[name]Just[/name] looking for some perspective from other moms.
My daughter [name]Amelie[/name] has been asking for a pet for as long as I can remember. In particular, she really wants a puppy. The last two Christmases and birthdays a puppy has been her only request.
I’m absolutely not an animal person at all. Sure, I find pictures of them cute, I respect them, and I don’t like seeing them hurt or in pain, but other than that I guess I can admit that I’m pretty cold toward most animals. I’m pretty sure it comes from being bitten by a large viscous pitbull as a child. No lasting damage or scars, but I’ve been very weary of the idea of getting a pet ever since.
I don’t want my daughter growing up with my prejudices towards animals, being afraid of them like I am. But on the other hand, I can’t bring myself to buy her the puppy she wants so badly.
Quite a few things are stopping me: We live in a rural area, so a pet wouldn’t be able to live outside due to the risk of being attacked by foxes and other similar creatures. I don’t want a house pet because (no offence) I can always tell whether someone has pets or not the second I walk into their home from the smell and I don’t want that in my own house. Dog hairs and the thought of him leaving little accidents around the house is also a turn off.
I’m also concerned that I’d have to keep a very close eye on baby when he/she arrives in case the dog gets jealous and attacks him/her.
My husband on the other hand, grew up with a lovely sheepdog and had a great experience. He often talks of the companionship he felt and he has no fear of dogs/cats presently. He is all for us getting a pet.
So Berries, please share your experiences with pets to help me come to a decision. In particular, I’m interested in hearing from Berries with young children.
I got my dog at age 9 as a puppy and he was great. Very few accidents, easily trainable, etc.
SO’s family got a puppy for [name]Easter[/name] last year when his youngest sister was almost a year old and the didn’t have any problems beyond the puppy bumping her as he walked by. Same year for [name]Christmas[/name] they got two kittens and had no issues with them either.
If you get your daughter a puppy I wouldn’t worry about it being vicious towards the baby because the puppy hasn’t been there long enough to feel threatened.
If you don’t want a big animal you could start at some cage animal. SO and I each have a rat. They’re lovely social animals. And they keep themselves extremely clean. SO’s rat will sit in his pocket and go around the house with him and mine is content to roam around a large cardboard box or sit on your lap for a bit. However if you were to go that route I would suggest buying two of one sex at the same time from the same cage. We got our rats, both males, at seperate times and they dislike each other and need to be kept in a seperate cage. And if you dislike rats there’s also mice which are very similar. I would advise against hamsters and gerbils as they are very aggressive and will chew your knuckles open or bite much more than most caged animals. I dislike rabbits because I’ve yet to meet a nice one and guinea pigs get sick easily. But that all depends on how you feel about rodents.
Be sure to teach your daughter, and later the baby, how to treat animals, how a cat flipping its tail means something different than a dog wagging his tail, and how to act if an animal becomes aggressive and they should be fine.
An calm, older dog would probably be better with a small child. My mom rescued a senior dog a few years before I was born. That dog was eternally grateful to her. My mom would put infant me in my carseat on the table and the dog would watch me and get my mom if I started fussing. When I got older the dog would always be with me if I went outside. Our neighborhood wasn’t good, so the dog would guard me and wouldn’t let me get near the gate. I wasn’t very nice to her as a toddler and pulled her ears and tail but she never bit.
Accidents don’t occur in healthy, well trained adult dogs. There are certain breeds that don’t shed much and ones that are noted for beig excellent with children. There are tons of amazing dogs in shelters just waiting for a home.
Honestly, if you’re not an animal person and you don’t want a pet living in your house, then I would advise against getting one. Pets are a lot of work (not to mention money, time, etc.) and if your heart’s not in it, you’re going to become really resenful towards that pet really quickly. Also, it’s not fair to the animal to be owned by someone who doesn’t really want it. Sure, your daughter will be disappointed that she’s not getting a puppy but she’ll get over it (and can have as many pets as she wants as an adult).
As for not wanting your daughter to be afraid of animals, that can be achieved without having a pet. Children will mimic the attitudes and actions of their parents so as long as you don’t show any fear whenever you interact with a dog (or any other type of animal), then your child most likely won’t either. And for what it’s worth, I’ve never heard of a pet dog (or cat) attacking a baby. I’m sure it’s happened but I know plenty of people with pets and babies/small children (myself included) and no one has ever had an incident. I wouldn’t get a new pet at the same time as a new baby though. Babies are enough work on their own and having to train a puppy at the same time would just be very exhausting (puppies are basically like toddlers, they cry at night, have to be potty trained and will put everything within sight in their mouth. Plus they have very sharp little baby teeth) and stressful.
Pets are really great and can really enrich your family’s lives… if you want them to. Since you really aren’t into them, I’d advise against any pet, unless your daughter is old enough to truly take care of its needs. If she’s under ten, you are going to either doing the work for her, or be having to constantly remind her. And if she gets bored with it, you’ll either have to force her to continue the work of caring for the pet, or join the millions of families dropping pets off at shelters to die. I would particularly not recommend getting a new animal just before or after a new baby arrives, as they’ll have too much in common and keep you much too busy :).
If/when you do decide to get a dog, definitely research the breed. I used to work in a shelter where we constantly received dalmatians and border collies because the kids wanted that breed due to a movie. Working breeds are a baaaad idea for families who are not committed to training and mental and physical exercise. Shih tzus, while not my cup of tea, are great family dogs that are small, shed little and have little dander, and are generally less yappy than other small dogs.
Good luck with your decision. I can’t imagine it’s easy when a little one wants something so badly, but you have to stick to what’s best for your family… and sometimes what’s best is whatever makes Mama happiest!
I love my dog but I think a cat would be much easier. Cats don’t usually have vicious tendencies, and they really don’t need much care. I agree, indoor cats are furry and smell sometimes. We had an indoor cat when I was little because my mom was a stay-at-home mom and had time to clean. Now I think it would be more difficult. My outdoor cat now is like a dog and usually goes outside to use the potty and comes back, so it works a lot better.
As far as dogs go, I’ve noticed bigger dogs are actually a lot better with kids. Based on my experiences, dogs like golden retrievers are great to their owner’s children. [name]Little[/name] dogs like chihuahuas, bite.
As much as I love rats (and I have 4 myself), they are not very good pets for a small child. They’re delicate, don’t live very long, and their claws can be hard on children’s skin.
You mentioned you were attacked by a dog when you were little and you’re afraid of dogs as a result. Perhaps it would make YOU feel more comfortable if you spent some time around them. If you’re seriously considering getting a dog, contact a local shelter–a non-profit no-kill would probably be best. Explain your situation, and see if they’d let you spend a little time with their dogs.
I would not get a dog , if I were you, until all your children are old enough to learn to train it. A child as young as 3or 4 can learn to be assertive towards the dog and make the dog respect him/her, but obviously, a baby can’t. Puppies require a lot of training… It’s a huge time commitment that the whole family should be involved with, so getting a puppy when a new baby is on the way would be very difficult [name]IMO[/name]. Cats & bunnies are a lot easier, but are perhaps not quite as friendly as a dog. Dogs are great companions for children and make a great addition to the family… You just need to make sure it’s the right time.
I cant imagine my childhood without pets. We were always outside with our animals (we lived in a rural area as well). We had very loyal dogs growing up that I will never forget. My husband and I have had a lab for the past 4 years and she is amazing with our son who is 8 months old. She lets him climb all over her, stick his hands in her mouth, pull her ears etc. But she is an older dog who we spent A LOT of time training - puppies are much more excitable so maybe an older dog would be the answer? I agree with encore - little dogs bite. [name]Ive[/name] never known a smaller breed to not have a bit of aggression in them (they always bark at, run at [name]Milly[/name] when we have her out for her daily walk)! However if you do get a puppy you can train it how you want. [name]Milly[/name] is aloud inside but she does not have free reign, she has a designated ‘bed’ that she knows is the only spot she is allowed when inside. When she is let in now she goes straight to the bed and doesnt move. This could be an option for having your pet inside when you want and create a safe area outside for other times? I would bet you learn to love the pet you get like a family member - even with your aversion to animals!
i would advise this…go to your local animal shelter. They are always looking for volenteers to walk their dogs. Go with your daughter and walk a do together. Its something to do when bored and you dont have to own the dog and maybe that way she will not be so pursuasive.
We had a rabbit and two guinea pigs but the rabbit and one guinea pig died. As far as i am concerned, when the other guinea pig dies, that is it. Although i might be pursauded to get a small dog (i dont do big dogs partly because of my size in comparason to the dog) but i sometimes go with my son and walk the dogs at the shelter and it is great fun!
I grew up with an English Setter. They’re great family dogs, mine was very friendly and wouldn’t hurt a fly. I have an amazing association with those dogs. I think to get a puppy and have it grow with your family will help build trust and friendship with the dog. What kind of dog does she want? Big of small? If you’re worried about foxes, maybe a bigger dog. Puppies are work, but they are totally worth it. I definitely recommend English Setters.
I’m going to be helping out at my local shelter for a couple of hours every weekend starting this month. [name]Just[/name] waiting for a mandatory background check before I can start.
I think its better for me to start alone, to become used to the animals, before bringing [name]Amelie[/name] along with me. [name]Don[/name]'t want to make her even more nervous than she is.
I got really upset about this situation last week and confided in my mom. She has been wanting to get a dog for a while now - Her and my dad could use the company now we’ve all left home. She said that [name]Amelie[/name] can pick out the puppy, and name him/her, and he can live at their place. We stop by a minimum 4-5 times a week so it’d have all the advantages of her having a pet without flaring up my anxiety. It’d essentially be “her” dog but he’d live with my parents.
We’re also hoping this will soften the blow of her no longer being the only child, it’ll be a distraction. So [name]Amelie[/name] is going to pick out a puppy from the shelter at the end of our time there. By that stage, I’ll (hopefully) also be used to the dog so seeing him/her at my parents won’t be an issue for me.
Does everyone think this is a good idea? Its honestly the best compromise I can come up with, keeping [name]Amelie[/name] happy and my own concerns in check!
i live in a rural area and we have had dogs forever and foxes don’t eat dogs trust me, I have lost2 dogs in five years they were killed by cars (my mum does [name]Day[/name] care). The foxes attack sheep and chickens but not dogs. Also I have a lovely sheepdog whom I love. She is my best friend. [name]Just[/name] think about it, I can’t imagine not having a dog or a cat.
This sounds like a fantastic compromise! Everyone wins, even the dog
The only thing I would reconsider is letting your daughter pick the dog out. I would have your mom and dad look into what type of dog they want or just think long and hard about the personality traits they are looking for. As you get to know the dogs at the shelter, you might find one or a few that fit the bill, or you can ask the shelter workers what they think. For instance, you don’t want your daughter falling in love with a border collie/ australian shepherd if your parents want a lap dog. Maybe you could work with your parents and/or the shelter worker to find some dogs/puppies that are most likely to work, and then let [name]Amelie[/name] pick from those. That way, she’ll get the joy of “choosing” without the risk of getting a completely inappropriate breed for your parents’ lifestyle
Good luck! I’m so glad you found a compromise that works for your family on this tough issue!
Everything she said! Your parents should really narrow the field of what kind of dog they are looking for, then let your daughter choose from there. There are a lot of dogs that are adorable as puppies, but aren’t a good fit for every situation. I am a huge fan of kids having dogs. There are even a number of studies out there that show many benefits for kids that have pets, especially dogs. We have two and I trust them completely with my son. We’ve had them for 6 years now, so I do plan to get my son his own puppy sometime after this next baby is a bit older (newborn and puppy together would be exhausting I think your plan is a very good one. You could also contact a local obedience club (we have one in town that does agility shows and such). There are usually people in those clubs that have dogs trained for therapy. They take them to nursing homes and hospitals. I’m sure they would be happy to let you come meet their dogs sometime to help with your fear. I will warn you, I volunteered at an animal shelter for a year or so in college and you get all kinds of dogs through there. The workers there won’t pair you with an aggressive dog, but you will see wild/hyper dogs, timid dogs, sweet dogs, etc. Make sure you let them know about your apprehensions and ask them for the calmer, better behaved dogs to start with. If you’re nervous and the dog is nervous, that could make for a very difficult walk. I’m so glad you are going to be trying to work through this for your daughter. It won’t be easy, but you should be proud of yourself for making that effort. Sorry, now I’m rambling. Best of luck!
Personally, I think the benefits of owning a pet (stronger immune system, less allergies, less occurrences of asthma, teaching companionship and compassion, and later learning about life and death) are all totally worth the occasional puppy accident or bad smell. We have 2 dogs, one being a very large pit bull mix. Our pit mix is amazing with [name]Rowan[/name]. He licks her all the time and plays on the kitchen floor with her. She can literally roll over him and fall on him and he doesn’t get grumpy in the slightest. We also have a cat (I’m more of a cat person myself, they’re cleaner, more independent animals) and [name]Rowan[/name] follows him around the house and he loves it. Have you considered a kitten instead of a puppy? Cats are definitely cleaner and are very easy to litter train. And kittens are definitely just as fun to play with as a puppy.
My oldest sister doesn’t like animals and is pretty cold toward them, but her husband likes dogs. They’ve got 3 kids (the youngest turns 1 in mid [name]July[/name], the oldest turns 6 next week) and a beagle that’s about 7 years old. My sister bears with the dog, which is an inside dog. They also had our old dog for a while before he died of old age. The only problem with their dog is she tends to poop in front of the front door, she’s super fat, and she eats any food left unattended for longer than five seconds. My sister helps take care of the dog and cleans up after her even though she doesn’t like animals.
I’ve never gone without a dog and my sister never understood why I liked animals so much (not my fault we’re practically opposites). I love them, though I’m more of a cat person. As a kid I was more of a dog person because they’re more fun and I was never around cats before I was 8. I used to have a Shetland Sheepdog named Peanut when I was in 1st grade, but Mom sold him because he was bigger than she wanted. I still miss Peanut.
[name]Treat[/name] the animal nicely and it’ll return the favor. My cousin had a Doberman and a wolf/[name]German[/name] [name]Shepherd[/name] mix and they were some of the sweetest dogs you’d ever meet; I used to sleep snuggled up with them, though sharing a twin bed with a dog that’s bigger than me was a bit uncomfortable (totally worth it).
Let your parents have the dog, the compromise you said is best. [name]Trust[/name] me, dogs can be the absolute best companions but only if you want them. Wanting them involves active training, attention, warmth of personality towards the dog, interaction, patience… I just don’t get the impression that is what you’re willing or even interested in doing. I volunteer with a rescue group and just… You can’t imagine how many dogs are taken to shelters because they require more time and energy than the adults can or want to give. And it has to be the adults willing to do the chores and exercising of the dog because most kids will get tired of the work after the newness wears off.
Let your parents pick out their new dog and let your daughter pick the name (maybe from an approved list of names so it isn’t named princess tootles cheesy crisps or something). Maybe she can use some allowance money to buy the new dog her own collar and leash.
Kids don’t need to grow up with dogs to love them, they just need to spend time with dogs with the supervision and inclusion of adults who love and treat dogs well.
I think your plan is a very good one. You could also contact a local obedience club (we have one in town that does agility shows and such). There are usually people in those clubs that have dogs trained for therapy. They take them to nursing homes and hospitals. I’m sure they would be happy to let you come meet their dogs sometime to help with your fear. I will warn you, I volunteered at an animal shelter for a year or so in college and you get all kinds of dogs through there. The workers there won’t pair you with an aggressive dog, but you will see wild/hyper dogs, timid dogs, sweet dogs, etc. Make sure you let them know about your apprehensions and ask them for the calmer, better behaved dogs to start with. If you’re nervous and the dog is nervous, that could make for a very difficult walk. I’m so glad you are going to be trying to work through this for your daughter. It won’t be easy, but you should be proud of yourself for making that effort. Sorry, now I’m rambling. Best of luck!