Please everyone or Break the Rules?

Hi,

I’m probably just being hormonal but I’m having a massive naming dilemma.

We are having baby number 4 right now and I’m pretty sure from gut feel it’s a girl (too early to know for definite). There are no issues with our boy name but this will be our third pink bundle if it’s a girl.

Our existing kids are:

Seraphine [name_f]Juliette[/name_f] [name_f]Roisin[/name_f]
[name_f]Isadora[/name_f] [name_f]Jacqueline[/name_f] [name_u]Winter[/name_u]
[name_m]Alaric[/name_m] [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Corbinian[/name_m]

As you can see we have a fairly defined naming style and we have followed several rules in naming the sibset.

We have one name that everyone in the family likes and which conforms to many of our naming conventions and looks like it fits brilliantly:

Ophelia [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f]

However, I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t the name.

I’m totally in love with the name [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f], especially in combination with [name_f]Luna[/name_f]. If we use it the name would be

Elfrida [name_f]Luna[/name_f] [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f]

We have a very [name_m]German[/name_m] one syllable surname beginning with G.

So what’s the issue? Well for one, my girls hate it and my Mum thinks it’s not nice. The kids main complaint is that it’s ‘old’ which I don’t get because the short form, [name_f]Frida[/name_f] is top 50 where we live. Secondly it fits hardly any of the naming conventions we used for the other three so I’m worried baby would feel left out.

Nevertheless, I love this name! [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] would be an honour name for my beloved father in law, Helfried. I love both possible nicknames of [name_f]Elfie[/name_f] and [name_f]Frida[/name_f] (I’m a massive [name_f]Frida[/name_f] [name_f]Kahlo[/name_f] fan). And cheesy though it is, I always identified most with [name_f]Luna[/name_f] Lovegood in [name_u]Harry[/name_u] [name_m]Potter[/name_m]. To me, [name_f]Frida[/name_f]-[name_f]Luna[/name_f] has an almost magical sound to it and although [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] doesn’t necessarily lay naturally against [name_f]Seraphine[/name_f] and [name_f]Isadora[/name_f], like [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] does, it DOES sound like a sibling for [name_m]Alaric[/name_m], another [name_m]German[/name_m] name with a strong history.

DH likes both names and says I should just pick the one I want.

So the question is, do we go for the name which fits and everyone likes but risk the feeling of the name that got away or do I go with my heart and take a name which doesn’t necessarily fit or follow self imposed rules and several family members dislike but which I just can’t forget?

Sorry for rambling!

2 Likes

Hi I really do love [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] and I think it sounds perfect with your other children’s names. I guess [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] is very soft and feminine whereas [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] does sound mature and not as pretty as [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f]. So my vote goes to [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f]

2 Likes

You could always wait until shes here and then see whether she looks like an [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] or an [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f]… but for what its worth, I say break the rules.
Both names are beautiful, but I always think you should go for the name you absolutely love than a name that you think ‘works’.
[name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] is still a splendid name, but I think the only rule that really matters is this:

  1. Must be a name that you absolutely adore
    If [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] is what you have your heart set on, I think you should go for it!
7 Likes

In my family, I’m the only one without a J name and I’ve never felt left out due to this. In fact, the only time I notice is when someone else brings it up, which is rare. There won’t be any problems with having a different name in the long run if you don’t make a big deal about it.

For reference, my dad’s FN & both brothers’ MNs are [name_u]James[/name_u] & my mom’s MN is [name_u]Jeanne[/name_u]. [name_f]My[/name_f] name is M. [name_u]Lee[/name_u] (FN is rare so I won’t disclose it, but there aren’t any Js in it). To add to this, my 2 nephews also follow this pattern. [name_f]My[/name_f] older nephew’s FN is [name_m]Jack[/name_m] & my younger nephew’s MN is [name_u]James[/name_u].

It’s a tough one really. If your daughters were younger I’d probably say just use it, but in your user card it says your eldest is 13/14. Ask her if she thinks [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] would be prone to teasing - I think there’s a good chance it would be, sorry. Also think it’d be nice to involve your girls in the naming process, even if it’s just choosing between 2 names. [name_m]Can[/name_m] I also suggest [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f]?

Thanks for the replies people :slight_smile:

@lucyxo I would agree with you if we lived in certain parts of the U.K. (e.g, where I grew up) that [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f]/Frida might get teased, but we don’t live in U.K. or have any intentions to move back there ever.

In [name_m]Germany[/name_m] the names which sound old in Anglophone countries are almost trendy here. The top 50 for girls includes [name_f]Clara[/name_f], [name_f]Frida[/name_f], [name_f]Luisa[/name_f], [name_f]Mathilde[/name_f], [name_f]Ida[/name_f], [name_f]Greta[/name_f] and [name_f]Nora[/name_f]. [name_f]Frida[/name_f] is at 14 in the country as a whole, and only slightly less popular at 47 in the region where we live. [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f], the long form isn’t in the top names but it could be said that short forms are more popular than [name_f]Sunday[/name_f] best names here, just like [name_u]Freddie[/name_u]/Freddy are way more popular than [name_m]Frederick[/name_m] in the U.K. Any [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] is most likely to get shortened to [name_f]Frida[/name_f] in day to day life.

I think my daughters are anti [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] more because they are totally immersed in Anglophone teen literature (they are bilingual) and their naming taste is more [name_f]English[/name_f] than [name_m]German[/name_m]. [name_f]My[/name_f] middle daughter is advocating long and loud for [name_u]Cassidy[/name_u] which is not my taste at all. [name_f]My[/name_f] oldest won’t be happy with any names that don’t sound like they fit in with the cast of Hunger Games/Twilight/Divergent (I do like [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f] and [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f] but my husband doesn’t)

5 Likes

I am loving [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f]! What a funky, fresh name. Anglo saxon names are on the rise again believe it or not so she will be leading the pack of Winifreds and Alfreds and Fridas! I think you should choose what you want, your family will come round once she is named and they give her a nickname or two (love [name_f]Elfie[/name_f] and [name_f]Frida[/name_f]).

I also can’t get past the fact that [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] is in words like pedophelia and necrophelia :grimacing:

2 Likes

I like both options. But I slightly prefer [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f], because it’s more unusual and has great nickname options.

Generally speaking: go with what you love. I doubt your child would feel left out because of her name. It may seem like a big deal to you, and I completely understand, but in everyday life these things don’t matter as much as we think.
When my SO and I decided to TTC for our first child together, my second, I was terrified of not having a coherent sibset even if my oldest had a different father and consequentially a different background. But my SO and a few people here on NB made me see that there are more important things. So I just went with the name we both loved. And I’m doing it again naming my twins, even though the names I love don’t suit the pattern I had in mind.

I’m sure your daughter will get use to it and like the name once they meet their baby sister. Also, it’s not like you named your other children Gandalf and [name_m]Frodo[/name_m] and are now considering [name_m]Jim[/name_m] :wink: It’s not like it’s a completely different style. Go with what your heart tells you.

2 Likes

This is a tough one! Both are gorgeous combos and I think either would actually fit great with your sibset. [name_f]My[/name_f] personal favourite would have to be [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] though, and [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] might feel left out if she doesn’t share a J name with her siblings. Is [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] an option? [name_f]Luna[/name_f] could be more of an unrelated nickname if you don’t want to lose the opportunity to call her that.

I can see what your girls are saying about it sounding ‘old’, despite [name_f]Frida[/name_f]’s popularity, it still sounds a little old too! But at the end of the day, it’s not up to them – they’ll get their chance to name their own children. And your mum has already had the chance to name hers. This is your choice, and if [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] is the name you love and it feels right, then it’s the name you should go for. They’ll likely change their minds once they have a real baby with the name who they’ll love unconditionally, and suddenly [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] won’t seem old or unpleasant – it’ll be your [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f]!

3 Likes

I don’t find [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] that styllistically different from [name_m]Alaric[/name_m] and [name_f]Isadora[/name_f]… maybe I’m wrong? [name_f]Seraphine[/name_f] has a softer sound and goes well with the other two, so they all do kind of flow together to me. It sounds like you really love [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] and so I think you should use what you love. Your kids could call her [name_f]Elle[/name_f], [name_f]Ella[/name_f], [name_f]Ellie[/name_f], [name_f]Elsie[/name_f], [name_f]Elva[/name_f]–I think the [name_f]El[/name_f]- beginning makes the name a lot more wearable to those not liking [name_f]Frida[/name_f]. I went through something similar with my daughter (first girl after two boys and so much pressure to me to use the names I love in case she’s the only one). We had chosen two middles for years beforehand. It was a great flowing name. I changed my mind and wanted to use names I loved more. I don’t regret it. Maybe her name could have been “better” but I’m still in love with it more than a year later and to me that’s more important. If [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] makes you excited, it’s the one.

1 Like

Elfrida [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] would be the best of both worlds in my opinion.

I’m not a big fan of (paed)[name_f]Ophelia[/name_f]. Once I made that association I could never unsee it. I don’t know if it would have teasing potential as I’m sure small children are unfamiliar with such term but it’s enough to put me off.

2 Likes

For clarification, here we pronounce [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] - Oh fay lee ah. Also in my accent the negative similar sounding words don’t sound similar to the [name_f]English[/name_f] pronunciation Oh fee lee uh, because I say words like bibliophilia as oh fill ee uh.

1 Like

My (very [name_m]German[/name_m]) grandmother’s name was [name_f]Alfrida[/name_f] so I’m a big fan of [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f]! She always went by [name_m]Al[/name_m].

If your daughters aren’t a fan of [name_f]Frida[/name_f], they could always call her their ‘own’ nickname. I know families where siblings call a child something other than what mom and dad say or by what the kid goes by in school.

Elle, [name_f]Effie[/name_f], [name_f]Elfie[/name_f]/Elfy could all work and you and your husband could use [name_f]Frida[/name_f]…

I do have to say… this is you and your husbands child… not your children’s or parent’s. You kids will get to name their own kids whatever they want and your parent’s already got the chance to… it’s your turn now. They will get over whatever issues they have with the name, and in all likelihood in 10 years won’t even remember their aversion to it, or their own name tastes will change.

4 Likes

Do what you want. It’s your kid. Bring both names with you and see which one fits best. If you want the middle “J” name you can always do [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] or [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] [name_f]Juno[/name_f] (short like [name_f]Luna[/name_f]). You’re the one who will say her name on a daily basis. [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] works with your set but if you think it only works with your boy oh well. Now there’s two sets of names that work.

1 Like

Hmmm…[name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] just sounds kind of odd.
[name_u]Ellery[/name_u]
[name_u]Ellis[/name_u]
[name_u]Emery[/name_u]
[name_u]Ellington[/name_u]
?

I think [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] fits the best, but if you really love [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] [name_f]Luna[/name_f], definitely go for it!

1 Like

Thanks but not my style. [name_m]Don[/name_m]’t like American style unisex names at all. [name_f]My[/name_f] eleven year old would love them though!

1 Like

Go with [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] if it’s a girl! It’s the one you love, and you don’t want to have regrets later. Both names are beautiful. This is your and your husband’s baby to name, not anyone else’s.

Oh, I love [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] so much! I live in the US, so unfortunately I think it will stay on my gp list, but I think it’s just the sweetest. I see why others might view the name as ‘old’ but it’s never felt that way to me. It feels magical and cool, like a warrior in a fantasy novel. It especially gives off those vibes when paired with [name_f]Luna[/name_f]!
I also love nicknames [name_f]Elfie[/name_f] and [name_f]Effie[/name_f] so much! Of course [name_f]Frida[/name_f] is also lovely too! To me, [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] doesnt give off very different vibes from your childrens names (which are beautiful by the way!) It’s magical like [name_f]Seraphine[/name_f] and [name_m]Alaric[/name_m], and classicly sweet like [name_f]Isadora[/name_f]. Also, your children’s names all feel literary, and I think [name_f]Elfrida[/name_f] [name_f]Luna[/name_f] [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] fits in perfectly with that!
I strongly agree with others too, your children and mom will come around to the name once they only associate it with your daughter. Years from now, I’m sure they won’t even be able to imagine her with any other name. If they are that unsure about it, they could always use nicknames until they warm up to her full name!
I also don’t think her not having a J middle will matter much. Her name will be full of meaning (which I love!), and I think that will matter to her more!

I do really like [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] [name_u]Juniper[/name_u] as well. It’s very beautiful! You can’t go wrong no matter which you choose. I agree with pp’s, maybe bring both names with you and decide which one suits her more, or which one you’ll always regret not using! Good luck!! :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like

In that case, it goes beautifully! In the Australian accent it sounds like I feel ya, which isn’t great. But I love Oh-fay-lee-ah! [name_f]Faye[/name_f] could be a cute little nickname.

1 Like