose the weight, it’s just I don’t find pregnancy “attractive” and would prefer to spend that time alone if I so choose to give birth. It has nothing to do with “body image” I find all pregnant women gross.
I guess I wasn’t super clear on it so now everyone thinks I have body image issues, which I don’t. I find pregnant women gross and thus will likely see myself as gross and I just don’t want my friends and family seeing me when I feel gross. I also know the weight will go away, but I also know there is such a thing as “baby fat” from when your stomach was stretched out, which will NEVER go away. Something, again, that is only due to pregnancy.
I’m just trying to find out how bad the body changes are and then as to whether or not I feel they are worth. I’m against birth control pills and plastic surgery because they “damage” the body. Pregnancy is the same to me. A friend of mine calls the baby a “parasite” because in reality that’s what it is… I don’t view it totally like that because I do want a child, I just don’t want the pregnancy part.
Why does not wanting to be pregnant = not ready for kids? There are plenty of people who can’t get pregnant and are ready for kids. Sure I can get pregnant, but doesn’t meant I have to. I want children and I feel I am ready, just not financially which is why we are still waiting. I just don’t want the pregnancy part. That doesn’t in my opinion mean someone isn’t ready for children.
I [name]DON[/name]'T have body issues, I just find it gross and unappealing. It’s not for me. I always wanted to adopt and so that might be what makes me less willing to give birth because I always thought I would give another child a loving home that needed one rather than bringing a new one into the world.
And again aging and the changes that pregnancy cause are not related. Sure there are some things, but a lot those things won’t happen till your 50+ if you never have a child (I have an aunt who is 50, never had a baby, and she looks like she’s 25). I am not waiting that long and at that point it’s not healthy/possible to have a child.
It’s not so much body image. It’s more the bladder control because I already have a weak bladder. Most women want big boobs, but I don’t, so that’s probably anti-body image, I can handle the bigger feet and wider hips and even stretch marks. I’m also concerened with wrecking the vagina and then sex afterwards. Same with broken rib bones.
I have no problem with the weight gain, I know I can lose it.
So it’s more the bodily function issue rather than appearance.
If you don’t feel 100% about doing the pregnancy thing, don’t. There’s no going back.
I say this as someone who sees pregnancy as beautiful and childbirth as empowering, for the record. I’ve always looked forward to pregnancy as a possibility for my future, but have yet to go through it myself. Even so, I am all for encouraging people not to reproduce if their heart is not in it.
Adoption is a beautiful thing in its own right. Just do what’s right for you.
P.S. It’s pretty difficult to make the arguments that you’re making without coming across as having ‘issues,’ body or otherwise. If you don’t, great – you don’t have to justify that to strangers on the internet. Just know that what you’re saying does come across that way, even and perhaps especially with the defensive explanations you’re giving.
You can use our good friend google to research potential body changes, but no one can tell you with any kind of certainty what would happen to YOU. Even if you fully nailed down your family history, it would still be a crap shoot. Would you look back with regret if you gave birth and then found it created some sort of lasting negative change? It’s not worth the risk for someone with your mindset. Just adopt and call it a day.
