Please Help. Name Regret. :(

General Name Discussion
1

So has anyone else wound up not liking the name they picked for baby? What did you do about it? Did you actually change it? Was it hard to change?

I am so upset. DH and I had a date night last week - first time alone together in a loooong time lol! But we were talking about things before she was born and the topic of how we picked her name came up. Turns out we don’t remember the same things!! I thought he had picked her middle name - which I don’t like and it never suited her. I didn’t pick it so who did?? I was so mad but DH insists he never liked it but it was the only one he didn’t hate on some list. [name]How[/name] dumb is he? If you didn’t like the name, suggest something else!!

[name]Even[/name] worse, her first name just doesn’t suit her. I like it, but it just doesn’t fit her or us. Her father, my DH, took my last name just before she was born so that we could all have the same last name. It was incredibly sweet of him. I have a huge attachment to my family name and he didn’t really know his dad so he figured his last name wasn’t important enough to keep. However, while I was pregnant, I was so touched by this gesture that I decided our daughter’s first name should be a feminized spelling of his original last name - so, “[name]Ryleigh[/name]”.

But it just doesn’t suit her and every time I say it or hear it, I think someone is calling my husband. LOL I’m very old-fashioned and also a biblical studies scholar, so everyone who meets her is taken aback by her name because it’s not something that I would ever have chosen normally. Everyone (including myself) expected a much more conservative, probably biblical-related name. But while I was pregnant, DH WOULD NOT look at names with me. [name]Just[/name] refused. Always had an excuse as to why he couldn’t go over names with me. I have since found out from other couples that this is totally a man thing, but I was so determined to have him participate that I started giving him lists of names and the idea was for him to pick the ones he liked. But he vetoed all the names I loved and I started going further and further afield to get a name he liked too… even putting names I didn’t care for on the list to see if he would like anything. But by my eighth month, I was flipping out on him and telling him to PICK SOMETHING (according to HIM, I don’t remember it that way) and so he picked a name he didn’t hate on the latest list, which by that time had stuff on it I wouldn’t have named a hamster. Ugh. Sorry to be so ranty, but this is upsetting me tremendously.
DH knows he will not have a chance to name any of his other children now!!! Never again!!

Anyway, I was thinking of keeping her first name as a middle name, to keep the whole tribute thing, and changing her first name. If any of you have had to change the baby’s name, how did you deal with family who were already used to her name? My family insists her name is great (but I think they really just think SHE is great, and like the name because it’s hers, which is actually what I was hoping would happen to me when I named her! But it hasn’t happened and it’s interfering with how I bond with her - because I never use her name :-() Anyway, sorry this is so long but I’m just desperate to resolve the issue - she’s six months old already and it’s gotten beyond embarrassing!

So what on earth do I do now? This has been an issue (her first name not suiting her) since she was born, and I’ve cried about it to my mom on multiple occasions but at first DH wouldn’t let me change her name so I just tried to get used to it. But the more her personality develops, the less her name seems to suit her. I rarely use it and call her things like bunny and punkin and baby girl. I guess I’m just wondering if I’m the only one out there who messed up naming their own baby. :frowning:

2

This is a relatively common feeling; if you search name regret on this site you’ll find many similar threads.

Your daughter is six months old, which is still within the reasonable realm of changing her name without negatively affecting her.

I admit I don’t like the name [name]Ryleigh[/name]-- meaningful though it is for your family-- and I am trying to decide how much my dislike is coloring my feelings on the matter. It is a trendy, modern name, but at the same time it’s not a bad name. There will be many little girls named something similar whom shell meet, and many children love having a more popular name.

What is her middle name? [name]Do[/name] you have a short list of names you’d prefer changing it to? Why do you feel the baby doesn’t suit her name-- is she very serious and contemplative, while [name]Ryleigh[/name] is spunky and spirited? Or is it actually you who don’t like being thought of as the type of person who would name her daughter [name]Ryleigh[/name]?

Perhaps select a biblical name somewhat close to [name]Ryleigh[/name], like [name]Rebekah[/name], Raphaella? Or honor your husbands sacrifice and make her new middle name his old surname, spelled correctly ([name]Riley[/name]?) if you make a carefully measured, very meaningful choice then the switch will be more palatable to your family. But if you just pick something that you think sounds pretty or posh it might be harder to swallow.

3

I agree with everything [name]Blade[/name] said, and love the idea of using [name]Riley[/name] as a middle, especially since you are not happy with her middle either. Were I you I would carefully make a final decision and announce it to your family as just that - firm final decision. It is not too late to change her name, but you should get it done soon. She’ll be fine, but the longer you wait the harder it will be for family, friends, and caregivers to adjust.

Also, you need to get your husband on board, and not by appeasing him with names you don’t like - although I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson on that. Hopefully the fact that you have a 6 month old daughter with a name you don’t like will impel him to act with some thoughtfulness and urgency. And hopefully he is not as dismissive if you have any more younguns. :wink:

In the interest of full disclosure I don’t like [name]Ryleigh[/name] and love Biblical names. :wink:

I don’t know your style but I’m gonna make suggestions anyway because I like to. So forgive me if these all suck:

[name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Riley[/name] - tons of cute nicknames for [name]Elizabeth[/name]
[name]Tabitha[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Anne[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Judith[/name] [name]Riley[/name] - [name]Judy[/name] is so sweet to me
Cana [name]Riley[/name] - I love Biblical place names and this one has such a short and sweet yet unusual sound - and what a history!
[name]Sarah[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Mara[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Miriam[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Esther[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Joanna[/name] [name]Riley[/name]

Best of luck!

4

I really appreciate your response! You actually hit upon some of the problems I have with the name. I am not a trendy, modern person, and so the name doesn’t fit what I would name my daughter ordinarily, and that makes me feel like there’s a wedge between us. I know that might not make sense to men, or to less sentimental women, but that’s what it is for me. I feel like her name should reflect my values and worldviews to some extent, to link her to me. The second problem is that I think of [name]Ryleigh[/name] as a bit of a cowgirl, rough-and-tumble, vibrant, up-for-anything name… whereas my daughter is more thoughtful, subtle, sweet, watchful, ladylike type of baby.

Her middle name is [name]Arianna[/name]. It’s Italian and the meaning is supposed to be “most holy”. I like the meaning, but if it had been my choice, I would have gone with the Greek [name]Ariadne[/name]. It was supposed to have been my husband’s choice, which is why I went with it, but it turns out he just picked a name off a list at random to “get it done”. Not the story I want for my daughter’s name! But I wouldn’t really choose [name]Arianna[/name] or [name]Ariadne[/name], because I feel “A” names are somewhat hard and pushy and that doesn’t suit her at all. She’s incredibly congenial and will likely be a very co-operative person. Not that people with A names aren’t those things!! [name]Just[/name] that certain names “feel” like that to me.

I don’t have a list. :frowning: We were infertile for twelve long years and during those years, every single name on my list was used by babies in the family. By the time my miracle came along, I had given up doodling names on napkins and no longer had a name that wasn’t already chosen by someone else close to us. I think that was part of the problem in the first place.

Thanks SO much for your response!

5

[name]Arianna[/name] or [name]Ariadne[/name] are both lovely names for a biblical studies scholar. I don’t think names starting with A sound hard or pushy at all; names with hard sounds (k, g, x, q) convey that impressions. [name]Arianna[/name] in particular is all liquid softness. My son is called [name]Antoine[/name], and he is an extremely gentle baby boy, very congenial, observant, happy to share, etc. perhaps that colors my perceptions.

If it were me, I would simply reverse the names to [name]Arianna[/name] [name]Riley[/name]. [name]Ariadne[/name] [name]Riley[/name] doesn’t sound as good due to the rhyming ending. Or, [name]Rebekah[/name] [name]Riley[/name], Raphaella [name]Riley[/name], or something like [name]Ariadne[/name] [name]Raquelle[/name].

6

Mrs. H., thank you so much for your response! I love the list you made for me, I’ll do some meditating on them! I definitely have learned my lesson regarding my husband and names. When the horrible (to me) truth came out about how he chose (or insists he didn’t choose) her middle name, I was crying and he said, “Look, it’s not as if this changes HER… names are just letters and sounds, not the person!” O_O Not the thing to say to a nameberry!!! I know she is still SHE. But it means so much to me that she have a name that reflects the miracle she is and how I feel about her. Thanks for listening and responding!

7

[name]Arianna[/name] [name]Riley[/name] is beautiful. Like [name]Blade[/name], I have the opposite perception of A names than what you do. But then, it’s your perception that counts. I also love [name]Ariadne[/name]. Maybe [name]Ariadne[/name] Ryla? [name]Just[/name] a thought…

And may I add - after 12 long years of TTC, what a blessing this baby girl must be! Very happy for you!

And I would probably punch my husband if he told me he picked a NAME for our BABY to just get it done. Eeeek! Nope, don’t admit that to a name nerd cause we will cut you.

8

Maybe [name]Aria[/name].? [name]Aria[/name] [name]Riley[/name] is quite pretty or [name]Aria[/name] [name]Riley[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name]… I understand name regret… Good luck

9

All of this. I think [name]Arianna[/name] [name]Riley[/name] is perfect for a quiet contemplator :slight_smile: NNs [name]Aria[/name] or [name]Anna[/name] make it even more accessible, if you prefer, but ultimately you need a name that you connect with. [name]Rebekah[/name] [name]Riley[/name] or [name]Miriam[/name] [name]Riley[/name] are equally lovely, or even just [name]Anna[/name] [name]Riley[/name], but it does seem like reversing the names would make an easier transition… if you can love the names.

10

I went with a name that my mother and my SO at the time liked and my son is now almost 4 and I still dislike his name and I regret not changing it. 6 months is definitely still within a reasonable time to change it and if you don’t, you honestly might continue to have these feelings for years to come and I can tell you from experience that it’s not a good feeling and avoid it if you can.

11

I am not usually a fan of changing a baby’s name. In this case, however, I am thinking maybe you should consider it. 12 years of infertility! I think you should get to do what ever you want. Personally, I think [name]Arianna[/name] [name]Ryleigh[/name] is lovely. However, if you don’t like it, there are so many beautiful biblical options. I think [name]Lydia[/name] [name]Ryleigh[/name] would be gorgeous!

12

Is it the sound of [name]Ryleigh[/name] that you don’t like, or is it partially the spelling? Would changing the spelling of her first name make a difference to you? Changing from [name]Ryleigh[/name] to the more conventional [name]Riley[/name] would be an easier switch than choosing a whole new name. It still wouldn’t be a classic, biblical name, but it would be less unusual.

13

I don’t know of what name you should go with, but I do think you should change it. Putting [name]Riley[/name] in the middle is a great idea. Also, I just wanted to say that I understand exactly how you feel about watching everyone else use the names that you love. We are also dealing with fertility issues, and I have watched 3 names that I love be used by close family and friends.

After 12 long years, you should get the chance to pick the absolute perfect name for your miracle. I say, WHO CARES what everyone else thinks about it. Give your daughter a name you and she can both love and be proud of. BTW, pp’s suggestion of [name]Lydia[/name] seems like a great name for your dd’s personality!

14

[name]Arianna[/name] is a soft name for me too, but if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. I can understand the frustration of having to throw out your list of favourites and then finding out DH actually didn’t have an opinion!

[name]Anna[/name] would be a perfect name for your daughter, and you can get it from [name]Arianna[/name] (in case you can’t change her name for some reason) -she is the faithful prophetess who blessed baby [name]Jesus[/name] and it means “grace”. [name]Anna[/name] [name]Ryleigh[/name] is cute too.

But, if you want to change her first name completely, I think you should. I like the [name]Ryleigh[/name] spelling if that is to be her mn, and there’s a nice family story behind that name so I agree that you should keep it as part of her name, if not in first position.

15

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. If you are avoiding saying your daughter’s name, there is no doubt in my mind that you should change it ASAP. Change it to something that brings you joy to hear or say… a name that feels totally ‘right’ and ‘at home’ in your heart and mind.

I love the idea of having [name]Riley[/name] be your daughter’s middle name. [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Riley[/name] is an awesome suggestion that’s already been made, but I also like:

[name]Julia[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Eva[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Susanna[/name] [name]Riley[/name]
[name]Magdalena[/name] [name]Riley[/name]

16

I love the suggestions of [name]Anna[/name] [name]Riley[/name], [name]Lydia[/name] [name]Riley[/name], [name]Eva[/name] [name]Riley[/name], and [name]Susanna[/name] [name]Riley[/name]!

They’re gorgeous.

A few more suggestions:
[name]Cecilia[/name] [name]Riley[/name] (this name seems so gentile and loving to me!)
[name]Rosie[/name] [name]Riley[/name] (cutesy but sweet!)
[name]Grace[/name] [name]Riley[/name] ([name]Grace[/name] is such a beautiful name and ages so well)
[name]Atara[/name] [name]Riley[/name] (this unusual Jewish name means crown and is nicely understated)
[name]Oriana[/name] [name]Riley[/name] (a nice alternative to [name]Arianna[/name])

[name]Hope[/name] I’ve helped a little, good luck to you! [name]Do[/name] what your heart says is right :slight_smile:

17

What about Leah?

Very traditional, Biblical, sounds like Ryleigh but has more meaning and poise. To go from Ryleigh to Leah doesn’t seem like much of a stretch. Both have emphasis on the first syllable. Leah Riley might not work though because of the Lee repeat. Hmmm.

18

[name]Love[/name] [name]Lydia[/name] [name]Riley[/name].

19

Changing her name is certainly an option but I would at least call her by her name now for a while before changing it. You may find yourself not feeling the same way once you start using her name. I certainly wouldn’t let her name interfere with your bonding, your not going to get this time back and they really do grow up so fast. I love the sentiment behind her name as it’s a very unusual guy who would consider changing his last name to his wife’s, how sweet and thoughtful of him changing his name and of you to honor him in your daughter’s name.

21

Change it. Find a name you love and change it. The temporary embarrassment and inconvenience is worth loving her name for the rest of your life. I would keep [name]Riley[/name] as a middle…mainly because it might cause hurt feelings if you abandon it completely. It is certainly not too late, and you don’t want to be consumed by this any longer, it will start to rob you of your joy with her. I have been there and done that…changed my daughter’s name when she was 4 mo old. [name]Feel[/name] free to message me if you have any questions.