We are potentially adopting a son from foster care. His name, while not horrible, isn’t one we would give; and it doesn’t fit in with our two bio sons [name_m]Silas[/name_m] and [name_m]Asher[/name_m]. If we have the privilege of accepting him into our forever family, we’d like to change his name for these reasons and for privacy/safety issues surrounding some members of his birth family.
We like “strong yet gentle” boys names if that makes sense from seeing our other sons’ names. We have a reserve of names we love, but I’d like his names to have additional meaning like: Home or Loved or Safe or [name_u]Forever[/name_u]. (Like, in a roundabout and non-cheesy way.) [name_f]Do[/name_f] you have any ideas that could fit well with our other boys and still have another meaning? Looking for first and middle names. (Likely we will retain a family name of his birth family as a second middle name.)
(I should add he’s not quite 2 years old.)
We are actually due with another bio baby in the fall - so I’m sure I’ll be on here again asking about our ideas for this child too!
What about a -son name? Especially if there’s one that means “son of [your husband’s name].” [name_m]Dawson[/name_m] means son of [name_m]David[/name_m] and therefore “beloved.”
Your thoughtful post is going to have me pondering all day. I’ll be back if I think of other suggestions
I would personally be hesitant to rename a child older than about 8 months. We are also working toward adoption and one thing adoption psychologists caution is that a name change can signal to the child that something was “wrong” or “bad” with who they were before. It can feed into other anxieties and insecurities about their past that will crop up throughout their lives that children through adoption will inevitably experience to some degree, even in the most well-adjusted and securely-attached children.
While it is your legal right to change his name once he is legally a part of your family, try to accept his birthname for what it is. If you can find room in your hearts for this boy, certainly you can also make space for who he already is even though he is not yet 2 and has a lot more living to do. Your beautiful growing family will not be any less cohesive if his name doesn’t quite match those if his siblings.
I agree with @medfordkung and I’m not familiar with the situation, but at two years of age he knows his name. I know another family who adopted a little two year old girl and they just changed the spelling of her name slightly for privacy reasons, and call her by the intuitive nickname for her given name. They did change her middle name. Maybe that would works for you?
[name_m]Jonas[/name_m] - means dove (representing peace).
[name_m]Clay[/name_m] - makes me think of earth and grounded-ness.
[name_m]Peter[/name_m] - means rock (stability, etc.)
[name_m]Amos[/name_m] - carried by God.
[name_m]Josiah[/name_m] - God supports, heals.
[name_m]Orson[/name_m] - bear cub.
I definitely do not want to start anything. The subject of changing a name is like the subject of spanking/no spanking, politics, and religion. I try to avoid these subjects. With changing a name there are good points in doing so (biggest, safety and protection) and not doing so.
A child’s past is part of their history and will remain a part of their history. Adoption/being adopted is not a negative thing. I am an adoptee, adopted as an infant. My parents used the word adopted from the beginning. I do not agree with parents that keep it a secret, told when the child is older, or the adoptee discovering it on their own. Adoption of a foster child is a new beginning for the whole family, especially for this precious child. To be given a name that is special to your parents is a gift. This can be explained to a child. If they are young, explained when older. Many older foster children themselves ask to have their names changed. I think giving a new name should be done as a celebration. Rechoice the child for who they were, who they are, and who they will become.
There have been some lovely suggestions here! If possible, retaining familiar sounds from his birth name (especially the vowel sound from the stressed syllable) should help the transition to a new name. Good luck with the adoption, and your current pregnancy!
I think there’s been some great advice given. I haven’t personally been involved with fostering or adoption, but have friends and family who have been. I like the advice of just being open about a new name. At 2, the child certainly knows his name and could be confused by a new name. But at 2, he’s big enough to start talking to him about complex or confusing things in simple ways. I think finding a way to celebrate the new name, and introducing it to him in a positive and uplifting way, is a great idea. Two year olds aren’t great with objective reasoning or long term understanding/memory, but they can certainly feel and understand love, and I think he could understand getting a new name. As with everything else they learn, it’ll take time and he may resist. I have a 2 year old who I sometimes call by nicknames, like saying, “Have a good nap, [name_f]Pinkie[/name_f] Pie Pony,” if she’s wearing pink, and she’ll correct me to call her by her real name. He may do that. You’ll have to find gentle and consistent ways to help him make the shift to the new name, while not calling the old name yucky. Kids don’t separate themselves from their environment, and that includes everything - their house, their town, their clothes, their toys, their haircut, their siblings, their name - everything. If the environment is yucky, so is the kid, in their own feelings (not logic yet, obviously). We had to be aware of this when we moved overseas. We had to make sure only to talk positively about the people, culture, and country we were living in (not that it was hard), so that our kids’ sense of grounding and identity wouldn’t be shaken by our negativity, which they would internalize as part of their own sense of worth. This can happen in divorce, too, and really any life-changing event. I like the advice of keeping his new name similar in sound to his old name, or maybe keeping his old name as a middle or second middle.
Here are a few suggestions:
[name_m]Jonas[/name_m]
[name_m]Joseph[/name_m]
[name_u]Porter[/name_u]
[name_m]Isaac[/name_m]
[name_u]Pax[/name_u]
[name_m]Miles[/name_m]
[name_m]Ezra[/name_m]
[name_u]Micah[/name_u]
[name_m]Gideon[/name_m]
[name_m]Liam[/name_m]
[name_m]Brigham[/name_m]
[name_m]Thomas[/name_m]
Good luck with finding a name, making the transition, and having a new baby! What a year!
I like fairmaiden’s suggestion of using a name that means “son of____.” You could also pick a new name that honors a bit of the old one by keeping a similar sound or letter in the first or middle name.
Here are some more ideas for a sibling name with [name_m]Silas[/name_m] and [name_m]Asher[/name_m] (my favorites are bolded):
[name_m]Darwin[/name_m] “dear friend” [name_m]Lennan[/name_m] “sweetheart, lover”
[name_m]Amias[/name_m] “loved” (maybe a little to close to [name_m]Silas[/name_m]?)
[name_m]Davis[/name_m] “beloved”
[name_u]Alden[/name_u] “wise friend” [name_m]Irving[/name_m] “sea friend” [name_u]Dagny[/name_u] “daylight”
[name_m]Kiran[/name_m] “ray of light”
[name_m]Lucian[/name_m] “light”
[name_m]Zohar[/name_m] “light”
I thought of names with the meaning “constant” or “enduring”, because upon adoption he will no longer have upheaval in his life. The two I know of are [name_m]Dante[/name_m] and [name_u]Constantine[/name_u], which has the wonderful nn in Russian of [name_u]Kostya[/name_u].
Or maybe [name_u]Florian[/name_u], which means blooming. I think of blooming as thriving.
I love the pp’s suggestion of [name_m]Felix[/name_m]. It goes perfectly with [name_m]Asher[/name_m] and [name_m]Silas[/name_m].
I like the thought of just naming him [name_u]Forever[/name_u], but im not sure how many times people will say that during school and his life in general.
