Please help dealing with my overbearing mother...

We’ve been living with my mom since [name_u]July[/name_u] because SO lost his job and she’s driving me absolutely crazy. First of all, she’s a hypochondriac who constantly thinks she has something wrong with her (even though she’s perfectly healthy.) She’s starting to apply it to my son, insisting he has problems that I know he doesn’t have. For example, she thinks his billirubin levels are going up and he looks even more yellow than when he left the hospital. LOL, the doctor said his levels were normal last week and we all know they can’t go up.

Another thing, she’s been against my breastfeeding since I told her that’s what I was going to do. She never even tried to breastfeed me or my brother and we “turned out fine.” Before he was born, she insisted i would get tired of it and that she would help if we used formula instead. Well, his latch is perfect and its been 3 weeks, but I’m not tired of it at all. She just wants to be able to feed him. Because I can’t pump much milk out (my breasts react to him much better and they aren’t engorged anymore) she swears he isn’t getting enough and something is wrong with me.

If I say anything to her, she acts like a scolded child and gives me the cold shoulder for days. She’s a very selfish person. I’m sick of this, but there doesn’t seem to be much I can do except ignoring her. I’m getting to my breaking point, ladies. I’ve been dealing with it as best I can since delivery, but I honestly feel like I’ve likely developed PPD. The only emotion I have left anymore is anger.

My mom can be like this sometimes, especially when I had my first baby.
I often just have to remind her that I’m a fully capable mother to my kids and I know what I’m doing and I wouldn’t do anything that was remotely “not good” for them. Sometimes she just needs to be reminded that she’s the grandma this time around, and she doesn’t get to make all the decisions/rules.

I am assuming here that 1) your son is getting plenty of milk 2) is perfectly healthy and 3) your doctor is supportive of breastfeeding. So I would say bring your mom in to the next checkup. Have her ask the doctor all of her crazy questions. The doctor can explain about the bilirubin and the breastfeeding.

I recently employed a similar strategy to convince my mom that yes, I really am getting enough protein for this unborn baby and no, I do not need to eat meat with every meal.

She might also possibly be feeling guilty about not breastfeeding you. I don’t know, I projecting here. My mom often feels guilty about bizarre stuff like this. So it might help to thank her for doing a great job as a mom, feeding you so well, etc, as well as doing a great job as a grandma giving you all a place to live, etc.

It’s also been helpful with our older son to find things his various grandparents are really good at with him and commend them for that. For instance, my mom is fantastic at getting our son to nap. Nobody else can get him to nap anymore. So I always mention that when she visits. Your mom might be looking for a way to be close with her grandson (since she wants to feed him.) Maybe she could take him for a walk while you nap or read him a story while you eat dinner? It might help to designate some special grandma/grandson time/activity other than actually feeding him.

I’m sort of in this same boat. I had moved back in with my parents mainly for medical reasons (had previously lived far from family and was having seizures, then was diagnosed bipolar and moved home) when I got pregnant (unplanned) with my first. My mother did the same thing, was very overbearing, criticized every parenting decision I made, etc.

We got pregnant again and planned on moving, but then some stuff happened - SO was injured at work and found out his boss was uninsured, I lost my (new) job due to pregnancy complications, and we decided it’d make sense to just finish up school and deal with this.

My mother has taken to now criticizing me to my 2 year old’s face and going behind my back to give her things or allow her to do things I ask her not to, and the stress is causing me to be high risk for preterm labor.

My advice…even though you’re tired and don’t want to argue and you feel like it’s getting you nowhere, stand up for yourself every time she makes a comment. Something like “I know you have a really different opinion about breastfeeding but that’s between me and our pediatrician so please refrain from making comments about it”, or such. She won’t like it and it won’t be a nice experience, but it’s better than letting her do it and get worse and worse and worse.

Move out as soon as you have the opportunity. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t wait until your child is old enough to be 1) aware of the tension or 2) used as a pawn against you

I am so sorry to hear this. It really angers me sometimes that mothers and grandmothers worry to much and they think that they know what’s best for YOUR kid. You have to confront your mother, tell her what’s bothering you. My [name_f]MIL[/name_f] was sort of like this to us. When we first had [name_f]Alice[/name_f], she criticized our decision to have her at “home” and then she said how we should consult her before trying anything out. It gave me so much stress and I ended up just exploding and screamed at her. We’ve compromised and she helps when my mother can’t, and it keeps me calmer. She’s a really great grandmother now that we get along.

I told her that she got to parent her kids her way, and now I get to parent my kids my way. And if she’s making your parenting and life harder, you need to tell her to stop acting like a child and to consider your health and well being.