Possibly Needing Reassurance?

Girl Names
1

[name_m]Just[/name_m] some background info: I’m 19 (20 in [name_f]October[/name_f]) and not yet having children, but, I have liked names since I was about 9, and quite a few on my list have been on since I was 15 or younger - so it’s not entirely as if my style constantly changes (I mean, it does change frequently, but all the names I use are actually on my long list, so I guess it doesn’t really change?)

So, the other day, my mother asked me about the names that I like. Normally, I’d answer shyly and not outright tell her the older names on my list (her style’s rather, all over the map, my sister and I are [name_u]Haley[/name_u] and [name_f]Mikayla[/name_f], but she considered [name_f]Madeline[/name_f], [name_f]Samantha[/name_f], [name_f]Olivia[/name_f], [name_f]Lillian[/name_f] and [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] for both of us, and [name_m]Charles[/name_m], [name_u]Mackenzie[/name_u], [name_m]Daniel[/name_m] and [name_m]Johnathan[/name_m] had we been boys - but recently said if she had another, they’d be [name_u]Harper[/name_u] [name_f]Lillian[/name_f] or [name_m]Liam[/name_m]/[name_m]Bennett[/name_m] [name_m]Charles[/name_m]), but since she’s always saying how nice [name_f]Lillian[/name_f], [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] and [name_m]Charles[/name_m] are, I decided that it’d likely be safe. As expected, she loved [name_m]George[/name_m], [name_u]Charlie[/name_u] - most of my boys list (though I withheld [name_m]Ernest[/name_m] and [name_m]Albert[/name_m]), and [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u], [name_f]Lillian[/name_f], [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f], [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f], [name_f]Violet[/name_f], [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f] - however, she was highly opinionated towards quite a few of my top girls names, some of the ones that have long been my favourites.

[name_f]Florence[/name_f] - reminded her of blue-haired, cranky, b*tchy (her words) older women - actually said “fingers crossed that you don’t” when I said I doubt I’d find a future SO who likes it.

[name_f]Martha[/name_f] - cringed to the point where I thought her face was having a muscle spasm, then said “you aren’t naming a 90 year old!”.

[name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] - just got a look of fear on this one! - she briefly had a step-aunt named [name_u]Vivian[/name_u] who was rather cruel, but other wise, no reason to dislike the name.

[name_f]Doris[/name_f], [name_f]Pearl[/name_f], [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] - “eh, not for me, but they’re not terrible”.

[name_f]Minnie[/name_f] - “oh please no.” - she doesn’t mind the thought of a young woman named strictly [name_f]Daisy[/name_f] or [name_f]Dulcie[/name_f], or [name_f]Mollie[/name_f], or [name_f]Millie[/name_f], or [name_f]Maisie[/name_f], but [name_f]Minnie[/name_f] is too cute, apparently.

[name_f]Sadie[/name_f] - “like your cousin’s dog?”

[name_f]Estelle[/name_f] - “same as [name_f]Florence[/name_f]”

[name_f]Vera[/name_f] - “Why???”

The rest she was sort of ok with as well, but, when she commented about [name_f]Florence[/name_f], [name_f]Martha[/name_f], etc, I responded by saying like “well, this would be my chance to name children, you’ve already had yours.”. Apparently she didn’t like the idea of me not letting her name her future grandchildren, because she got defensive and said how she has a right to an opinion, she wasn’t saying I can’t use them, just trying to redirect me because I’m still young, etc.

I don’t know, I can see, slightly, what she was doing, but mainly, I found it offensive, like she finds me incapable of choosing a decent name, or something along those lines. I guess I mainly just wanted a rant, but I’m also looking for some support I guess? Like, [name_f]Florence[/name_f], [name_f]Martha[/name_f], [name_f]Estelle[/name_f] etc aren’t really that bad, are they?

2

I happen to love [name_f]Martha[/name_f], [name_f]Vera[/name_f], [name_f]Elsie[/name_f], [name_f]Florence[/name_f] and [name_f]Minnie[/name_f]! I also love [name_m]Louis[/name_m] (prn Loo-ee is my favourite) and [name_m]Oscar[/name_m] from your boys :slight_smile:

3

They may not all be my style, but I don’t think anything is wrong with them. For [name_f]Florence[/name_f], I think [name_u]Ren[/name_u] would be a cute name to avoid getting [name_f]Flo[/name_f]. I’ve also never met any old ladies with the name [name_f]Florence[/name_f]. I’ve known two Marthas, one is a baby boomer and the other was born in the 90s. It isn’t old to me either. Although, [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f] is old to me and reminds me of the Esurance commercials. What I’m trying to get at is that everyone has different opinions on what an old name is and that shouldn’t stop you from using names you like because of that.

The one reaction I understand is the one to [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f]. My mom hates the name [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f] thanks to someone who bullied her back in school. It’s hard when someone has been cruel to move past that and see the name differently, especially if the emotional scars from what was said or done is still there. However, I’m not saying not to use it. I would just consider what was done. If there was abuse involved I would probably avoid it. Otherwise, I think it should still be an option.

4

To my knowledge, there was no actual abuse, just a story that involved my mother and her older sisters stealing [name_u]Vivian[/name_u]'s wig and hiding it so that it had to be mailed back to [name_f]England[/name_f] from [name_f]Canada[/name_f] - so it’s more comedy than anything else! I see your point, I think it was just her attempts to talk me out of them that upset me a bit - [name_f]Florence[/name_f] is actually a top 100 name here, but since it isn’t in my area (I think it’s more so in [name_m]Quebec[/name_m]), I haven’t got any examples to throw at her. I tried the whole “it’s popular in [name_f]England[/name_f] - the PM of [name_f]England[/name_f] actually has a young daughter named [name_f]Florence[/name_f].” card, but yeah, didn’t work. I think it’s mainly the fact that she’s openly telling me she doesn’t want me to use it that’s getting to me :confused:

5

I think they’re all fine, they’d definitely fit in very well here; maybe you should move to the UK :p. I absolutely adore [name_f]Florence[/name_f] and [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] (but they’re too popular for me so are on the GP list), I know/have known two really nice Marthas, and I’ve never met one over 20. I think sometimes people you’re close to, and especially family will just say it exactly how it is, and what they think, absolutely no sugar coating, and perhaps don’t completely realise how you’d feel, or how seriously you’d take it. But, to be honest, best thing is probably to brush it off.

6

My best friend (who lives in the UK) says the same thing! :wink: I’m actually surprised my mother didn’t like [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] - it’s a form of her name, normally she’d love it. I think you’re right about that, they tend to think they’re ok to say what they want without realising what your reaction might be. Thank you! x

7

That’s actually a hilarious story. I would definitely keep [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] on your list. In fact, I think you should still keep all of the names on your list. You never know what could happen in the future. Your mom might meet a bunch of little Florences by the time you are ready to have kids and find the name lovely. I’ve found a lot of older adults tend to be out of touch with name trends, even if you try to explain the popularity charts. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if she doesn’t warm up to the name, she would always love your child no matter what she might say. If you were pregnant and said “her name will be [name_f]Florence[/name_f]/[name_f]Doris[/name_f]/[name_f]Minnie[/name_f] that’s final” that matter would likely be dropped and she’d accept it. She may have a strong opinion about the names, but in the end it’s your happiness that matters. You could always start go with the crazy decoy names before [name_f]Florence[/name_f]/[name_f]Doris[/name_f]/[name_f]Minnie[/name_f], so by the time you get there in your list she’ll be glad you said them. :slight_smile: [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let it deter you.

8

My family often think that my names are terrible far to ‘out-there’ and have mocked some choices and of course they are entitled to their opinions. But at the same time it’s your opportunity to name your child whatever you want so just ignore your mother’s opinion.

I love [name_f]Florence[/name_f] it’s elegant, has lovely historical associations and conjures up images of [name_f]Florence[/name_f], [name_f]Italy[/name_f]. I also think [name_u]Ren[/name_u] is a cute nickname for [name_f]Florence[/name_f] too.

[name_f]Martha[/name_f] is a great name, it has a lot of strength and has a pretty rural country girl flair. For me this name conjures up images of British beaches; covered in pebbles, rough waves, and a crisp sea breeze. It’s pretty.

[name_f]Vivienne[/name_f], I love, love, love this name!! [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] is stunning, elegant, [name_m]French[/name_m] inspired choice. I also love the [name_f]Vivi[/name_f] nickname it’s ultimately effortless.

[name_u]Love[/name_u] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] & [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] they are sweet pretty vintage gems. [name_f]Doris[/name_f] isn’t my style.

[name_f]Minnie[/name_f] is actually a family name from the Jewish side of my family. [name_f]Minnie[/name_f] is sweet. But if you think [name_f]Minnie[/name_f] is too much of a nickname you could also [name_f]Minerva[/name_f] with the nickname [name_f]Minnie[/name_f].

[name_f]Sadie[/name_f] this name is SO cute, I think [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] is lovely and suits all ages.

[name_f]Estelle[/name_f] I do understand and see the appeal in this name but I am not into the ‘Stell’ names expect [name_f]Estrella[/name_f] which I think is pretty.

[name_f]Vera[/name_f] I can see why people may be like ‘uh why?’ but I honestly think [name_f]Vera[/name_f] is a charming vintage choice. I also like the nickname Vee for [name_f]Vera[/name_f].

I think you have a great taste in names : )

9

I looove moldy oldy names, and am in my late 20s. I’ve loved old-timer names for about 10 years now, they were only really starting to make a comeback when I jumped on that train. My mom, on the other hand, has never been able to hide her dislike of some of my favourite names. To her, old-fashioned names are the names of her parents’ friends, or grandparents’ friends… and I totally get that. When our moms grow up knowing a blue-haired, grumpy old lady with 18 cats and no brooms named [name_f]Audrey[/name_f], they’ll probably think of her, rather than [name_f]Audrey[/name_f] Hepburn, which is probably the only [name_f]Audrey[/name_f] reference people our age have.

This is the same thing as all the recent moms of [name_u]Madison[/name_u], [name_u]Mackenzie[/name_u], [name_u]Rylie[/name_u], etc. who say “I didn’t know anyone named [name_u]Madison[/name_u] when I was in kindergarten. I had no idea it was so popular”… just… not well-researched on current trends. Our moms have already named their babies, so their interests in keeping tabs in trends and popularity, or keeping up with the times (name-wise) has probably dwindled. They named their kids in the '80s and '90s, so that is usually what’s “fresh” and “new” to them, and we’ll say “Urgh, mom, that’s so dated.”

Thinking critically about where name opinions are coming from keeps me from getting offended. I KNOW I’ve done my research, and I know I’ve considered where trends are coming and going, and how much a kid will stick out (negatively) because of a name.
People whose opinions are based solely on style difference really don’t affect me or how I see my favourites.
Someone with kids named Kelceigh and Jaaxsson who replies to my thread with “[name_f]Ivy[/name_f] should be spelled Ighveigh. [name_f]Ivy[/name_f] is so lame, and was my old smelly neighbour’s name. If you name your kid [name_f]Ivy[/name_f], she will stink”, I won’t be listening to them. Someone who says “Well, in X language, that means something awful/ has a terrible history, here’s some more info at uh-ohnameblunders.com” is the one I’ll take to heart to look in to more. Objective.

I wouldn’t worry about your mom if I were you. If you have a baby girl, and name her [name_f]Florence[/name_f], she will be adored by her grandmother. Your mom will move past her association, and will connect [name_f]Florence[/name_f] to the little one. I feel like I hear a lot of “My mom hates the name we picked and says she’ll call the baby something different”… and it never really happens.

10

My mom is the same way don’t worry. That’s why I don’t tell her I like names like [name_f]Helen[/name_f] and [name_f]Mary[/name_f], because they would be too old fashioned for her and/or she has bad relative associations. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t take it personally. [name_f]Florence[/name_f], [name_f]Elsie[/name_f], [name_f]Minnie[/name_f], & [name_f]Martha[/name_f] are all beautiful names (I especially love the first 3, and [name_f]Martha[/name_f] is growing on me.). Names that seem dated to her sound fresh to us, because they haven’t been used because our parents found them dated.
I’ve always found that it is best to only share the names that you either don’t love too much so you won’t be offended or the names you know she’d love. That’s why I only talk about the super Greek names like [name_f]Zoe[/name_f], [name_f]Ariadne[/name_f], [name_m]Dimitri[/name_m] & [name_m]Gregory[/name_m], because I know she’ll love those. I really don’t even share my list with anyone, unless my best friend gets really interested. But even then I don’t give my whole list.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] brush it off. Your name style will change between now and when you have kids. Your mom got her chance to name her children, you should get the same!

11

I don’t see anything strange or terrible about those names. Some are not really my style, but they’re definitely not terrible and I don’t think they are cringe-worthy at all. And I rather like [name_f]Florence[/name_f], [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f], [name_f]Doris[/name_f] (I knew a girl in school who was named [name_f]Isadora[/name_f] nn [name_f]Doris[/name_f], I always found it so offbeat and lovely), [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] and [name_f]Vera[/name_f].

Also, I know this is probably a little strange, but your signature always made me feel a little better about my own style too because it always had such a wide variety of names in it, and I sometimes feel a little doubtful about my own list and how I like popular, “normal” choices like [name_f]Isabel[/name_f] and [name_f]Juliette[/name_f] and [name_f]Sofia[/name_f] and “[name_u]Berry[/name_u]”-style names like [name_f]Flora[/name_f] and [name_f]Elodie[/name_f] and [name_f]Rosalind[/name_f] but also “weird” rare names such as Nimue and [name_f]Avalon[/name_f] and [name_f]Naiara[/name_f] and I’d be like… how can those even exist on a list all together? And then I’d see your signature and be… aaaah, I’m not the only one with an all-over-the-place style, haha. Sorry if that’s weird!

12

My mom nixed a mn (veronica) because it was someone she didn’t like in her community (I grew up there but didn’t know the person.) later I realized it’s a stupid reason, it’s not like I even knew the person or the person had wronged her. The kicker is that now she claims to have never said that (so how do I know about this person veronica that I’ve never met?) … Kind of like she misremembers or totally forgets stuff in my childhood…:s anyways your mom is not perfect, nobody is, and many moms have worse or ruder reactions — recently saw a thread on babycenter about grandparents blatantly expressing disappointment about gender of the grandchild in utero (!) with multiple members posting that same experience. My advice is to be stubborn and choose the names for you and spouse, no one else. I like to look for opinions online and use google though, a name berry user saved me from using the name of a serial killer better known in Europe. But if you love the name despite online opinions that’s better than your family members knowing you didn’t care about their opinion or bully. We love [name_f]Florence[/name_f] too! Or flora, fleur, fiorella… Hard to pick one!

13

I suppose you could take the positive that your mum is so invested in your choice of names as a positive, even though she will hopefully have learned to back off by the time it’s actually an issue. Perhaps the fact that these names are so popular in [name_m]Britain[/name_m] right now works against them in her mind as maybe she prefers new world trends to the fustiness of the old?

I will add my voice to the chorus saying these are lovely names, especially [name_f]Florence[/name_f], [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] and [name_f]Martha[/name_f].

Also, @lucialucentum the idea of a website called uh-ohnameblunders.com is awesome!

14

I think [name_f]Martha[/name_f] and [name_f]Estelle[/name_f] are actually very pretty names!

I have a soft spot for [name_f]Martha[/name_f].

I think your naming taste is very neat, I think mine is a tad like yours, however, some of mine are not everyone’s taste.
The boys name [name_m]Albert[/name_m] is actually on my list.

15

Ugh, I hate talking about names to my parents! They never really tell me straight up they hate my favourites but I do get some weird looks when I mention I want to name a child after great grandma [name_f]Agnes[/name_f] :slight_smile: My mum has told me she will love anything I choose for my kids, but she does have a particular distain for [name_f]Fenella[/name_f]… I dread to think what my dad would say about that one actually.

[name_u]Haley[/name_u] you know that I love your style, so I won’t tell you why your mum is wrong about each name (she is!) but I guess you have to remember that you’re different people so will obviously have different tastes. Also your children will be born into a generation she is very much detached from, keep that in mind, especially since I know you’d like to live outside of [name_f]Canada[/name_f] in the future.

16

It will be to do with age. Parents don’t like giving children names that were 1. Popular when they were a child or [less commonly] 2. Were the names of the ‘old people’ when they were little. This is why names like [name_m]Stephen[/name_m] and [name_f]Karen[/name_f] seem very dated now; the parents that are naming babies are called [name_f]Michelle[/name_f] and [name_f]Karen[/name_f]. It is just the way that naming fashions go.

For example, [name_f]Emily[/name_f] and [name_m]Joshua[/name_m] are very popular for my age group. When they start naming babies, they won’t want to use these names; they think they are ‘popular’ and have many associations with each name. They will use the names that sound ‘vintage’ and ‘ready for a comeback’ which, today, are many of the names on your list. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t take it to heart. She won’t bat an eyelid when [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] becomes No.1.

17

Sorry, but I’m with your mom, and probably about her age, as well. Though you should get to choose your kids’ names, I do hope you go with fresher material, or established classics that don’t make me think of walkers w/tennis balls attached.

18

With all due respect, what exactly makes you think that your personal assosiations with a name would influence somebody else’s choices? Widen your world-view, perhaps.

19

Wow, wasn’t expecting so many responses!

@ottertails - I always thought so too - it is a funny story :slight_smile: I think my mum may have been having an off day that day - normally she’s very supportive, or she tries to be, anyways. That’s very true though, I’m the only one who follows name trends in my family, so sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that!

@tori_101 - aw, thank you for the feedback! I likely won’t use [name_f]Sadie[/name_f], because my cousin’s dog is named that, but, thank you for the lovely comments!

@lucialucentum - That’s very true - she likes a few of the modern names, but mainly the ones that’d fit well with my name and my sister’s name. I guess it makes sense that she dislikes it - but really, I thought she’d at least like [name_f]Florence[/name_f], as it feels similar to [name_f]Lillian[/name_f] and [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f] to me!

@hardertobreathe - Maybe it’s just a mum thing then? I hope my style doesn’t change, because I really am happy with what I like (it feels very “me”, if that makes sense?), but I suppose it might! PS: [name_f]Mary[/name_f] is gorgeous!!

@melusina - Aw, thank you! I’m glad it does that for you! I really do like a variety of names - on my long list you’ll find [name_f]Doris[/name_f], [name_f]Ethel[/name_f] and [name_f]Sienna[/name_f]! Not exactly the same style bracket, after all, and my boys list is even more all over the place!

@katialoves - I definitely google the names as well - since I’m a few years off from marriage and babies, I haven’t gone fully in depth yet, but if say, I married someone with the surname [name_m]Henderson[/name_m], I’d likely back away from [name_f]Florence[/name_f] ([name_f]Florence[/name_f] [name_m]Henderson[/name_m] played [name_f]Carol[/name_f] [name_u]Brady[/name_u] on The [name_u]Brady[/name_u] Bunch). [name_f]Florence[/name_f], [name_f]Flora[/name_f], [name_f]Fleur[/name_f] and [name_f]Fiorella[/name_f] are all gorgeous, I can see why you have a hard time choosing!

@rainpoppy - That’s always possible, I suppose! They’re somewhat popular here in [name_f]Canada[/name_f] too, but not overly - mainly in the [name_m]French[/name_m] speaking areas.

@chloe14 - Aw, thank you! I really love your style too, and, bonus points, my name is in one of your girl combinations! :wink:

@oliviasarah - I think the last time I did, she said [name_f]Cressida[/name_f] sounds like a skin condition, haha! I think it just surprised me that she’d like [name_f]Lillian[/name_f], [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f], [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] & [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f], but not [name_f]Florence[/name_f]? Haha. I would love to live abroad one day, but I’m slowly starting to doubt it will happen - school is way too expensive :frowning:

@whirligig - I think you’re right - my mum’s at the age where her friends’ parents and grandparents were likely called [name_f]Florence[/name_f]. To be honest, if she were to warm to any, it’d be [name_f]Elsie[/name_f], since it’s a form of her name, after all!

@rkrd - Unfortunately, I doubt I’ll use something “fresher” - [name_f]Florence[/name_f] feels very fresh to me! And isn’t a biblical name like [name_f]Martha[/name_f] considered a classic?

Thanks so much everyone - I think I was just a bit down on myself over my list, and was needing a boost, so I’ll close this now, but thank you all again :slight_smile: :heart: